rebel with a cause

12-2-09

Happy birthday to my little niece, Evie! How is she already 17???? I realize at this point that Bobby is the same age that she was when I first met her. So freaky. My little girl is all grown up.

Happy birthday yesterday to Ed! Happy Birthday today to Angela. Happy birthday tomorrow to Aaron. It is a very fill 3 days of birthday. I think there is someone else I am forgetting, too. My goodness!

I am shockingly awake. I felt so yicky last night, but apparently whatever it was it passed. I am guessing my body has just been so tired, I am still recovering. I got some good sleep last night, which was made even happier by the good lovin I got right before. I was cozy and content all night long. Ok, well aside from Luna.

That poor pup really needs to be in a crate and in our room. She liked the living room with Lycos, but now she has become codependent. Hmm, very similar to most of the living creatures in my house, they all need their mommy way more than I would have every suspected. I feel so loved.

I can actually growl at Luna from across the room and she knows she was doing something she should not. Cracks me up. She then comes over to me and sits under my legs. It is quite cute. She plays with the boys like they are her litter mates. LOL!

Google invited me to use Google Wave. I am excited. Of course, I can’t use it at work. Bleah. But I like the idea of it at home.

I still feel a little iffy, mostly kind of shaky. Not sure what that is about.

I was stuck in that fucking meeting yesterday until a quarter to 3. 15 minutes in, not only was my part done, really, the conversation itself could have been done. Instead, they started talking about other things that didn’t include my boss and I. In fact, the other person from my end, who happened to be at my boss’s desk for the call, ended up kicking him out of his chair and using his computer. Rude! Not as much as when she and my boss bickered while on the phone with the customer. Holy hell, that was sad. As soon as we hung up, I ran out of work.

I went to my folks with the boys. They were all decorated for Christmas, complete with the Christmas poop and a new stuffed dog to give an origin for the poop. Although, I don’t know that the Christmas poop needs that. Actually, I think the dog was more for Bobby’s sake since he told my dad they needed a dog since we have dogs. So my dad got a stuffed dog. Bobby was quite pleased.

My mom and I ended up talking quite a bit more than we normally do. Let’s face it, she tends to just focus on the boys, which I totally understand. But the subject of Grammie came up. Wow, she has really touched some nerves.

So Grammie sold the property in Clear Lake (really, it is Whitter Springs, but it is close by) that my uncle Bill lived on. This is particularly upsetting to me since really, it means she sold Granddaddy and Robbie’s trees. Also, there was no reason to sell. It was being rented out, and in reality, the property was income. There was no maintenance needed on it since the tenant has been there for years (Billy lives on another part, rent free). She didn’t ask any family if they wanted it. It has been in the family since I was something like 10. Super lame if you ask me. My dad said something along the lines of it almost seemed like she sold off everything that she had with Granddaddy, since she also just sold her house in Riverside. Ken pointed out, she was selling off the two people in the family she was most angry at, which was Robbie and Granddaddy. Let me explain. My mom told me yesterday some stories of how cranky Grammie always was towards Robbie, and how she always protected Billy. Back years ago, apparently Grammie and Granddaddy had a duplex in which they lived in the front, and they rented out the back to Billy and Robbie. Robbie gave her half of the rent to Billy every month, and she found out 6 months in that Billy had been just spending her money and the rent was late. When Grammie was told, she defended Billy and got mad at Robbie. Billy was being bailed out by Grammie all the way up to his death, including borrowing money from Grammie for a motor home which would end up being the vehicle he would die in. Of course, now Grammie has to sell that, and will end up losing money. Yet when Robbie asked to borrow money ONCE, Grammie told her no. My mom told me how Granddaddy used to pick on Billy, so Grammie took it upon herself to protect her son from the harsh realities of life. It is a shame, really. Grammie didn’t even know how much Robbie hated the way her own mother treated her. I choose to believe she did know. She just didn’t know how to fix it. Especially based on what my mom told me. She said that Grammie has stated that she has been in contact with Robbie since her passing. Robbie has apologized for things and basically told her she was in a better place. Ok, I am going with Grammie has to tell herself that in her head because let’s face it, if you feel that guilty about being awful to your child, how else will you move on? I also would like to point out how little Grammie knew Robbie. I can tell you right now that the only place Robbie ever wanted to be, was in the presence of a little girl she could dote on. She now has 3 granddaughters, who in all honesty need her more that her retarded ass parents. I can safely say, she didn’t want to die.

The conversation was interesting. Especially when it turned to my mom and I. We talked about who Grammie had on her shit lists (My cousin, Sean, Grant), and who she was indifferent to (Matt, Jason, Shane), and who is still golden (Billy J, and apparently me!). My mom told me how complicated it is between her and her mother, and said she thinks about how her mom and her grandmother never got along, and how truly, she and Grammie had a lot of differences, and then she said she assumed that she and I have had issues. We talked a bit about it, and really, despite our issues, mostly when I was younger, we have maintained a pretty decent relationship. It has gotten even better since I became a mom myself. Perhaps I have a new understanding of the things she has put up with and maybe she has seen me for the first time as a real grownup, I don’t know. I did point out that yes, I keep things from her, mostly to protect her. I told her, though, I have told her a lot more than some daughters probably tell their mothers. She then told me that she understands why I don’t tell her, but then told me that she is always there if I need to talk about anything. I took great comfort in that. It was nice to hear that she would be there. Especially when in the last few months I have felt slightly alone in my own head.

It does make me sad that there is such politics in the family. I know it is normal. Hell, I don’t think any of my families are 100% content. My dad’s side has issues concerning the sale of Virginia and Ray’s house to my dumbass cousin, Ryan for less than the value. There have been fights about Virg’s care, the will for when she dies, how much money my aunt MaryAlice gets since her husband Dick died and therefore, my fucktard family thinks she should split her 5th with her two kids. Yes, this is how lame they all are. Of course, there is gobs of drama on the Brenan side what with my mother in law still not speaking to her sister, my sister in law still living with my mom and dad in law, and now, my dumb ass cousin in law is divorcing her husband, and taking the “good kid” and giving up her other child to her husband. Don’t even get me started on how mad I am about all of that.

I know other families have drama, too, so I guess it is nice to know we are normal. LOL!

The conversations made me miss Robbie and Granddaddy. I told my mom I knew that Granddaddy would have gotten such a kick out of the boys. My mom said this was very true, and said he would have really enjoyed Dax’s sense of humor. I know he would have enjoyed Bobby’s inquisitive nature.

Seriously, how is Evie 17????? She is still the cute little 4 year old who took my hand while Uncle Kenny pushed her brother on the rope swing. The sweet little girl who by all accounts was super shy around everyone, yet seemed to gravitate towards me, the person kids never seemed to like. I still can hear her tiny voice saying to me, “Has my uncle married you yet?” while her big giant puppy dog eyes looked up at me. Her heart breaking sigh as she placed her head on my chest when I told her not yet will stay with me forever. Before I know it, I am going to be watching her walk down the aisle, not as my beautiful flower girl, but as a blushing bride. Oh how the years fly by.

Ok, so my office is so amazingly lame it cracks me up sometimes. My meeting on the phone took place. One of the people that was supposed to be a part of it didn’t make it on the phone as she was on another call. So my boss called the other chick. At one point during the call, he tried to call the other broad back. Well, he screwed up and managed to have the rest of our conference call on her voicemail. That lady called me up, all pissed that she heard it all. She said the other girl was all wrong. Look, if she was on time to the meeting, then none of this would have happened. Either way, I didn’t think the other girl had said anything all that bad. Yet, she felt the need to forward the phone message all in a huff to all of us, telling us that basically she wasn’t going to correct the old items anymore, and that it was all on other chick. OMG. Can we say bitchy hissy fit? The professionalism in these folks is non existent. Mind you, of the three people now that I have to deal with on this, 2 are managers! Like big time managers! They make more money than I do, and yet they act like interns. Unfreakingbelievable.

Arrggghh! Should I go or should I stay? I could pop my head into this fiasco they are calling the grandparent shower and still save face. I don’t have to eat anything. I didn’t bring anything. But I just don’t like the premise. Do I stick with my principles, or do I suck it up? In reality, nothing happens either way. He won’t notice my absence. He won’t notice my presence. So might as well be a rebel, right?