Instant Gratification

1-21-09

We were driving home yesterday, and Bobby was playing with his balloon that Poppy had given him. As he batted it around, it got loose and ended up in the back of the car. Bobby of course was distraught. “Mommy! My balloon! Get it!” I calmly explained to him that I could not reach it since I was driving. “Then stop, Mommy!” He really wanted the balloon. I once again told him that he would need to wait until we got home since we only were about 5 minutes out. “But Mommy, I want it really quick!” Yes, my son wants instant gratification.

This of course is my fault. I have memories of him as an infant screaming in the back seat because he wanted some kind of toy. I was driving quickly in order to get home so I could help him, but all the while, my right hand was behind me, desperately grabbing for anything I could find to hand to him to appease his cries. Not the safest thing, but I couldn’t handle him crying. Specifically, I had a hard time letting him feel for even a moment that he wasn’t being given anything I could get for him.

They tell you that you can’t spoil a baby. If they want to be hugged, hug them as much as they want. Listen to their needs and really take it upon yourself to make sure you provide for those needs. Sure, you do eventually let them cry things out and you tend to not buy them something EVERY time you enter a store. You make sure that you aren’t giving in to their every demand. Yet, I know I am not alone with children that demand things instantly.

Can you blame them, though? Our culture has been evolving with instant gratification in mind. It is the dream of everyone to have everything handed to us. We eat at fast food places because we don’t want to spend the time cooking. There was a time when people made their own clothes, whereas now not only can we just go down to any mall and get pants, we can be even lazier and order them online. Point and click is really instant gratification at its finest.

There are diet pills that claim to make you thin with no effort. We don’t have to spend weeks reading books anymore since all the good ones are made into 2 hour movies. Didn’t call your best friend on her birthday? No problem! You can send her a virtual card, write her a note on Facebook and send her an email all in about 5 minutes online. Christmas used to be a time where we scoured the earth for the best present for our loved ones. Now, we can pick up a handful of gift cards at the supermarket while we get milk. Where is the joy in that?

I am certainly not suggesting I don’t take full advantage of many of the technological breakthroughs we have made. There was a time when I would have been writing this with my trusty ball point pen and lined notebook paper. But now, I can type this out, let the computer tell me where my spelling errors are (and often it will just go ahead and correct them for me!), tell me the number of words and even put pretty page numbers. Why in the world would I write something out by hand now being that I would end up having to type it later anyway?

Keeping all of this in mind, I still want to instill a sense of hard work into my children. Yes, use technology as a way to make things easier, but make sure you also take the time to put some elbow grease into things. Presents shouldn’t come every time you do something good. Candy isn’t a treat for every night.

It also means that because of these lessons, I will need to apply them to my own life as well. Sure, I may be tired after working all day, but I should cook dinner instead of getting takeout. Use that time to teach the boys how to make food. It will come in handy when they are teenagers who will eat me out of house and home and I can’t keep up with the demands. Plus, it will woo the ladies later in life. If I want to buy something big, I need to save up for it. If I need to get my own piggy bank, so be it. But I can also use this lesson to teach the boys valuable lessons in money saving. Maybe have them put their coins in their banks as not just a game, but as a way to buy that cool Buzz Lightyear action figure, or the Darth Vader costume they have their eye on. It is never too soon to teach the value of a dollar.

Really, I need to appreciate the shortcuts and cool things that I have, but I also need to make sure to earn those things. Only then will the boys have a real example of what patience and hard work can really bring you. If Bobby loses the balloon, he needs to be taught to understand that no matter how much crying he does, it isn’t coming back until a later period. And I need to be ok with that.

Don’t worry, I am sure I will still spoil them. I can’t help going in the dollar aisle and picking up random things that I am sure they will enjoy. But perhaps instead of bestowing them on them the instant I see them, I will hold on to them, save them, and make sure that I don’t just give them everything they want. Otherwise, they start to misunderstand the word “treat”.

When we got home, I retrieved Bobby’s balloon for him and he took it proudly inside. Within about 5 minutes, though, he managed to pop it with one of this toys. I was concerned that he would demand a new balloon on the spot, but instead, he calmly said, “Poppy will have to make me a new one when we go there.” I was impressed that he didn’t melt down. He actually seemed to understand that he would have to wait for something he wanted. Perhaps teaching him these lessons won’t be as hard. Maybe it isn’t as bad as it could be. There is hope for us! “Mommy, go get me milk!”

Ok, maybe not.