My dreams were plagued with dark images last night. I found myself walking across large distances of what looked like something you would see in a wild animal park. As I followed the path, I saw up ahead what appeared to be elaborate structures. A sign confirmed that these were in fact put together by students at the local high school. As I got closer, I was appalled. They were all animals, but clearly taxidermy trophies from hunters of lions and tigers. There were rhinos and hippos and other beasts put together in what looked like cheerleading pyramids. They were disturbing. Up past several of these were nests with stuffed baby cougars all sitting around little campfires.
 |
| If only it was this cheerful |
I started running, tears streaming down my face as I tried to hide from all of this. At some point, I had to climb a hill to get away from it all. I scrambled up the giant rocks, only to discover that they were not rocks, but the feet of elephants and other animals, molded into ottomans and everywhere. I slumped down and cried.
Then there was the dream in which I was approached by a boy who was about 10. He had a beagle puppy and told me he was selling him. I asked how much, and he said $15. I handed him $20 and took the warm, squishy pup in my arms. He was adorable and mellow. After showing him off a bit, I noted that he was almost too mellow. Stephanie suggested I take him to the vet, and we took him to this animal hospital that looked like a temporary tented structure. The nice doctor there looked in his ears and you could see they were filled like sinks with a clear fluid. She shook her head and said, “Sorry, he has a disease. We have to euthanize him.” I was heartbroken. She then proceeded to tell me that she hoped I had not exposed him to any of the other animals. I noted how the puppy and Luna had touched noses, and I was in a panic.
I stood with my new puppy, watching this doctor put the poison in his veins, and I was in so much pain. I cried and cried.
I ran from the vet’s office and ended up at a school. I went into the classroom and noted it was a music class. I listened to people singing and playing music, mostly jazz. What I found most odd was that Amy Winehouse was there. I asked her how this could be, and she only winked.
I am very tired this morning. I wonder if the dreams were in fact the result of the strange panic attacks I had yesterday. I wonder if my brain was just having fun fucking with me. I don’t know what was going on, but I do know it was not a fun night.
The unnatural red hair color bottles sitting on my desk at home are calling my name. I am less and less happy with the current hue of my hair and feel that I need to correct it. I am glad I did what I did, if only to see what other shades my face can handle. But I think I now want to do something crazy and wacky and different.
It has just occurred to me how busy I am for the next few weeks. AYSO meetings, birthday parties, trips and just standard life.
I am hoping to find some time soon to take a bike ride by myself. Not a long ride, just one in which I can just get out on my own to see how far and fast I can go. I may just need to ride around the neighborhood for a bit. It may satisfy this itch for now.
Both of our neighbors are trying to die. Mike was taken to the hospital again yesterday. We found out that he has not been eating, despite Meals on Wheels delivering him food. Maria checks on him daily since he lives alone, but she doesn’t have that time or even ability to help a lot being that she isn’t family. She often finds him on the floor, having collapsed from lack of food and being drunk. He will have soiled himself and she has to do a lot of work just to clean him up and put him in bed. Mike seems to have given up. His dementia and health have created a bad combo of mood swings and ability to take care of himself. Sadly, it looks as though his days are numbered.
As if this wasn’t bad enough, Margie, our other neighbor, is also going downhill fast. She no longer responds to her kids and she just seems to be cranky and doesn’t want to move much. Her daughter told us it is grim. There is one happy note with her, though. The only time Margie seems to smile is when she hears and sees the boys playing out front. We are encouraging the boys to play out front right now just to give this woman a few more days of happiness before she falls into sleep forever.
I want salsa.
I want to take a day to clean house. If I wasn’t already taking the 20th off I would seriously consider taking a day off this week. Then again, one extra day might be ok. I could see calling out tomorrow and spending the day on the house. I could sleep in, I could walk the boys to school. I could clean like crazy. I could take a bike ride. I could pick up the boys and then be ready for my board meeting that night. Hmmm…
No comments:
Post a Comment