10-26-10
No fair! My reports didn’t run which means that they will not run until tonight which means I am stuck doing reports tomorrow which sucks since tomorrow is Halloween day at work. I know I will be dressed as a wolf tomorrow, but I really didn’t want to actually growl at everyone. I wanted to have fun, wandering the buildings, checking out the other costumes and holiday fun. Oh well. It will be interesting doing Excel in a giant mask and jammies.
I will just come out and say it. I wish I had an assistant. Not for work, mind you. For home. I want to be able to tell someone to do my laundry or to clean up the playroom. Right now, it really is no wonder why I have been sick. I am on the move from 4:30 to 9:30 every day. Yes, that is 4:30 AM and 9:30 PM. I work all day, then rush to get Bobby. Homework time, which even though is incredibly easy in my eyes, writing letters and coloring in the lines is still a bit of a challenge to a 5 year old, if only for distractions like cats or let’s face it, air.
After homework, it is time to get Dax, at which point if he has any homework, it is time for him to work on his. But mostly with Dax, it is getting through the hour of whine. He whines about something to drink. He whines about something to eat. He whines about whining. I am thinking that perhaps his hour of whine should be my hour of wine.
I then work on some chores as best I can. Yesterday consisted of playroom clean up, laundry (that I did not finish), living room clean up, trash removal, pan scooping and minor paperwork.
Once I am done with that, I have dinner to cook. I like cooking, actually, mostly because I feel like I made something out of nothing. It is most happy making when not only does Ken like the food, but when the boys love it and even ask for seconds. Keep in mind this only happens maybe once a week.
I have to admit, it is after dinner that I get lazy, but it doesn’t change the guilt I have. I will toss the boys into the tub or as in the case of last night, we went out back to let them run out some energy and clean up for the gardeners. We also play with the dogs so that they don’t feel neglected. It is also an excellent time to assess the mental and physical health of both of the canine units. Lycos got rolled last night when she ran under the swing as the boys were flying back and forth. In all fairness, it was our fault since we did throw the ball under there. After the incident, Lycos was clearly a little spooked about running more than a few feet to retrieve a toy.
Luna on the other hand will amaze us when she actually listens and responds appropriately to certain phrases, and then dumbfound us when she does some of the absolute most retarded things. Thank goodness she is such a sweetie.
Bedtime is always a chore, too, since it requires constant supervision to make sure the boys don’t do their favorite pastime, which is dinking. They are world class dinkers. They can dink with the best of them.
After the final show, the final cup of milk, it is time to feed pups, put away the table and brush teeth. Once again, each of these can be a production. If I am lucky, only one of these tasks is chaotic. On most nights at least 2 are a pain in the ass.
Story time last night was awesome. The reading selections lately have been a book from Dax’s classroom and a book from Bobby’s classroom. The ones last night were a lot of fun with lots of interaction from all of us, which is really cool.
You would think that closing the door after bidding them a goodnight would mean no more kid stuff for the night, right? Not even a little bit. Each will come out and linger in the hallway until we address them. Then they will stand in the doorway of the living room and state their issue. Bobby will complain. He will say he is thirsty or hungry or that he feels sick. He will always have to pee, which we keep explaining to him doesn’t require our attention.
Dax, on the other hand, will come out and say, “I have one more question…” These are never questions. They used to be. Everything from “Are we going bowling tomorrow” to “Why do we have two dogs?” Now, they consist of random statements. “Bobby said he is going to listen to Mrs. Fasheh.” Cool, thanks kid, I needed to know that.
They take turns in their nightly visits. Some nights I have more patience. Last night, I had very little. At one point, Bobby came out, doing his little charming smile and I said before he could say anything, “Did your arm fall off?” He shook his head. “Did your leg fall off?” He shook his head, the smile fading from his face. “Are you bleeding in some way?” Again, a shake of the head and what looked like the realization that this would end badly. “Then go back to bed” I barked. He scuffled off without objection.
Finally at one point, seconds after Dax had been sent back to bed and watching on the screen we could see Bobby scurrying down the ladder to come out, I went in the room.
“Bed! Bed! Bed! Bed!” I shouted. Both boys burst into tears. Dax said I scared him. Bobby tearfully responded with, “I just have to pee!” Sigh. Bobby went pee and I told them both to get some sleep. I felt bad being so mean, but man, they have got to stop this cycle.
I watched tv with Ken. I like hanging out with him, but lately I have been so dang tired, all I really wanted to do was sleep. I managed to stay up until 8:30 or so. Then it was time to get to bed. I was in bed, and ready to sleep by about 9.
I didn’t sleep well. It was the first night in 4 nights in which I did not medicate. I think I will resort back to some kind of meds for tonight. Until I kick this cold completely I want as much help as possible in the rest department. Besides, some bad guy decided to make out neighborhood his haven at about 2 this morning. Helicopters circled and circled, making sleep very difficult. Plus, I am pretty sure I heard Ken let a cat inside the house, which confused me, and Dax came in requesting help with his blankets. I am very sleepy today.
I maintain that if I had some kind of assistant, I could have had them do the play room clean up. I could of also had them finish the laundry I started. I would of also had them do the bathroom and other cleaning just to get it all done. It would have taken away some of my guilt of sitting on my ass part of the night.
My chest has been hurting since last night. Not like a heart attack pain. More like I have been coughing too much. Plus, it feels like peanut butter stuck in my chest between my boobs and my throat. Not really in the heart region. Much higher. Either way, it isn’t fun.
I just looked and it appears that the boys have no school the whole week of Thanksgiving. What happened to the good old days of just the 4 days off?? Seriously, school is really anti working parents.
I never thought I would say this, but honestly, if I could, I would not work anymore. I think if I won the lottery or if Ken’s business took off and could support us, I would be a stay at home mommy. True dat. I am not embarrassed about it, either. I know where my priorities lie now. I feel all proud that yes, I have been working since I was like 11. I got my catalog in the mail yesterday from work for my 10 year recognition prize. Yes, I have been here 10 years on November 10th. What the hell??
I just think that I would be shockingly happy to be the person getting the boys off to school. I could also keep the house sparkling. I could learn to do cool baking projects, I could be involved at the school. I would totally volunteer all the time in both classrooms. I could do fundraising door to door. I could collect cans and get money for the school.
I don’t even want to just sit on my ass and eat bons bons. I just want to work on projects that make me happy. Work is no longer challenging. Don’t get me wrong, there are still aspects I love. But I am feeling rather disenchanted ever since the boss barely listened to my proposal. I am doing work that I don’t get recognized for. I should not have this much time to write a blog. This means that the work I do is easy enough for me that I can slam through it way quick. The problem is, I don’t want to change jobs right now since I am in a cushy position so that I can come in at a good time and get home in time to get my kid. I can’t even rock the boat!
I realize this is the same old song. I am not proud at how often I sing it.
Off topic, I have several Build A Bears I need to make for some people.
They took away our good coffee at work. I am sad now.
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