Friend Woes

4-15-14

Boy, I don’t write for a month and now I can’t shut up!

I feel like a bad friend. I actually think I suck at being friends with people. No, I am not fishing for compliments. I honestly can say if I was someone I would not want me as a best friend.

I have had about 3 friends right now dealing with various issues concerning everything from their children to their career to their living situations. Sadly, I can’t help them fix the problems, which as a control freak is super frustrating. I want to be able to swoop in and make the problem a thing of the past. I want to be able to loan people money or get them a new job with the snap of my fingers. I want to make it better.

This desire to fix it sometimes muddies my intentions. It makes me sound callous and as if I don’t understand that sometimes they just want to vent. I should know this better than anyone. I vent when I type this. This is my therapy. I need to allow them to vent, too. I just feel so, helpless. I worry I am not doing enough.

Their problems become my problems. I just spent time online looking for jobs, apartments and help for unfocused kids (of course, the last one on that list actually is a problem of mine, too, which kind of makes it even worse since I can’t seem to help myself, so how can I help someone else???). I found answers, but I don’t know that they are solutions.

I wonder how I would do in a support group. I could probably talk for hours, and in turn I know I would gladly listen for longer. But is that enough? I feel like I am trying to overachieve.

Of course, there is also the fact that I sometimes (who am I kidding, most of the time) don’t want to vent to a friend for fear that my piddly problems are nothing compared to theirs. None of my friends have ever indicated this. If anything, they almost beg me to open up more. It is a tough thing to shake. I don’t want to sound ungrateful for my own lot in life.

My morning will most likely now be preoccupied with thoughts on ways to help these dear friends of mine. In some ways, yes, I need to be focused on how to correct some issues of my own, but perhaps this is my way of procrastinating on those items. It is certainly an interesting theory on my internal struggles.

So a shout out to my peeps out there; I love you all and hope there is something I can do. I am more than willing to be there to hear the frustrations, but in addition to this, I hope I can do even more.