11-27-07
Brandy and I broke up. Ok, we didn’t really. But there was a point today in which I felt we had.
Ok, yes, I know. I am married to Ken, not Brandy. I say break up because it seems like this is what just occurred.
A couple of weeks ago, she and I had a bit of disagreement. Apparently my email responses back to her over that week has become, as she put it, “terse and brief is they are sent at all.” I don’t know what that means, to be honest. I don’t know if I somehow missed some emails that needed more response or perhaps I wasn’t verbose enough in replies. I could make the excuse that I was busy, which may very well be the case. I didn’t think I was being all that short. There were a couple of emails that come to mind in which I wondered if it wasn’t that I was being short on purpose, I was just needing more information from her. She would discuss issues with the man she is seeing, and I would reply with something like, “How do you feel about that?” since I didn’t want to just mouth off on something if she was happy about something. I mean, perhaps I might have misread her original email in which the thing she was telling me was a good thing, not a bad thing. But really, it is possible, and probable, that I just didn’t know what to say anymore. I had made my views on her relationship pretty clear and often I felt like she didn’t want to hear it. I know that place. I mean, you don’t ever want to hear that your friends are not happy about your boyfriend. You want to be able to vent to them about how evil the boy is and you want them to nod in agreement. But you want them also to swoon right next to you when you go on and on about the romantic thing they did for your last night. I know this is not really the case, it just made me laugh.
Still, I honestly was concerned. Mostly because I was worried that she wasn’t comfortable enough to be 100% honest with me. That perhaps she was holding back. So I wrote her a long email. I asked a lot of questions. I covered a time back many many moons ago in which she was in a car accident that I passed by not knowing she was the person in the accident. I was shocked at the time that I was so close to having been able to help her and yet I didn’t even know. I thought it was one of those odd coincidences that we could look back on and laugh about. Apparently, she did not feel the same way. Aaron would tell me not long after that Brandy was in fact mad at me for this. It really isn’t the point on whether or not she should have been upset. I just wish she could have told me. For years, I have always felt like she doesn’t tell me these things. That she won’t just yell at me. So I wanted her to yell.
I sent it knowing that she was going to not get it for a couple days. She was heading up to northern California to retrieve some sick and injured birds from the recent oil spill and she was going to be busy. But I still wanted her to know how I felt. So the email was composed and sent. I was worried it sounded mad. I was worried it didn’t cover everything. I was worried she wouldn’t respond.
She didn’t, well, at least not right away. I sent the mail on I think like the 10th. I emailed her today since I had not heard back from her. At first, her response to me seemed once again strained. She told me she was too busy helping people and saving birds to respond. She also said that she didn’t know what there was to say. The emails came across as if she has evolved to a point in which she and I would not be friends. She said that she could not relate to my life and that I could not relate to hers. Sure, there could be some truth in that, however, I didn’t think that it meant the end of the relationship.
My first response was anger. Mostly because I felt like I was being put in a position in which I was going to have to defend our friendship. Like I was going to have to make an argument to save it. But I didn’t want to. And I told her this. I won’t do that. If she couldn’t see how in reality, our differences are what make us better friends than if we were identical, then I was not going to be able to convince her. So I honestly felt like we were breaking up. She said that we were growing in different directions and that it is just something that happens. It sounded like a breakup note. So I started this blog. It started off with the sentence, Brandy and I just broke up. I typed it out when I got another email from her saying that she was not breaking up with me, Creepy!
We then had a few mails and she responded to my original email, point by point. It was nice to see the responses. Even if I didn’t agree with her, all I ever wanted was that feedback. I compiled my own list of feedback to the feedback (so much feedback!!) and sent it to her. Unfortunately, once again our busy lives have gotten in the way of more response time. She was taking Nigel to the vet.
It is one of those relationships that has gone through a lot of evolutions. There are jut the simple aspects of growing up. I mean, we have known each other since we were 12. That is a lot of growing up. Plus, there have been boyfriends, husbands, kids, critters, heartache, joy, pain, death, love and probably some fun and games in all of that. It is a lot to deal with. Sometimes, we just over analyze certain relationships. Perhaps I have been looking for a different friend in Brandy then what she really is. And in reality, I don’t need that one I don’t have, I need the friend I do have. Instead of molding it to fit my lifestyle now, I need to just know what we have and not get worked up over the little things. Don’t get me wrong, I will still continue to tell her when I am upset and I will still be honest. But I will hopefully be able to just assume she will give me the same respect. I will make a point of trying to perhaps get out with her more. Yes, this is something that I can work on. Granted, there are things that she will need to work on as well. We both are busy people. It is something that yes, can suck, but it is part of being a grownup.
She said that it felt hopeless that the only time we talked was during work. I think that this is just how relationships sometimes get. I don’t get to see Jenni, but we keep in contact almost daily through email. You make due. I have email correspondence with a few people. Sure, it would be nice to get out once in a while, but sometimes it just isn’t feasible. I am hoping that in spite of my lack of availability that she will not write me off as a sometimes friend. But I suppose only time will tell where it will go. I am sure we have a lot more talking to do in order to not so much clear the air, but to make sure we are on the same page. I had not blogged about this up until now since I didn’t want to anger her or hurt her feelings. But she told me that it was ok, and honestly, I am glad I was able to get some of this out there. I know there will be more to write abut, but I am almost out of here and I want to post it before I walk out the door.
Brandy, I am glad we are not breaking up. I do hope that we can continue our conversation, and I hope that my answering machine is not the next time you hear my voice.
