Therapy

3-13-14

Homework should not be a problem for me anymore.

Every day it’s a new challenge. I look over the packets and the work at hand and think, Ok, this isn’t too bad today. Sadly, I am never right. The work is epic and tedious and I want to ball up and cry at the end of it. Oh, and by the by, the homework isn’t stuff I have to do. It is for Bobby.

I know my kid isn’t an idiot. I know he isn’t incapable of retaining gobs of information about things. Trust me on this. The kid gave me a play by play on every single thing that happened at the special assembly this week that had some yo-yo wielding comedian. I think by the end of his tale, I could tell you every time the guy breathed in and every time he breathed out. Bobby had given me some of the most insanely tiny details and he was enthusiastic about it. Yet when we go over what his homework is, I feel like I am pulling teeth.

The math seems to be the hardest. The classes move at such rapid paces now, jumping from one concept to the next all in the course of just one day. He is learning 5 new concepts a week, most of which is reflected in the homework packet. Of course, the problem with this is that math is one of those things you can’t just skip around. If you miss today’s lesson, the one you do next week will suffer. The foundation has to be solid, and without it, every day is a struggle.

When we do sit with him to go over math, he seems frustrated. He seems distracted. He seems bored. He seems lost. He is all of the above and more. The thing he isn’t is focused. I asked him yesterday what 8 times 10 is, which is something I know he knows. He about melted when he couldn’t come up with the answer. I know some of this was due to the frustration we were having with him just getting the work done. Some of it seems to be him just waiting for me to give him the answers.

I want to sit in the classroom and see how Mr. Chin teaches math. I want to see if he is having the kids actually come up with things on their own or if he is walking them through every single step, which is why Bobby seems so reluctant to do it on his own. I want to hear what Mr. Chin says about each problem so I can perhaps model my behavior after it. Bobby is very quick to shoot down any “tricks” Ken and I try to give him on making the math easier. He will freak out and tell us that this was not how his teacher showed him. He seems very interested in staying in that box and not venturing out from it. This is a huge issue since the whole new math program that has been implicated is really having kids use any means possible to solve a problem. They are given several tools that can be used different ways to solve an equation. Yet when I have told Bobby to use whichever one he is comfortable with, or even show him other options, he is dead set on only doing it one way lest Mr. Chin be upset.

Ken thinks that perhaps Bobby has a slight learning disability. He has also suggested taking him to the doc to verify if he might benefit from some form of medication. I am not happy with the idea of meds for this. I think that perhaps we are asking too much of him. I wonder if between Ken and I, we are on extremes that are not benefiting anyone.

My feeling is that I need to really fix myself in order to fix him. I need to really just dedicate myself to sitting with him during the homework process. I can’t very well expect a kid to have a good attention span when me, the grownup, gets bored with helping on homework only 2 minutes in. I probably am the one who dropped the ball years ago. I expected him to complete things on his own long before he was capable or should be.

The other issue at hand is I am sure we are comparing him to the likes of Dax. Dax sits down and completes not only his homework for the night with minimal coaxing, but he also likes to do the next day’s work just because. He looks forward to reading his book and is more than happy to redo homework he might have done poorly on. His penmanship is superb. His packets also seem to have always been less crazy than Bobby’s. I don’t know if he has just been lucky or if we just knew what to expect since we had already been a part of it with Bobby. I don’t want to compare them, but it is hard not to.

The parent teacher conference happens next Wednesday, which will hopefully give us some more insight. Bobby is part of the conference, which I think is cool. I also hope to have my list of questions and concerns. Some of it is revolves around the lack of communication to the parents on homework. I know that they want to have the kids give us feedback so they learn to be responsible, but it seems as though it would be easy enough to let the parents know, too, so we know how to guide them. I am torn between my desire to raise a self-sufficient child and the need to protect my baby. Throw in a dash of maintaining my own sanity and you will understand why I am so nuts.

Today I am by myself with the boys, so I will exercise my patience and try very hard to just sit and work with him rather than crack the whip or wander off to do laundry or one of the other various chores that needs to be done. I wonder at times if perhaps I am the only one who sees what needs to be done and this is what stresses me out so much when I am responsible for so many lives. Cat poop needs cleaning, dogs need walking, everyone needs food. Not to mention I can’t just be absent from the boys’ lives once I have fed them. Last night I made a point of playing handball with Dax which resulted in a fantastic full family game which I enjoyed thoroughly. That being said, I know I neglected other things needing to be done. That balance is hard to find.

I am feeling the intensity of stress again and it hits me like a ton of bricks. I know it must be getting to me because I feel my moods fluctuate rapidly and without meaning. I will feel blue for no foreseen reason, and then be blissfully happy randomly later on. I think it is actually time to start experimenting with the stash we picked up as opposed to just being amused at its presence in my kitchen.

I also am surprised that this was written today, and will be even more surprised when I post it. I have become slightly disenchanted with blog posting after a severe scolding from people in my family this week. I also am still wounded because of a former friend from work who has all of the sudden turned on me and I feel confused about the whole thing. I normally wouldn’t give a crap about a couple of people, but I feel like my opinions have been ruffling feathers in odd ways lately and it is taking its toll on me in strange ways. I am sure my crazed moods are adding to this, but either way, I have considered taking a brief hiatus from blog writing for a bit. This one, though, needed to be written and I am glad I have. Writing has always been my best form of therapy and I shouldn’t abandon it completely.