raw

8-15-13

There may be nothing worse than a disturbing dream you can’t shake.

It also isn’t a good morning when you almost get into a car accident.

Yeah, it’s one of those mornings.

My dream was one of those ones that truly crushed my past and present into one random stream. It felt like I was in my own honked up indie flick straight out of the 90’s. There was some interesting insight, though. I found that my mind had decided to merge Blockbuster with AYSO people, which was odd. I went to the MB store to go do soccer stuff, and it all seemed totally normal in the dream. Does this mean that I actually enjoy the soccer stuff since I loved working at Blockbuster? Or do I think I will remember it fondly when I leave it all behind? Will the people I meet be as important to me later in life as the BBV people are to me? So many questions that dreams make my head contemplate.

Always disturbing is the presence of Greg in any dream. I know that certain people have taken on a grander role in my dreams. Example would be that anytime Scott is in my dream it means that I feel stressed about time. I have chalked it all up jokingly, but now I think it has become dream law, that it was because he drove a white rabbit in high school, which turned him into some random Alice reference. That being said, what does this make Greg?

Of course, he could simply represent important figures in my past since this particular dream was that of my two “lives” merging unceremoniously. Seriously, my RC was in a blockbuster uniform which was quite entertaining. The real issue, though, was what was going on.

Brandy was there, too, although in the beginning she was more Angela than Brandy, but then was very clearly Brandy. At first they kind of switched back and forth. Either way, Brandy kept trying to make Greg and I talk. I don’t know why, nor did he seem to. I don’t even know if she understood and kept trying to get me to talk in general. I didn’t know how to.

She kept telling me that I need to open up more. I needed to confide in someone. It was almost frantic, and I didn’t know what to do about it. I told her that I didn’t know that I could have that person because I felt selfish venting. Brandy and Greg kept showing up at my house and between the two of them, they drove me a little nuts, trying to get me to somehow open up, but I don’t know what it was, but I do know that it was upsetting.

I suppose perhaps dreams are what happens in real life to some degree since I just contemplated not posting this because it felt too raw.

The car accident that didn’t happen really fucked with me. I was driving and this guy decided to just pull out in front of me from the cross street. I honked, but he just basically lumbered across the whole street while I swerved and attempted to not smash into him. He didn’t even look like he cared, and he certainly didn’t stop. It was freaky, and painful since I strained my neck from some tear down yesterday. Honestly, I am shocked I didn’t hit the guy.

I have too much to do and not enough control.