Warning:Lots of random at the end of this

4-29-10

I hate being so sleepy. It makes the work tasks I have today so much worse.

On Tuesday, we went to Bobby’s school. It isn’t perfect by any stretch of the imagination, and after spending so much time in Manhattan Beach schools with Ken during his classes, you can definitely tell the difference in funding between beach schools and LA Unified. That being said, it is fine for now.

There are 5 kindergarten classes. We “met” 2 of the teachers. One was super nice and sweet, the other indifferent. We showed the boys around two of the classrooms, showing Bobby all of the cool things he will get to do. He was pretty jazzed. Then again, I think he was just as excited about the plate of free cookies and the prospect of playing on the playground.

On our way out, the boys and I stopped in the library for their book fair. I used to love those as kids, always begging my mom to let me order gobs of books and posters that has images of kittens in various poses. They had copies of The Mouse and the Motorcycle, which I took as a sign since I had been wanting to pick this up for some time. Bobby was intrigued by How to Eat Fried Worms” so I picked both up. I have read two chapters of the Mouse to Dax, and he really liked it. Unfortunately, Bobby had been sent to bed early two nights in a row, so he lost story time.

I was in reading to Dax on Tuesday when Ken came into the room while on the phone. I wasn’t sure if he was looking for something or needed to talk to me, but he didn’t indicate, so I kept reading. When I came out of his room, he was still on the phone, but then handed it to me. It was Dani! She was in town for a convention for her work. She was at the Gable House and wanted me to come out to say hello. I got dressed and rushed over.

It was a really nice visit. We chatted for a few hours, catching up which doesn’t happen enough. We hung out in the bar for a while, but as it got louder due to a trophy ceremony, we headed out to the alley itself. I didn’t get home till after 11, and even though I was dead on my feet yesterday, I was ok with it since really, when a friend is in town from Texas, you take the time you get!

Luckily, yesterday was report day with no boss, which meant in theory it was supposed to be mellow. It wasn’t, and I even had to speak with the boss on the phone once when he called to check on something that could have waited until today. Sigh. I was so happy to finally get home.

Ken downloaded me a song, and I couldn’t be happier. It is a mash up between Don’t Stand So Close to Me by the Police and Young Girl by the Union Gap. It is sung by Will Shuster on Glee. It has to be probably one of my top 3 songs on Glee so far. Of course, the character and the situation in which he sings it is so great, but the song alone is amazing. I even had my mom listen to it since she has yet to take my advice to watch this show. She promptly bought it on iTunes. LOL!!!

We also put several shows and a movie on iTty for the trip and for other occasions. Ken put Toy Story 2, and 20 or so episodes of Spongebob on there so that if I need to entertain the kids at any point, I have a way to do so. I also still have a season worth of Yo Gabba Gabba on there, so I am set!!

I watched Glee last night, and I was left in a crumpled mess on the floor. It was one of those heartbreaking touching episodes that had me sniffling even after the bong of the Tivo. If I thought about certain scenes I would start to cry again. I turn to Ken to see if he was as moved by this show as I was. He was laughing. Yes, he was cracking up at how weepy I get over a show.

What shocked me was that this was an episode in which I thought that he would somehow kind of have even the slightest bit of connection to. It was all about fathers and sons and the bonds they have and the need for approval and the disappointment when it wasn’t what they hoped. Ken is his father’s son. If anyone should be moved, it should have been him. He didn’t get it.

I am not surprised. As I mentioned before, he has difficulty relating to characters on shows and he doesn’t get sucked in like I do. The other story line was about Mercedes, who is a bigger black girl with a kick ass voice and lots of confidence despite not being the twig size of most of the girls on campus. She ends up being a cheerleader and the coach tells her she needs to drop 10 pounds and she starts to really feel bad about herself. The climax of the episode is her singing “Beautiful” by Xtina. It is truly moving and inspiring and I was a mess. I loved her character for what she was going through. I loved her attitude and I cried for her and I became her in so many ways.

I still wonder if I am the unusual one in this scenario or if Ken is. I get so involved that I almost lose reality whereas Ken can almost not even see the fantasy. Let’s hope our kids can find a good middle ground.

My day is busy. Obviously I have work which has a couple of projects due, but then after work is when the crazy begins. I am going to run over to the Dollar Tree to find some cheap entertainment for the boys for the flight. I am thinking coloring books. Then I have to put the remaining packing things in the suitcase like the slippers for the boys and pack their backpacks. Then get it all in the car and wait for Ken to get home so we can go to the airport. Our flight leaves at 8:15. I am hoping security doesn’t take too long. We have checked bags, and we each have one carry on, so it shouldn’t be too bad. Papa Brenan is picking us up. We should get to the Compound by 11. Then it is a few days of relaxing. Yay!

I am quite pleased with lip stain in general, but I think the one I got is not as great. The applicator keeps drying out. I read some reviews on line that indicated this is a problem. I started storing it upside down and it has helped. I looked online at Sephora and they have several other stains, so I may need to check them out. There is a Sephora at Downtown Disney, so I need to go look. They may not have any in store, but I am a little nervous about ordering them online since it is harder to see the color. But then again, even though they have their little funny names like twinkle berry or stuff like that, Sephora does clarify the shade with normal crayola colors under it. So I may be ok. I am looking for red, so it should be ok.

Charlotte had a baby girl this morning. Very exciting! I just get giddy thinking of all of the fun she will have. The ups, the downs, all of it so very worth while. I am actually a little envious of what she gets to look forward to since thinking back, I didn’t know the journey my boys would put me on. So cool!

I can’t tell if I am having an anxiety attack or dying or just hypochondriacing but I feel like I can’t breathe as well as I should. I have opted to take a Xanax just now to see if that helps. Especially since I just checked my pulse rate and it was normal. Of course, I started playing with the net and found way too many diagnosis ideas, so I quickly closed my browser. Now thinking GERD.

I am considering ducking out early today. Maybe around noon? Not sure yet. I figure it would give me some time to finish up what needs to be ready for today.

Here is a thought for a tattoo that Ken might like. It covers my love for all three of my boys. I need to get a tattoo of a green light saber and a red light saber in an X formation. Dax is green, Bobby loves red, all three love Star Wars. Who’s with me? LOL!

I have all these topics in the news I think I would like to cover right now, but I just don’t have the energy to tackle them. Like the Arizona hoopla with illegals. On one hand, I am all for them rounding up illegals and sending them back to where they came from. On the other hand, I can see how it isn’t the best approach to the problem of our open borders. One reported compared it to the Nazis, which is kind of scary, but I can see the point. Then again, there are idiot reporters who make it even worse. This one guy Ken heard actually said the words, “It is now illegal to be an illegal alien”. Um, I think it was always illegal, we just always looked the other way. Our country make be backwards. We lose money with illegal people, yet we won’t legalize pot which will bring us money????

I don’t want to get all political or sided this morning, so I won’t go more into it. I think there are valid arguments on both sides.

What I really want to do is sleep!!! I am hoping the long day and craziness of travel will tire out the boys so that we can all sleep in tomorrow. The only problem is Dax is like me. We get up early no matter how tired we are. LOL! Oh well.

I am thinking it would be fun to all go see a movie tomorrow. Maybe “How to Train Your Dragon”. It would be cool to go with the grandparents and grandkids. Of course, it is Ken’s day, so we will do anything he wants. That may just be hanging out.

This is the first time I have taken Xanax where I needed to be functional at the same time. They do not seem to work well together. LOL! I feel a little loopy. It has relaxed me, and my exhaustion may have been enhanced from it. Oops. Oh well, at least I can just vege at my desk today.

I wish I wore more slutty stuff when I was younger and thin.

I have a desire for a new piercing. Nose? Tongue? Nipple? Bell Button? Lip?

I am leaning towards acrylic nails.

Is it bad that I have the desire to buy the cute dog accessories at old Navy for my dogs?

I want to go to Venice and smell the incents and ocean and all the trash. I love that smell.

I want to go get a facial.

If I got a pet duck, I think I would like to call her Chloe.

The scream that the boys do seems like it would be an excellent alarm clock sound. It would seriously wake the dead.

My boobs are pretty, despite the sag.

The Nazis sucked.

If I had gobs of money, I am pretty sure I would buy all of the Converse One Star items at Target.

I hate mornings where I don’t get any emails.

One of my fears is having a low turnout at my funeral. Not that I would know, of course, which I suppose is comforting.

I am shocked that fat discrimination groups have not targeted Bob’s Big Boy just for the name itself.

Why are sparkly skulls so cool?

Of course, just about anything sparkly is pretty cool. I am pretty sure I would change to the sparkly version of any product I buy.

I wonder if my friends know how much I love them and rely on them.

I wonder if my kids know.

I wonder if Ken knows.

Is it bad that one of the things I look forward to most this weekend is sitting around with family and drinking wine?

I wonder what would happen if scientists found out that fruits and veggies were actually smarter than dolphins and dogs and stuff.

Why are commercials becoming so creepy? First, the creepy road kill one, now Tostitos has this chick in a cool salsa skirt that apparently is made out of blades. She twirls around, slicing the hell out of various salsa ingredients, thus creating salsa with the salsa. It is scary on many levels.

The moon was so beautiful this morning.

Shania Twain is perty. So is Joss Stone. Ke$sha and Lady Gaga might look to them for how it is done.

I think I may be Courtney Cox. First, I was Monica, and now I am Jules from Cougar Town. Then again, I think I am also aspects of Christa Miller’s characters Jordan from Scrubs, and her character on Cougar Town. Hmm…

I will get a Skeleanimals Dax tattoo. It will happen. I just can’t do it until I think of something cool for Bobby.

OMG-how cute would it be to get them to write their names and have those tattooed?

There is part of me that wishes the business cards I have for work actually got passed around. Now, they just sit and gather dust.

I wonder how many friends of mine have pictures of me on their desk.

Would a beaded curtain be too much to put around my cube?

I miss my Tammy, but am so jazzed I got to talk to her this morning.

I still love my rock star purse. This is a new record for me and purses. Now I just need to get a new wallet. Preferably one that comes with money.

Would popping packing bubbles be as appealing if they were inside a bear?

This day is dragging. On the plus side, it is almost 11, which means if I slip out at noon, I only have a little more of this place! Woo!

Crap, our email has been down for an hour or so. I can’t email my boss to tell him I am leaving early. I hate telling him in person. It requires too much smiling and sweetness, both of which I am lacking in this morning. I think I will make my coworker tell him that I left.

I think I want to read The Sound and the Fury because they mentioned it several times in the show Parenthood.

Dax Sheppard is not as annoying in Parenthood as he has been in previous projects. I am torn on how I feel about this.

Elora Ezra Brenan?

Email is back up. This is better as it means I can email him in a bit. Woo!

Ok, off to heat up lunch.

Tuesday

4-27-10

I am supposed to be doing reports right now, but of course, nothing matched, so I will not be able to do anything until tomorrow. Bleah. I am just hoping it wasn’t something I fucked up on. We recently changed where the reports run to, and there was a couple of hiccups in the process, which leads me to believe that this may have been the problem. Oh well.

I just got to school a guy on pop culture. Ok, it wasn’t that hostile. LOL! Fred had come over after I emailed him to tell him about the report and he asked me if I was familiar with Gilda Radner. Uh, duh, yeah. LOL! So he tells me how on Laugh In she used to say, “It’s always something.” I was familiar with the phrase, especially since it was the name of her book. I was confused though. She was on Laugh In? I was annoyed at myself for having forgotten this, and I promptly looked her up. I was not wrong. She had been on SNL. So I went and told Fred, and he laughed because he himself after he sat down thought about it and said to himself, “I think it was SNL, and I know Gena will look it up.” Hee hee! At least people trust that I will find out the right answer. I also told him some Gilda stuff, which was interesting to him, and we talked pop culture from an era when in reality I was less than 5, and yet I enjoyed the shows. He would have been in his late twenties. I love that I can go toe to toe with folks older than me on pop culture.

In the spirit of trying new things, what with me consuming multiple things the last few days for this diet, I have decided that I am going to try everything that Scott and Andy make while we are at the compound. I figure the worst that happens is I need to spit it out.

I found a new hair style. LOL! I know, what a shock, right? I sent it to my most trusted advisors. I will run it by some others, too. Not saying I am going to do this anytime soon, but I still want some feedback.

After a couple of low self esteem bouts, I decided I need to be positive about me. I am rockin my red lipstick and looking at myself and not thinking ick. I know this is something I should do every day, but sometimes you read something or you just are tired of hating every aspect of your appearance. Sure, the new hair style is a way to make me feel vibrant, but I shouldn’t need that, and I want to make sure I feel awesome no matter what. So rather than wait for those pounds to go away or my face to clear up, I am just going to love me for me.

Ok, a few votes have trickled in. It is 1 to 1 on whether or not I can pull off the rockin red hair. Obviously I need more votes, or in reality I need to do whatever I think and not let anyone tell me I can or can’t. LOL!

Votes are now at 2 to 1 that I can pull it off, however, there was a suggestion of toning down the color a smidge, which I could see being a good idea.

Sure enough, I fucked up. LOL!!! Nah, I am not too upset. I changed these variants and I guess I changed them wrong. Oh well. I am about to go fix it. I love my job.

It is always odd to see who comments on your Facebook status.

I think my plan is now to go back to Hot Topic and get these little wash out color packets and make my hair super bright. I am thinking red (they have red with sparkles, so let’s face it, we know that is what I will do) and that way even if it doesn’t completely come out, it only enhances my hair a bit. This will allow me to see the color and determine if it looks cool. The color is only like $2 a pack, and I think with all my hair I will need like 3. LOL!

I am working on earning my cool status back. Although I messed up the variants here, I just showed a bunch of people how to make the copier do 2 sided copies. Cheers everywhere! I win!

I am not as thrilled with the salmon today. Thankfully I brought extra lettuce this time. The Romaine seems to cancel some of the fishy taste. As does the lemon dressing.

Diet Time

4-26-10

Ok, I am only an hour into my diet and I already fucked up. LOL

Not really. I just forgot to bring my other portion of cantaloupe. I am supposed to have one at breakfast and one at lunch. I have opted to save the piece I brought for lunch, sticking to my eggs and oatmeal for breakfast. It wasn’t horrid so far. I know I am going to be hungry, which may prompt me to eat my apple in about an hour or so. I can eat my other apple this afternoon. I also am planning on prepping my eggs for the next two days tonight so that I don’t need to mess with cooking them, only heating them up when I get to work.

I did feel pretty cool about prepping this big ole green salad. We bought some fresh romaine and I cut it up and tossed it and measured it all out. I am thinking after this “diet” I am going to start measuring out my food portions like that.

I anticipate being a smidge cranky today. It also doesn’t help that yesterday I had a gnarly anxiety attack. We were driving to the mall so I could pick my free $10 gift card. I mentioned to Ken as we drove up the parking structure that at some point I would like the goal to be getting net access on our phones. Ken didn’t say much, just kept kind of teasing me. He kept saying the same word over and over. I don’t remember what it was because I got extremely anxious and frustrated. I told him this and he didn’t stop. I was losing it. At one point he recommended that I turn right instead of left and I lost it. I told him right now he was not allowed to tell me what to do. I was freaking. He didn’t get it.

Thankfully before I went into total meltdown, Dax cracked my ass up. As we circled the structure, these people started to kind of walk in front of us. Before I could say anything, Dax yells from the back seat, “Move, people!” I almost died laughing. Of course, this was something I have said on a number of occasions when driving, but it still is comical to have the 3 year old crystallize road rage in only 2 words.

I was still on edge much of the afternoon. It could have been the anticipation of these next 3 days. It could have been the fact that in 4 days I am going on a trip. It could just be total exhaustion. It probably doesn’t matter what it is. It just is. It should be an interesting week.

I managed to toss out a bag of toys from Dax’s room yesterday. Bobby was napping, so Dax and I dumped out all of the toys in his bins and I took out all the ones he had not used in ages, allowed him to grab any that had sentimental value to them, and the rest all went to the trash. Dax was pretty jazzed at the couple of finds which includes his three little bats he loved for so long that somehow had made their way into the bin. His room looked pretty damn good when we were done, so I was proud.

Friday afternoon we went to the park with my folks. They had a good time, although they didn’t ride their bikes as much as I had hoped, which was the inspiration for the outing in the first place. The problem with the trip was that they did ride their bikes there and back, which required some light jogging on my part. When I got home that night, the damage to my ankle was clear. I was in gobs of pain. Ken wrapped it and I also iced it. It still hurts this morning .

Saturday was a mixed bag. The morning started well with me bribing the boys to get dressed with first and second place lollipops for the drive out to see Grammie. We got out to where she lives about 45 minute early. Oops. We decided to hit up the local Target to kill some time and ended up pulling up to her place at the exact time my parents were arriving.

We went to lunch at Sizzlers, which was quite yummy. I even did good with my attempts at some Free Ranging with the boys. Dax and I went to the restroom and Bobby came with us. Bobby finished way earlier than Dax and he indicated that he could get back to the table on his own. I was pretty sure this was true, especially since I had let him do a similar run the night before at McDonalds. So I let him go. He made it with no issue and both he and I gained some good confidence. Not saying that I am going to let Bobby walk to school by himself yet (which was his request), but I am thinking the apron stings have been loosened a bit.

We got back to Grammie’s and the boys went with Ken on a couple of gulley adventures near the golf course and in her back yard. We hung out and visited and it was pretty clear that Dax started to lose patience. His exhaustion was shouting at us, so we headed out. He crashed in the car, thankfully. Bobby tried, but he fought it at the same time.

My plan had been early bed for all, but a promise made earlier in the day was for the boys to watch Avatar. They didn’t get to bed too late, only around 8. The movie was less annoying the second time, but the visuals certainly are not as stunning. Bobby loved it, but he has seen it twice. Dax enjoyed it, laughing at many scenes, which was fun.

I was unable to sleep last night. I tossed and turned all night, never able to get comfortable. I did not enjoy that. It is going to make the work tasks I have super sleepy making. I need to set up gobs of spreadsheets, and although it isn’t difficult, it is monotonous and I am pretty sure I will zone out.

I got some lip stain yesterday. I had been wanting to try it for some time. I am quite pleased with the color I chose and it goes on much easier than I expected. The only real problem is that the corners of my lips don’t seem to want to stay colored. I don’t know if that is my spit that washes it away. I have reapplied a couple times this morning. Hopefully it takes at some point. It is cool that it isn’t coming off on the other parts. I just added some lip gloss to it, so that is kind of fun. I like how without the gloss, it doesn’t feel like I have anything on my lips. This was my hopes so that I may wear lip color if Ken is around since he doesn’t like lip stick. The things I do for people.

Tomorrow night at Bobby’s school there is an open house. I think the plan is to walk up there and check it out. It will allow us to maybe let Bobby meet his teacher and we can verify what is needed for registration. I hope he likes the place. Of course, I hope I like the place, but his feelings towards it are a bit more important right now.

I think I managed to set aside all the clothes for the boys and I for the weekend. Ken is going to ship up the air mattresses today so that we don’t have to worry about those. What is nice, too, is Andy and Scott are not there Thursday night, so if need be, we may let the boys sleep in the other room the first night. We will see. We are also bringing the Wii, which is entertaining for all of us, so that will be good. We are probably going to take the balance board as a carry on just to save it from wear and tear. It is Ken’s job to pack the actual bag since he has Tetris mind, so he can make everything go into the smallest possible bag. There is some discussion of not checking any bags if he can get the clothing into the one suitcase instead of the duffel bag. Might not be horrid since there is wheels. We will see.

Ok, just found out there is no morning snack. Son of a bitch. The reason is because the breakfast is big. Not so big when I didn’t do my cantaloupe or the optional other chunk of salmon. Crap. Ok, so I am digging in to the cantaloupe right now. I am not going to eat it all, just a smidge to take the edge off. Thank goodness for my gum. I also realize I was supposed to bring some of the berries I got. Crap! I suck. On the plus side, I am eating some healthy food today and reducing my caloric intake. There have been days where I have gone with less food, so I just need to suck it up. It is more difficult when I am sitting at a desk all day. If I was out and about, I wouldn’t think about it as much. I am hoping that as I am getting involved in my work load, the urges subside.

I can safely say this diet sucks. Specifically for my day. I eat at 5:30 in the morning and with no snack, I don’t get to eat again until 11, which is when I eat lunch. My greatest success on dieting for losing weight was small portions, but still having small snacks in the day. Kind of like the eating every 2 to 3 hours type of situation. Of course, if tomorrow I end up eating the full recommended breakfast amount, perhaps I will be better off. It is only 3 days. I have to keep telling myself that.

Ken pointed out that nothing about this diet says it is for weight loss. It also sounds like a dude just trying to sell a book. I agree, but I hate to give in so easily. I feel like I need to go all the way or else I fail myself.

Got an interesting email over the weekend. Facebook, let me say, rules. I am loving all the people I have gotten in touch with. A couple of those folks include some Madison Elementary school alumni. My old friend, Kenway, emailed myself and Dawn to see if we wanted to perhaps get together for a mini reunion in a couple weeks. I love this!! These are people I went to kindergarten with (amusing since my son is going this year!) and through the power of the internet, are folks I can chit chat with. I told him I am way game and I think the plan is some night in May. Woo hoo!

I had been planning on not having the boys worry about backpacks for this trip, but I am rethinking this. If they each have their one friend, a blanket and maybe one other thing in there, it isn’t like it is super heavy or a big deal to run through the security. Plus, we can wear them if need be. Hmm..I am rethinking my plan.

Why is it that when they describe you as a fruit that it means you are gay and if you are in a vegetative state you are in a coma? I can safely say fruit sounds more appealing when you put it that way. Yet veggies are not doing themselves any favors.

I am considering experimenting with my salmon tonight and using salsa with it. I see a few recipes with that on it, so I am thinking it may work!

Ok, I am eating my salmon salad. It is pretty good! Esther made it with this Cajun spice and it is not bad! I put it on my greens and she made this lemon/olive oil dressing which makes it all pretty spicy and good. I only taste fish every now and again. She also told me I could eat more lettuce on it, so looking at how much fish I have today, I am going to add more lettuce tomorrow. The combo of tastes seems to compliment each other where I don’t have as much of a problem eating it all. I am also going to save a few bites of this to have Ken taste it when I get home. I am now eating my cantaloupe. Not one of the best ones I have had in a while. It doesn’t taste ripe enough. Oh well. It sounds like the fruits and veggies are an arrangement of eat all that you want. Then you just eat some salmon for the other parts.

Dinner is going to be the most interesting. I am making the asparagus tonight, and making the salmon on my own. I think I will manage, but the only thing keeping me from “cheating” is me. Ken thinks this diet is full of crap, and it isn’t like the boys would stop me from eating cake. So it will be a little scary. Actually, the one thing that makes it hard will be the lack of milk. I always have a glass of milk at night. Sometimes more, but as a pretty normal night, at least one. My co worker just told me I could drink my glass. She said why not? SO YAY!

Empathy and lack thereof

4-23-10

I am a happy girl this morning since it is Friday. I don’t have gobs of meeting this morning, which means I can stay at my desk today as opposed to running all over the place. Yesterday I was dying. My meeting at 10 was an hour and we only ended it to go to the company meeting which lasted an exhausting hour and a half in a cold warehouse covering boring information. Yawn. The worst part was how bad I had to pee!!

On the plus side, I ended up having an extremely mellow evening. I got home and didn’t even have to clean since Ken had spent the day scrubbing the house. I ended up hanging out in the back yard with the dogs since the boys decided they wanted to chat it up with the neighbor. It was an impressive conversation since they actually may have out talked our super talkative neighbor. LOL!

The boys went to bed on time, which allowed us to watch the rest of American Idol (less unfortunately the results since Tivo did not record the whole show since it went over the time. We looked it up and my beloved “Disney Show” was voted off. Sadness.) and Glee. Have I mentioned how fucking great that show is???? I seriously hurt when I am done watching because of how much laughing I do. And thank goodness we watch it on Tivo since on more than one occasion we have to rewind it because we are laughing so loud that we missed the next line. So happy making is the Glee.

I cracked open the balloon weight from one of my anniversary balloons to find that the plastic star contained a giant shiny metal star with a couple of holes in it. I promptly asked Ken if we had any kind of chain thinking I could string it through the weight to make a necklace. Instead, Ken took a nicer chain and attached the star nicely and made me my wonderful chunky star necklace I am sporting today. Hee!

I am looking forward to sleeping in a little tomorrow. I still have to get up at a reasonable hour since we are heading out to see Grammie. I think the plan is lunch, but I will find out more this afternoon when I go to my folks’. Grammie doesn’t have gobs of toys and stuff there, so I am thinking of going through the boys’ toy bins tonight to dig out some items that they probably didn’t even know existed, and bring them along and put them at her house. That way when we come out, they have stuff to play with. It will give me a nice excuse to go through the bins anyway. I think I also need to go to Target and get another one of those slide under the bed boxes so I can put all the costumes in there.

We are supposed to go to the park when we go to my parents’ house today. The boys had mentioned wanting to go, so we figure this evening we can walk down there. I am going to take their bikes so they can ride those, which will be nice.

On the way home, I have another Galleria free gift card coming to me, so I think I need to go pick that up. I may see if Ken wants to come with us today so he can go to the park with us, and maybe then we can get dinner at the mall. The only real problem with this is Matt seems to pick fights, so we will see.

I ordered a skirt and a tank top from Old Navy. I was going to get this one cute pair of shorts, but I had misread the price. I thought they were $15, but they were really $25. I know, still not much, but I will wait till next payday for those. I want to order some shorts and capris for Ohio.

Ralph is back on the air this morning and he gave a small recap of what took place. He was talking about all the emails and gifts and outpouring of love and support her received over the last few weeks. At one point, this man broke down. I lost it. The pain in his voice told it all. This is a man who can laugh at everything. He seems like a pillar of strength and yet this tiny child brought him to his knees. My heart cried out for him. Tears have been streaming down my face as I quickly wrote him a third email of support. What a unique position to be in to have so many people love him despite not being even “friends” with him on Facebook. What a comfort to have so many people supporting you.

Ken posted that he wasn’t as moved as I am. In all fairness, I break down crying over someone eating by themselves in the mall. Ken, who is truly dead inside on so many issues, just doesn’t get choked up like that. I have seen my husband cry perhaps 8 times in the 20 years I have known him. No joke. Ken on the other hand has seen me cry 8 times in a day. LOL!!! The things that move him are not what you would always expect. He wept openly when Smackie died. I wasn’t as surprised by this one, but I was shocked when he cried while watching Braveheart. Seriously, even I didn’t cry in Braveheart. Of course, I seem to laugh at all movies in which there are people in blue face.

I have seen him cry about his ex wife. I think there are two instances of that. Bobby caused him tears once. In fact, the incident in question caused him to cry once while hugging a very confused baby, and once while on the phone with his sister trying to come to terms with his guilt on what happened. What was crazy about it is that it is something that he would normally get that upset about. No one was hurt, and if anything, in hind sight, it is pretty funny.

I just wish that he could feel that empathy for other people. I understand not getting all upset at fictional characters, but with this Ralph thing, dude, not only is this not a story, this is a guy we have met several times. This is a tragic father thing that he should be able to relate to. I wonder why he can’t.

I feel like this is the episode of Friends where Chandler can’t cry. Note to my friends, if Ken doesn’t cry when I die, kick him in the shins.

I just talked to my poor empathy deprived husband and informed him of the shin kicking. He assured me that he isn’t as bad as I make him out to be. I tried to reason that even though he had never experienced this kind of loss that he could try to imagine how sad he would be if his own children died. He pointed out that when the boys were born, it took him a couple weeks to really feel that genuine love and affection towards them. Bonding took a while, so he couldn’t comprehend the sadness after only knowing his son for 10 days. He then said that if they died now, he would probably cry. I of course called his ass out on the “probably” part. Sigh. He agreed that he lacked empathy for other people, and I said he had zero. He said that wasn’t fair, so we both agreed he had about .1.

He was amused at my blue face bias. But let’s face it. When Mel Gibson runs around half blue, he looks ridiculous. Avatar folk, sure look kind of cool, but ultimately, kind of lame. Smurfs? Don’t get me started. The Blue Man Group are exceptions, but they don’t make you cry, they make you laugh. Blue face has to represent funny, not, well, blue.

My boss likes to come in and greet me with the generic question of, “What’s Happening?” Our game usually revolves around my wacky answers. I wasn’t as inspired this morning, but I did manage to get a laugh when I said that flights were resuming to Europe.

So I am embarking on a funky fad diet come next week. It is only 3 days but I am becoming quite nervous about it. MaryAnn gave me my breakdown of how much I owed (which is only $10) and we started talking about how excited the other 4 members of my diet girls group are about the program. I, on the other hand, am sure I will starve. Maryann continued to ensure me that there is lots of food and if anything, she wasn’t able to finish most of it last time. I pointed out that the quantity of food is daunting because of how much of it is food I DON”T eat normally. Thankfully Brandy helped me by having me try some asparagus. Esther also gave me some cooking tips on it, so I may be in the clear for that cup and a half of veggies I need for the 3 day duration. Esther is also making the salmon for lunch, and the dressing for the salad, so all I need to provide is the greens, which I think I can choke down pretty easily. The breakfast is the one meal I am totally ok with. Eggs and oatmeal rule, so I should be good on that.

So much for this morning being relaxing! I have been swamped. The good news is my day has flown by. Woo hoo!! Only a few more hours and I am free. Have a good weekend, kids!

Meetings Day 2

4-22-10

Can I go back to bed?

I need to wake up since I have my meeting in a few hours in which I need to be sharp and feisty. I will be fine, especially since it is preceded with a walk to the other building, and it is with folks that will ruffle my feathers. Game on!

I was lying on the bed, regretting having taught the boys “dog pile” yesterday afternoon when Bobby noticed my scar from my appendix. I explained that it was where the doctor had to cut me open once. He then, very excited asked if that was how they put him in me. LOL!

I went over to Brandy’s around 6. We hung out and visited for a few hours which was cool. I helped her prepare kits for the cool bracelets she has been making. I also tried asparagus! Yay me! It wasn’t horrid, and I think it is even something I could make myself. I want to try these green veggies since I would like to try to incorporate them into my diet more. Plus, I am going to be trying this funky fad diet next week with my co workers which consists of lots of foods I don’t tend to eat, including a half cup of steamed veggies. I don’t think I will be able to do the entire diet perfect, but thankfully it is only 3 days, and it will be nice to do this with my colleagues.

I got to show off my boys at work yesterday. Someone else brought their kids earlier, and last week Vicki brought her grandkids, so I texted Ken to see if he could bring me my boys. He brought them around 2, which was good since I leave at 2:20. They were super charming and friendly. Dax even went with Vyerah on his own. Of course, he was lured by the promise of treats, but it was nice to see him brave with people that he has met a million times. Bobby was also super insistent on thanking Lois, the woman here that made him his cherished blanket. So we went to the other building and he marched into her office and told her how he sleeps with it every night and told her how wonderful it is. She was touched, and impressed that it was still in good condition after 5 years of being drug around everywhere. As we were heading out, my CFO who’s office is right there called me in asking me for some help with Power Point. I was able to help him out, and my boys were all polite and quiet while I worked. I think I scored some points!

Brandy is supposed to come over tonight and we will be using the Wii. I will be taking it sort of easy what with my ankle, but I think we will have fun either way. This is supposed to be a weekly thing so that she can help motivate me to work out again. My ankle and time have been my enemies lately, but I think that if I at least do the yoga and stretching, I can be doing something.

I am trying to test this fix we did in the system yesterday and it keeps kicking me out. It is very frustrating. Especially since I won’t be able to get help on it until next week since I have the meeting this morning and meetings the rest of the day, and Vyerah is out until next week. Grrr!!

I suppose I should have dressed more professional since I am going to a meeting, but I decided to just dress like me. I sometimes worry about that sort of thing, but since it is a pretty casual work environment, it works either way.

Brandy and I had a fascinating conversation last night regarding employers looking at Facebook and other online profiles before hiring potential employees. She brought up a lot of good points in regards to why it is ok. I still don’t agree with the practice for a number of reasons. I am tempted to write up some pros and cons to it to give me a better idea on what a better solution is in my own head. I feel that your job performance should be what is judged, not the party you attended on the weekend, but of course, how does a company know you before hand? But I feel like even though sure, you take a risk on hiring folks and not all of them work out, but that is how we have done it for decades. I don’t have the time to get into all of my arguments and the counter arguments right now, but it is an interesting topic.

I figure I might as well wrap up my stuff since meeting time is soon. I expect to be away from my desk until this afternoon. On the plus side, my day will fly by! LOL!

Meetings!!

4-21-10

My ankle hurts. A lot. Not as bad as last night, but it does hurt. I wore boots today. I had planned on wearing my robo brace under it, but it didn’t work well. So I just wore boots hoping they would give me support. Not so much. Thankfully I am sitting most of today.

I was good and didn’t stay up to watch Glee, even though I so wanted to. I knew sleep was needed. I did watch AI and was shockingly moved by Mama Sox’s performance. It was inspirational week, which meant songs that I guess were meant to inspire you. Not so much for most of the songs. Only 2 were good. Mama Sox, though, damn. It was amazing. She broke down crying at the end, which honestly, made me cry. It was so cool. For not being happy with this season, I am hooked.

I have to prep for multiple meetings this week. I have one this morning and 2 tomorrow. Luckily, 2 of them are easy. One of them tomorrow, though, is a big pain in the ass. There is a huge agenda, lots of folks involved that are going to whine and a couple of managers that don’t know how to resolve conflict. Sigh. I may be the voice of reason, which will be a tough balancing act since I have to force what we want while being sensitive to the other departments’ needed.

While I was driving the boys to my parents’ house yesterday, I was amused at the conversation behind me. Bobby had done something to piss off Dax. I didn’t hear what it was, but Dax decided to let Bobby know what happened.

Dax: Bobby, you have to listen to my story. You hurt my feelings when you did that.
Bobby: I am sorry, Dax. I won’t do it again.
Dax: Ok, Bobby.
Bobby: Because I love you, Dax.
Dax: I love you, Bobby.

OMG!! It was the cutest thing ever. They then proceeded to discuss the plans for going over to Grandma’s and what they would do there. It was crazy how grownup it all sounded. There was no yelling, only calm across the board. Super cute.

I was proud of myself last night. As I was telling Bobby goodnight, this big ole Daddy Long Legs comes walking down the wall towards his pillow. Knowing I would need to remove it, I calmly said, “Hello!” to the spider. Bobby looked and jumped back for a second. I told him it was a nice spider which made him instantly at ease and super excited. I tried to get it on a book to get it out before Monarch got him. He dropped to the floor, but Bobby saw him instantly and we put a can over him. Bobby then asked if we could put him in a jar. So we went and looked for one and managed to put him in the jar. He was so excited. And I didn’t flip out! YAY!

dentist tales

4-20-10

I am glad I left yesterday!

I got home and no one was really “up”. I walked into our bedroom to find Ken using the lap top and Bobby lying next to him, watching Star Wars. Bobby looked at me and smiled. He then said, “Mom!” Ken did not see me yet and asked Bobby what he just said. Bobby tells him, “Mom is here.” Ken replies, all confused, still not seeing me behind the computer, “No she isn’t.” This is when I got to say, “Yes I am!” Yay!

I crawled into bed with them, per Bobby’s instructions and hung out for a while. Dax came in about 20 minutes later, and we all got mobilized. Dax was pretty upset that he was having to go to Maria’s, but I thought that Bobby should have his own time when he had his dentist appt.

We got to the dentist and Bobby actually had his teeth cleaned by the dentist himself. He sat in the prettier room, which is bigger which allowed Ken and I to be in there with him easily. He did AMAZING!!! He didn’t cry, he didn’t whine, and he listened to all his instructions. He was so good! He did point out one part hurt, but didn’t freak out about it or anything. I was so impressed! He got polished, scrapped and fluoride. He even laughed a couple times. The dentist said it looked good, and he managed to remove a couple of stains, which he said were normal. Bobby then picked out a pack of crayons for his prize. He was so proud of himself. His next appt is the same day as mine in 6 months, which works out great!

After the dentist, we told Bobby he could pick out any lunch he wanted. He decided he wanted a hamburger from the place that does chicken stars. LOL! So we stopped by Carl’s Jr. and got lunch.

After lunch, he went to Ken’s class with him, which he loved. This gave me 2 hours to myself, which I actually used wisely. I slept! No joke! I napped for the full two hours. It was awesome! I woke up a few minutes before I needed to go get Dax, which was perfect. I was still tired, but I can tell you I feel so much better this morning, and I think that had something to do with it.

Dax and I decided to play out back. We had a good ole time. He had me roll him in a bucket and we played a weird tether ball game with the dogs. Bobby and Ken got home about 45 minutes later, and we all hung out in the yard, playing in the sand box, kicking the balls, and Ken worked on making the play structure a little more solid. I BBQed some pork and two ribs (the ribs were giant bones that had been on sale that we mostly got for the dogs) and made corn. We all then went inside and had a yummy dinner. It was good!

Bobby was super tired, and luckily so was Dax, so they both crashed out easily. The dogs were in heaven, both munching on their bones. Ken and I played on the computer a bit when I realized how late it was, so we went to bed. It was a good day.

Today I am back at work. I have some accounts that need some attention before end of the month this week. It will keep me nice and busy all day, which is awesome.

I am so very happy with my hair. The color seems to have revived it. It feels healthy and it isn’t gray, which rules. I also got a boost of confidence being that I did this myself. I had started to feel defective in not being able to color it myself. The fact that I can is awesome.

Luna has now learned how to climb the ladder up to the play house. This is way cool! Lycos had been able to do it for years and it is one of the games we play where we toss the ball up on to the house for her to go get it. Luna learned this actually pretty quick. She is a little awkward, but she has really improved. Yesterday she also went up to the house and went down the slide just to see what it was all about, which cracked me up.

Turns out, Lycos loves tether ball. We have a tether ball with no tether or pole. Lycos loves this ball and she can pick it up easily since it is a little flat. I attached the ball to a jump rope and swung it around for the amusement of the boys and dogs. Lycos went ballistic. She barked and attacked the ball like a puppy. Even Luna seemed impressed. It was so cool! I now have this desire to get a tether ball pole set up for her to play. LOL!

I am a little worried about IO. He still is alive and all, and super sweet and affectionate. But he is looking so old. Of course, he is almost 15 years old. He mostly sleeps on the bed all day. He has not lost any weight. We do monthly weigh ins now for all dependents. But he still feels a little boney. It is like his weight has shifted to be in different parts of his body, not his back anymore. I always worry about him. Not that he is sick, or even show signs of being sick, but he just seems slower.

One10, on the other hand, seems quite pleased with herself. She has discovered the hamper. She loves sleeping in it since we have it high off the ground, and she can be all comfy on our clothes (the cats will go out of their way to sleep on our clothing no matter where it is, no matter how clean or dirty it is) and stay out of harm’s way, meaning Monarch can’t find her. I always feel bad when we do all the laundry since she doesn’t have any padding. LOL!

Monarch continues to sleep with Bobby until he hears me going to bed, at which point he will come and sleep with me. It is super cute and I love that he is so happy to be around Bobby. Bobby is our resident Dr. Doolittle, with all of the animals really loving the hell out of him. He adores them all, too.

Bobby has been asking questions about so many different things lately. He had been asking about certain foods, including meat as to where it comes from. So I have explained all of these things to him. He also knows that we are animals, too, so when we were in the meat aisle of Ralphs, he asked me where the people meat was.

Yesterday, Bobby told me he would like Ken and I to have more babies. He told me he wants me to have 5 more. Then he asked me how we make them. Yie! I told him that Daddy gives me some of himself and I mix that with some of my stuff and I grow the kid in my gut. He asked me how we do that, and I managed to side step it enough that he didn’t question it further. I had always read that you don’t need to tell kids the whole story on sex, but obviously I will have to start giving him better answers. So we will see when it comes up again. I am not going to press the issue unless he asks.

Bobby also has asked me and other people who their boss is, which is an odd question. Not sure where that is coming from. He asked me who his boss was, so of course I told him me. LOL! He was totally ok with this.

We recently decided to let the boys pour their own milk. Up until now, the only drink they could get on their own was water. We moved the cups to a spot they could get to them and they know how to use the water on the fridge. It was a huge deal, and the love this. But, they prefer milk more often than not.

We normally get the gallon jugs, so they are not exactly practical for the boys to pick up and pour without gobs of mess. One day, there was very little in the container, so I let them both pour a cup of milk. They did great. So we started putting milk in a small container that they can both open and get their own milk from. It seems to be working very well. Dax has to use the step stool and cutting board, but Bobby is tall enough that he just uses the counter. It is strangely cute and surreal to watch them do this. Dax all of the sudden looks tiny to me and it is neat to watch him get a cup of milk with all of the steps involved. And with Bobby, I just see this child growing up so quickly. He does it with no effort almost. It makes me proud yet a little sad at how quickly he is growing. But ultimately, it is really great to have them both learning to be independent on some of these basic things. It does get annoying to have to get them a cup of milk every two minutes, especially at dinner time when they go through so dang much. Soon, they will be making their own breakfast and getting snacks and before you know it, they will cook! YIE!

Bobby has been so sweet with his brother lately. Yesterday he asked for a snack of these peanut butter crackers, and so I opened the package for him. Dax didn’t try them before, so I didn’t offer him any. But Bobby went, without being asked, and shared his crackers with Dax. Dax actually took the crackers and ate them because Bobby told him they were good! It was so cool to see them be such good brothers. I love it when they do that. We let Bobby take back one of his friends for this good deed.

Oh, yeah, the boys lost a lot of toys in a Daddy Sweep. Ken had told them to clean their rooms at one point and they of course back talked and dinked around to the point where Daddy comes in with a trash bag and picks up the toys for them. We don’t actually throw them out. Instead, they are held until we slowly give them back depending on how good they are. It is a great motivator. Bobby also lost most of his friends with a temper tantrum he threw a couple weeks ago. I wasn’t there, so I didn’t see what occurred, but all of his friends currently reside in our bedroom. He chose to have Torrance his tiger back yesterday.

I do need to clean out more of their toys. They have too damn many. But right now, as long as they all fit in the toy bin, I am not messing with it. I have too many other things that need cleaning out right now. I am hoping to take some time this weekend to go through another storage bin. But since we have a trip out to see Grammie on Saturday, and Ken has a birthday party on Sunday, I don’t see us having gobs of time. Then again, we always seem to find more time than I knew we had. LOL!

I think this weekend I also need to pack for our trip next week. I want to condense it all down to one checked bag. I think it is way doable. If I can get the bag packed, then the only things we have to take is the carry on. I will have a purse and a lap top, and Ken will have his lap top bag. I don’t want the boys taking anything other than one friend on the flight. I am also debating on how to deal with the car seats. My folks loaned us the ones they have, which are just small boosters. Dax isn’t actually supposed to use it since he isn’t 4 yet, but he meets the weight requirement, so he is probably fine. The seats are small, but I don’t know if we will take them on the flight and let them sit on the seats, or if we will just check them. Luckily, they are way less awkward then their normal seats.

I was considering getting us all passports. Ken and mine are expired at this point, so we would need new ones anyway. Especially since mine is still in my maiden name. LOL! But thinking that it would be so much easier to have passports for id for trips like for this week and Ohio. Plus, if we ever had a last minute trip, we could have those on hand for the boys. The only problem is how freaking pricey they are. Maybe we can get one a month for the next few months. LOL!

I need to do something about my ankle. It hurts even more now. Of course, I need to stop walking all over the place and kicking balls and jumping rope. LOL! I am bad since I keep using it like it isn’t hurt. Today it throbs. I kicked a ball yesterday with that foot, which makes no sense since I never kick with my left foot, and it hurt like hell. Now I am paying for it. I think I either need to fix the brace the doc gave me or get something else, or go back to the doc and get something more extreme on it so that I can let the damn thing rest. I am not good at just sitting around, so that may be tough. But I think that this weekend I don’t have too much walking to do. It is tough when you have two little active boys around. But the worry right now is that I am sitting and it still hurts. That seems bad to me. I may need to go back to get it x-rayed? It isn’t swollen, so I doubt it is broken, so who knows.

I was amused just now when we did a birthday celebration for MaryAnn. My CFO mentioned with a wink that it was 4/20. I laughed and only he and I understood this, which then turned into a 45 minute bullshit session about drugs. LOL!! I guess I am more cultured in my dept then I thought. And I only tried pot like twice!

early early post

4-19-10

I am going to go ahead and curl up under my desk now to take a quick nap. I will be back in 4 hours.

Ok, I know that would not be allowed, but wouldn’t it be nice? I hate being disciplined and staying at work today. I would like to go home, go to sleep for another hour, and be able to relax, then take Bobby to the dentist for his first cleaning, and then we could go to lunch. Hmmm….I may still need to do that. If that is the case, let me update my journal here with my weekend adventures.

Friday night we did a nice dinner at TGI Fridays. I had made a $400 bonus and I wanted to celebrate, dammit! It was awesome! Food there is always good, but not only did I love it, the boys and Ken did, too. Plus, there was a dude doing balloon animals! Awesome all around. We signed up for their frequent customer card, and saw that Tuesdays and Wednesdays kids eat free, so that may become a new favorite.

Saturday was busy. We had several errands to run and then we took the boys to Toys R Us for this Thomas the Train thing. Turned out to be the lamest thing in the world. They had a handful of crayons, a print out sheet of Thomas that kids could color, and the highlight was that they could play with the trains that are normally out on the floor of the toy store. No fucking joke. It was that lame. Luckily, Dax didn’t care and was happy with Thomas no matter what.

After that, we went to the grocery store and were able to get food for our house which was quite needed. Although, I will say when you don’t go to the store, you tend to clean out your kitchen of those old boxes and cans of things you forgot you still had, which is cool.

The boys were already exhausted, so we decided to tire them out even more. So we walked up to the McDonalds for lunch and let the boys run in the playground. We took the wagon, which was a great idea since they were wiped out on the way home.

Saturday afternoon I bathed my dirty dogs. Man, those two pups were filthy. I scrubbed them good. I got soaked in the process, but it was outside and nice out, so it wasn’t a big deal. The washing inspired two little boys to run around the backyard naked while I hosed them down. Luna and Bobby loved the hell out of this game. They loved being squirted and they both danced in the water and almost got upset when I stopped for a second. It was great!

Sunday morning was bowling followed by Disneyland. The only problem with the latter was how fucking hot it was, and how tired we all were. We had some cranky, but overall, it worked out ok. We didn’t do gobs of rides. We did manage to get on the soaring over California ride pretty quickly, which was cool. We also bumped into Buzz Lightyear, which seemed to be the highlight of the day. LOL!

We had to hit up the Lego store so Dax and I wandered down to the Bear store. We ended up getting a dragon carcass so that at some point I will be able to make my dragon, even without a party. We will have to go back since they had these Saber Tooth Tigers that Bobby fell in love with, that they had just sold out of. I might make a morning of taking the boys to get these done. Plus, they had these cool dinosaurs now at that location. YAY!

We got home and played in the yard some more. We cleaned out on of the storage bins so that it now contains the boys’ bikes and scooters. Plus, we tossed a bunch of crap, which rocked. It is a slow going process only because our two trash cans only hold so much. LOL! But we are making progress. There are two more of those to clean, and obviously a garage and attic, but we are doing well.

I also managed to fix my hair. One of the Saturday errands was to the beauty supply store. I picked up some hair color and last night I applied the brown to my roots and grays. It smelled way less gross I thought than the box stuff. Plus, it was a different consistency. It worked great! It is a great blend and I did a really good job. No more grays (ok, there are a few in the back that I missed, but you can only see them if you look) and I am happy with the color. Plus, it was less than a box since the color was like $4 and the developer was only $2. And, if I was to do this myself each time, I could get a bigger bottle of the developer since you only use 2 ounces at a time. I have enough developer for another round, so really, it was even cheaper. Woo hoo! We will see how long it lasts, but at the very least, it should last through Ohio, which is what I cared most about.

While discussing hair this weekend, we were playing around with one of those web sites where you can put celebrity hair on your picture. I am considering a short do with dirty blonde hair for the summer.

At dinner on Friday, Bobby eyed his hamburger and then said to it, “Come to Papa!”

On the way home from dinner, Dax didn’t want to go home. So Ken tells him we can pull over and let him out right there. Bobby burst into tears saying, “No! I love Dax! Don’t leave him!” Dax, in true Dax form, says calmly, “Fine.”

Crap, I can’t leave. I have a meeting today. Bleah. Oh well. I really wouldn’t get any rest leaving at this point, anyway. Then again, the meeting isn’t super important, so I still am considering bailing. Either way, I am going to post this now so I don’t have to worry about it further.

Short

4-16-10

I went to bed early last night and was able to take some NyQuil before doing so. I am still drugged and sleepy this morning, but functional.

Last night I attempted to make something with potatoes. My folks had bought a 10 pound bag of potatoes and didn’t need quite that many so they gave me some. I decided I would use the other oven bag I had and put some cut up potatoes along with chicken, gravy and various seasonings into it. I popped it into the oven and went about the rest of the afternoon. The problem is, I wish I had done all this about 45 minutes before I actually did. I got side tracked when I got home from work (90210 was calling out to me) so I didn’t get started until right before I went to get the boys. Turns out potatoes take a long time. LOL! Thankfully, aside from the chicken being a smidge over cooked, it was pretty good. Yay!

I think tonight will be relaxing. I am taking the boys to go play at my folks’ and then I think that is all the plans I have. I would like to say Ken and I will watch a movie or catch up on some shows, but I have to see how I feel by then. It may be another early night.

I never thought of myself as someone who felt the need to censor things for my kids. Wow, has that changed. There is this song called “Everywhere I Go” by Hollywood Undead. Awesome beat, fun song. Then you start listening to the lyrics. Holy fuck! Frat boys, drinking, gobs of sex. There was a time when even I would have been embarrassed to listen to it. Remember I am the one who couldn’t bring myself to listen to “I Want Your Sex” if my parents were within ear shot even though they bought me the cassette.

The boys love this song. I understand why. Seriously, it has a great beat and it is super catchy. We dance to it in the car. But when you realize the boys are starting to remember lyrics, it is one of those things where you start to wonder how much of this should they be singing along to. Not that I care, especially since they don’t know what 90% of it means. But there is the worry that other people will care, specifically teachers. Normally I wouldn’t care about that, either, but as you start to realize the trickle down effect on what a simple swear word will do to a school, it is almost best to not let them use the word until they are a little older and understand discretion.

I hate that I have become like this. I want them to know that not all songs out there are about some mouse who has a duck as a best friend. I also love that they don’t grow up on the likes of Yanni or even Laurie Becnker. They love Pink, they love the Beatles, they love the Gorillaz. How cool is that? Pretty freaking cool if you ask me.

Ken thinks I don’t need to worry just yet since right now, they mostly hear the music. But since they know the Pink song as the “Rock Star Song”, I am guessing they hear more than we know. Hopefully they don’t start referring to the “Everywhere I Go” song as the one where they “punk the pussy”.

Stupid Cold

4-15-10

Morning. It is not good. The cold has won.

The last week or so I have been fighting this cold that seems to have infested our household. It was minor across the board, which made it tolerable. A few sniffles here and there, a sore throat but nothing a little tea couldn’t help, and the occasional need to bundle up. It wasn’t bad. Of course, it was lying to us all.

I made the mistake of underestimating its power. I let down my guard and stayed up late 2 nights in a row, lulled in by the melodic sounds of Adam and Glee. I crawled into bed last night and didn’t even hear more than 5 minutes of Hawkeye and BJ before I fell asleep. I didn’t know that I was now the perfect candidate for the cold to use to show how powerful it really was.

I woke up this morning, coughing up nasty for 5 minutes. I feel weak and light headed. My nose, although functional, has just enough congestion to warrant copious amounts of tissue. My head throbs and my throat feels like I swallowed some play doh and it is stuck around the edges. My eyes burn and their eyelids are fighting to stay closed. So far I have kept them open enough to function, but it has been tough.

I could go home. But really, I should just tough it out. I have some training (again) this morning, and you figure in a couple weeks I am taking a day off, so I shouldn’t bail. We will see how it goes today.

I may actually break my Spring Fest streak. I have a couple of reasons. One, it hasn’t been the same place it used to be when I was a kid. It hasn’t been that for a long time. It is now just a crappy carnival that happens once a year at Aviation. The rides are over priced. The games suck and the prizes suck harder. Even the craft booths are pretty weak. If I took the boys, they would want to go on a ride. So I would end up spending $25 bucks or more on rides. If they were going to go on rides, it would make more sense to go out to Disneyland since we already paid for that, and they are better rides! So my proposal is to hit up Disneyland first thing Sunday morning since that seems to be an excellent time to go.

We were watching the afternoon news yesterday when they covered the huge story of the day. There was some kind of sexting scandal at a local high school. Several teens were in trouble for naked pics of girls sent to them on their phones. Everyone is in an uproar and based on the tone of the story, you would have thought there had been another Columbine.

Holy fuck, it was annoying.

Ok, let’s try to break this down since I do understand that in reality we probably don’t want our teenaged kids showing naked pics of themselves, especially when they are in digital form, allowing them to be sent to the world with a few clicks of a phone. I would imagine there are plenty of fathers who would kill any boy who possessed a photograph of their naked daughter. I also maintain that there are plenty of fathers that would high five their sons if they had pictures of their teenage girlfriends.

But all that aside, is this really a story?

When I was 17 years old, at least a half dozen of my friends saw me naked, and not just in picture form. Mind you, I wasn’t sleeping with any of them. I wasn’t even romantically involved with them. It was harmless fun. Of course, I can safely say a couple of them regretted it the next day, but really, they have nothing to be ashamed of. I don’t think that anybody involved thought less of anyone that night. If anything, I think it was one of those fantastic stories that I will think fondly of for the rest of my life. My inhibitions were down, I was confident and I was awesome. Not to mention, I had a much better body back then and hell yeah, I got to flaunt it! Then again, some of said flaunting included mustard, so that wasn’t as cool.

A couple of years later, a group of teenaged friends and I were drunk at a party that also involved a naked night of wacky. A bit more happened, and somebody even brought out the camera to document our idiocy. Once again, looking back at that I crack up. My understanding is the photos were eventually destroyed (this was pre-digital, so it was way easier to burn), but I can safely say I wouldn’t care if they still existed. To me, they represented my own rebellion against being more prudish as a younger teen. Do you think people look back at pictures of themselves at Woodstock as a bad thing? They were probably stoned out of their mind, naked, muddy, and with a bunch of strangers. Who cares? I know that in both of my party experiences, no one was hurt.

So that brings us into the digital age and the now. With celebrity sex tapes being best sellers and Playboy being mainstream, who hasn’t seen naked people on a regular basis. Teenage boys no longer have to sneak looks at their dads’ skin mags because they can get far more racy stuff with a few clicks of the mouse. Hell, they can get more out of just turning on HBO! No amount of naked is shocking anymore to people.

My question then is, who does it hurt when some 16 year old snaps a shot of herself in the nude and sexts it to her boyfriend? Realistically, these two have probably already done the deed and I can safely say as a parent, I am pretty sure I would be less freaked out to see a naked pic of my kid than a naked pic of my kid in the act of things with the boyfriend. If the girl is foolish enough to assume that her boyfriend isn’t going to show every friend he knows what he is getting, then no amount of PSA’s are going to help her. She knows it will get out, and to some degree, she is ok with it.

Ok, obviously there are some laws out there that say you can’t have sex until you are 18. Or more specifically, you can’t get caught. Plus, there are laws saying pictures of underage kids is child porn.

Can we dive into that for a second? I don’t know the exact rules, and I am all for them when it involves the horrid things the bad people do. But when a 17 year old girl takes a picture of herself, is that really grounds for kiddie porn? The worst thing is that it isn’t the girls who get in as much trouble. It always seems like the guys who were sent the picture are in just as much trouble. But this picture can’t possibly be enough damning evidence to put these kids on some kind of sex offender list or expelled from school, or can it? I just don’t get it.

I know that we don’t fully comprehend the permanence of things posted on the net. When you post a picture of yourself these days, it is open to viewing from friends, family, employers, your church, predators, advertisers, kids, clowns, future boyfriends, former boyfriends, that guy who cuts your lawn, and who knows who else. We hear stories all the time of people not being hired, or even worse, fired because they have a picture on Facebook where they look drunk or are wearing some low cut top. It is bullshit on every level, but it is what happens. If you think a goofy shot of you taking a shot is bad, then think about the shot of you doing a body shot, naked on a table. I am thinking that is gobs worse in terms of people judging you.

Teens do not understand that despite the fact that it is completely unethical for employers to judge someone based on their free time, it isn’t something they can change by simply flooding the net with more images for them to be judged by. This country is really freaking conservative when it comes to certain things. We want so badly to be risqué and cool with our Girls Next Door and Girls Gone Wild, but really, we don’t want to be seen looking. These same teens who flash folks at bars are the same teens that will grow up into adults that will unfortunately condemn teens later for doing the exact same thing. No longer is it is just turn down that damn rock music, it is cover that boob up.

Our punishments for these kids shouldn’t be so severe. We need to let kids make these mistakes and own up to them. This is coming from a hard core helicopter parent, too. I don’t think a few naked pictures will end a career. Look at Vanessa Williams. Look at Drew Barrymore. Look at any number of people who have taken pictures of themselves and ended up doing just fine. It is all in how you deal with the photos. You can’t let one picture (or I am sure in the case of some of these girls, several) decide who you are. And we can’t let the court systems do this either.

A quick shout of to teenage boys, btw. Are you guys fucking idiots? Do you want to continue to get pics of your girlfriends? Do you high five your buddies when they get one? Didn’t you secretly praise every 16 year old who banged a hot teacher? If you want this trend to continue, stop being stupid by posting them on a web site. Dude, that is how you get caught, and it is a sure way to end all correspondence from any hot girl for a while.

Does society as a whole blame themselves on this? It is our fault. We make teenagers do so much more these days than even when I was one. They have gobs of school work. So much school work, mind you, that they are up late every night doing homework. Then there are the tests, and extra curricular activities that they need to have in order to get into a good college. They bust their asses to be allowed to pay big bucks to get a piece of paper that says they are now smart enough to work. Oh, and don’t bother to tell them just how many people they are up against in the job market. It is no longer good enough to be the best. You have to be the best of the best, with honors. And even then, it doesn’t guarantee you any security. And it isn’t just high school where you are under this much pressure. Hell, if you ask some people, my poor 5 year old is behind because he didn’t attend a really good preschool. Being a kid is no longer allowed. When you get to high school, you are practically an adult. So engaging in adult activities seems pretty reasonable when you think about it.

I don’t want to flat out say I am for sexting with teens. I think if teens are stupid enough to do it, then let them see how embarrassing it is for the entire school to see the picture of them butt naked with a crappy pose with bad lighting from a camera phone. And here is a thought, let the fucking parents deal with it!!!!!!!! This doesn’t need to be a law enforced thing right away. When your parents walked in on you and your boyfriend when you were making out when you were 16, did they call the cops? NO! They kicked the shit out of you and the boy, but it was taken care of in the home. Parents need to stop assuming the schools and the courts will teach their kids. You had a kid. You did stupid shit as a kid. Now is the best time to make up for the stupid shit by explaining to your son or daughter what happened to you when you did stupid shit. Hell, if you still want to be cool, then tell them the stupid shit and how much fun it was and how in the grand scheme of things, it didn’t make you a crappy person. Tell them how some things were sucky and how you wished you had done other things. Tell them good and bad stories and let them in on what it was like to be that age. And start gaining this relationship early. Too often kids are raised by cartoons and crappy teachers. Maybe step up and be a fucking parent once in a while.

I think my point on all of this is that if we keep making sexting so taboo, it will only mess up our kids even more. We let them watch movies where people are scalped and shot and maimed and who knows what else. We let them play video games for hours on end that zone them out while killing countless avatars. Is a naked pic so bad?

Seriously, I don’t think I will set up a college fund for the boys. I think I will just stick with a therapy fund. Mommy is crazy.

I wonder if I would look better as a man.

I need to open a bank account and call it my frivolous fund. I can put money in there when I can and it will be specifically for things like tattoos and other silly things that are happy making to me, but costly considering they don’t do anything specific.

I have a craving for pancakes.

My eyelashes are lame. I may need to start using mascara.

Do you think that Morse code operators try to figure out what their pounding headaches say?

This is one of those days were I am grateful no one comes to my cube. I can zone out pretty good and still make it look like I am working on something in case someone does come up to me.

Gena Heaven

4-14-10

I need to stop going to be so freaking late! It is all Fox’s fault. On American Idol last night, after weeks of my pleading to an unresponsive television set, I was rewarded. Adam Lambert was there, in all his glory, and he was this week’s mentor. Woo hoo! Have I mentioned how pretty he is? He was fantastic and this week was actually a pretty good week for the contestants. Although Mama Sox will win (and should), my new favorite is Tim “Disney Show” Urban. I have given him the Disney Show nickname because he looks like he should be on something like iCarly or any one of those tween hits on the network. He is a safe dreamy with kick ass hair. He is the complete opposite of my Adam, but I am ok with this. The best part of both of them is their smile, and both of them rock those.

Any hoo, enough gushing about Adam. I stayed up and watched it, excited about tonight because he is going to perform. But then, AI was followed by Glee. I couldn’t tear myself away! And I have seen this episode since this is the one we saw at the Paley Fest. It didn’t matter. Damn, that is a great show. I had not planned on watching it. Then that plan changed to not planning on watching all of it. The plan of course then come 10:30 was just that I would be watching every second, including the premiere of Sue Sylvester (the great Jane Lynch) doing Vogue. So freaking great. I mean, seriously, I don’t know what to do with it. It was that much fun. I crawled into bed exhausted, but content. I felt like I needed a cigarette.

Today should be equally as happy making since my darling Kevin Smith will be in studio covering for Ralph. So I get to hear his wonderfulness until 10 am. My mid day of course will be weak, but tonight is Adam, so at least I have something to look forward to.

Don’t feel sorry for Ken since he gets to reap all the benefits of my happiness.

Bobby and I went to the dentist yesterday afternoon. My cleaning of course was uneventful. Bobby did fantastic. We used the extra time to get him in the chair, poke around a bit and he was pretty relaxed and ok with the whole thing. We stopped just short of cleaning his teeth. We did set him up an appt to do this next week, and he is excited. He was also excited that they let him pick a prize out of the treasure chest. What was super cute was that he not only picked out a tiny Frisbee for himself, he picked out one for Dax. This was not me suggesting it mind you. He did this all on his own. How cute is this kid?

He and I had a lot of fun hanging out waiting for our turn there. Although he did have some strange observations. First, he decided that my armpits looked old. Thanks, kid. Then, when a woman in a wheelchair came in, he was quite impressed with this. He told me that someday he wants a wheelchair so I can push him around everywhere. LOL! He spent the whole cleaning session telling Mary our hygienist all about every aspect and character of Star Wars. Mary is pretty dang chatty, but Bobby out chatted her big time. Thankfully she adores kids and found it all very charming.

Ken ended up taking Dax with him to his class, which worked out great for my nerves. I was afraid I would either have to pick him up late or take him with us. By Ken taking him, it freed me up from worry. He was good there, which is awesome, and I also like that Dax and Ken get some time together.

I got an email yesterday for a flight confirmation. I guess I am staying an extra day in Ohio. Papa Brenan had mentioned that we were going during a week in which Monday a lot of things may be closed due to Memorial Day. He had considered adding a day so that we would have more time. Plus, as my dad pointed out, it is a small town, and they tend to be huge on Memorial Day stuff in general, so we may find craziness. I don’t mind the extra day. I already took the whole week off, so it is all good in terms of my schedule. I will miss my boys of course, but it will work out. I need to buy some books for my “Kindle” so that I have stuff to read on my flights.

Busy weekend ahead of us. Spring Fest is this weekend. At Toys R Us on Saturday, there is some kind of Thomas event, so we have to get Dax over there. Plus, Mary told me about a Pet Expo at the Orange County Fairgrounds which sounds like a blast. There are gobs of animals and petting zoos and pony rides and lots of stuff our animal centric family is all about. Not sure if we will make it out to the OC, but we will see.

Bobby and I tried to go by the school yesterday to see if there was any paperwork we needed in order to start the registration process, but they had already locked up. May looks to be busy for signing him up for things. I have school, soccer and camp. Crazy! My little boy is growing up. Bobby told me he wanted to play at the field at Adams for soccer. He said this way it was closer to Gramma (we have changed the spelling of her name based on how they say it) and that way she can come watch him play. I had hoped for Region 34, which is where I played, but honestly, I don’t care that much. It isn’t like they will be the same people. So I just went on the website this morning and put him down for region 17. Region 17 was North Redondo which when I was a kid sucked beans. This may be better. LOL! Less pressure. I will take him to whatever place he wants to play, so if North Redondo is where he wants to be, then so be it!

The pollen and nectar on my inside plants seems sad. I feel like I should release some bees in here.

Crap, I have to go get some training in 15 minutes, which means I will miss the first bit of Kevin Smith. Grrrr!!!!

I have decided I am going to replace Simon on AI next year. It scares Ken a bit when right before they start talking about the performance, I tend to have their exact comments. One of the chicks to me looked like she was a flashback to 1983. Simon stopped just short of saying the year, but did say she seemed like it was 20 years ago. Actually, that is some of the fun of watching this show. Predicting what the judges will say. Can you tell Ken and I have way too much fun together over the dumbest things?

Strange random cramping the last couple days. I also have been spotting, which makes me a little nervous. It is totally normal based on what I have looked up, but what makes it odd is that I have not had this issue in some time since I got the Mirena. I have been super pleased with my IUD so I would hate for it to be some problem with that. But I am wondering if I need to call the doc. It isn’t like I am in gobs of pain or having other severe issues. I may monitor it for a smidge and see what happens.

I just got the morning report and Bobby was cranky pants. In his whining fit, he lost all of his friends. Ken allowed him to pick one out to go to daycare, and he chose Carson. It is a shame since the kids wanted to take their animals Spike and Sprinkles along with the kittens and puppies I pointed out they had. For Christmas, they each got a house of babies, Bobby got puppies, and Dax got kittens. Dax happened to also get a cat we dubbed Sprinkles. I pointed out that the kittens could be hers. He loved this. I then matched up last night the puppies to Spike, Bobby’s dog friend. They were happy, and wanted to show them off to Gramma. Since Ken took them away until later, I can’t bring Bobby’s stuff.

Cam I take a nap yet?

I feel so distracted. I keep working on accounts and then getting side tracked by, well , nothing. I will go look at the net, look at some random paper on my desk. It is like I keep seeing bright and shiny, but nothing has been worth while. The tired is starting to win.

I started following Jim Carrey on Twitter. Since his break up with the evil that is Jenny McCarthy, he has been tweeting opinions on lots of crap on celebs. I read some of the stuff on entertainment sites, but I figured I would see his stuff first hand. He has declared that he was no longer going to hold back on what he though, so I am hoping for some interesting insight. This morning he slammed journalists who have decided he is losing it. Nothing super mean, but kind of fun. I am hoping for a really public breakdown that I can get all in 170 characters or less on my phone. LOL!

When you read a biography or memoirs, what is the part that is the most interesting? What do you wish the author would put more of in it?

My ankle hurts more today. Last night I ran after Luna when she didn’t listen to me on something. I did so poorly and managed to re-tweak it. I swear, this thing doesn’t want to heal. I need a cast to slow me down or something. I like my little support sock, but that only does so much.

I am worried the red in my hair is fading to the point of being pink.

If I did an all over color that was dark, it would cover the red, but leave it as a highlight. Hmmm….

It is a difficult place to be in. On one hand, it annoys the shit out of me. On the other hand, do I really want to be the one to tattle on folks when in reality, they are slacking off just like I do.

Let me explain.

My co-workers in the cube square next to me are chatty. Super nice, but super chatty. It used to be just two of them, but since our new addition arrived, it is even worse. The three of them all hover around in a circle there, talking about stuff. Trust me, it isn’t work related. My work ethic screams out, “Ladies! Sit down!!!” These are the same women who complain every day (ok, 2 of them complain, not the third who is new) because they say they are so swamped. How swamped are you when you can chit chat all damn day?

However, I know damn well (this blog is case and point) that I dink around all the time. The difference is, I am quiet about it. I don’t flaunt my goofing off. I am actually rather discreet. Aside from IT folks, really, not many people would know what I do all day. Of course, they see me complete my tasks quickly and without complaint. They know that if they need help, I am on it. They also see my stats, which rock. I am efficient and anal and I do my job well. It allows me the time to write this or read an article or two or email friends.

I don’t complain to the boss because the minute you start punishing for those sort of things, then all freedom goes away. It is that whole throwing a rock in a glass house thing here. I kind of hope someone talks to them about it, but does it really matter?

What annoys me most, though, is all three of them leave their cell phones on their desk, on the loudest, most obnoxious ring tones ever!!!!!

morning blog

4-13-10

I don’t believe the web site predictions that there is going to be a giant earthquake today, but I can tell you it makes me pretty freaked out. I don’t know that we are as prepared as we should be. Prescriptions need to be filled, we don’t have enough bottled water and right now we are out of milk. Of course, we can probably make our way to my parents house. They have enough water to last through about 4 natural disasters. I also feel pretty confident that we as a city will do ok in an Earthquake. Sure, it is filled with a lot of idiots, but I think we will do ok.

I am leaving the office at noon today. Bobby and I have a dentist appt. He doesn’t really, but I am hoping to squeeze him in for a mini cleaning. Either way, I will also be making him his appt. Since I am leaving early, I know the day will drag.

Yesterday was super pleasant. I got home with a raging headache, which I know doesn’t sound happy making. It wasn’t. But with the help of some meds and last week’s episode of 90210, I was feeling much better.

I retrieved the children and we played out back. Dax climbed on the banana swing and got it to go all by himself, and really high. I was super impressed. I spent some time trying to teach Bobby how to swing by himself on the regular swing. He was doing pretty good. I gave him a slight push in the beginning and he maintained a pretty good rhythm. Eventually, both boys were on the banana swing together and they kept it going super high on their own for about a half an hour. It was awesome! I was pleased with their progress, so I hung out with them and played with the dogs a bit.

I made dinner for the boys and they were cheerful and sweet and ate with no incident. They went out and cleaned up the backyard for the gardeners and got ready for bed with very little lip. Bobby decided to not have a story read and instead played a video game with Ken. With me, he cackled and giggled to this game on Nick.com that makes these little kids sneeze themselves into the air. It was pretty funny.

Poor Dax was sore from the swinging and just in general. He couldn’t get comfortable. I ended up going in his room and laid down with him and sang. I stroked his head and hands and he was clearly losing the fight to sleep. It was super cute. He settled in and was asleep a few minutes after I left the room. Woo hoo!

I have decided the party is off. Too many bills that need our attention. I can’t spend money on a frivolous party.

Glee is back tonight!!!!!! YAY!!!!! I am so excited. Sure, I have seen this episode already, but I am ok with that. The one we saw actually is being edited different for tv, so I am curious about the changes. Plus, since it is back, it means more new episodes next week and the week after. WOO HOO!!!

I have recently been wearing pants and skirts that are super long. I am starting to wonder if that is a bad thing. Dresses seem to be one thing, but the jeans are a bit of a problem. Is there such a thing as too long? I know they drive Ken nuts because of course the fabric at the bottom of the garment gets all torn up from dragging on the floor. But I just love them for some strange reason.

I have determined that I am about to be swamped until I leave. I guess I will post this now.

I think I am going to have to stop working Mondays

4-12-10

It was another good weekend!

On Saturday, I took the boys to my parents’ house so they could visit for a bit. My folks had been in Mexico for the week before, so they had not seen them in a little while. It was good since it allowed the boys to run around some.

On the way home, Stephanie texted me letting me know they were at the kite festival. So I swung by home and got Ken and our bag of kites and headed down to San Pedro. It was at this cute, new park. There were a good amount of people, all flying kites. Plenty of parking and we found Stephanie quickly. We spent the next few hours playing with kites, walking around the park and having a good time.

I had done one bad thing, though. Although the boys had some snacking and a later breakfast, we did not have lunch. Bobby had eaten some crackers at my parents’ house, but Dax had declined. This means poor Dax was struggling the last hour of the kite adventure. He was tired and hungry and didn’t know what to do with himself. He started to crash out on the way home. Luckily, he didn’t fall asleep and we got them home and fed.

Both of the boys were exhausted, and we ended up putting them to bed at 6:30. They were both out quickly. This was happy making for us grownups who were also tired. We ended up watching Inglorius Basterds, which was awesome. I had been wanting to watch that for a long time. Man, sometimes you forget how much Quentin loves blood.

I managed to re-jack up my ankle on Saturday, so I did not bowl, but Bobby and Ken did. Bobby really loves bowling. And he is doing better each week. Matt was a little annoying on Saturday when we visited and on Sunday, trying to pick a fight with me. I ended up having to tell him to piss off and stayed away from him. He did stupid shit like when I was asking Bobby what city he lived in (I quiz them a lot so that they remember) and of course he said Torrance. Matt then tells him he is wrong and said that he lives in Los Angeles. It isn’t easy to get kids to remember these tidbits of information, so f him for trying to derail my progress. Luckily, Bobby told him he was wrong moments before I told Matt to stay away from us on this. He picked similar fights a couple weeks ago when the boys were wearing their bandanas and he kept calling them do rags, which only pissed off Dax to no end.

Sunday was super productive after bowling, though. I cleaned the hell out of both boys’ rooms. Ken cleaned the kitchen and we got the laundry going. The boys both took naps, which was wonderful since it allowed Ken and I to hang out and watch Better Off Ted. So freaking funny.

I took a mini nap with Luna at my feet. That was super cool. Although, I do still have super Mommy Power since at one point I knew she had slinked over to chew on something, and sure enough, she had found a little plastic empty container of my eye drops. I got it out of her mouth quickly.

After naps, Ken headed out to his birthday party and the boys and I made cupcakes. Then, they played outside for several hours while I finished laundry, finished the kitchen including reorganizing my baking cupboard. I also made a kick ass dinner of BBQ chicken, teriyaki sauce, rice and corn. Yay me! I was putting it on the dinner table just as Ken pulled up. Talk about timing!

After dinner, we all went back outside to play some more. The boys had really been enjoying having Luna earlier. They played with her under their pool, which was cracking all three of them up. It was awesome. So we played catch with the boys, fetch with the dogs, and had a nice pleasant evening.

They went to bed at a good time and me, having polished off a bottle of wine was feeling, well, a little frisky. So Ken and I went to bed at 8. Normally we wait until the boys are more asleep to proceed with adult stuff, but both the kids seemed pretty settled. Clearly, they were not.

To put it frankly, I was too loud. Even with a pillow tying to drown it out, Bobby heard our activities. It isn’t like he hasn’t walked in on stuff, but normally, there is some warning, and you can hear his door open and we can scramble for cover. This time, I did not hear him. Ken did, thankfully, so he managed to hide some of the obvious parts. Poor kid, he asked me if I was hurt. LOL! Ken tucked him back in and he asked some questions, including stuff about having heard it before. This means there will need to be some new ways to describe what mommy and daddy do. I don’t want to “lie” but I certainly don’t want to give him the whole truth. So it will probably be described as mommy and daddy time. We will see if he brings it up again in the next couple days.

In all fairness, I was not embarrassed. I was more worried about his reaction. Trust me, this kid has seen me naked a million times and I don’t hide myself or act all body conscience around him. I don’t want him to ever develop an issue with it. But this is one of those topics that even though I like being open with my kid, it is hard to explain those things in a kid friendly way. He doesn’t need to be more confused. It is funny that this all corresponds with his recent requests for us having another baby. He told me he wished we had a baby. Super cute request, but not practical right now. A kitten would be way easier. Or maybe just some fish.

I read a story over the weekend about a woman who at 32 went to the hospital to have her triplets. Her husband was there and they must have done a C-section. There were some complications, one of which included them nicking her uterus, which caused massive amounts of blood loss. As if that wasn’t enough, she went into some kind of shock and her respirator stopped working, which caused her brain to be starved of oxygen for much to long. She was left paralyzed, unable to speak, unable to eat or drink on her own. This vibrant young woman who was about to embark on an incredible journey of motherhood unfortunately was now on a different trip all together. One of intensive rehab and therapy, all with the hopes to somehow improve her life if even a little bit.

While this is tragic, what I found most upsetting was her husband’s reaction in all of this. She did seem to respond to visits from loved ones and doesn’t seem to be in a state in which she is completely gone. Yet this man brought her children to see her only a couple of times, and after one year, he had already become engaged to another woman. He of course had every right to move on. It must be incredibly difficult to continue your life with someone who is not going to get better, and in reality, be a burden forever. But that being said, do you really act so cold as he proceeded to be? He found love so soon after his wife was sick. He refused to let these children know their mother. On top of that, when he requested full custody of the kids, he even requested child support from the woman who barely has enough money to cover medical costs. Her parents and brother are the ones who are at her side, yet the man who was supposed to be there in sickness and in health bailed and kicked her when she was down.

His argument to not let the kids see her was that of sparing them the trauma of seeing their mother hooked up to tubes. He also didn’t want them feeling guilt that their mom was like this because of child birth. The kids essentially caused this. Let me ask you this, though. Do you really think a 2 year old will feel those things? Don’t you think that had these kids been around their mom since day fucking one that they would know their mother, see their mother, and not give two cents about a tube or a reason? He says they can see her when they are older. Oh, good, shock them when they will have feelings of guilt or possible resentment. What has this man told them about their mom? Do they understand what is going on? Or is it just a mystery to them and they just go through life thinking mom died?

Look, I don’t mind the kids not being in her custody. Shoot, this seems like a no brainer. She can’t raise the kids when she can’t even raise her own head. That being said, she does have her mother and father who would want to be a part of these kids’ lives no matter what. Wouldn’t it be reasonable to say that custody would be split with them? That way they could spend time with their maternal family and get to know them?

I don’t know how I would react if something happened to Ken. But I do know this. His family will ALWAYS be a part of my boys’ life. If Ken is in a hospital bed, all hooked up to tubes and machines, I want the boys to still see him. And I know that I wouldn’t be out finding some other man to marry. Companionship is one thing, but is it something that you really seek out like that? Did he have no friends to lean on when he was hurting? No other family? Or even perhaps her family where they could grieve together? This isn’t a case of pulling the plug. This is what life is. Sometimes it is horrid and not fun, and as sucky as it is, you can’t always just run away.

I know, I have no frame of reference for this. Maybe I would be the one to run. But I would like to think that this isn’t the case. This guy seemed like a real asshole to me. Don’t you owe it to your children to not do this? Don’t you stand up and say, I love this woman, vegetable or not, and I am not leaving her side? Don’t you teach your kids that when you start something, you finish it, with grace and dignity? They were sucky cards that he was dealt, I will give him that, but I think he folded too soon.

Why do I feel the need to air type when I tell someone that I emailed them?

Dept meeting today to discuss the boat rocking I did last week. I am hoping that I fired up the rest of the department enough to really explain to the boss what we need to have happen. He seems interested in getting it resolved, too, so I am happy with this. Meetings are good, too, since let’s face it, it kills the rest of my day. It means I can get home all the sooner!

I am still torn on my birthday party. On one hand, I feel like I deserve to have a party. Sure, it is an odd party choice, but it is different and fun and it will probably turn out to be a lot of fun. I am even considering the idea of going to the location in Torrance instead of Anaheim and having everyone come back to our place for maybe BBQ and drinks and just hanging out. This would be pretty mellow and yet a lot of fun. The huge thing that is nagging me is the cost. Ken already budgeted money aside for me to do this. That is cool, but there are bills that we have that honestly, a silly bear party doesn’t seem like the responsible thing to do. Plus, we have a couple of trips coming up in the next 2 months, and it would be good to have some extra funds for those. At this point, it seems that I might be able to compromise and just invite folks to my house for BBQ. That wouldn’t be as expensive and I would still get a gathering. But even that seems extravagant. I am really leaning towards no party at this point.

Cost being the motivating factor for my recent change of heart, I think also this weekend I will trek down to the local beauty supply store (which is conveniently located next to the Dollar Tree by my house) and pick up some hair color to touch up the roots myself. I am not planning on doing anything to the red, so really this will not be an all over color. It will only be touch ups. Of course, depending on the cost, it may turn out to be cheaper to go the beauty college. I am used to paying $10 for hair color, so I am hoping the stuff I will get won’t be more than $20. But the school only charges like $35, so we will see.

Ok, I am done moping about money. I only depress myself when I do that.