wired

7-14-11




Metaphorically speaking, I was questioning my past a lot last night.



Dreams that included going to some high school reunion, which for some reason was being held at Angela’s old house, and containing various characters from John Hughes films, were all pointing to one fact; the past is gone. It was fun, it was interesting, especially from a story telling aspect, but as I pushed my way through crowds of people I should have known, I found myself not knowing anyone. The only thing that kept me sane was that Erasure was there, playing my happy soundtrack, dancing around on stage and not caring that no one was listening. I was listening, though.



Jenni was there at some point. I was mostly frustrated with her since she seemed to have no time for me. It stung.



I think I am actually glad I had a severe leg cramp since it allowed me to get out of this party that seemed to just drag on.



Before my head went a little loopy, I did spend the afternoon with a little me time. Yes, I did work on the laundry pile that was threatening to devour the boys’ room, but in between those cycles, I sat back and watched a few episodes of Drop Dead Diva.



This show may have in fact inspired more of the dreams than anything else. The main character is a model that died and then after hijacking Heaven’s computer system, she gets put back into the body of a plus sized, brilliant lawyer. She spends much of her time trying to be who she was, not embracing this amazing second chance at life. It is growing on me even more and I am finding it to be a cute show.



NB and Anthony knocked on my door at around 2 holding Tailless, our neighbor’s cat. NB says to me, “We found this cat. I know you like cats so maybe you would like to take him to the vet.”



Mind you, nothing wrong with the cat. They assumed it was a stray. I laughed and in my nicest voice ever, explained to them that this kitty actually already had a home. In fact, where they picked him up from was in fact, his house. They were surprised and I sent them on their way, not without of course having to answer again as to when the boys would be home.



My doorbell rang at 5:05, both boys at the door, asking me if they were home yet. I explained that if the van was there, then they would be here. They asked to wait in the back yard. I said no. They asked to wait on the porch. I told them to go play and to check back in 10 minutes to see if the van was there.



3 minutes later, the knock on the door: “Can we have some water?”



Sigh. I explained to them that their houses were only a house away and if they needed water to go to their own houses.



I know, what a bitch I am. I have always wanted my house to be THAT house. The one where my kids’ friends could come and go as they pleased. The house that would take in a stray kid just as easily as a stray cat. I wanted to be the mom they didn’t have at home and felt like they could tell anything to, and respect my advice.



I think this dream was when I still thought I would have a girl.



Little boys don’t want to talk to their friends’ moms. They want to hang with the dad. They want to run. They want to be free. I am never going to be their best friend. I am going to be the one who makes sandwiches for them, and they will stuff their faces, while mumbling a quick thank you as they run out again.



The question is, am I ok with this?



I know I have over thought this. But of course, it wouldn’t be me if I didn’t embrace my moniker of Captain Overkill.



I am trying. I was super nice to both the kids, despite my aggravation at their persistence. I know they are not trying to piss me off. They are simply bored kids in the summer, and the house with the pool and playground is closed because the residents are at camp. I need to calm the fuck down.



I read this article in the parenting magazine about these two women who went on a road trip with a kid each, both around the same age. I thought this sounded like fun.



I think next spring break, I really want to take a road trip. I want to go somewhere random, stopping at cool places along the way. I hate that it probably costs a lot.



The boss is out. I just want to sit in my corner and read my new book. I picked it up at the Dollar Tree. It is called Gonville by Peter Birkenhead. I read up on the reviews, and they are quite positive. Nice! Especially since I got it for a buck!



Just discovered that the Torrance library is having a used book sale. Woo hoo! My mom and I are going to go, which will be fun bonding time. I am very excited!!!



I had two cups of coffee, one being called Wake Up Call, and the other just Cappuccino. I am a little wired now.



I have a desire to go to a museum right now.



Ok, in all fairness, I have a desire to be anywhere but here right now. Sure, it is a great day since there is no boss, but I just feel like I need an adventure.