Dreamons

4-30-14

Happy Birthday, Ken!!!

What a total bummer that on his birthday he is gone in classes most of it. Plus, he is stuck in hell traffic. Lame!  The good news is he gets to play soccer tonight so I am sure that will make it happy.

Today is the company meeting. I don’t want to go. It is a complete waste of time and although it means a free lunch, I have no desire to go. I can most likely come up with an excuse and not go. Yay!

I really feel out of sorts this morning. My dreams were filled with my standard insecurity themes. The good news is I fought them in the dream. I was a bit of a bad-ass and didn’t let the demons win, but it still was a tough fight. Not sure what was up. Of course, the heat didn’t help. I didn’t sleep with covers most of the night and I was boiling hot. If yesterday was any indicator of how summer will be in Steve, I think it is time to start looking into central air.

I have committed myself to reading 7 books in 3 weeks. Ok, it isn’t that kind of serious, but I did pick up 7 books at the library on Monday afternoon. When I walked out of there and set out to get the boys, I was positively ecstatic. I know that I can extend the deadline on some of the books, but I love the idea of having all of these at my fingertips. The first book I chose is Blaze; Love in the time of Supervillains. So far it is fun. I hope to read more today.

Weekend of awesome

4-28-14

What a weekend!

I am deeply in love with the boys’ school. The carnival was a huge wonderful event. There were tons of games, food and music which kept us there for 3 and a half hours of carnival time, and about an hour of cleanup, which really wasn’t that bad. Dax and I made hats, which was awesome. It was just a paper sack that we put stickers on, but I think by my wearing it, more people went over to make them. I was pleased that the boys were comfortable enough to run off without us. I was so happy my face actually hurt at the end of the night from smiling.

Ken and I worked the duckie race booth for the last 45 minutes and I think because we are all enthusiastic about it, we had longer lines than previous volunteers. It was a blast. My throat hurt and I was soaked, but it was freaking awesome.

Dax’s ticket was pulled for a basket of pasta and other Italian themed things in the raffle. It was just cool to win something. The boys also didn’t get upset that they didn’t win the things they wanted, which is a win for me since it means they are getting used to the idea that they don’t always win.

We got home a little after 9, which was right before the rain finally decided to come down. We were beat and all crawled into bed exhausted. My poor arm was sore since I ended up walking home with the gift basket in one hand. I was just going to get the car so we could bring home the tables we had loaned the school. I thought it would be a good idea to bring home our stuff so it was out of the way of cleanup.

I should have slept in on Saturday morning, but I was much too amped to get things done. Ken walked out the door a little after 6 to go work the Founders Day tournament. This meant I could work on getting the house in order for his surprise party! I had invited people to come celebrate Ken. The boys and I spent Saturday cleaning, shopping and cooking for the evening. The original hopes was to be able to jump out with people to say surprise, but due to the wonky schedule of soccer, I was unsure of what time he would be home. I scheduled the party for 6:30 and he ended up getting home around 4:30 or so. Dax was pissed that we could not jump out, so instead the boys and I hid in the garage to say surprise. I was shocked that he didn’t suspect anything and he seemed pleased at the party. He also was pleased that he smelled lasagna. LOL!

Aaron, Jen, Chris, Kathy, Jerry, Nicole, Frank and Stephanie all came. Frank couldn’t stay long, but it was cool he made it! We all ended up playing Cards Against Humanity. It was a great group for it.  Food, drinks and laughter; it was perfect, really. The boys played downstairs with Ally (Jerry and Nicole’s daughter). Actually, I think Dax and Ally were pleased to have each other. Although both liked playing video games, they are both very active kids and they ended up playing some version of soccer. It was cute, the boys thought she was a boy since she had short hair. It was a nice lesson to explain to them how she most likely goes through what Bobby goes through in the idea that people assume. They liked her and I think the kids had a lot of fun, so hopefully they will all come back.

Poor Ken had to leave the house again at like 6 am. I stayed in bed for another hour, but Lily was not going to allow me to sleep much more than that. I crawled out of bed with a gnarly headache, no doubt from the copious amounts of booze I had consumed the night before. I really should have crawled back into the bed once I let the pups out, but I knew that was pointless.

The boys and I decided to go by the soccer field to see the new facility and to say hi to Ken. I also needed some checks signed so I figured that I could get that done, too. The sunshine actually felt quite good. It was gorgeous out and once again I started fanaticizing about a convertible.

We got back home and the boys disappeared into their own little 8-bit world and I sat down on the couch with the intent to relax. Sure, there was some cleanup from the night before ahead of me, but I was shocked when I noted it was only 9:30 in the morning and I had no plans ahead of me all day. I could actually sit around on my ass.

So I did.

I binged on the rest of the Parenthood episodes and had myself a nice cry (damned writers should put a warning on this show since you could become seriously dehydrated from watching this show). Damn, that is a fucking fantastic show. I love it so. I hope it has been renewed for next season.

I did manage to get up for a bit and clean up the party mess. It wasn’t too bad, so that only took a small amount of time. I played catch with Dax for a while and played with the pups. I was actually a little bored, but too tired to do anything about it. I normally clean when I am like that, but having done so much on Saturday to get ready I realized I was already done with so much. LOL!

Ken got home a little after 5 and we had some family time playing Apples to Apples and then watched some Pokemon. It was a good relaxing day for me. I am still tired this morning, but I often wonder if I am tired or just not wanting to be at work. In reality, work is fine, but let’s face it, there are better things to be doing. I just don’t get paid for those things.

The plus side is I get to use the gym today. I need to find a new show to watch since I watched all of Parenthood. Something funny I think would be a good plan since the crying and sweating is not a good combo.

When I get home I am going to walk up to the library to return my books and if I have time I will get a new one. I am hoping that this will give me a good idea of the length of time it takes me since I would like to be able to walk to the library and then on the way home I can pick up the boys. I might be able to do this at least once a week. Yay!

I have “training” this morning. Jean is out of the office for 3 weeks and I am getting a refresher course on setting up new accounts since I am her backup for those 3 weeks. I am not too concerned. Like I told Jean, I don’t mind doing the accounts since it just makes my days go by quickly what with me then being super busy all day. That being said, I don’t want to do too much in the way of training since I want to listen to Kevin and Bean. I have priorities, people.

This week looks to be busy again. Thursday night the boys and I go see Taylor sing in her talent show. Saturday is registration. Friday night we have dinner with my folks for Ken’s birthday. Ken’s actual birthday is Wednesday. I feel like I should schedule a nap.  

CARNIVAL!!!!!!!!!

4-25-14

Hello Friday!

The thing getting me to the end of today is the promise of Carnival this evening. I feel like I am the kid at the school. I love this whole carnival thing and seriously can hardly contain myself. Yesterday the booths were already being set up and it looks like a genuine carnival! It is an actual school event that I would have had as a kid and now my kids get to do it. My excitement is my fuel this morning.

Yesterday afternoon I had a lot of pent up energy. Not sure where it was coming from, but it left me restless. I ended up doing most of the chores for the boys simply because cleaning calms me. The house looks pretty damn good now! LOL! I told the boys that Saturday morning they would need to help me really clean the family room. Their desks drive me a little nuts, so perhaps we can come up with a way to organize them better. One of the big things I need is better book shelves down there. I may need to start looking for a good shelf for the spot where the piddly small shelf is. That would certainly help declutter that one section.

When I did finally sit for a bit I introduced Ken to the first episode of Orange is the New Black. The new season finally starts in June, so I thought I would rewatch the first season and have Ken watch it with me. He was concerned it was a little slow, but he is optimistic. First episodes are hard since you have some back story involved. I know the show gets even better, so I am happy he is watching it with me.

Ken was able to get out all of the debris from the back yard! Yay! Now we just have to work on the stuff on the side of the house. It is covered with a tarp and was put there when we were unsure of where it could go. I am hoping to start going through some of it maybe this weekend. It is possible some of it now has space in the garage or the sheds. Hell, some of it may end up in the trash. We are hoping to get the backyard summer ready. The pool needs room.

Sadly our renter backed out. Dammit! I just reactivated our listing. We have had other interest, but I need Ken to contact them when they call. I am no good at that part.

Pride

4-24-14

Yesterday I was super proud of my child!

I picked up the boys from school and Bobby came out and very seriously told me that he had really awful bad news. I was nervous but tried to keep steady, sure that he was in some kind of trouble or that I would be upset. Instead, he tells me how his friend Brody was sad because a relative was killed in a car crash. Apparently the two girls killed a couple days ago in an accident that was a big local news story had some kind of connection to Brody.

I asked Bobby how he found out. Brody had been sitting at recess by himself and looked sad. My sweet boy approached him and asked him what was wrong. Brody told him, but indicated that he didn’t want to go into super details on it. Bobby was respectful of this and told me how he spent a lot of time just trying to cheer Brody up. When their other friends approached them, Bobby kept making sure to steer the conversation away from the sad news, saying he could tell how it did seem to really bother Brody.

I was so incredibly impressed with Bobby’s assessment of the situation. He talked about how Brody seemed to be holding up ok, but that he still seemed distant. I have always known Bobby had this ability to connect with people on different levels and that he possesses an old soul. It is still one of those happy making moments when I get to see it in action.

I may need to rethink using Parenthood as my show of choice for my workouts. It is so freaking hard to cry while I am practically running.

I am sleepy today. I could not get comfortable much of last night. Trixie at one point curled up on my arm and in a foolish attempt to not bother her, I twisted in strange configurations to get sleep. Yeah, not wise.

Yesterday, Dax decided he was craving a viewing of Frozen. While Bobby was working on homework, Dax was at his computer, watching all the songs from the movie on YouTube. It was pretty funny, really. We had to wait until Ken got home since our copy was in the car. Luckily their new interest is my old one. Pokemon seems to be making quite the comeback. Really, it may have always been there but the boys have recently been dabbling in the Poke-world. Bobby has been playing my old Gameboy. The only games I have are Pokemon, and to be perfectly honest all of them are pretty much the same game, just different colored cartridges. Either way, he is loving it, and it is a game in which I am the primary source of information, not Ken. I played the shit out of that thing when I got it, so I have been able to help him on certain aspects. I also have a decent memory of the original 151 Pokemon, which allows me to be the cool mom right now.

We came across a container of many of the Pokemon knick-knacks I had back then and I gave them to the boys. They were thrilled. Both expressed interest in playing the card game again soon, which is way ok by me. Perhaps we will need to bust it out this weekend.

Today I have to get the boys to work on their laundry. It is a chore that although I don’t mind doing, it is something they should do. I mentioned to my mom how I do more of their laundry than I do of my own. My mom then pointed out this was about the time when she had Matt and I do our own laundry. She is a wise woman.

I was frustrated with some work procedures yesterday regarding the issuing of credits. After reading an email this morning, it looks as though it is going to be an upward battle to fix everything. I am not looking forward to this. 

Spring Cleaning

4-23-14

It’s funny how much wearing a scrunchie on my wrist makes me feel like I have a secret weapon.

I managed to not only clean up my desk area yesterday, but I also cleared out some (not all) of the junk drawer and the kitchen desk. Yay! It also didn’t take nearly as long as I expected. It was a lot of paperwork that needed to just be filed or tossed, and I am amused to say how much of it was tossable.

Poor Ken has a long day ahead of him. He has his normal Wednesday class, but he also has a new class that is in Santa Monica that doesn’t end until 4:30. This means he is on the 405 going to Torrance at 5 pm. Yuck. I joked with him that he would get home and practically walk back out the door for his soccer game at 9. Let’s hope this isn’t the case.

I made chicken noodle soup last night which is a lengthy process, even though I don’t have to do much during most of the time. I started it when I got home from work, allowing the broth and chicken to cook for a couple of hours before the noodles went in. Nummy!

Ok, I just tried a cup of coffee with amaretto creamer. Bleah.

The boys are starting to feel how tight an evening is. After homework we end up eating dinner (Bobby can sometimes take that long). After dinner, they have dishes and other various chores. It probably feels like they have no free time. I am considering having them switch off. Matt and I used to have dish nights where we were responsible for the dishes on alternating nights. On the opposite night the other kid could do all the pans. This might make the process quicker in general. If one of them is in the bathroom or still eating, the other now tends to dink around and doesn’t get started saying it isn’t fair to be working while the other is not. If they have their own chore, they wouldn’t have to wait. It might work well.

Ken also did a lot of work on the garage. He has cleared out so much space! He also cut up all of the debris in the backyard and is hoping to get most of it taken away tomorrow during trash day. Being on a corner allows us to cheat the system a bit. We can put our trash cans in 4 different spots for pickup. Ken will grab the cans after each time they pick up and refill and move them to the next spot which might be across the street. It is pretty funny, really. We are trying to get the back yard in order since the pool has arrived from Uncle Andy and it is starting to get hot enough out to start considering where it will go.

One of the things we need to consider before the pool goes up is putting down some sort of grass seed and watering the back yard. That dirt will not go well in the pool. Dax will not be happy since with the pool there and seed on the other part of the yard it means he will not have room for handball or kickball.

The red in my hair is turning pink. It is kind of fun, actually. I will most likely do a blond treatment in a couple weeks. I need to do three of them in order to make blue really show up. If there is some pink/red left it will only make the blue into a hint of purple which is not a bad thing.

I have been reading up on the flaxseed oil I started taking. It looks as though I should be taking upwards of 4000mg a day. I am going to increase my dose since I had only been taking 2000. I will take 2 at breakfast and 2 at lunch. I will be curious if I will feel any different in a few weeks. I also picked up some multi vitamins which has 100% of the folic acid a need daily including all the other good stuff. I think that taking these along with drinking all of my water will be a good thing. I know I don’t eat veggies or healthy foods so if I at least supplement my intake with these meds I will be better off.

Surreal times

4-22-14

I bathed two dogs yesterday.

That hardly seems note-worthy, but I can assure you, dog bathing isn’t a simple task when both dogs act like you are dumping death all over them. Luna, who will most likely die from drowning since she doesn’t always have the good sense to get out of the pool when she is tired, truly is a big ol’ wuss when it comes to bath time. Thankfully Lily is still small enough to manipulate, but she is getting bigger and I know that they will both be a pain eventually. The good news is that they are clean. The bad news is that it will most likely only last till today.

The more entertaining event of yesterday was taking a hit of pot in front of my parents to show them how it is done on the e-cig. Actually, it wasn’t too weird, just surreal. Ken and I spent some time going over different things we knew about the strains we have used before settling in on what my folks would like us to get for them. We got them two disposable vape pens with one strain of indigo and one of sativa. We got them the strain I have been enjoying and one that we have not tried. If they like either (or both) they can invest in the rechargeable pen and get cartridges of the kind they like.

Dax is getting an award on Friday! He is getting an award in creativity. His stories and artwork have been awesome which Mrs. Senechal thought would be worthy of mention at the assembly. Yay! In addition to this, Mr. Dax will be on tv this Thursday. Ok, he is hopefully on tv. Ken got a call from Dr. Smart yesterday saying that there was a mobile dairy farm on campus and the local access Torrance channel was filming some of the kids. She volunteered Dax to be interviewed (she just wanted to verify with us that it was ok). Dax seemed pretty excited when we picked him up and he told me how he answered questions. He was a nervous chatty when he talked about it which meant he was really jazzed about the whole thing. Thankfully they have a YouTube channel, too, so I should be able to share it with the world.

One of the other cool things to come out of him being filmed was that when I was looking into the channel, I contacted them regarding a story on our region and the registration events coming up. The guy emailed me back and said that they would totally get the word out, which is fantastic. We have an ad in the local paper and we are getting the word out to the masses. Hopefully all of our efforts will pay off with more kids signing up.

Ken power washed our bathrooms, which made them look great! He also spent a lot of time getting up as much of the cat fur from the carpet as possible. In hindsight, even though I love the blue carpet, it probably would have been better to get a tan color since it would hide the cat fur better.

I managed to work-out in the gym yesterday and even take a walk with my clean pups last night. I feel quite good this morning. I will still try to walk tonight again, but my primary objective is my desk as it has become the dumping ground when paperwork from the school or things for soccer need to be put away quickly. I would like to get it all back to the clean and organized I have had it in the past. It shouldn’t take too long, but it will take some time.

Well, time to rock this Tuesday! 

Forgotten Homework

4-21-14

Another busy weekend behind me.

Ken spent much of Friday cleaning the house. I got home and joined in, making the place look pretty damn good. In reality, since we have moved in, the place has not been thrashed. It gets some clutter, but nothing extreme so cleaning up tends to be less stressful than it was at Eydie.

Saturday morning was egg coloring time. I was bummed when I realized that by throwing out all of the old craft stuff it meant I was lacking in any kind of fun decorating tools. It didn’t really matter since the boys were not exactly interested in the coloring. I wasn’t feeling particularly creative, either.  I am sure the boys were also distracted what with their Easter baskets from Uncle Matt. He presented them with their baskets on Saturday which had their awesome new toys. New iPad minis for them! Yay!

Our Saturday would not be spend just watching them play on the pads, though. We had passes to WonderCon thanks to Chris who hooks us up each year. It was a shame we were not prepared enough to have dressed up, but it was ok since it allowed us to look at lots of fun cosplay. My favorite was a girl dressed up as Uni-Kitty.

We wandered the con for a couple of hours. The Skeleanimal guy gave Dax a free deck of cards. I was amused when I discovered that the joker card was Dax. Hee hee! One of the booths was this artist with really fun paintings. I have fallen in love with one and hope to order it for the hallway.

Saturday night both the boys were overly tired. Dax broke down multiple times for random things. Bobby had similar problems. Thankfully they were small incidents and didn’t last too long. We ate dinner at Lazy Dog and had a lot of fun. Dax was clearly famished since he ordered a hamburger AND a pizza. He also ate both. It was crazy! It was witnessing how our lives will be with an athlete like him in family. I was pleased to discover that Lazy Dog has Angry Orchard on tap. Yeah, life is very good.

Easter/Zombie Jesus Day/4:20 started slowly. Mr. Dax and I were up early and we decided to let our night owls sleep in while we looked at the basket of goodies left by a certain bunny. Dax was so cute going through each item, laughing and enjoying everything he had received. It was a nice way to be able to bond with him.

Bobby was less enthused about the candy, but was equally adorable since he was so focused on his new technology acquisition. I couldn’t really fault my 9 year old for being more interested in playing video games and not being excited about a fictional rabbit with a sweet tooth.

My folks came over and Matt, Ken and my dad hid eggs. As it stands right now, there is still one missing. LOL! Matt doesn’t exactly keep track of where he puts the eggs. Thankfully they are just plastic and filled with jelly beans so it isn’t like it is a big deal. It is actually kind of funny for it to be lost in the house.

We went to Don Jose’s which instantly makes any day better. Yay chips and salsa. Seriously, is there any more perfect food?

After the food, we headed to Eydie to make sure nothing was on the wood floors. The sanding takes place this week. I felt a little nostalgic in the empty living room. I remembered each spot where everything from first steps to first impressions of the house took place. Although I love Steve and find myself getting happier with each day I am there, I will miss my first real home outside my parents’ house.

The afternoon was spent celebrating the Zombie and weed aspects of 4:20. We watched Zombieland while rocking a nice high. It was a pleasant afternoon to be able to just hang out. In some ways I should have been doing more. That being said, I know how crazy my schedule is for the next two months, which makes me think I should have relaxed even more.

This week should be mostly mellow until I get to Friday. That is when the school carnival is. We will most likely be there from like 4 till 9. We have a shift in one of the booths along with also doing cleanup. It will be a fun night, though. I am really looking forward to it.

Dammit! It just occurred to me that the boys didn’t draw a picture for today. It is Earth Week and they needed to draw a picture of how to better the earth. They will have time to do it this morning, but I need to text Ken when he is less asleep. Bobby also had some science questions he was supposed to do, so hopefully I can get word to my household in time for him to do those.

Field Trip

4-18-14

Field trips are super fun, but exhausting.

It was nice to be able to help out. There was a lot of parents who were there, but most seem to treat it as more of an outing with their child, not as a way to help out the teacher. Don’t get me wrong, I did make a point of being able to hang with Dax a bit, but I spent a lot of time herding kids. I love that, actually. I like being able to have conversations with the other kids, especially knowing that these are kids I will watch grow up for the most part since they will most likely be in more of Dax’s classes as he grows.

I also had to break up a fight. It seemed like mostly a heated argument, but I was concerned it was heading towards physical soon. I started separating the kids involved, moving them away from one another and placing them in other spots of the line they were supposed to be in. I addressed the one boy (thank goodness for name tags) and asked him to go to the front of the line.

He froze.

He didn’t argue, he didn’t protest verbally, but he did just stand still. It was as if he was playing dead (an amusing note is that we had just spent time learning about possums). I said his name calmly, but firmly and told him once again to move to the front of the line. It was as if no one was sure who would break first. The kids around us fell silent, as did the other chaperones. I am sure there was the assumption by some that I would give up based on the kid practically ignoring me. These people were clearly not familiar with how much of a fighter Dax used to be. If I can outlast his protests, this kid was nothing.

After my fourth request, he finally moved up there. He wasn’t quick, but he moved. He looked almost close to tears, but truly I wasn’t upset with him. I think he was actually the one being picked on and I needed him to get away from the others. It was a strange exchange and the one main chaperone mom (the one who really knew all the kids and was very involved) gave me a supportive smile and nod and I knew I had done well in the situation. Yay!

All of the parents and teachers I talked to praised Dax like crazy. He is quite the kid. They told me how incredibly polite he is and sweet and of course, holy crap adorbs. I couldn’t agree more!

The teachers who were there knew Ken and I from many other volunteer situations and were super happy that Ken and I helped. Ken has his booming voice that seems to make all the kids stop and pay attention to him instantly. I could wander around all the kids and chat them all up but keep them in line. We also made the trek out to the bus (which I swear practically parked back at the school) to get the lunches for everyone. I felt so very much so part of the Adams family. It was awesome!

Since the parents all drove separate, we helped load the kids at 1 and then headed over to MBAH to pick up Lycos. Poor pup was cremated back at the end of January and we had not gone and picked her up. It is nice that she is home now and in her proper place in the mausoleum.

I managed to also get over to the 99 cent store yesterday and put together Easter baskets for the boys. I was pleasantly surprised when there were a fair amount of name brand items there which made me more comfortable with the chocolate choices for their baskets. The boys have never been big fans of the knockoff brands and really I don’t blame them. I didn’t want to get them things that would just be thrown out, but I also didn’t want to spend gobs of money on the baskets. Yay 99 cents! I didn’t even have to go to other places. That made it all worthwhile.

I have plans this evening to go out to the piano bar in Long Beach for Kam’s birthday. As much as I want to celebrate with her, I don’t know that I want to go out tonight. I have so much to do. I need to get the house in order since tomorrow my folks will be over to color eggs. I also need to make the house ready for Sunday’s egg hunt. Saturday afternoon we are going to Wondercon, so I don’t see me having much time. It will be a busy weekend.

I have been using my pot for the stressful afternoons. It has been nice. I don’t feel too stoned and I am actually quite functional, which is perfect. I like the strain I am using and hopefully will be able to find it again once this runs out.

I got the costume for our region. It is fantastic! It isn’t bad as far as comfort is concerned, and I was pleased that the pants are not stitched into the head since I really didn’t want to wear those. Now I can wear other pants which are more comfy. Plus, the head comes off very easily which will allow for me to remove it to do some work during the registration. The boys are super jazzed about it and want to wear the costume part of the time, too, which I am all for. It will be a fun registration this time around!

Ok, I suppose I should do something useful today. 

To bang or not to bang

4-16-14

Yay no work tomorrow!

Tomorrow is Dax’s field trip that I am going on. They are going to the museum. Parents do not go on the bus, so Ken and I are driving out there and will meet them. Dax is really excited. It will be cool to get to know his class even better and then I get to spend time with Dax. Plus, Ken and I have some time to hang out. It is a super win day for me!

Ken put in the cat door. It turned out to be a bigger project than expected since those things are designed for doors, not walls. Either way, it is nice to be able to close that door.

This morning I was pretty sad to have to get up. Trixie was snuggled up with me and we were both pretty comfy. Those kitties sure do make it tough to get things done. I was trying to get ready for work with both Trixie and Breezer vying for my attention. It is super charming, but distracting.

I have to go out this afternoon to get Easter supplies. Either that or I go tomorrow, but I think today would be best. We will see how everything goes.

I am in a serious discussion with myself regarding bangs. I am considering getting some. I keep trying to fashion bangs out of my existing hair, which is fine, but not perfect. I think it would be fun, but at the same time, I will probably get annoyed with them. It is one of those random things I go through. My hair is wavy so crafting straight bangs is tough. That being said, I am much better at it now. Oh the decisions.

Ok, I have a crap ton of work next to me. 

Friend Woes

4-15-14

Boy, I don’t write for a month and now I can’t shut up!

I feel like a bad friend. I actually think I suck at being friends with people. No, I am not fishing for compliments. I honestly can say if I was someone I would not want me as a best friend.

I have had about 3 friends right now dealing with various issues concerning everything from their children to their career to their living situations. Sadly, I can’t help them fix the problems, which as a control freak is super frustrating. I want to be able to swoop in and make the problem a thing of the past. I want to be able to loan people money or get them a new job with the snap of my fingers. I want to make it better.

This desire to fix it sometimes muddies my intentions. It makes me sound callous and as if I don’t understand that sometimes they just want to vent. I should know this better than anyone. I vent when I type this. This is my therapy. I need to allow them to vent, too. I just feel so, helpless. I worry I am not doing enough.

Their problems become my problems. I just spent time online looking for jobs, apartments and help for unfocused kids (of course, the last one on that list actually is a problem of mine, too, which kind of makes it even worse since I can’t seem to help myself, so how can I help someone else???). I found answers, but I don’t know that they are solutions.

I wonder how I would do in a support group. I could probably talk for hours, and in turn I know I would gladly listen for longer. But is that enough? I feel like I am trying to overachieve.

Of course, there is also the fact that I sometimes (who am I kidding, most of the time) don’t want to vent to a friend for fear that my piddly problems are nothing compared to theirs. None of my friends have ever indicated this. If anything, they almost beg me to open up more. It is a tough thing to shake. I don’t want to sound ungrateful for my own lot in life.

My morning will most likely now be preoccupied with thoughts on ways to help these dear friends of mine. In some ways, yes, I need to be focused on how to correct some issues of my own, but perhaps this is my way of procrastinating on those items. It is certainly an interesting theory on my internal struggles.

So a shout out to my peeps out there; I love you all and hope there is something I can do. I am more than willing to be there to hear the frustrations, but in addition to this, I hope I can do even more. 

I am back to writing

4-15-14

I am back!

I have been feeling wrong each morning and it occurred to me that perhaps this is due to my lack of release. As much as these journal entries are nothing particularly mind blowing, they are my way to clear room in my head for more crap.

Yesterday I didn’t feel well, most likely the continuing epic period of death that I have been dealing with. Seriously, just because I didn’t have a cycle last month doesn’t mean they have to be a progressive jackpot. Thankfully I seem to be done and am feeling better this morning.

We picked up some vitamins and I am now making sure to take my multi-vitamin and flaxseed oil meds daily. I don’t know if they will do me any good, but I know they won’t harm me.

Ken put up new shelves in the garage yesterday, which prompted me to go through a couple of boxes. I tossed out a lot of things, including “awards” for a good month of collections for the department back when I was at Earthlink. What is really funny is that the amount collected by the entire department is about what I collect in a day now. Of course, the average cost of the bills per customer there was only $20 and here it is closer to $10K, but it is still funny to me.

Ken also put up my little cubbie shelf which makes me happy. I filled it with ducks, but I think I will be removing them and actually will have them reside on a shelf in the guest room with some of the other happy stuffed animals. I don’t want to over crowd things. In fact, my box of awesome skull knickknacks has been put back in the garage to be brought out during Halloween season. I am trying to actually decorate based on season! Yie! How grownup!

We picked up the carnival raffle tickets and purchased wrist bands for the carnival itself. Today the boys will be able to put tickets into each bucket they hope to win. They are much different prizes compared to the days of Halldale. Gone are the random baby packs that Bobby won or the cleaning set that Dax won. Yeah, those were the days. We did put in tickets for the 4 passes to Disneyland. Cross fingers!

I need to do some general clean up in the catio today. I would like the house to look nice for this weekend what with eggs being colored and hid at various points. Perhaps this week we can get the cat door installed. This would allow the catio to be closed off to eyes, but not cats.

There is also a basket outing ahead of me. The Easter baskets that the big bunny gets will not be elaborate since the boys have uncles that spoil them rotten. Andy got the boys baskets while we were at the Compound last week that were awesome and I know that Uncle Matt got them a special basket liner in the shape of an iPad Mini. Yeah, my chocolates don’t need to be impressive. LOL!

I finally was able to obtain a copy of a book I have been coveting for a few months now.  On the last day of my vacation, we went to the Torrance library branch by Steve and got cards for the boys and Ken. We also were able to find a copy in the computer of the book and one Dax wanted at the main branch, so we went over there. I am not surprised that the book isn’t what I had hoped for, but it is still an ok book. I am glad that I didn’t break down and purchase the book. I would have been quite upset. I am pretty sure that the library is close enough that I could walk to the library and back by the school to get the boys in time if I left when I got home from work. This pleased me greatly. Dax was also quite thrilled at the selection of Magic Treehouse books. Bobby did pick out a couple of books, but I know he isn’t nearly as enchanted as Dax and I. I am considering having him listen to a couple of books on audio since I know how much he enjoys listening to Ken read. I think that perhaps he would like hearing some books which still accomplishes the idea of stories and now video games.

I need two frames. I really want to frame the poster I got for the dining area, which will most likely take a standard frame I can get at Target. I also want to get this Brenan crest framed, which we got in Ireland and will probably need to be done by someone. I am enjoying making Steve look like grownups with a sense of whimsy live there.

Yay internet! I just renewed my driver’s license online. It means I will actually have a license with Steve’s address on it. I changed my address some time ago, but I was shocked that they never sent me anything indicating the change. I was pleased when I got my renewal notice in the mail since it did mean they had changed it, but it will be nice to have an actual picture ID with the right address. I found myself having to print out a gas bill for the library just to prove our address since our license’s didn’t have the right address yet.

I am trying to train Trixie to sit. She is shockingly receptive when I have food. It will make me laugh if she is this trainable. Of course, it does mean I should work on Lily more. I would like to take her to a class if just for puppy socialization. Luna is great for her, but only one dog.

Poor Luna had to have two ticks from up North removed from her yesterday. These were ones we missed. We pulled I think a total of 5 off of both pups combined. Bleah.

The floors at Eydie get sanded next week. We have to pull out the tools in the front room this week so they are out of the way. Woo hoo!

Ok, let’s see if I can keep doing these again.