Therapy

3-13-14

Homework should not be a problem for me anymore.

Every day it’s a new challenge. I look over the packets and the work at hand and think, Ok, this isn’t too bad today. Sadly, I am never right. The work is epic and tedious and I want to ball up and cry at the end of it. Oh, and by the by, the homework isn’t stuff I have to do. It is for Bobby.

I know my kid isn’t an idiot. I know he isn’t incapable of retaining gobs of information about things. Trust me on this. The kid gave me a play by play on every single thing that happened at the special assembly this week that had some yo-yo wielding comedian. I think by the end of his tale, I could tell you every time the guy breathed in and every time he breathed out. Bobby had given me some of the most insanely tiny details and he was enthusiastic about it. Yet when we go over what his homework is, I feel like I am pulling teeth.

The math seems to be the hardest. The classes move at such rapid paces now, jumping from one concept to the next all in the course of just one day. He is learning 5 new concepts a week, most of which is reflected in the homework packet. Of course, the problem with this is that math is one of those things you can’t just skip around. If you miss today’s lesson, the one you do next week will suffer. The foundation has to be solid, and without it, every day is a struggle.

When we do sit with him to go over math, he seems frustrated. He seems distracted. He seems bored. He seems lost. He is all of the above and more. The thing he isn’t is focused. I asked him yesterday what 8 times 10 is, which is something I know he knows. He about melted when he couldn’t come up with the answer. I know some of this was due to the frustration we were having with him just getting the work done. Some of it seems to be him just waiting for me to give him the answers.

I want to sit in the classroom and see how Mr. Chin teaches math. I want to see if he is having the kids actually come up with things on their own or if he is walking them through every single step, which is why Bobby seems so reluctant to do it on his own. I want to hear what Mr. Chin says about each problem so I can perhaps model my behavior after it. Bobby is very quick to shoot down any “tricks” Ken and I try to give him on making the math easier. He will freak out and tell us that this was not how his teacher showed him. He seems very interested in staying in that box and not venturing out from it. This is a huge issue since the whole new math program that has been implicated is really having kids use any means possible to solve a problem. They are given several tools that can be used different ways to solve an equation. Yet when I have told Bobby to use whichever one he is comfortable with, or even show him other options, he is dead set on only doing it one way lest Mr. Chin be upset.

Ken thinks that perhaps Bobby has a slight learning disability. He has also suggested taking him to the doc to verify if he might benefit from some form of medication. I am not happy with the idea of meds for this. I think that perhaps we are asking too much of him. I wonder if between Ken and I, we are on extremes that are not benefiting anyone.

My feeling is that I need to really fix myself in order to fix him. I need to really just dedicate myself to sitting with him during the homework process. I can’t very well expect a kid to have a good attention span when me, the grownup, gets bored with helping on homework only 2 minutes in. I probably am the one who dropped the ball years ago. I expected him to complete things on his own long before he was capable or should be.

The other issue at hand is I am sure we are comparing him to the likes of Dax. Dax sits down and completes not only his homework for the night with minimal coaxing, but he also likes to do the next day’s work just because. He looks forward to reading his book and is more than happy to redo homework he might have done poorly on. His penmanship is superb. His packets also seem to have always been less crazy than Bobby’s. I don’t know if he has just been lucky or if we just knew what to expect since we had already been a part of it with Bobby. I don’t want to compare them, but it is hard not to.

The parent teacher conference happens next Wednesday, which will hopefully give us some more insight. Bobby is part of the conference, which I think is cool. I also hope to have my list of questions and concerns. Some of it is revolves around the lack of communication to the parents on homework. I know that they want to have the kids give us feedback so they learn to be responsible, but it seems as though it would be easy enough to let the parents know, too, so we know how to guide them. I am torn between my desire to raise a self-sufficient child and the need to protect my baby. Throw in a dash of maintaining my own sanity and you will understand why I am so nuts.

Today I am by myself with the boys, so I will exercise my patience and try very hard to just sit and work with him rather than crack the whip or wander off to do laundry or one of the other various chores that needs to be done. I wonder at times if perhaps I am the only one who sees what needs to be done and this is what stresses me out so much when I am responsible for so many lives. Cat poop needs cleaning, dogs need walking, everyone needs food. Not to mention I can’t just be absent from the boys’ lives once I have fed them. Last night I made a point of playing handball with Dax which resulted in a fantastic full family game which I enjoyed thoroughly. That being said, I know I neglected other things needing to be done. That balance is hard to find.

I am feeling the intensity of stress again and it hits me like a ton of bricks. I know it must be getting to me because I feel my moods fluctuate rapidly and without meaning. I will feel blue for no foreseen reason, and then be blissfully happy randomly later on. I think it is actually time to start experimenting with the stash we picked up as opposed to just being amused at its presence in my kitchen.

I also am surprised that this was written today, and will be even more surprised when I post it. I have become slightly disenchanted with blog posting after a severe scolding from people in my family this week. I also am still wounded because of a former friend from work who has all of the sudden turned on me and I feel confused about the whole thing. I normally wouldn’t give a crap about a couple of people, but I feel like my opinions have been ruffling feathers in odd ways lately and it is taking its toll on me in strange ways. I am sure my crazed moods are adding to this, but either way, I have considered taking a brief hiatus from blog writing for a bit. This one, though, needed to be written and I am glad I have. Writing has always been my best form of therapy and I shouldn’t abandon it completely.

freeway

3-11-14

TB test administered!

I still have to go back on Thursday to get my piece of paper, but that is easy enough. I should have plenty of time to get down there after work and get back in time to get the boys. Hopefully I can also fill out the form while there, which will get me cleared to go on Dax’s field trip! Yay!

Thank goodness the boys had relatively light homework. I had brought along clipboards with me since I picked them up and we went straight to the doctor’s office. They both completed worksheets while we waited. They both had a bit to do when we got home, but only because they were things that were hard to do in the car. Everyone was done by 4:30, which was awesome! It is possible that Bobby’s has light homework the next two weeks since they are supposed to be working on their science fair project, which is listed as part of homework.

It occurred to me yesterday how behind I was on Parenthood, so I opted to take a lazy day. I watched about 4 episodes while Ken and the boys played their respective video games. I feel pretty good today, and I think I will credit some of it to the downtime I gave myself.

This afternoon and evening will not be as relaxing. I HAVE to do a bunch of soccer stuff. I am so desperately behind. I need to get us set up to accept credit card payments for registration, I need to enter everything online, and I have needed to print out some stamps for like 2 weeks now. I hate it, but I will get it done today.

Ken may have finally killed the ant issue. It is a little funny that the tiny poison pack he got seems to have made a dent and we tried a million things before that point. I am ok with it, though, since I don’t really care what it took. I was ready to take a flame thrower to get rid of those fuckers.

It would have been nice to know about the sig alert this morning. Not a huge deal, since even though my ramp was closed, I was able to detour around pretty easily, and I got to drive past the swarm of reporters and saw first hand the accident that had closed 4 lanes.

I had a dream in which part of my vacation was to be spent on some random set of nice cots on the side of a major freeway. The thing is, when I was telling people about it, they were impressed that I was able to book it since it was super popular and there was a long wait list.

productive and kicking ass

3-10-14

Kicking ass and taking names, peeps!

Based on how exhausted I was Friday, it is a wonder I got anything done this weekend. Hell, I even stayed up pretty late Friday night despite being dead on my feet, but Catching Fire was way more important than sleep.

Saturday got off to a slow start, but it finally started and we got some work done over at Eydie. I took 3 loads over to Steve while Ken worked on painting. I also had the boys help me in cleaning up the yard there and we got quite a bit done so that hopefully this weekend, and possibly over the course of this week, we can get the rest of the stuff there over to Steve.

There is still paneling that needs to be finished, along with some molding to be done, but it is coming along. Ken will put in a full day on Tuesday, and we will work this coming weekend, hopefully getting it almost done.

Yesterday we had to go through Steve’s garage. We need a place for the second fridge and also a spot for shelving that will be for pantry style items. This meant we went through about 6 giant boxes of stuff. A lot of this was taken to Savers. A lot of it was tossed. The rest was put either into circulation or packed into only one box of things like photos. It was a good bit of work done and it cleared out a large section of garage. YAY!

During all of this, I had the boys doing all of the laundry. I showed them how to use the machines and I had them switching it all out and getting it done. I would end up folding it all, but still, it was a great help. I am hoping to get them into the habit of doing their own laundry sooner than later.

Ken and I also took all the Christmas boxes and put them out in their own shed out back. This cleared out the catio and it makes for one more aspect of the move being organized. Hopefully we can get some more boxes gone through soon.

In addition to all of that, we cleaned the shit out of the boys’ room. It occurred to Bobby that his birthday came and he didn’t exercise his right to swap beds with Dax. Dax was less than thrilled since he prefers the top bunk and always has. They will stay this way until Dax’s birthday, or until Bobby figures out he isn’t as good at scrambling up to the top bunk.

Bobby and I sat down and went over his science fair project. He wrote out his question, hypothesis and a rough draft of the list of supplies needed. Hopefully we can get the volcano supplies this week and get the experiment started. It is due in 2 weeks and with us gone the weekend of the 22^nd, we really only have this coming weekend to get it done. It shouldn’t be too bad, and if we work on it through the week nights, too, it will be ok.

It is 79 degrees in the office this morning. I have both fans on. I am wearing short sleeves and a skirt, yet it is miserable. They keep upping the thermostat for the folks saying it is too cold. Never you mind they can wear sweaters and they all have space heaters. It makes more sense to keep the room at like 72 and it would allow everyone to be able to cope. Sigh. I have a feeling it will be another week in which I question humanity in its uncanny ability to produce complete fucktards.

social meetings

3-7-14

It’s Friday and the boss is not in until after I leave? Thanks!!

The only real issue for the day is exhaustion. The board meeting was actually not too bad in length, but I became all strangely social. I know, right? What the hell? Well, I was pleased when Jerry, one of Ken’s reffing buddies, showed up. It was cool since he is a lot of fun. After the meeting, he and I talked a bunch, while every one else cleaned up (yeah, that was an added lazy bonus). Most of the people left except for a few, including Denise and Jimmy, more people we really like from the region. In fact, Jimmy is a potential candidate for the RC position when other Jerry steps down. It actually makes it a smidge harder for me personally to bail on the treasurer position since I like Jimmy a lot and I wouldn’t want his first year to suck. Hopefully I can find someone who can do the bulk of the treasurer work and maybe I can be an assistant or something to that effect. I really don’t know. I do know that as much as I do bitch about these meetings, I do enjoy a lot of the people. Although a lot of the time spent on these Thursdays is soccer based, there is a lot of fun social time, and that is good for me.

Before the meeting, Ken and I went to the dispensary. Ken had gone and got his magic paper yesterday since he really wanted to go with me when I got something for my dad. He also picked up this salve that may help his elbow that has never healed from whatever he did to it like 18 months ago. He picked up some chocolate for sleep, and we also got one of the disposable e-cigarette style items for our own fun time. The lady there was super sweet and she was so patient with all the questions. I was really impressed. Of course, she might have been that patient due to how baked she was, but if I am that chipper on this, seriously I may never be sober again.

I finished my vampire books and was kind of worried as to what I would read next. Thankfully I finally found a copy of the Maze Runner. It has been on all the top lists from last year, so I am looking forward to it. I may zone out into that today. Whatever makes the day go by quickly. After school today we are going to go pick up Catching Fire to watch it this evening and I am super jazzed about this. So is Dax, who has wanted to see it for some time. I then can crawl into my happy making bed and sleep in a bit. Yay!

In a shocking twist, Bobby had actually completed enough homework that yesterday’s work was minimal. I decided to put him to work since poor Dax usually does the extra chores since he is always done so much earlier. I showed Bobby how to use the washing machine and dryer. I then showed him how to work the vacuum cleaner. He vacuumed the downstairs and did a pretty good job. As they get older, I really want to put their asses to work. I am not trying to be mean. I really do want them to be self sufficient. Plus, I think that it makes it better for them to earn a lot of what we do for them. They shouldn’t take it all for granted, which I think they already are starting to do. Sure, they are kids, and that is in their wiring to do that, but perhaps I can stop that cycle earlier.

Wired and pissed

3-6-14

I must be feeling better since I am getting all worked up to fight even when there is nothing to fight about.

I am actually just having an “I hate people” kind of day. Well, days, really. I keep hearing ignorance and stupidity at an alarming rate and it truly pains me. People spouting off theories that from faulty sources or assuming the worst of someone simply because it is PC to blame the person and not the group they are angry at. I am in hate with the world right now.

It is still a bit surreal when I speak to my parents regarding marijuana use. I find it funny that they are more than on board with not only their daughter using it, but also them wanting to use it. I find it funny that they would call me for their drug needs, too. LOL!

I wonder if a punching bag would help me.

Maybe I need to try out the meds my folks want me to get for them.

I am wired today. Can’t think. Need to do some work. 

I need to take up knitting

3-4-14

Almost back up to full strength. Now if only I can get rid of this cough.

Aside from ranting a bit when I got home, I was quite productive. I feel like I was a bad member of my household for like a week so I needed to catch up a bit. I scrubbed my kitchen and cleaned the living room and by the time I crawled into bed the laundry that was done was put away. By taking care of some basics it meant I can concentrate on other things again, such as projects to hopefully clear room for things like the fridge that is going in the garage. Woo!

Bobby had what seemed like an enormous amount of homework last night. In all fairness, much of it was brought on by things he had not finished, however, some of even that was things we had been waiting on instruction as to what to actually finish on them for about 2 months. We started working on the homework at 3:30. Bobby finished up around 6. It was a long afternoon for both of us. A lot of what needed to be done was a final draft of this report that he was basically copying. I would look over at him and it wasn’t like with math where you could give him the benefit of the doubt and say he was thinking. This required no thought, only writing. I would then watch him off in his own little world, not paying attention to the task at hand. When I would tell him to write, he would snap at me, saying he was. Sigh.

I have what looks to be a potentially annoying day at work. I have some numbers to come up with because my boss is an idiot. I am dragging my feet a bit, mostly because I find it offensive that he should be able to come up with these totals from the ones I have provided him over the years. He just doesn’t want to do the leg work. Well, neither do I.

If I can get it done quickly, though, I can get back to my book. That is enough incentive. 

Taco

3-3-14

Gotta love them Oscars. If only they would make the show shorter.

I assumed that with me feeling better much of Friday that my health woes were behind me. Sadly I would be incorrect. Don’t get me wrong, I did feel pretty good on Friday. I was well enough to not break my night out with Sarah and Alyssa. It was a great night and I enjoyed the chit chat. I was pretty beat when I got home, but was pleased it wasn’t that late which meant I would still be able to sleep a bit before working at Eydie on Saturday.

This sleep thing sounds like a good deal when you can get some. Stupid stomach. I was up all night with waves of horrendous pain in my gut and as Kevin and Bean have always so delicately put it, liquid from the neck down. Bleah. It was awful. On top of that, I was exhausted because I couldn’t get comfortable and therefore sleep was impossible.

I forced myself to consume some ramen in the morning, but that was tough. We went to Lowe’s with the intent to get the panels, tiles and other supplies. Sadly, this storm that was incredibly lackluster and unpredictable made it impossible to transport said panels to the house. We did manage to get tile, however, which was a good thing.

When we arrived at Eydie we were greeted by the evil hedge in the backyard having fallen over in the storms. Are you kidding me with this? I have wanted to hack that damn thing out for 14 years and it would never budge. Now a slight breeze took its ass out? Ken and I spent quite a bit of time in stages of jacking up the monstrosity of a plant in the hopes to put it upright. I suggested we just slay the beast and be done with it. Ken wasn’t as keen on this, preferring to get it back up so that the privacy it provided was intact. Thankfully, out gardener showed up and must have given a good price to haul the carcass away and replace it with a simple fencing structure. Woo hoo!

Sadly, my energy was zapped and I was a mess much of the afternoon. Stephanie and family came with girl scout cookie goodness and fish. Only one of these items is for consumption. I liked being able to show off what we had done to the house and Dave was kind enough to help Ken bring in the super heavy tile boxes. We called it a day after this point, only stopping briefly at Ralphs for supplies.

Sunday had me feeling significantly better. I slept in until 10 or so. I felt lazy, but I felt good about it. We headed back to Eydie where Super Ken tiled the crap out of the kitchen. I did manage to remove all the old hinges on the cabinets and put new ones on along with scrubbing each of them. I also entertained the boys with some kickball action. Dax was enjoying the use of the back of the garage now that that area has no play structure. He asked me if I knew how to play. I knew the basics and he and I played. He was quite shocked that I was, in his words, “really good!” I was amused and continued to play. Bobby came back from his digging in the front garden and he also was impressed with my mad kickball skills. He played with us, taking turns when someone got out. I opted to do some play by play for a while, which made them laugh quite a bit. I am telling you, all sports casters are grossly underrated. That shit is hard! I also introduced them to the punishment of “butts up”. I did explain to them after doing it for a while that my softballing it was for their benefit and that in my day, that kind of thing could result in quite the sore tushie.

While I worked on the hinges, I did get to spend some time chit chatting with Mr. Bobby about life in the future. It was adorbs. He talked about getting a place near Ken and I, hopefully with Dax, at least until they get married. He has had a change of heart in his employment. He had wanted to be a construction worker recently, but has now decided that he wants to run a pet store. He doesn’t want to sell food and toys, though. He only wants critter there. I asked him what kinds, and he pointed out he could sell roly polies and snails and such. Yeah, my kid is going to essentially have a garden pest rescue center.

I was super pleased when the boys were adamant that I make tacos instead of going to Taco Bell, saying that mine are “a billion times better”. It is pretty gratifying when they are that excited about my cooking.

I spent the evening getting my Oscars on, enjoying pretty much all of the telecast. Dax was excited to see the performance of “Let it Go”. Sadly, it was a shortened version, which kind of bummed him out. That being said, I did love watching parts of the show with the boys, being able to actually tell them who certain actors were and them understanding, in addition to being pretty impressed with random trivia I could lay on them about these people. My super powers are finally coming to some use!

Now I am going to try and make it through this work day without coughing up a lung.