blog free day

I have a blog in me, I really do. However, this morning I am working on Aaron's rehab notebook. I am transcribing it for his records. I also am studying it as I am going to interview him once I am done to fill in some details on his notes. I am actually intregued enough to make this a extensive project.

Art Zone

5-27-11




I am mostly alone today at work. My coworkers on the other side of my cube wall are out today, and the next closest person isn’t here until 9:30. It means I can crank my radio with no one saying anything. Woo hoo!



I slept well last night. I had taken a half dose of NyQuil since I have been coughing a bit. It was the perfect amount since I don’t feel groggy this morning, and I actually feel rested.



It was an adventure of a day yesterday. I got the text indicating that I did in fact need to pick up Dax. So we rescheduled my dept meeting to happen before I had to leave and I ran out of here at 10.



I got to the school to get Dax. My intentions were to spend the day with him. Then Ken said we should come down to the Art Zone with them. I got there just as the class was walking from a local park. Bobby’s class was at the park while their sister kinder class played at the Art Zone, and now they were switching off.



Dax and I went in with the class and were amazed at how cool this place is.



It is a little workshop with tables set up for the kids to work with clay or goop. There were tables for painting or making necklaces. There was a giant sheet of paper for them to work on a mural. A room with a little house and gobs of costumes and stuffed animals ended up being their favorite room. There was also a room that was filled with toys and water and mud that allowed the kids to play in there without worry of getting the mess anywhere but there. It was a truly awesome place.



I got to truly interact with all of his class, which was incredibly wonderful. I took hundred of pictures. The girls all dressed like princesses and the boys dressed as firemen or lions, complete with roars. It was truly precious.



I was pleased that they all hung out with me. I mean, I know I see them every day, but I don’t get to play with them. It was nice. I figure I will watch these kids grow up, so I like seeing them at this stage of their lives.



Ken worked with the kids at the clay table. I love watching him with the kids.



The two other chaperones are sweet ladies. One is the mom of one of the boys. I just found out that it was her husband that passed away a couple months ago. At one point, something reminded her of him, and she broke down in tears. The other woman I believe is her sister, and she helped her out. It was very sad. I can’t imagine losing Ken so young and with the boys being so young.



We were at the Art Zone till about 1. It worked out well that I was there since I was able to load up my car with all of the art bags (the kids had bags to put all their projects in) so that they didn’t have to cram them in the bus. Dax and I then took them to the school.



Dax was pooped. He slept on the way to the school.



While Dax and I waited for Bobby to be excused from class (he and any kids who’s parents were there were allowed to go home pretty much right after they got back), Miss Lira saw Dax and I and she gave him a pirate pouch with these pretty plastic rocks. Pirate booty! He was thrilled. Dax was one of two kids who really dressed up for pirate day. He looks quite good as Captain Jack!



Dax requested the movie Hook due to him having watched some of it in class. So we watched Hook during dinner. Damn, that movie rocks. I have always loved it, but I have to say, it holds up well. I know it was not a critical favorite, but I have found it charming and funny. And now that I am a weepy ass mom, the scene where the children come home and their mother sees them, I broke down crying. The boys and Ken thankfully only laughed at me a little bit.



It seems later in the morning. It is much too bright in the office. Actually, the weather outside reminds me of the end of the school year. There is a tingly excitement in the air. I don’t know what it is that makes me so odd. Maybe it is my birthday coming up and the summer months with the pool or just the fact that this year it means Bobby is no longer in kindergarten. It is all so crazy and cool and sad and happy.



I am looking forward to this long weekend. I don’t have any huge plans, so this is nice. I am looking forward to playing with my kittens. I went in to visit with them last night and I have to tell you, there are very few things that are as happy making as seeing 5 tiny heads pop up to say hello to you. They love me!



In all fairness, there needs to be some playroom clean up. I discovered that the Art Zone takes costume donations, so I may be able to give some of the costumes we have that are way too small over to them. Happy making donation if you ask me!



Today is already dragging. Sigh. Let’s see if doing some work will speed the day up.

hacked?

5-26-11




It could be a hectic day. It will already be one for Ken and the boys. It is pirate day in Dax’s class. So Ken has to help him get that costume on. Then Bobby has a field trip this morning. Ken goes to that, and will need to pick up Dax early to go to the trip. The question is, will Dax be allowed to go? Not sure yet, and Ken will need to call me this morning to let me know if he can take him or if I will need to go and get Dax when his class ends. I have a department meeting today, that honestly, I don’t give a fuck about, so I may just get him and stay home with him.



The meeting was called by me. I know, that normally would mean I care. In reality, I called the meeting for the department to air their issues. I don’t want to be their voice anymore, so perhaps if I am not there, they will be forced to talk.



I will know in a little over an hour on what I need to do. Ken takes the boys to class at 8, so he will talk to Mrs. Fasheh and let me know.



On a bad note, it seems that someone has hacked our phone account. I don’t know all the details. I got up last night to pee, and Ken told me something about being under attack. I was half asleep, and I was sure he was mistaken since I had changed our phone password yesterday when I was looking something up on our AT&T account. I went back to sleep and then read an email from Ken this morning saying something about his passwords being hacked. He also sent me a text just now asking me if I messed with AT&T this morning. I had not, so he must have gotten some kind of notice. Although, I thought all notices went to my phone, so I am still confused.



I am rockin the “Woo Girl” outfit. Ok, it isn’t complete since I am wearing different shoes, but the cowboy hat and dress. I hope I don’t look like a total idiot.



I think I can understand why Dax is not as happy at Maria’s. They kind of treat the kids like, well, babies there. Dax still drinks out of a sippy cup there. Most of the kids are younger and slightly immature even for their age. Dax towers above them in so many ways. I would venture a guess that he has long since outgrown them. I am so glad that he only has to go there for a couple more weeks.



Can vitamins cause wacky dreams? I swear, I have had more and more of them since I started being really diligent on my vitamin intake. I also have been having more sex in my dreams. I wonder what that is about.



I need to work.

Sue-society

5-25-11




Dammit world, stop suing people.



As much as I feel for the family of the guy who was beaten within an inch of his life (and that inch looks like it will not hold), do you really need to sue the Dodgers organization? What the fuck? I know you were in the parking lot, but just because some asshole Dodger fan kicks the shit out of your family member, do you really think the Dodgers are responsible for this? I don’t care if their security was less than what you had hoped for. In a crowd that size, things may happen. You take that chance when you go to a rival field in the opposing attire. I am not saying it is right that you got your ass beat. I think that is horrid and I am glad that the Dodgers take it seriously, but dammit folks, you can’t sue them. You just can’t. Sue the asshole who did this to you. But not the organization doing all they can to help find the guy who did this.



On this note, I am also mad at this story I saw on the news a couple nights ago. I actually was screaming at my computer, Ken trying to calm me down. I was so angry, I couldn’t even make sense.



This woman had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby passed away after 17 days. He was premature.



She had indicated to the hospital that she did not want photos of her son after he had passed. It seems that there was some mixup, and the bereavement department ended up taking 150 pictures of her son. The photos were then sent to her, which sounds to me like the standard practice.



She was upset, and in shock, because she did not want the post mortem pictures of her son. I understand being upset, but is this reason to sue?



And then we get beyond even that. I watched an interview with her and her attorney on Dr Drew’s show. He was so fucking hateable. He kept going on and on about how it was sick, them taking pictures and that who knows who is doing what with the photos since they were developed at Wallgreens. He talked about some guy in the town that recently was convicted of some necrophilia. Dr Drew asks him if he thinks that this would take place with these pictures, and he says, wait for it, no. This man is first off, upsetting the mom even more with these suggestions, and then just so full of hype and bullshit I wanted to hunt him down and kick him in the face. He went on and on, making this out to be a bigger crime than just a clerical error.



The lawyer went on to say how there is a market for these kind of photos. He is such an idiot. The only market is for 100 year old pictures, which was how families dealt with death. It was common place then to take photos of a deceased child, and even grownups, in full clothing and even posed to look like they might either be alive or just sleeping. It was the time, and those prints can be worth money. However, the only market for current photos would be in the idea that many photographers are getting into this business since many parents want these photos of their baby. A lot of times they just want a peaceful picture of the baby without all the wires and monitors they are often hooked up to before they pass. I can completely understand this. I can also understand not wanting them. Either way, this fucktard of a lawyer is taking advantage of a grieving woman, and wasting time and money on a lawsuit.



I spend every day as a parent teaching my kids to be grateful. I teach them to also thank people for their generosity and I teach them to apologize when they make a mistake. I don’t teach them to give someone money with the apology. I don’t teach them that every good thing they do results in a treat. Somewhere along the way, we as a society have forgotten the very things we were taught. We make mistakes. We are human. Yes, sometimes mistakes result in someone getting hurt. Does a huge cash settlement make it better? And if it does, what does that say about the person who was hurt?



When I was 16, my appendix ruptured. This happened after multiple misdiagnosis’s of my condition. I could have died. Did my parents sue the doctor or hospital? Nope. Should they have? Nope! They did good. They were just grateful that I was alive. They recognized that yes, they missed my appendix having issues. But they knew the doctors did they best they could at the time. They also are human. They make mistakes.



Do I think that people should be held responsible for mistakes? Yes, I do. But I don’t think the lawsuit is the appropriate solution. It has been misused and over done and now, it is just a joke. People sue for millions of dollars over a hang nail. It isn’t right.



Plus, how do we put a price tag on lawsuits. In the case of the Dodgers suit, I don’t know how much they are asking for. Perhaps you would ask for medical costs, and maybe some lost wages while you cared for your family member. But then there is that whole pain and suffering thing. What is the going rate for that? In the instance of the mom, she was probably already miserable, what with the loss of her son. So what’s to say her anguish was not mostly from that and the pictures were simply just one of those millions of reminders like the crib already set up or someone offering you condolences?



I may sound heartless, and I know I am not making as much sense as I want to. That being said, I just feel like we are abusing a system that was put in place to help people. Instead, we use it to make a quick buck, all the while blaming instead of healing.



I just hope that some day we figure this out.

I need more weekend. LOL!

5-23-11




I had not planned on writing a blog today. I just wasn’t feeling it. Crazy dreams and a sore arm have kept me from much needed rest the last few days. One dream included my pregnancy which was a litter of puppies. Crazy!



The weekend was ok aside from that. Friday night, Ken and I were able to catch up on a lot of television. I went to bed way earlier than I suppose I should have on a “date” night. Although, it obviously did not matter since sleep was scarce.



Saturday was spent cleaning and hanging out, and dealing with the demons residing in our children. Dax has been battling a nasty one for the last few months. It is the 4 year old that battles him. I think Dax is tired of it. Bobby on the other hand was just tired. Both boys broke down in sobs in front of Neighbor Boy at one point. I think it was quite embarrassing for Bobby in particular.



I had an entire bottle of wine on my own Saturday night. It was nummy. I know, probably not good for me, but what the hell, right? I was celebrating not being raptured.



Sunday I went and helped Brandy with the Super Adoption event. It was interesting seeing this kind of event from the inside instead of just one of those folks who walk around them. I saw a couple of cats I know I would have brought home had I not already been full at my house. LOL! An orange little girl who was about 3 months I think was very tempting. As was a dirty looking cinnamon cat. He would have pissed off Monarch in ways I don’t know that I would want to see. As it was, when I got into bed last night, he was pretty upset at the gobs of cat smells he noticed. Thankfully, he just opted to be loved by me.



There were no uber interested parties, but lots of people who definitely seemed to consider the idea of taking home one of Brandy’s. They took home info and applications, so hopefully Brandy gets some emails or calls.



The boss is back this week. He just came in. My zoned out mood this morning didn’t allow me to be as chipper as I should have been. Oh well.



I am angry with my hair this morning. I didn’t wash it, so it seems goopy. Bleah.



I think I need a massage.



I need Erasure today. LOL!

just like a true gemini-I am on both extremes today

5-20-11




House is clean and sparkly, which is uber happy making. I am really looking forward to mellow night with Ken. I am proud to say I will not miss the kids. Not that I don’t adore them, but they will have a lot of fun with my folks and it isn’t like it is all that long that they are gone.



I feel pretty today. I know, random, but it doesn’t happen all that often.



I am all proud that my Tears of a Clown post was read by Papa Brenan’s cousin on FB. It is always nice when I get a random new reader. Added bonus is that he agreed with me!



It is Friday, and I am ready for it to really begin, which is the minute I clock out.



I had a craving to hear the song Kyrie from Mr. Mister yesterday, and then it actually played in the Sizzler we were in. Random! Yes, I just downloaded it.



We are in random thought generator mode. Nothing super deep, but everything non sequitur.



I guess it is the last good day of living on Earth what with this Rapture nonsense tomorrow. Bummer.



I am so distracted this morning. I am so ready to be home.



Happy has turned to sad. My heart hurts. I will vent now.



It wasn’t supposed to be like this, dammit. We were supposed to all be friends forever, and our kids were supposed to know each other, and we would all be this wonderful support system. Scott’s daughter, Madelyn, is not supposed to be sick. She isn’t supposed to be getting worse. She can’t die. She just can’t. Angela is not supposed to be in Vegas while her daughter is in Pennsylvania with a man that almost killed Angela. Dani is not supposed to be in Texas with a husband that cheated on her. Brandy isn’t supposed to be living with 100 cats and feeling lonely. Conner isn’t supposed to be living with 100 women and feeling all Charlie Sheen like. For that matter, he should not be Conner, he should be David. I don’t even see Jason or Aaron. Greg is not really my friend. My high school peeps are dealing with issues and have sad days and I just hate it. I know, we all have bad days and times, but Madelyn has just bummed me out. This all on the heels of Mark dying, I just feel so old and helpless and sad. I want to hug them all with some kind of protective blanket to make it all better. I want them all to not have these statistics. I will try to focus on the good from this point on, but really, it just isn’t fair.



And all I hear is my dad telling me, Gena, life isn’t fair. Yeah, well, show me where Life’s balls are so I can kick Life square in them for fucking with my people.

They grow up too fast

5-19-11




I would like more sleep.



Dax is spending the day with my mom and dad. This morning, he goes and sees a concert with Greg and Steve. Should be fun for Dax since these are all songs he listens to and performs in class.



Neighbor Boy (NB) keeps me guessing. He came over last night. We have told the boys that for the next few play sessions, they need to play in our yard. They always seem to go down to NB’s house, and I don’t like not knowing what goes on. NB was asked a lot of questions on why they had to stay by home, and I noted he was extremely bossy in general. Bobby got into a huge argument with him over whether or not Vanessa from day care was in daycare. Bobby said she was there, meaning she worked there. NB of course said she was too old for day care. We settled the matter, and I was pleased that Bobby went toe to toe with the older boy.



Despite my misgivings, the kid did bring over some old sweatshirts of his that he didn’t wear anymore (including an awesome Pirates of the Caribbean sweatshirt) for the boys. How mad can I get at a kid who presents us with freebies? I can assure you, I can still be unsure of his motives, but I will take his gifts and keep an even closer eye on him.



One sad note of their play was the sudden realization that my son was no longer a little boy. They were playing soccer, and Bobby was playing goalie. Bobby issued a stern warning to NB to not kick it too hard because he didn’t want it to “hit him in the nuts”. I found myself going into super ooey gooey mommy the rest of the evening with Bobby.



It sounds like a busy afternoon for me. After work, I need to go and get Bobby, then go get Dax from my folks, and then rush back since Papa Brenan happens to be in town this afternoon for some meeting, and he is coming to the house. Seriously, can I go home this morning and sleep? Or at the very least, help Ken with the house. I am thinking he can do the house, and I can do the playroom. Hmm…Maybe I will leave early.

Tears of a Clown

5-18-11

McDonald’s is not to blame for your kid being fat.



Parents of this world, stop it! At some point in your life, you chose to have a child. It may have been an active choice. It may have been because of choices you made when it comes to safe sex. Either way, you went into that hospital and you had yourself a baby.



You loved this baby. Sure, this may be an assumption on my part, but I like to think that the vast majority doesn’t hate their kid. You kept this baby safe. You taught them to not stick metal rods into an outlet. You explained to them that they cannot fly without an airplane or hang glider. You showed them that when people draw animals talking and singing, it is really funny.



Then one day, as you are out driving, I assume with your kid secured safely in their car seat, your child sees this giant M. “Mama, what is that?” “Why, son, that is a place called McDonalds. I should have covered the windows on the mini van because now it is too late to keep you from their massive power. We shall eat there, now, every time you want to, because you are now the boss of me.”



Are you serious? Is this how it works? If you listened to these people trying to retire Ronald McDonald, you would think that must be how they see it.



Corporations are not in charge of what our kids do. We are the ones who get to guide them, and explain to them what is good and what is bad. And, what is bad, but ok in moderation.



I take my kids to McDonalds. You know what? I also have to practically force them to eat it because they are way more interested in the playground than consumption of the greasy goodness that is a McDonald’s French Fry. Do they ask me if they can go to McDonald’s every time they see it? They sure do. But do I go every time. Not even a little bit.



Stop blaming advertising for the flaws of our society. Last time I checked, we have this really cool thing called free will. Go ahead and exercise that, and teach your kids about it, too. Let them know that if they decide to eat Big Macs everyday, they will look like Po from Kung Fu Panda, without the awesome Kung Fu skills.



Teach your kids. Talk to your kids. If you are so concerned with the images they see, it is your duty to make sure they understand the ramifications of acting on impulse. Don’t blame the clown, folks. You are a bigger clown if you truly think that one fictional character is the main reason your kid has issues.

fingers do not go in doors

5-17-11




It seems to be a down week. Yesterday’s sadness turned to panic when I got a phone call from Bobby’s teacher at 1:10. She informed me that Bobby was now complaining about his finger. When Ken had dropped them off at school in the morning, Bobby had got his hand stuck in the car door. This kind of thing makes me cringe. I hate the idea of this. In fact, it is one of those things I am super diligent about when I close any doors near the boys. I even had a mini lecture about door safety on Friday evening with them. But obviously, accidents happen.



Bobby had been upset, but he seemed ok. However, by afternoon, it was hurting. I rushed out of work and called Ken to run down to get him. I got home and Ken showed up with the kids a few minutes later. There was swelling. We all got in the car and headed down to the doc’s office.



We didn’t have to wait too long, but we were smart enough to bring along homework. Yes, we added insult to injury. Poor kid had to work on homework while we waited. Luckily, he was in good spirits. Plus, the injury is on his left hand, which allowed him to still write.



Doctor O’Brian agreed that it was good we brought him down. Little hands and bones are weird the way they work. She sent us down to X-Ray for Bobby to get scanned.



Thankfully, Ken was thinking. I know I was not. Ken determined he would go in with Bobby. He normally isn’t very assertive on something like this, allowing me to be all mommy comfort with the boys in times of medical issues. I was surprised, but didn’t really mind. Dax and I sat in the waiting room, while Dax played Memory on Ken’s phone.



As we headed back up to the doc, X-rays in hand, Ken pointed out I might not be allowed in there, and he gestured to a sign pointing out if you are a woman that is or might be expecting, please stay out. That’s right, my man was thinking! Woo hoo!



I foolishly let the boys use both my phone and iTouch to play Angry Birds. Man, that game is like crack to a kid. I took away my devices when we were leaving and I swear they got the shakes.



Dr. O’Brian said it was not a break. She said little kids often don’t complain about pain until it is unbearable. I can relate. When I broke my finger, and I wasn’t nearly as young as Bobby, I didn’t tell anyone for a good 4 hours. My finger was giant by then. I also almost passed out.



Needless to say, by the time I got home, I was wiped out.



I mustered up some energy, though, and worked on the living room a bit while Ken did some changes to the litter pan and pantry configuration. We are chipping away at problem areas of the house. Ken has cleaned out just about every cabinet in the kitchen. We are getting rid of tons of novelty glasses and dishes and appliances we just don’t use. It is making more room in the cupboards, which is nice.



One of our recent purchases was this Roku box that allows us access to our Netflix account in the bedroom. We have been able to watch more things in there, which is awesome because I don’t feel as bad going to bed at 7:30. One of the shows that Netflix decided to recommend was this Japanamation show called Girls Bravo.



Them Japanese folks are honked up.



First off, there is a whole lotta naked. Plus, one of the main characters, um, services a shit load of bananas. There is a perv who feels up every chick he comes in contact with. The two male characters get their asses beat several times an episode, resulting in images of them with severely bloodied noses and broken necks. And we are only on episode 3! It is so many levels of “what the fuck”, we are sucked into watching more. None of it makes sense, and yet it does.



Ken got me some kick ass Skull Candy headphones that I can use with my phone and iTty. I am all happy!



As much as I am not motivated, I feel work needs to happen.

RIP Mark

5-16-11




I feel so very sad now.



Over the last couple years, I have seen fundraisers for a Manhattan Beach police officer with cancer. I have given money to some of them. But honestly, when I would read his name, nothing triggered. I assumed he was a younger cop, someone I would not know. I assumed he wasn’t a native and that he would pull through.



I was wrong on all counts.



Mark Vasquez was 36 years old. He was a Redondo Beach native. I looked at his picture today on the Daily Breeze article that announced that he had lost his fight with cancer, and I recognized his warm smile.



I knew this guy.



Mark went to Madison. I remember him clearly in my 5th grade class with Miss Wells. He was a class clown, with a huge heart. He did this super funny impersonation of a chicken, complete with a funny walk and everything. He was a good looking kid, too. Too bad I was clueless back then. He asked me out several times, and I turned him down, not even sure what “going out” meant.



When I read about his passing, I honestly got choked up. Of course, I get choked up at the tiny things, but this was different.



I hate myself for having not read about him more when I first heard. I didn’t get to tell him that I was routing for his survival. It made me so very sad that I didn’t show him that I had the class picture of him, and that I remembered him fondly.



I emailed his wife this morning with the picture, and she thanked me and said that just based on my description, she knew it was the same Mark, despite my hopes in the email that it couldn’t be because it would make me so sad. She told me his mom saw the picture too, and they were thankful for the happy memory.



So I sit here, knowing that it is what it is, and my mind starts going over other deaths. The first is a girl named Melinda Mitchell. She died my freshman year in high school. It may have even been sophomore year. Either way, when they announced her death, I didn’t know her. She was a couple years older, and for whatever reason, it didn’t occur to me then that she was someone I knew.



Once again, I was wrong.



She was on the soccer team at Costa. I didn’t know all the varsity players names yet, so I didn’t realize it until I saw her name. I was in shock. I had not really known anyone who had died before. I didn’t know her super well, but it was one of those reality moments that made me so freaked out.



In a strange coincidence, my dreams last night were actually about me going to a funeral with one of Ken’s old classmates who is sick. I don’t know who died, but it was this surreal dream in which I wanted to hug everyone.



I hurt right now. I hate that I didn’t know him better. I hate that I didn’t get in touch with him as I did so many other people from that time frame. I feel like I have missed out on an opportunity to perhaps have left him with some happy memory or anecdote.



I can’t explain my pain, since I didn’t know him like I did others. I hurt when I think of Mo’s son, Griffin. Every time I fold Bobby’s YugiOh pants, I think of Griffin, since it was his favorite. Mind you, I only know this from Mo’s journal, and this was from 6 years ago.



I get sad when I think of Jonathan, and the idea of him and Bobby being the best of friends now. Not that Stephanie and I knew each other when it happened, but I still feel this closeness to him, as if I must have.



Why do I gravitate towards this kind of sad story? Why do these tales crush me and drain my energy? I am glad I can feel this deeply about folks I barely know, but at the same time, I sometimes wish I would not hurt so badly.



Of course, my bigger wish is that these good people would not have died.



So rest in peace, Mark. I will look for the memorial service and hopefully be able to go if only to show your loved ones that you will be remembered, even by people who only knew you for a little while.

Holy Fish Paste

5-16-11




The boys went to their first official birthday party where Ken and I were not a part of it. I walked them down to neighbor boy’s house and they barely noticed me. I did field one question from Danny (Neighbor boy’s real name) which was, “Where have they been?” I bit my tongue since it wasn’t like the boys were all that late, and f-you, you stupid punk ass kid.



Turns out the grandmother of Anthony, the boys other friend, is a smidge leery of Danny as well. There is a roughness and desperation that both she and I do not like. However, she agrees with Ken in the idea that ultimately, this is classic behavior issues of a kid of an angry divorce family. It is such a shame, really, since he is not all bad.



We were late for the party since we took the boys to Disneyland in the morning. We had not been in a while, and it was raining which makes for less people. Apparently, that secret is out, but even so, we didn’t encounter too many crowds overall, and were able to hit up quite a few rides before heading home. We even went over to California Adventure, where the boys and Ken got to laugh at me as I screamed a little on a cheesy jellyfish ride, and then went on roaring rapids in a sight panic at the height of the drop. The boys find it delightful when I freak out, and at the same time they are incredibly kind after laughing to make sure I am ok.



It was a good Sunday after a little hectic from Friday on. Saturday was errands and then a brief visit with my folks and my aunt Guinn who was in town for her grandson’s graduation from USC.



Ken was going to visit with Aaron on Saturday. The plan was that the boys and I would join him. However, it turned out no one under 18 was allowed on the unit. So instead, the boys and I hung out at the Pedro Target with Stephanie and Sabrina. That is a lot of kid, btw. These little ones are awesome, but man, they feed off of one another’s energy. It was comical.



In hind site, I should have checked back in with my folks to maybe continue the visit with Guinn, but we were all rather exhausted. We picked up dinner and got home. My mom called, after we had all consumed a lot of food, to tell us that they were going to Don Jose’s. Damn!!! Oh well, maybe next time.



My mom informed me that she had not told my dad about “the plan”. She didn’t know if I wanted him to know. I was impressed, and told her I had assumed that she would only because I didn’t know if she would keep a secret from my dad. Since it isn’t like a real secret, she doesn’t feel inclined to tell him. I told this to Ken, and his response was, “I thought we were not telling anyone.” I guess he was behind on my blog.



I may become the little old lady who constantly calls the police for every little thing. In my defense, though, I am getting a little tired that I have to call for this jack ass on his ATV that drives up and down my street at 100 mph. Yesterday, he was doing it during Danny’s party, which drove me nuts since there was this party with 20 kids that could have been in the street at any second. Plus, he was racing someone! The cops sent someone out, and they left me a message that they wanted to talk to me. They never showed up near the house, so I didn’t get to tell them where to go. I think next time I talk to the police, I am going to show them the video.



I am rockin a new outfit today. An awesome dress along with some fantastic shoes. I should have worn the hat, but I was not feeling it this morning. You see, the boys and I went to the 99 cent store before we went to my parent’s house on Friday. They had these straw hats, that were kind of cowboy like. I ended up wearing Bobby’s at some point. I looked good. Look, I don’t toot my own horn when it comes to looks all that often. But I have always been able to rock a hat. This one looked cool. It made me sure that I did in fact want the straw cowboy hat that they had at Target. So after we picked up Ken that night, I got me a hat! It has a turquoise beaded thing around it, which shockingly totally matches the dress. The only problem is how much of a “woo girl” I look like when I do put them together. So for now, I think I will try to keep them apart.



Bobby was very upset that Mrs. Fasheh’s pencil holder (a coffee mug) had broken accidently on Friday. So I told him we could get her a new one. He was thrilled. We managed to find one with what looks like red flowers on the bottom of it, which Bobby was also happy about since apparently Mrs. Fasheh loves red flowers. I did not know this, but she had actually trained to be a florist. Who knew?



Dax will break his perfect attendance this week to go to the Greg and Steve show with my mom. It is music that he listens to in class, so it should be fun for him. Plus, my mom is quite pleased. She worries she is losing her connection to the boys. They are getting older and she worries she has already lost Bobby, and Dax will be gone soon, too. She of course is just paranoid since the boys ADORE her. But I understand what she is saying.



Bobby is very obsessed with death. I am not shocked, since let’s face it, I am his mother. I just hope I am doing the conversations justice. He also has asked a lot about where babies come from. I had to explain to him what a tampon was for. He also wanted to know how “daddy’s stuff” gets inside a mommy to make a kid. We have kept it pretty scientific, but didn’t get graphic. Like I don’t tell the boys that they were in my tummy anymore. I tell them that it was a uterus that they lived in. The boys seem happy that I don’t talk down to them too much. I also try not to freak em out. They have not been told about the mechanics of sex. That seems like too much. Although I was amused at Bobby’s question of if it hurts when daddy puts his stuff in me.



We transferred the Mama cat and her babies into a better cage. It is one where we set up a shelf for Mama to be able to get away from them for a spell. She is still spooked, but she is getting better. Yesterday when I took out the kittens, I petted her a bit, and then she just moved out of my way for me to get the babies. It was cool. The boys held them and man, there is one loud mouth of the bunch. I love kitten cries. I ended up holding the set at one point, and went into my natural rocking motion that I would do with the boys when they were babies. I sang, I chit chatted, and after a bit they all settled well into my chest. So wonderful. I am hoping this will imprint my scent and sound on to them so as they grow, they will trust me. I am not too concerned.



I want to introduce them to the dogs, but man, those pups get stupid. They seem jealous, excited, wild and crazed when I am holding the kittens. I think I will wear Luna out tonight and then when she is tired, I will introduce her to them. It might be easier all around.



Ken and I had kicked around ideas for how to spend our Friday night being that we will be sans kids. The decision was to just chill at home. I know, we do it a lot, but there is something to be said about doing it when you don’t have to worry about the boys. So we will catch up on either movies or House or something like that. We also have decided to pick up chips and salsa from Cozy’s and just sit back and enjoy. It will be a good night. I will go get them in the morning.



I feel really good this morning. It was freezing last night, which is always happy making for my sleep schedule. I would imagine that my multiple cups of green tea and ice water this morning have helped my energy. Oh, that and the fact that the boss man is out all week!!! WOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOO!!



I guess even without the hat, I am a Woo Girl.



Hmmm…interesting. I just noted that I have had no eye twitch all weekend. I have only been here a couple hours, and I noticed it has popped back up. I think we have the culprit!



I love my new shoes so much. They are crazy comfy and super cute. They also make me mega tall! It is almost scary. I am also happy with the dress. I was a little worried at first as it was a bit more tight around the gut, but it has stretched out a smidge so now it flows nicely. My fancy hippie look is coming along nicely.



I wish Ken’s sibs lived closer to us. I adore them so much. Holly gave me some advice over the weekend about bed wetting alarms. I know, it is minor, but it makes me so happy to have a sister. I think I am a little jealous of people who had normal siblings. No offense to Matt, but let’s face it, I could never be close with him.



OMG! So we found these DIY lamps at Target. It was basically an empty vase that had a light fixture on the top. It showed how you could fill it with whatever you wanted. The examples were things like flower petals and all pretty shit. I want multiple ones now. I want to fill it with skulls and ducks and maybe disco balls. Actually, I think I want to start buying them now and make them as my Christmas presents for everyone. I can make them custom for each person. Ok, so my couple of peeps reading this, I am sorry if I just spoiled my present for you. LOL!!



Aaron is out of rehab. He seems really good. His knees don’t hurt, which is incredible. He is starting to believe that much of his pain for the last 20 years has been in his head. I have been saying this for a long ass time, but I will not gloat too much. I am mad at his doctors for only treating symptoms, instead of looking into the possibility that it wasn’t just his knees. I am mad that they just keep letting him get on more and more pills. I am mad that this has truly fucked him up in enough ways to make me angry at him. This is a guy who dated one of my best friends. He is best friends with my husband. He is a cool guy when he doesn’t let the pain demons run his head. Hopefully now with the tools he has gained from this experience at rehab, that a sober lifestyle will allow him some peace, and will get him back to a more functional life. I know that it would be cool for Ken, since I know how important it is to have people around you in life that you can rely on and vent to, and even just talk about random Star Wars arguments. When Ken was talking to Aaron about Star Wars yesterday, I was actually giddy. I love it when Ken gets that outlet. So because of that, I will do what I can to help this sobriety work. I am going to help out by typing up his writings from rehab. Since he was not allowed a computer, he mostly used old school paper and pen to write what he was thinking. It will be good to have it digital, too. I know he is happy I am doing this, plus, it means I get to read it!



Dax battled a sick this weekend. It wasn’t bad, just some fevers every now and again. He has been sniffly, too, which makes me think it was all part of a cold that Bobby had recently which had the same fever and nose stuff. Poor kid was cold, which is usually a dead giveaway that he is sick. Much of Saturday, he was bundled up, complete with a blanket. Then, as if that wasn’t enough, he broke out into some kind of strange minor rash on Sunday after we went on this roaring rapids ride. I had a similar effect where I got wet. I showered him when we got home and hooked him up with some Benedryl, and he was fine. It still spooked me, though.



It is hot again in this dang office. Uncool, literally. I suppose they are gearing up for a cold day outside. Lame.



I should do something today.

It's Friday (do not sing the song now)

5-13-11




The weekend looks to be pretty active.



We have visits with my aunt and Aaron, not at the same time. The boys have a birthday party with neighbor boy on Sunday, and that morning we are hitting up D-Land. The thing I look most forward to is getting home tonight and being able to sleep until 7 tomorrow. YAY!



The kittens are doing great. Ken spent time with them yesterday while I was at work. When I got home, I spent time with them, too. I was even able to spend time petting Mama with only one or two hisses in the beginning. She even let me take her babies from her with no fight. It was good!



At least two have some eye openings. They look healthy, but I think could use a little more meat on their bones. Luckily, their mother is now eating well, so this should help her milk and in turn make them some healthy kittens.



Socializing should go well. The boys are still super jazzed about them. The dogs could hardly contain themselves.



Lots of random dreams. I am frustrated that I don’t remember them well. I know that it was filled with people that I don’t really hang with. Facebook has apparently given me a whole new cast of characters to work with when I am sleeping.



There are days in which it is a struggle to stay at work. I would love nothing more than to go home and crawl into bed. Then again, I know I would not be able to relax.



Ladies, as much as I highly endorse the Mireena IUD for all of your anti reproductive needs, please note that although, yes, your periods do virtually disappear, they do go somewhere. There appears to be some kind of pouch in your body that stores all of the yuck, hormones and other various side effects of standard monthlies. Said pouch will empty upon removal of birth control device.



Oh! Memory of one creepy aspect of dream. Andy Mckeegan was there. He was a stalker. He was creepy beyond words. Gives me chills!



It is interesting listening to Jesse James on the radio. I kind of feel sorry for him. Don’t get me wrong, the dude fucked up in his cheating on Sandra, but that being said, to have so many people to them take your pictures and call you a Nazi in front of your kids, it seems like the line has been crossed. Celebrities are human, just like us. They make mistakes. They cheat on their spouses, just like normal people do. A lot of them also work hard at their jobs, like normal people do. They have kids, like normal people do. Yet if some dude cheated on his wife on my block, I guarantee I would not know about it. There would be no paparazzi, there would be no insults flung in front of their kids. It all just seems so very sad that we as a society are so quick to judge. I am guilty of it, too, btw. I certainly don’t exclude myself. I don’t like a lot of celebrities for some pretty stupid reasons. Of course, I also don’t like certain normal people for some pretty stupid reasons. LOL!!



I am using Facebook for a good cause! The company we get our bounce houses from has some contest for folks to like a picture of us enjoying their product. I am hoping I can get lots of likes because it could mean a free bounce house rental!! YAY!



I am such a dork. I just passed a co worker in the hallway who told me my dress was nice. It was a guy. I swear, I get all giddy and giggly stupid. LOL!!



Is it just me or does it seem super rude to contest a will? I mean, when someone dies, they truly don’t owe you anything. If they were asshole enough to leave their entire fortune to some whore they met in Vegas or all to the dog, who are we to tell them that they are wrong? If it is truly one person’s money, they it is theirs to do with as they choose. Example-my horrid evil grandmother decided to put her Florida time share in her daughter’s name when she was alive. This meant that when she kicked the bucket, my aunt got the time share, and her siblings did not get a piece of it. As my dad pointed out, this woman was evil. Who is it for anyone to say a damn thing about it? Look at Anna Nicole Smith. I firmly believe that she was entitled to that old man’s entire estate. No not because she touched his dingle. She gets it because he was happy with her, and he wanted to do this for her. Crazy or not, someone helped him make this will. Where was his family when he was alive? People don’t just do these things to spite their family unless they are pretty hateable (dead dude or family can be the hated one in this scenario). I bring this up since of course I was watching my stories (AKA 90210) and the pretty clear next plot line involves some old broad who Annie befriends and works for, makes her final days wonderful, and old broad ends up leaving all her riches to Annie. Daughter is pissed. Well, looky here, daughter. Where the fuck were you when old broad was sick? Anywhoo, I know this is fiction, but sometimes it is an interesting thing. I know wills are contested all the time. It just seems wrong to me. It seems to be done in poor taste. My old, dead relatives owe me nothing. My parents owe me nothing at this point. They fed, clothed and housed me for 18 years. Their debt to me is done. I might not like all the decisions in some wills. But it isn’t my place to say.



Sorry, random!!

rescue kittens!

5-12-11




I am the proud foster mom of a mama kitty and her 5 adorable week old babies.



A litter was found at Brandy’s old work. The lady there truly was clueless on what to do, which meant they needed rescue from their rescue. I volunteered. I actually love doing this part. Socializing kittens is something I did as a kid. When my cats Maria and Whiskers had their multiple litters (Whiskers in particular was a bit of a whore. We would plan on getting her spayed, but would at least wait until she was done nursing the current batch. But then she would disappear for a few days and come back knocked up again), it was me who would sit in with them for hours, playing with them, naming them, and loving the hell out of them. I would cry when every one of them would go to their new home, but I was always happy for them.



I am especially jazzed to have kittens around now since the boys get to see the whole process. I would have liked them to see a kitty give birth (truly a remarkable sight), but I like that they can have the same hands on experiences that I had as a kid.



Ken set up our monitor camera in the garage so that we can check on them without spooking them at times. We will be handling them all a ton, but they need privacy, too. Plus, watching kittens without them knowing about us being there can be entertaining.



The boys are thrilled. Bobby wants to hold them all, despite being freaked out at first about the one he picked up which he was sure was pooping on him. It was only the umbilical cord. LOL! Dax has taken to talking to them the same way I do, which is freaking adorable to hear the 4 year old refer to them as “darlin” and “sweetie”.



Mind you, the kitten rescue did not come without drama. Ok, it wasn’t drama so much as adventure. When I got home with the litter, I wanted to take them to the garage without dog or cat interference. So I set the boys out to let the dogs inside, and then I could go around the back. I hear them run through the house as I stood clutching the cat trap out in my front yard. I heard the gallops of Luna and the slow march of Lycos. I then heard some more chaos, a slight crash, and Dax screaming. Fuck.



No one was hurt. The boys were pissed because even though they let the dogs in, they did not stay in. They knew I was home, so they clamored to the side gate, completely ignoring the two children trying to heard the bumbling idiots into the house. Kids upset, dogs in goofus mode, and me holding a trap with a freaked mom cat and 5 yelling babies.



I handled it. It all worked ok. This is until we headed back to take the trap back to the company I retrieved them from in the first place.



I decided to take dogs with us so that there was no accidental meeting of dog and cat yet. I herded my boys and canines to the porch. Unfortunately, Luna was so wired, she sprinted towards the car. She is accustomed to jumping into an open van. Well, PT was not open. I had to rush after her since she also ran into the street like a fool. In the mean time, Lycos was on the porch, unrestrained. A boy and his little dog were running by. Before I could even compute, my fucktard of a lab lunged off the porch and rushed the pup. I screamed out to Lycos, who instantly realized she had fucked up big time and did kind of a tuck and roll into submission. I drug my blonde dog with me as I went to secure the black dog. I snipped at Lycos, but at the exact same time Luna felt that she needed to kiss Lycos. Let’s just say thank goodness Lycos doesn’t have as many teeth as she should. My cheek is thankful for that since when her mouth did graze it, I was sure I would be maimed.



I was pretty tousled after that, but we managed. I tried very hard to not flip out at things I would normally get all worked up over. Kind of like counting to ten. I thought I would try in an effort to keep my anxiety in check.



My lunch room has become a Cantina. At just about any time of day, now, There are several jovial Mexicans, all of whom are eating some kind of yummy smelling homemade Mexican food and laughing and chitter chatting in Spanish. It is due to our old warehouse combining into the warehouse into my building. Now, all of those workers break in our lunch room. Apparently they seem to break a lot, but it isn’t too big a deal. Although I have to admit, it isn’t as easy for someone like me who doesn’t know most of these guys, to walk in there. I get all shy. It is silly, I know. I hate going in there when I know the people! LOL!



I tried to rock my tiny hat today, but I could not make it work today. I am sad.



I started reading the Tina Fey book called Bossypants. It is awesome, which means working is hard since I feel like I can just read by book back in my little corner that no one comes to.



Ok, work time.

Mom's day weekend

5-9-11




I feel sleepy. It was a weekend lacking in sleep.



Ok, I know I slept some Friday night, but Saturday night, holy fuck. Between sprinklers randomly turning on, cats scratching at the screen door, neighbor dog yapping all night, cramps and other period related nonsense, have I mentioned the fucking yappy dog, and just not getting comfortable, I was not getting sleep. I would love to sleep for a day.



Friday night was a lot of fun. Stephanie and I left the children with Ken and we went out to Conner’s house for dinner with he and Nadja. After some initial threats of sushi (LOL!), we settled on going to the Waffle.



It was a cute little place, with breakfast and cocktails available, which is pretty much what awesome is. I did not drink, as I was exhausted, but instead enjoyed ice cold milk with my yummy food. The biggest disappointment of the food was actually the waffle, which was not as tasty as I had hoped.



Stephanie was quite obsessed with having Conner order the sticky bun waffles, which he eventually did to our amusement and delight. It was a shame I was so stuffed since I am sure I could have eaten way more of it.



We were incredibly confused at the fact that a breakfast place was out of eggs. This made no freaking sense. They seemed to be lacking in several things, including sense when many of the simply substitutions had “up charges”. All in all, though, the waiter was adorable and for some reason I was not upset when he delivered the news. Granted, he made points when he got me more milk.



I was happy for the evening, too, since I got to see Mil, even if only for a few minutes. I adore her.



Nadja apparently has a similar death and old Hollywood fascination that I have. I see possible cemetery visit in my future?



It was nice going with Stephanie. I was not nearly as self conscious with them as I would normally be. She kind of boosted my confidence in a lot of ways. I was quite grateful.



Saturday was Free Comic Book Day! We got in line around 11:30 for a noon start time. There would be free comics that were Star Wars, Avitar-The Last Airbender, Mickey Mouse, and other fun titles. I was a little concerned that the wait would suck, but there were storm troopers, an R4 unit, and other costumed awesomeness. Chris came down, too, so we got to hang out and have a lot of fun. We got out of there around 1.



We went to lunch at Fatburger. Wow, super yummy! I enjoyed the sign outside the place which said, “Attention Carnivores: Fatburger’s this way. Attention Vegetarians: Hey look, a tree!” Awesome!



The rest of the day was pretty mellow, which was nice. We played with the dogs and boys out back, which is one of those things that always makes me happy. The total chaos of pups and boys running after various items, just barely missing one another, and the total joy on all of their faces make these times precious.



Sunday morning I got up around 6. Since I could not sleep from all the previously stated items (fucking yappy dog), I figured I might as well start my day. I had not planned on being ready to go so early, which only caused a lot of tension from the boys when they got up.



We headed out to Grammie’s around 9. When we got there, we checked out the new pool, which is still in construction mode. We also got to see the new bathroom they were working on and the wall they put in where one of the sliding glass doors was. They did a good job, but removing the glass door kind of took away some of the 70’s vibe I enjoyed about the place.



Grammie was a bit clingy. She went on and on about my mother and aunt needing to spend more time together. I knew that my mom had been frustrated at her family’s lack of consideration when things like holidays were celebrated. This specifically stemmed from their tardiness the last times my mom hosted. She was frustrated that on one day, family didn’t seem to feel the need to gather in a more timely fashion. I understand her frustration. It is how I get with the Brenans. LOL!



Either way, my mom doesn’t hate her sister. She gets along just fine with Jo, and truly, there is no real problems. At least I think that is what my mom thinks. Grammie seems to think there are issues. I worry that Jo is venting to her mother, and now she has taken Jo’s side on things. I can assure you, this will not make things better.



I also get the impression that there is a lot of defense of my cousins and their children. I was joking about the idea that my kids are cuter than anyone else’s. Jo was quick to defend my cousin, Grant’s three kids. Jo seems to have suddenly started going to all cousin events. She is going with Grammie to my other cousin Billy J’s wedding, which is surprising. It is like she is becoming a mini Grammie and I am not sure how I feel about that.



However, Jo did seem thrilled that I decorate Christmas cookies and Easter eggs the way they do. I have been invited to next year’s decorating party/competition. I think this also inspired my mother into coming. So I suppose this is a good thing. Jo was impressed with the eggs I did this year, and she loved my Christmas cookie, so yay!



I can tell you, when I hang out with them for a while, I really get to missing Robbie.



Granddaddy, too. I really wish he had been able to meet the boys. He would have gotten a kick of them.



Bobby amazed this shit out of me with his analogy on Friday. He was telling me all about his field trip, which included him telling me all about how trash is evil and how it should not be in the ocean and how it kills fish. Dax chimes in and asked if it kills the fish like the dinosaurs. Bobby tells Dax that the dinosaurs died from a comet. He then tells Dax to think of the trash as a comet that hits the ocean and how it can kill all the fish in the same way the comet killed the dinosaurs. I was so freaking impressed!



My project this week is operation playroom. I am tired of that room on so many levels. My closet needs help, which will be super happy with the addition of this wardrobe. I need to make room for that, which is part of the reason for clean up. Plus, I am thinking there are many toys that are not used a lot that can be removed. I want a giant container of Lego. I want a giant container of Playmobile. These will be ones that can be closed. The rest of the stuff should go in the drawers. I want to clean out both the closets, too. There are costumes that need to go. It is a long project, for sure. But I think it is worth it. Besides, if I get pregnant, I will need a nice room for the baby.



I think I am going to have the boys do homework even during the summer.



I want to learn how to use chopsticks.



I have discovered a new appreciation for Fleetwood Mac. I had always assumed that the only songs they did were sung by Stevie Nicks. After Glee covered an entire album from them this last week, I was educated to all the songs they do, including several I have always been fond of.



I had a dream in which someone was driving the Dodge Dart and had parked it in front of Blockbuster. I somehow worked there again, as did every person I knew who ever worked there. We all showed up around the same time. I looked at the Dart, amused, and Greg then says to me, “fond memories?” I laughed and said, it isn’t so much that they are fond as they are amusing. He laughed. It was funny!



I think my head got fat.



My parents are watching the boys on the 20th. Super random, really. The boys asked my mom when they could sleep over again, and she said the 20th, so they will stay there on that Friday night. Ken and I are talking about going up to this new restaurant/brewery up in Old Torrance for dinner that night.



I like the name Jinx.



Aaron’s phone was confiscated at rehab. I am not surprised. He was not supposed to have it, despite what he said. He was saying over the weekend that he wanted to get out early, yet yesterday he told Ken that he would stick it out. I am so glad we watched Celebrity Rehab. Aaron has done so many of the things we watched other patients do. It is crazy! It makes me glad he is in the facility and I truly hope that he embraces this program.



If I get pregnant, I think I want to get a bunch of maxi dresses and flowy skirts. I want to be all hippie like. Yeah, cause that is what I am supposed to worry about if I get pregnant.



I wonder who will get to be in the room with us.



I helped get a home for John’s puppy. I am all proud! His friend has some 9 month olds, too, so he is going to send me their pictures and I am going to post them on Facebook for him. Who knows, I may be able to find a home for more of them!



The other bad thing about Grammie is that she showed me a picture she found of her and her dad. She showed it to me a year ago, and it may have gone home with me. It may not have. Either way, she thinks I have it, and I honestly don’t know where it is if I do. She asked me for this picture back yesterday, which sucks since I hate to tell her I lost it. Although, honestly, I don’t know that I took it home, which means it ended up at my folks house. This would be ok, because I can go through their photo chest tomorrow to see if it is there. I will search my end today, and if I can’t find it, then I guess I can tell Grammie she may have taken it with her on that day. Pressure!



I apparently amused all of IT with my computer doesn’t work blog rant. LOL! Sounds like I will get a new computer soon!!!



Ok, I need to work.

growling day

5-6-11




I am tired and sore. I understand the tired, the sore I am not sure on. My stomach muscles are from coughing, I suppose. My legs, not sure on.



The IUD is out. It was not painful. Hell, I didn’t even feel her do it. LOL! She said that was pretty normal.



She said my cervix looked incredibly healthy, and my muscle tone down there quite good. She was actually pretty impressed. She said that clearly my constant kegels through the years have been good to me. YAY!



She and the nurse were both excited about me possibly having another baby. My doc loves us. Even before I got to the exam room, she met me in the hall with a big hug. Awesome! I adore this woman, and we are going to talk to our PCP to see about changing to this one. Nothing against Nakashima, mind you. She is just retiring soon, and has less hours, so it makes more sense for us to get on board with someone who has more hours and that we also like.



Mother’s day tea with Dax’s class rocked. They had little hats they made for us, and presents consisting of pictures and a bracelet. They had a couple songs to perform, and we opened the present with them. Dax was happy. I was thrilled. We had cake and lemonade and we all hung out. Dax showed me around his classroom, showing me all the things he had made. His flower was on display in the hallway, which always makes me proud. I read to him one of the books in there, which Ms Lira said was his favorite and we even took it home for the weekend.



I tagged along with Dax and Ken for their errands. Costco and Target, which were fun. I then went off to the doctor appt.



My appt took like no time at all. I was home by 2:30. Ken had taken the boys to his class, which left me alone to do my thing. I caught up on 90210, and just relaxed.



I do not like the bloated I feel right now. I wonder if it is removal related.



Rocking the third cup of green tea. Hoping this will wake me up.



It appears that it is going to be a growling day. Grrrrr…….



Danny, the boys’ friend, came to the door yesterday to play with the boys. Danny says to them as they are bounding out of the house that he has a secret and that they cannot tell their mom. I quickly growled and Ken intervened by telling Danny that our family doesn’t keep “secrets”. The term secret sent me into a tizzy. I did not like the idea of one of their peers or friends having them keep something from their parents. I sensed danger, even though these are all young kids. A secret to them may just be ice cream, but some day it could mean hookers and blow. Ok, maybe not that extreme, but you know what I mean. Ken and I discussed it a great deal, and we knew a talking to was in order.



The boys came home, after stalling a bit, and brought in a cup full of flowers for me. This was the secret. It wasn’t a secret, it was a surprise, and it was all Danny’s idea. Well, don’t I feel like an ass. Either way, I think that this was a perfect way to explain to them that surprises are ok, but secrets can be bad.



We told them the story of my kindergarten teacher giving me a Snickers bar, and then telling me, along with the rest of the class, that the candy was a secret and for us not to tell our parents. Looking back, I am sure she meant it more as a joke. Ha ha, don’t tell your folks I gave you candy, wink wink. But as a 5 year old, this doesn’t come across this way. It came across as, I will die if I tell my folks I got candy. I was already afraid of this teacher, so this didn’t help.



My dad came and picked me up, and I remember clutching the candy bar behind my back, scared and worried as to how to get it in the car without my dad knowing. My dad, of course, saw my odd behavior and continued to ask me what it was that I had behind my back. I finally presented him with a mangled chocolate bar, all the while, weeping. My dad of course laughed after he understood what happened, but truly, some words are powerful, especially with a young audience. My kids say Shit and Damn all the time. I can assure you, they are less offensive that the idea of them keeping a secret from me.



I feel bad that I mistrusted Danny, especially since I think he is unsure of us still. He is enamored by Ken, but doesn’t know what to do with me, yet. On one hand, he is polite and the boys enjoy playing with him. On the other hand, I am leery of his stalker qualities, and the fact that he doesn’t quite get that my kids are half his age. This is the first real friend in which I had no real say in the pairing. Play dates with my friends’ kids and school mates are different. Even Anthony seemed harmless due to how innocent it was, and the fact that Anthony tired of the boys quicker than the other way around. I am not saying I want this kid to be like the friend in Leave it to Beaver, but I would like it if I didn’t feel so leery of him. Come to think of it, though, the friend from Leave it to Beaver was very much like Danny. Polite, but not so trustworthy in a lot of ways.



I am jealous that Ken gets to go to Bobby’s field trip. Then again, I know I would be a horrible chaperone. I would be more interested in making sure Bobby got the most out of the trip and would not give a shit about any of the other kids. Plus, I know if I went, Bobby would be more inclined to only hang with me and not his friends. I know a Mama’s boy when I see one.



Some folks here at work have poked the bear this morning, so I am feeling feisty towards a bunch of shit. Often, this kind of feisty results in super over crazy protectiveness of my family. Aaron is in rehab to clean up the drugs in his system. I am feeling pretty unsure of this treatment now since he texted us last night. Yes, his phone was taken away, but he insisted on having it back. I just texted him, telling him to turn in his phone. Aaron doesn’t like me much, so I know he doesn’t give a fuck about what I say. I think that annoys me a bit, too.



I really did not want to wear my hair up this morning, but it is just too dang hot in here. Hopefully my clip will be kind and not kink my hair for later.



Ken just called me. They are on their way to Cabrillo! YAY!



I wonder which Target has the least amount of fat folk shopping at their location. I will need to hit that one up for the clearance sales.



I love that someone here at work told me my hot pink shirt was very cheerful. I pointed out the giant skull on it, and apparently this did not make it less cheerful. LOL!



I have done this before, but I am thinking I need to do it again soon. I need to apologize to folks for shit I did to them at some point.



Holy fuck. It just occurred to me that my birthday marks a strange milestone. 18 years ago, I turned 18. I have lived an entire adolescence beyond my adolescence. Yie.

Olivia

5-4-11




It was a high strung day yesterday. The heat coupled with frustration of people at work caused me to be a bit cranky. I hate it when that happens. I get all twitchy and strung out and it is hard to relax.



Dax was full of piss when we got to my folks. He got mad at my dad simply because my dad took his ball in a joking manner. At one point, after we were all goofing around, Bobby hit the ball away from Dax. Dax got so mad he lunged at Bobby, fist ready to pummel his brother. I growled at him before he completed the punch, and he promptly broke down sobbing in my chest. Poor kid. Being 4 is really fucking with him.



I think I have decided to use tomorrow to sleep in. I figure that will allow me to not only walk with Dax up to class, but I might just help out. Don’t know yet since the moms were invited at a certain time, so they may want it to be a surprise.



Ken showed me my mom’s day/birthday present last night. It is awesome. It is this really cool cabinet that will give me a whole other closet. YAY! He has to order it, but when it gets here, I get to re do my current closet, and put this thing in the playroom, which will also motivate some more cleaning in there. I am quite excited since my closet drives me nuts. This will allow more room for so many things. I can keep my clothing separated so I have winter “put away” with summer clothing more accessible. I can have my shoes put away, and other stored items put away nicely. YAY!!!



Ken has been de-Monicaing the house. Probably a good thing since I have more than just one Monica spot. He has really done some wonderful things to the house, and it is super happy making on every level. We still have some little things to tend to, but overall, I don’t get as frustrated with the condition of the house.



Olivia Munn is NOT hotter than Olivia Wilde. F you Maxim.

Yum

Not yum.

I really should start doing some work.

the angry curve

5-3-11




I had not intended on blogging today, but the frustration was too great, so I had to vent.



I rock at work. Seriously. I kick some serious ass around here. I learned how to do new accounts, and not only did I keep up, I made it more efficient and organized than it has been in years. I created procedure and templates, all while still doing my own job. That’s not to mention the countless projects other reps needed my help with.



Taking me out of the equation, since let’s face it, I fuck up the curve, it seems to me that perhaps the folks around here are getting lazy.



For instance, the chick who does new accounts who has finally returned from her medical leave, can’t seem to handle her position. She has been back for three weeks, yet she has not touched the new account log. She claims that this tax software has her behind, yet I was doing that shit, too, and I kept up.



I want to feel bad for her, honest. But how can I when I see her dinking around all fucking day? She chit chats, she bullshits, she shoots the shit, and any other old school phrase for NOT WORKING!!!!



Then there are the folks in other departments who claim to be behind. We have $2000 in money on the books that has not been posted simply because the chick who is supposed to reconcile it can’t be bothered to do this daily. I have credits that were due 6 months ago that people can’t seem to get to because of everything from “too busy” to simply forgetting how to do it. I am not making that last part up. Just got an email from a fucking manager who doesn’t know how to process a credit and rebill I need. Holy fuck!!



Am I asking for too much? Do I set the bar too high? Or is it that I work with a bunch of under achievers that don’t care? Or are they so fucking stupid, they couldn’t do this with someone holding their hand?



I want to believe that it is simply my coworkers and not people in general that are this retarded. It worries me that I could explain these procedures to my boys and they could probably do a better job.



I am thankful that I can sit here and chill since I am not behind on work. If anything, I am ahead of the deadlines.



What I wouldn’t give with the power to smack some of these people around or possibly replace them.

Death of a Symbol

5-2-11




The hair is dark. Not sure if I can pull this off.



The weekend was good. Pretty mellow for Ken’s birthday. I made him lasagna and brownies. We did a couple of errands, but mostly chilled at home.



I am sleepy. I waited around for Obama to confirm Osama bin Laden’s death for what seemed like forever. I had just crawled into bed when Ken came in to tell me that the president was supposed to come on the tv with some big news. We turned it to CNN and they kind of stole his thunder since everyone already new the news. Still, I wanted to hear what the commander in chief had to say.



I fell asleep right after, pretty easily. I woke up perhaps an hour or so later, needing to pee, and I could never really get back into a nice, deep sleep. I did have some more funky ass dreams, though, so I know I slept a bit.



Ken put a screen door into our bedroom so now it is the best room in the house. Ceiling fan, plus window and open door equals awesome. Hopefully it will make this summer more bearable.



I have not decided if I am just going to call out on Thursday or work for a bit then leave. I suppose a lot depends on how tired I am come Wednesday night.



Dammit. I forgot earrings today. I hate that.



As I assumed last night, a country like ours cannot stay united for too long. News broke last night about Osama dying, and this morning there is everything from conspiracy theories to jokes like, “Oh, you said Osama. I thought you said Obama was dead and that would have been cool.” Sigh. We are a stupid species.



I also don’t think this is as important as some people are making it out to be. This doesn’t take away all the people that hate the US. This doesn’t make us less vulnerable. This doesn’t bring back our loved ones. Katy Perry tweeted “ I believe in justice…but don’t you think that an eye for an eye will make the whole world blind?”



Please let me clarify. I am glad the man is dead. I would have liked him to have a trial if only to get into his brain somewhat. I am fine with the idea that he personally cannot hurt anyone anymore, but I have that whole torn thing with death penalties and stuff.



I am impressed the government respected his religion by burying him so quick.



I really wanted Obama to say “Suck it, Trump” last night.



I am a crappy American.



Hopefully Grammie’s new pool is ready for people to go in. We are heading out to her place on Sunday for Mom’s day.



Yawn.



Ken has a favorite gun. I cannot relate to that.



I love Barney Stinson.



We got food from a new place last night. I think I will really enjoy our food adventures.



The coworkers will arrive soon. If any of them actually uses the phrase-“Did you hear?”, I may have to kick them.



May 18th is the big day for Madelyn. They will check to see if they got rid of those evil cancer cells. Please have some thoughts, prayers, a hail mary and whatever else you can come up with on that day, folks.



I saw some footage of Aaron on Ambien. Yie. I am thinking this med should really come with special straps so that when you take it, someone has to strap your ass down.



Bobby is doing so well in school that Mrs. Fasheh even said that he is close to citizen of the month! YAY!



Our roof will be fixed in August. Andy and Papa Brenan are coming down to help Ken. Our house is getting some much needed TLC. Perhaps it will increase the value, allowing us to sell it some day to get us a bigger and better home.



Part of me wants to take Bobby to the KROQ Weenie Roast. Linkin Park is playing.



It is teacher appreciation week at our school. They gave us a list of things to do each day. Today was to bring fresh fruit to them. We got them each a pineapple. We got one for Miss Jeanette, who is the aid in Ms. Lira’s class, too. She does a lot of work in there, too! Tomorrow is a picture they draw of the teachers.



I am so sleepy!!



I tried to break my ankle this morning. I stepped into the sprinkler hole on the way to my car, and I swear, I thought I was down. LOL! Luckily, by the time I got to work, it didn’t hurt anymore.



I love that Obama zinged Trump at the correspondence dinner, and then pre-empted his show on Sunday. LOL!!!



Sigh. More conspiracy crap. And I like conspiracies, but come on folks.



Luna has an owie on the inside of her ear. I don’t know what she did, but it is swollen and raw. She has been scratching at it. It is from yesterday. I will keep an eye on it for a couple days and then if it doesn’t get better after the cleanings, we will have to take her to the doc.



They are describing today as a “cool day” on the radio this morning. I don’t know how I feel about that. Once again, bad guy is dead, which yes, is good. But celebrating the death of a bad guy seems in poor taste. This coming from the chick who is fascinated with death. Of course, I am not military. I didn’t lose anyone on 9/11. I wonder how I would feel if I did have that frame of reference. Military folks are trained in this, and they are looking for the bad guys and their mission is to take their asses out. They are excited about this since it is in their head that this is correct. And I suppose if you had someone die as a direct result of this guy, yeah, I can see celebrating. I also am looking at this from the standpoint of a mother who has to explain this to my boys at some point. I don’t want them cheering for something that has such a sad history.



Luna hurt me. Silly dog jumped up to get the water from the hose and landed on my thigh. She then slid down, leaving what looked like a little road. I am bruised now. Not cool.



Now there is debate in the white house on if they should release the pics of him dead. These are folks that flipped out at pictures of tasteful coffins, and they are considering showing a picture of this dude with a hole in his head, brains and blood showing? Neat.



The backlash for celebration has begun. Someone pointed out that singing “God Bless America” is inappropriate right now since God didn’t condone killing in his name.



A random flashback of the dreams I was having. There was a very HIMYM and Friends feel to it, and I seem to recall being Robin in HIMYM, and somehow Ed was there and we were involved. Odd.



I think for Halloween I need to make a costume for my alter ego of Captain Overkill.