pity party

3-22-11




I am game with being called chicken shit. I mean, I could have simply turned my head and been the bigger person. I did it because I don’t know that there is a future. I did it because honestly, I don’t know that any apology she could give would be enough. I don’t know that I am the person she needs me to be. I don’t know that she will ever be the person I need her to be. Not playing martyr here, either. I just can’t be friends with someone that mean spirited. I can’t be friends with someone who thinks it is ok to be so closed minded. I can’t be friends with someone who honestly just doesn’t seem to give two cents about anyone.



I am resisted the urge to bitch up until this point. But I needed to vent. I need to cry. I need to shout. I need to be irrational. I need to be hurt. I need to be flabbergasted.



I am just as petty. I am just as immature in this. I am not without fault. Hell, maybe it is all my fault. I know that it must have been destined to happen since it started so strangely.



Anyway, I don’t have much else to say today. I just wanted to get this off my chest. Do I want to have an open dialogue about this? I don’t know yet. I think I might say something I would regret and honestly, I think that she has wanted to distance herself from me for quite some time and instead of me holding on to the past, I may need to just remember it fondly and move forward.



I am ok. I am going to be a little melancholy for a bit. I will try to cheer up.