Not suitable for general consumption

I wrote a blog this morning. I feel it is too pissy so I didn't want to post it this morning. Sorry!

Planning

11-29-11


I have Christmas planning to do! I need to figure out when to go see the Christmas lights. I want to throw a holiday party (this may actually happen after the holidays as I still need a fire pit). I want to make Christmas cookies! Then there are things like decorating and having the boys write their Santa letters this weekend. I am not counting shopping yet. That tends to actually be less stressful than it should be. That may be because I have no money and when you only buy a few things, shopping takes way less time.

My walking log won me a $25 Nike Gift Card. Woo hoo! It means I can put it towards some cross trainers, which is very happy making. I also have a $50 AMEX card and a $50 Olive Garden card coming my way. Those were from my Halloween costume win.

I am wearing a dress today I have been unable to zip up in ages. It is a 24, and a little big in places. I am quite proud. I am also rockin my gravity wedges. Those are the ones that made me realize the law of gravity is a very real thing when they tossed me to the ground.



Once again, I am bored with my hair. I have been considering bangs. Really, it is the only interesting thing I am ok with since I am growing it out, so cutting it short is out of the question. I also really like my color choice of late, so no wacky hue for me. I will most likely do nothing, but I get itchy!

I had funky dreams. Goosh was hit by a car and Ken somehow was injured by the same car. Goosh didn’t make it, but I had to take Ken to the hospital. He had his whole stomach open. It was awful. I pushed him around in a wheelchair from floor to floor in the hospital, trying to get him help. Everyone kept telling us to go somewhere else. Then at some point my foot was all cut up. That is the only thing I can explain since IRL my silly Monarch was attacking my foot.

There is something to be said about tanless skin. My boobs look creamy!

I am thinking I am going to need to take some basic geometry courses just to keep up with Bobby’s homework. I am so stupid when it comes to that. Thankfully, I was able to just have Bobby do two days’ worth of English and will let Ken work on shapes and crap with him today.

I was so excited last night! I made roast beef sandwiches, and both boys gobbled them up. Bobby also had a salad. We had gone to the store and he has been bugging me to get him the Chinese chicken salad he had for his feast at school. So we picked out some dressings, and luckily, he liked both. He had a salad with one of them and he loved it. It was an exciting dinner since it was an easy meal, that I love, and that they seemed to enjoy. Woo hoo!

Despite 3 cups of tea, I am still rather sleepy this morning. I was clearly spoiled with my minor amount of sleeping in over the weekend.

The turkey weekend

11-28-11


What a fab weekend. I had lots of wine, lots of down time, and really, only a minor amount of complaints.

We got to the Compound around 9:30 on Wednesday night. We would have been there sooner, but we met up with Andy and Scott at Target for a few things in Auburn. It was still early enough that the boys could run around a bit and get out some energy before it was time to get some sleep.

Turkey day was good. I got in a nice walk with Bobby. Normally I am antsy when it comes to the big meal since it seems like the day takes forever. I was shocked with how quickly it was dinner time. The boys happily ate turkey, but mostly seemed indifferent to the other options. I didn’t mind too much. Especially since they were far more interested in running around with their cousins.

I spent a great deal of time listening to Sandy tell me about her issues with Liam and PTSD from 9/11. I felt a little bad that I didn’t help clean up, but I also was on glass of wine number 3, so it didn’t matter too much.

Friday gave me lots of walking and we also cut down the Christmas tree for the house. That was a lot of fun! Nothing better than picking out a tree that is on your own property. The boys had so much fun with it!

Saturday gave us the Muppets, which was brilliant and fantastic and so freaking happy making. I did also have to have Bobby work on some classwork that Mrs Kelly gave him to do since we pulled him out of class early on Wednesday, but it was amazing to watch him slam through parts of it with such ease. Sometimes I forget that he knows a lot of things.

We got on the road by 8:30 on Sunday morning. We didn’t get home until about 7. It was a long drive, but it was fun. We took the 99 instead of the 5 and also took some back roads to avoid traffic. We were able to keep moving, which made it less awful feeling.

When we were about 2 hours out, I was texting with both Andy and Scott, who were both rather drunk and we joked around and had so dang much fun. I was crying from laughter and it was a nice distraction from the grapevine traffic that normally freaks me out.

I worry I gained a few pounds from my less strict holiday diet, but I am not going to weigh myself for now, concentrating on getting back on track and getting some good exercise in. I may start walking to the school as soon as I get home, and perhaps just take a longer route to get there so I can walk a little more.

Saturday is Bobby’s last soccer day. We have a game at 9 am, and if he wins, one at 1. Either way, it is the last day. It is a bittersweet feeling.

I am too distracted for some reason this morning, so I am not making any sense. LOL!

Papa Brenan has suggested I write a book kind of how I write my blog. He said I could pick some particular events and make that my story. I may need to consider this.

Turkey Day!

11-23-11


Cancer free!!!

I never realized the power in those two words. Sure, I may have been overly worked up, but when you have doctors looking solemn and crud coming out your boob near an unidentifiable lump, things get a little grim in your head. Thankfully, the nurse who spoke to us Monday morning said there was no cancer before she even closed the door behind us. Clearly she understood dramatic pauses were not necessary in her line of business.

We were there for really only a few words, a quick flash of my breast and for some literature to be handed out. We were out the door, with smiles and sighs of relief within about 10 minutes. It was a glorious morning!

I have fibrosis breast disease. It sounds icky, but in reality, it just means my non dense breasts will occasionally be plagued with these sorts of lumps and abnormalities. It does mean that I will probably be privy to more biopsies in my future if only so that my doctors can be sure each new lump that doesn’t go away is benign and trouble free. It also means because of this, my boobs by the time I die will be filled to the brim with the little metal coils they will inject after each of these. Neat!

After the triumphant news, we walked from the breast center over to the main hospital to visit our friend, Yasmine and her new addition, Jonah. She had the baby a couple days ago and we figured since we were in the area, we could drop in. It was a wonderful visit. I got to hold the squishy, with my rocking coming back to me like the mommy version of riding a bike. He is only something like 6 pounds, and truly beautiful. Such a sweet face. Yas looked amazing, and seemed truly happy with this whole experience, which was nice to see.

Ken and I then opted to use the gift card presented to me from Bobby’s team. It was $25 from Chili’s so we went for an early lunch, which was very nice. Nothing better than a lovely meal with my husband sans kids.

We are pretty much ready to leave today. With the boss out, it clears the way for me to leave here early. I think I will bail by 9:30 or so. We will pick up the kids early and head out. This way we get up to the Compound before it is midnight. Heck, if we can leave by noon, we can probably get there by 8 pm, which is a good time!

With that in mind, I should work on some of the papers on my desk so that when I return Monday, I can begin Christmas decorating. Woo hoo!

Results coming soon

11-21-11


Biopsy results day. I am nervous. It may explain why last night at about 10:30, I was abruptly woken with a horrible stomach ache and I found myself in a cold sweat on the bathroom floor, sure I was about to hurl.

Luckily my weekend was much better than last night’s issue.

On Friday, I left work due to how much pain I was in. I was so very tired. I went to the school and got to help out Bobby’s class with their Thanksgiving feast. It was seriously so wonderful. Most of the teachers and parents ended up sitting around eating, while I entertained the kids and made sure they all had enough food. I was in heaven. It was Bobby’s class along with the Special Ed class. I even saved the day by taking pictures for everyone involved, and I burned a disc and had it back to Mrs. Kelly that day. Two awesome notes from the event were that Bobby told me that all of his friends said I was awesome, and one of the little boys told another teacher in a very excited voice, “She called me sweetheart!” This is why I love my life.

Ken and I got to go see Harold and Kumar. We just went to the mall and ate there and saw the flick there. It was perfect, really. I was pleased that Spencer gifts is back with gobs of awesome things, which means guess where I am doing all my Christmas shopping this year?

The movie was fun. Yes, it was goofy and crude, but it made me so happy to be seeing those characters again. I was shocked at the two families there that brought their kids, one who was about 10 and another younger. It’s ok, kids, please enjoy the images of penis on the screen. Sigh.

I went and got the boys in the morning and we then ran over to the store to get supplies for my pasta. I did some cleaning of the house while it cooked. I also got to take a much happy making shower. 48 hours with no shower from a rather traumatic event is a long ass time.

Dax’s party was fun. Very mellow. The kids played, we all ate. One of the moms ate my pasta and her husband said this was one of the only times he has seen her finish a portion of pasta, which meant she loved it. Yay me!

Sunday was nice due to all the cold and rain. It was cool since I was able to work on laundry all day. I even managed to pack for the boys for the trip. I pulled out some of my clothes, too. I need a few more things, and then I need to put them all in the suitcase. I am trying to pack light since Ken wants to bring back this sewing table I believe his grandmother owned. This means we will have less room in the van than normal. If I can keep the bags to a minimum, we will be better off.

I am guessing these next couple days will be long. We leave for the Compound right when we pick up the boys from school on Wednesday.

Last night was Bobby’s soccer party. It was chaotic on many levels. Our lanes were late, it was loud, it was crowded, but all in all, the kids had fun which is all that mattered. The team brought me flowers and a gift card for my help. The coach gave Ken and I each Starbucks gift cards. The real lame part of the party was that someone stole Ken’s shoes. Can you believe that? Who fucking steals shoes? They are not even fancy ones. So Ken had to walk to the car barefoot in the rain. I can assure you that we will email a nasty letter to the management.

I wonder if the kids get homework this week.

I am down to 266. I am shocked and excited. I am going to kick this fat right in the ass. I think my end of year goal was to be at 250 by Dec 31. I will be stepping up my game a bit.

Ok, I need to finish up some loose ends before I get my results. I have to remember to breathe.

The Biopsy

11-18-11


I got to the center around 7:15. I walked up to the automatic doors, and they didn’t open. Another patient was there, too, and we both just assumed the office didn’t open until 7:30. We stood there for a few minutes when one of the receptionists came up to try to open the door by jumping up in down in front of the sensor. Turned out, their door had been having problems. Their phone system had also been down since the prior day. These technical difficulties did nothing to help calm my already frayed nerves.

I was called in pretty quickly. I suppose with only 2 patients in the place, it really should not take that long, but it still surprised me.

The tech who came to get me was cheerful. She was happy and smiling and she seemed like she had a similar sense of humor. For the first time in this ordeal, I felt a little more relaxed. She went through all the paperwork, while we swapped stories about idiot patients and past medical adventures.

The first step was an ultrasound. She wanted to make sure they could find the same spots that were found before. I have to say I was torn. I kind of wanted them to not find them so they could say I was free to go. On the other hand, it seemed like a waste to go through all of this for nothing.

Spots were located and the doctor performing the procedure came in. She was a little more quiet than my awesome tech, but still cheerful and super nice. Why couldn’t these have been the ladies I had earlier in the week? Then again, I am happy to have had them for this instead of the possibility of having them for the first part and getting the mean team yesterday.

I had no idea things would progress so quickly. As I was lying back on the table, not in the stomach down position I kind of hoped for, I was covered and prepped for the procedure. Next thing I know, they were wiping me down with alcohol and then injecting me with Lidocane.

The doc was hoping that by injecting the Lidocane into the cells themselves that it would show on the ultrasound as swirling, which would mean it was liquid instead of solid material. She then would only have to suck out the fluid instead of a biopsy. Sadly, this did not work.

The doc really wanted to save me from any undue boob violation. She had also hoped to only sample one of the spots, but as she looked further, she determined it was necessary to sample both. I appreciated her attempts, though.

The Lidocane injection was a very slight pinch. I barely felt it. I felt my breast numbing up. It was a strange sensation to say the least. It kicked in quickly. As she put in the device for the biopsy, she was also using the ultrasound to guide her. I looked a couple of quick times at the image, seeing the needle roaming around in there. It was tough to watch, so I mostly looked at the ceiling.

I am glad my parents described the biopsy my dad got on his liver. They told me about this loud pop sound that the machine did. The doc warned me 5 seconds before the pop, and I laughed to myself that now my dad and I were pop buddies. I had way more pops, though. I would say about 10 per spot. The pop came with a quick push on my boob. It didn’t hurt, but it was unsettling for the first couple.

She told me she was going to work on the second spot, and I honestly was shocked that she was done with the first spot. This is how quickly this was going. I would say from start to finish, the whole procedure took maybe an hour.

What was also shocking was how much blood there was. Since they cover everything except the area they are working on, and since the area they are working on was hard to see the way I was lying down, I had no idea what was being put in or what was coming out. At one point, the doc lifted some gauze and I was surprised to see so much blood. At the end, my tech also had to apply pressure to the area to stop the bleeding. This was the most painful part of the whole morning. She was pushing quite hard, and it was tender. Lidocane can’t help everything.

They put some steri strips on the area with instructions that I am not to shower for 48 hours or to remove the strips for 1 week. Other than that, I didn’t have any large bandages or covering.

When the biopsy was done, I was finally able to check my phone which had been buzzing away in my pocket. The texts from Ken looked like he was still at his doctor appt. So I quickly texted him back to tell him I was done. I couldn’t do any more than that since I then was ushered off to another waiting room with other women clutching their belongings against their chests, each of them in an oversized gown. I still had to have a mammogram. They wanted an image of what they did, along with I am guessing shots of the two metal coils they put in my breast. These were put there in order for all future images to mark where I had this biopsy. It was only two quick scans, so it didn’t take long at all.

I walked out of the doc’s office, a little dazed when I noticed Ken there. I instantly felt awful. He had not been in his doctor’s office since 8:45 like the text said. In fact, he had been in this waiting room. Granted, he would not have made it on time to be there with me, but I still felt bad that I didn’t realize this. I fought back tears as I tried to explain to him what happened. He wasn’t mad. He never yelled. I just felt like I had failed him.

We got home and I could tell I was off. I was fighting period hormones, pain and just the exhaustion that comes with something so big being over. As the Lidocane was wearing off, I could feel different movements becoming more painful. I iced every hour while watching some Glee.

I walked to the school with Ken to get the boys. I know I didn’t have to, but I wanted to get up and I didn’t want to be alone. We walked slowly, and it was nice since we were able to talk a bit. He told me that he was thinking about what I had said about his demeanor when I am having anything medical done. He tends to act like a caged animal when I am being examined. He paces, he growls, he is agitated. Nothing pleases him in these situations. He determined that yes, he is like that, but only because he realizes that he really doesn’t know what he would do without me. It was incredibly sweet and I was so happy to hear these words.

Ken took the boys with him to class, which left me at home by myself. As time passes, my boob was getting more and more angry with me. I iced, I rested, I iced, I rested. Finally it was time to head over to Bobby’s practice.

During practice, Dax and I hung out in the car. It was way too cold to sit outside, and it allowed Dax to sit and play Angry Birds while I watched 30 Rock. Seriously, yay technology.

I was getting very emotional. Dax was cranky and pissy at times, which I just had no patience for. Sure, he and I were laughing at things, too, but our stubborn sides were certainly butting heads.

We headed over to Lucky Strike after practice. I had to put down the deposit for our party on Sunday. I couldn’t hold my purse on my right side, which blew. I was tired, I was weepy and just losing my mind. It was awful!

Ken took the kids and they went and got dinner and let me drive home. I appreciated the silence, but I then felt lonely. I called my mom on the way home to update her on the biopsy and the conferences with the boys’ teachers.

By the time the boys went to bed and I was ready for bed, I was crying freely, laughing at it a bit, and I just felt worn down. When I crawled into bed, I was shocked at how comfortable I was despite the pain and sadness. It didn’t take long to sleep. I wish I was still there, but I opted to suck it up for a couple of hours this morning at work since I am only staying till about 8:30. I am going to help out at Bobby’s class this morning.

Speaking of parent/teacher conferences, those went quite well. Dax knows all of his wall words and is one of only two who have colored their whole rainbow. Mrs. Fasheh also told us that he is already blending and just seems to get it all so quickly. Her only complaint, which is super valid, is that he rushes through things like coloring or writing. He gets messy. It is almost as though he is bored with this part. There may be truth to this. So we will be working with him on some challenges along with his homework like creating sentences with a bunch of flash cards and then letting him practice writing them.

Mrs. Kelly said Bobby was a “neat kid”. You could tell she was quite fond of him. She showed us a lot of his work, which included all of his math tests. All 100%! Woo hoo! She said he was a good reader and his emotions have been in check more. He is keeping up fine and doing well. Her only complaint was, wait for it, he rushes through writing. Yes, his penmanship was also poor. He writes really nice, when he takes a little time. But in class he tends to get distracted easily and then rushes on his work. Bobby is a daydreamer. Not a big deal. He just likes to be engaged, and I am guessing he just isn’t always interested in certain things. He has lots of ideas and it is distracting.

I am quite pleased with their reviews. It means they are smart, energetic and well liked. They need improvement, which I always love to hear on reviews. I hate reviews that say the kid is perfect. It just isn’t possible, and kids and people always have room to grow. I like to know these things.

I have a vicodin in my system and 5 cups of green tea. I feel like Bernie from Weekend at Bernie’s. There must be someone just propping me up somewhere because I don’t know that I feel anything, yet I am still moving.

I am hoping to bail here before the boss comes in. I have a reasonable excuse to leave, but I still feel bad.

Date night tonight. The boys are spending the night at Gramma and Poppy’s and Ken and I are going out to see Harold and Kumar. I am crossing my fingers that somehow HR will finally give me my restaurant voucher before I head out so that I can use it tonight, but I don’t see it happening. Even if we just eat at home, though, I am happy with the alone time with my husband. This weekend looks busy. I have to make a casserole tomorrow morning for Dax’s party and then Bobby has his party on Sunday afternoon.

I also have to pick up trophies today. I am beat!

I did get my new desk in place, though. I feel like an important executive. It is huge! Ken cleaned out the area to put in his desk and mine. Yes, we have all of that stuff now to put away, but this forces us to go through it. We have been cleaning out so many closets and junk piles. It has been a good thing. That will probably take up other parts of the weekend, along with laundry so I can pack for Thanksgiving.

I am hoping sleep is in all of this somewhere, too.

Tune Up

11-16-11


There are certainly a lot of positives to losing weight. Things you probably take for granted when you are smaller. Just tying my shoe is so much easier now. I also noticed I wasn’t as winded when I walked up the stairs. Yay!

Tomorrow is my biopsy. 7:30 am I need to be at the Breast Center. I have been told I lie on my stomach with my boob sticking out a hole in the table and they work on me like a car. Seriously, I don’t know if I will be able to sit still if this is the case since I will be laughing too hard.

I leave work at around noon today. Picking up the boys early since it is parent/teacher conference time. I have conferences for both of them at 1:20 and 2:30.

My blood sugar dipped crazy low yesterday afternoon. It went down to 52. I had only taken one pill in the morning. This was at 2:30, after a vigorous walk. I had salad for lunch, but no snack. I did snack on an apple after this, and some almonds before I did my weight training. But then after all that, it went up to 113. I also started my period which I know can complicate things, so I am not worried, but it annoys me. It was 109 this morning, but back down to 90 after a Metformin, 3 cups of tea and a light chicken sandwich.

Crud. A morning meeting awaits me. Never fun. Thank goodness I dressed well.

gray matter

11-15-11


I have to have a biopsy.

I went in for my mammogram yesterday. It was not what I expected, but it was interesting. The room was much more cozy than I had expected. The machine was funky looking, but not intimidating at all. I had to place my boob on this slab. And not just a little of the boob. She pulled and tugged to make sure every ounce of boobage was placed on the board. I always thought my boobs looked pancake like when flat like that before. Now take 28 pounds of pressure in the form of this clear plexi-glass thing on top of it. Who knew it could get so flat? Yes, I was told to hold very still for those pictures. I kind of held my breath, but honestly, it wasn’t that bad. The nurse even told me I did awesome for my first time. It wasn’t painful in the least. Not comfy, either, but at least I didn’t scream as the nurse told me I was allowed to do. BTW-note to nurse, it is never a good thing to inform a patient before a procedure like this that you are allowed to yell out in pain. I swear, I was expecting them to hit my boob with a hammer or something. On second thought, it did make it less than expected, so perhaps this was the plan.

After the mammogram, they told me I would be able to do the ultrasound in that building instead of having to wait a couple hours to go to another. Yay! Ken was able to come in for this one. The tech, along with most of the staff there, were cold and bitchy. We were asking some pretty standard questions, and tech lady just kept telling us to wait for the doctor. Yet she was dolling out medical advice. The first of which was that I should not be squeezing my boob. Look, lady, if it was mastitis, I was expressing what crud was in there, which my other doc said was fine. I wasn’t doing anything rough. I breast fed for a total of 30 months. I think I know how to take care of my boobs. She was really pissy about it, too. I tried to stay chipper, though, since let’s face it, I didn’t want her missing something because I pissed her off.

The doc came in and re did part of the ultrasound. She was concerned about what she saw. In the one duct, where you could feel the lump on the outside, there was what she said looked gray on the image. It should not look gray. She showed us other, good ducts. This gray could be nothing. It could be debris like blood from the original infection, or it could be some kind of growth. The problem is, we won’t be able to tell what said substance is without a better test. She decided a biopsy was the best route. It would be able to remove some actual tissue so that they can test it thoroughly.

They were supposed to call me yesterday afternoon to schedule the appt for this week, but I have not heard back. I need to call them this morning when they open. I am hoping to have it done Thursday.

I don’t know how I feel about all of this. All of yesterday, I was pretty upbeat about it, figuring that really, I am just getting answers. This is a good thing, right? Then I made the mistake of reading through the required packet they give you. It is entitled “A Woman’s Guide to Breast Cancer Diagnosis and Treatment”. Breast cancer? I don’t have that. At least, we don’t know that for sure. Hell, this is probably something else, right? This is why I am doing this test, to figure out that it is nothing. Still, it is kind of scary. What if this is cancer? It can’t be a good one since I had the crap coming out of my boob. Symptoms of breast cancer include bloody discharge and a strange lump. Fuck!

I am not in full panic mode yet. I figure I am kicking diabetes in its ass, why not do the same to cancer, right? But it isn’t cancer yet. It is probably just a nasty case of mastitis gone awry.

Can you see how my brain goes stupid?

I had to leave a message for my appt. Sigh. I just want it scheduled so I know.

I think my mom was pretty freaked out when I told her.

So needless to say, I am more twitchy than normal today.

Of course, that could be the tea talking.

My dress doesn’t fit right anymore. Yes, there is cool about that since it means I am still losing weight. But I don’t have the money to buy new clothing!

Also, to really understand how crazy the mind of a hypochondriac, self-esteem issue chick, check out this thought I had: What if I am only losing weight because I am sick?

I have not told the boys that I get to have a giant needle shoved in my chest as of yet.

I did enjoy sitting in the kitchen with the boys last night, each of them taking turns on this stool as I applied Star Wars tattoos on them.

I cleaned out my old desk last night, getting ready to replace it with my new awesome desk. It is huge, which seems wrong to make Ken have this tiny desk, but I think I will live. Sorry, babe! LOL!

I can’t believe it is almost Thanksgiving! Holy crap!

Ok, my overthinking head is on overdrive. Rather than allow it to spew more, I will close this.

soccer and parties

11-14-11


I am only here for a bit this morning. I am heading out to my mammogram and ultrasound. I am pretty confident that they will not find anything, especially since the discharge had mostly gone away. But it doesn’t hurt to make sure.

Friday night was so much fun! It was Dax’s last practice, which was a parents vs Dinosaurs scrimmage. I loved every minute of it. Bobby even played! He was on the kids’ team along with Ed the coach. The rest of us parents played against them. One of the dads was a bit too competitive, but it was all good. I could tell the boys had a blast and I know I wished it would never end.

I heard the rain Friday night, and slept with my fingers crossed. I woke up to what did look like cloudy skies, but dry ones. YAY!!!! We went down to the field early so that we could help with set up and Ken had a game to ref before our games started at 10:30.

I hung out with Fred, who is the commissioner of our region. He and Jim, another coordinator and member of the board chatted it up with me about ideas for the region and they both seemed pretty pleased that Ken and I were becoming so involved. They are super nice and I look forward to working with them. It should be interesting to say the least.

We lucked out by claiming the U8 field next to the U6 field, which meant even though the boys played at the same time, I could spin around and see both games. Ed was awesome and had me on the sideline instead of the field so I could watch both games. He even cheered on Bobby, who was in goal for the time he was in the game. Don’t even get me started on how pissed I was that Bobby was one of 3 players who had to sit out for half the game. We had too many players, so yes, 3 of ours would need to sit out an extra quarter, but this would be the second time Bobby has had to, and he didn’t get to play the whole second half. Not pleased.

Dax’s game was fun. They did really well, tying the team that slaughtered them last time. Dax was on fire and had a lot of fun. I am telling you, I am so going to miss this team. The boys are total sweethearts, the parents are really nice, and I couldn’t have asked for a nicer coach. He even gave Ken and I the bag of his soccer balls he had planned on turning back in to the region. He said that this was his way of encouraging us to coach next year. Awesome!

We hung out the field after the games since Ken reffed another game. It worked out ok since Bobby and Dax played with Ryan, who is on Bobby’s team. His dad, the coach, was reffing another game. I hung out near the game, occasionally looking over at the three of them playing. At one point, Dax came back and said Ryan was pushing too much. I told him he could hang with me. It was at this point, I watched the ‘game’ Ryan and Bobby were playing. It was standard boy rough housing, but it was something my kid is not accustomed to. There were body slams and wrestling and what not. But then it turned bad. Ryan grabbed Bobby’s arms and pulled them behind his back. Ryan then proceeded to drop Bobby to the ground, his face slamming into the dirt. I knew it would not go well. I hurt just watching it. I started walking quickly over to them as I could see my child crying. I told Ryan, who only continued asking Bobby in a rather insincere way whether he was ok, that he was being way too rough with Bobby. I told him he wasn’t used to this. I don’t know that Ryan knew what he had done. He almost seemed like he thought he might be in trouble. I wasn’t really mad at Ryan. I was annoyed, but not mad. This is how he plays with his friends and more importantly, his own dad. It was not our way. Plus, in all fairness, Bobby was having fun until this point. I did leave them to play more, and it seemed ok, but I kept an eye on it the rest of the time.

Sunday was mostly filled with birthday party fun. We went to the Machado’s twins’ birthday party. It was at the park near their house. It wasn’t huge, which worked well. Stephanie and Sabrina also came, and the kids all bounced a lot, ate pizza and seemed to just have a good ole time. We stayed until the end, even going over to their house after to watch Dylan and Taylor open their presents. I knew the kids were hopped up on sugar and would crash hard, so we wanted to keep them going for the next couple hours.

We had to go pick up a new desk for me, so Ken dropped us off at my folks’ for a bit and he went to get my new desk. They played for a while, which was better than sitting around. We then headed home, where we found only one of the coolest houses ever. Sigh, I need to play that lottery.

We took a walk with the boys riding scooters. It was a good way to burn of the remaining energy we all had. We had considered going to the grocery store, but it was late, and we wasted time checking out the house built in 1915 that called to us.

So now I am faking small talk with my coworkers. I am much to pre occupied with the million things I need to do to really care about what they are chatting with me about. Sad, right? Oh well. It is only for a little bit this morning. I figure I leave in a couple hours. It should be all good.

These boots are made for walking!

11-11-11


Let’s start with the diabetes news.

My doc was quite pleased. She was impressed with the weight loss and tickled that at least one of her patients actually listened to her about changing their lifestyle. She regaled Ken and I with a couple of stories of idiot patients that insisted that they did not need to adhere to a more healthy lifestyle, and would not even consider some simple ways to improve their diabetes when it came to reducing sugar intake. She also seemed quite amused at my description of bananas, which is a food she seemed to also detest. She also enjoyed Ken’s logic on fruit peeling, which included trivia on what the correct way to unpeel a banana and an orange.

She said that most people don’t end up reducing their meds. I on the other hand warranted it. She asked about my 80 readings which were prevalent in the afternoons. I pointed out that this was when I exercise, and yes, I tend to need a snack in order to ensure it doesn’t dip too low. She said I should go ahead and not take the lunch time pill. She kept my prescription at 3, just so I had wiggle room. She said if for some reason I had a huge lunch for some reason, I could take a pill just to be sure. I like having the extra meds since it means I will not run out.

I do not need to go back until. March, at which time I will do my A1C’s again and she will also check my cholesterol again, which should be cool. I am hoping to have lost another 35 pounds by then, if not more of course.

Now the unsure news.

We went down to the doc for my boob. She said it was good I came in. The discharge was concerning. Not because it was there. In fact, she was impressed that I had assumed it was mastitis and liked that I used the heat compress along with draining the breast. This is what one would do if they were breast feeding. However, since this did not seem to make it all go away, and there was blood present in the discharge, it seemed to her that we should ensure it wasn’t an abscess. Plus, blood could in fact me a cancer symptom. She didn’t expect this to be the case, but we all would rather check than let it go. She took samples of the secretion and she scheduled me for a mammogram and ultrasound which will take place on Monday. They were hoping to get me in yesterday or even today, but they were pretty swamped. They still might call me today, but it is doubtful.

The doctor appointments were good and ok, so I felt pretty good when we got home. Since there was time before going to get the boys, we caught up on Glee. I would like to say, the watchdog groups like Parents Television Counsel are fucktards. Anyone who would actively object to the tasteful and truly endearing way that Glee handled the story lines of lost virginity should be ashamed of themselves. This was a show that put adolescent love as the main reason for relations as opposed to just pure lust and hormones. There are shows like 90210 and Gossip Girl that glamorize the whole sexual experience of teens and these are not the shows on trial. Glee, which could have allowed the couples involved to simply get it on with not mentioning it again. Instead, it went over the fears and desires of 17 year olds when sex was the topic. It made so much more sense to not just gloss over it. I was impressed with the whole episode, and not just because I am a Gleek and not just because I want to be Chris Colfer’s BFF.

I did a fabulous walk yesterday. Ken said he would give me the afternoon off and take the boys with him to class. I would just meet him at practice. Ken suggested that I could always walk up there. This was intriguing. I was a little nervous, but he mapped it out and it was only about 3 miles. Not a big deal, so I said sure. We also came up with a better route than just up Carson. I would do some back routes, which would allow me also to walk through Wilson Park. I fixed up my bag to handle the walk and I set out around 2. The practice was at 4:30. Yes, I know, that would give me more than enough time, but one can never be too sure.

I didn’t walk as fast as I normally do on walks. I didn’t dink, though. I enjoyed actually seeing details of the route instead of whizzing by in a car. It wasn’t an easy walk, but it wasn’t so hard that I was dying afterwards. That in itself was a victory to me. I got to the school pretty early, but did managed to waste some time at Wallgreens, rummaging through the remaining Halloween decorations that were on sale.

I just sent in my application for the AYSO treasurer. I figure it looks good on my resume. Plus, it doesn’t sound too hard. I can always try it for a year, and then go from there. I told them I would like to start for next season, not the travel stuff right now. I need some training. I am wondering also if we should sign up the boys for the Spring season. I have to see what everyone says.

PTA will start up shortly, too. I will put my hat into the ring for something. Not sure what yet. I may just do something minor at first. That will let me get my feet wet, yet still do a bunch for the school and to enjoy my boys.

Don’t worry. I have no other political aspirations at this time.

Now I just need to make it through today. No bosses today. It is a holiday, and it is rainy out. Really, it is going to be good. Ken is going to bring me the boys after the home school class, which means I can parade them around to everyone. I can then bring them home with me, get ready for practice, go do that, go make reservations for one soccer party, and then go get presents for the twins. Phew!

Tonight’s practice will freaking rock! Ed wants to have a team vs. parents scrimmage. I am so excited. I know the boys will get a huge kick out of it. It will be a lot of fun all around. I am sure going to miss those boys!

It is going to take a lot of effort to not just sit here today and watch Netflix.

The big appointment

11-10-11


YAY! It is endocrinologist day! I know, most people would not be this jazzed, but I am excited. These are all steps to making me awesome.

I do notice some of the weight loss. Sure, clothing fits better and all that jazz, but I noticed my arm flab is better. I do arm exercises on the weights at my folks’ and yesterday I did a bunch of boxing. I need to tone the arms since I am already doing so much on my legs. Next step is to start trying some sit ups.

When we go up to the Compound, we may go into town to meet with the podiatrist dude that my MIL knows that can measure my foot and recommend shoes. Apparently he is very good, so this may allow me some insight on some good cross trainers.

I got a message today on Facebook from Angela’s brother! I had friended him since I noted he was online now. He accepted and sent me a note saying, Hello, Chipmunk! So awesome that he remembers me and my old nickname he gave me. Love it! Clearly Dax’s cheeks came from me.

21 weeks have passed since the call. I miss him today.

When I walk intensely with my arms swinging a lot, my twitches seem to go away.

4 cups of green tea can do things to the mind.

I am all over the map this morning. Finding random trivia online, shopping, looking at political news. It is all kinds of honked up.

Is it wrong to say “suck it” to your kids when they were wrong?

Apparently my mother randomly turned to my dad recently and said, “If Gena moves, we will have to, also.” If I want to keep my childhood home I have to not move.

Crud, it sounds like I need to get trophies.

I have to go book a bowling party tonight.

I have a headache.

Let us have marijuana. California can make so dang much money from it, and really, it isn’t worse than booze and cigarettes.

I want to clean up the school.

I want new curtains for the living room.

I want to get Ken an iPad.

The plus of us taking our Wii up to the Compound is that we bring the boys’ tv shows with us thanks to Netflix.

Holy crap I am finding lots of streaming things I am wanting to watch.

I am very proud of my MIL. She said there will be a giant Thanksgiving feast, including a turkey. She said anyone who doesn’t want to eat that can bring their own food, just don’t plan on cooking it in her kitchen since she will be using her kitchen that day. Bobby will be excited since he is really looking forward to turkey.

I may need to invest in some smaller shirts.

I need to bathe my dogs.

I kind of want to take Tonks up with us for Thanksgiving, but I think she would not like it.

Luna is going to have so much fun up there this time. They got a new 18 month old pup named Bella. Bella and Luna will have a lot of energy to burn together!

I get to leave soon. YAY!

5.9%

11-9-11


Fabulous blood test results! I pointed out to my dad yesterday that I was antsy for Thursday, which was when I would get my test results. He asked me if I had checked online with our portal. I had completely forgotten about the fact that the portal shows test results. I sprinted inside to the computer and found all of the results.

The A1C, which identifies the average plasma glucose concentration over the past 3 months (thank you Wikipedia!) is one of those important diabetes tests. You hit diabetes when you go greater than 7%. When I was tested back in July, I hit 11%. This meant I had way too much sugar in my life. My goal was to at least reduce my percentage to about 9%. My understanding from my diabetes classes was that this was realistic.

As I stared at the computer screen, I couldn’t believe it. I printed it out, assuming that if it was on paper perhaps it would seem more real. Even as I look at it today, I am in shock.

My result is 5.9%.

Don’t get me wrong, I know I have been busting my ass on this. I cut out soda. I cut out milk. I do exercise just about daily. I have lost 52 pounds. All of these do help. But honestly, I didn’t think I would get such fantastic results.

Of course, I don’t really know what this means. I have not seen my doc yet. I don’t know if this will mean that I get to stop taking meds. I don’t know if this means I will only cut back. I assume it will mean that I will get another test in 3 more months to monitor this progress. I know I can’t let up yet. I still want to lose gobs of pounds. I know I will get there. Hell, when I read most web sites, they say I really only need to do 30 minutes of things like walking 5 days a week, and 3 days of weight training. I am often doing much more than that, so I am on the winning path.

Dax’s behavior at school has changed quite a bit. I feel bad saying it, but it may very well be due to his little friend Tristan having moved. Thankfully, both boys are at an age in which losing your friend in this way didn’t devastate them. But I am glad that Dax is no longer distracted by this kid.

This afternoon I should be able to walk with some weights. Not traditional ones. My mom, who adores my children with every fiber of her being, has once again gone above and beyond the call of duty for Gramma. She asked for copies of the teachers’ wish lists and went and purchased all of the items they asked for. I was given four large bags of goodies, two for each teacher, last night. I will bring them with me this afternoon when I go to the school.

I also plan on some Wii after that, and then perhaps another walk with Miss Luna. I didn’t take her on my walk yesterday since I was walking incredibly fast. Maybe after homework, the boys will agree to getting out their scooters and we can do a family walk.

I snipped at my whole household last night. The boys were not listening. I felt like Ken wasn’t listening. Even my cats were getting in my way. I was all kinds of excited about my blood results and I was unable to express this, so I got all kinds of frustrated. Not one of my finer moments.

It feels like Christmas Eve. I suppose I should do some work so that the day goes by quickly.

Two Rooms?

11-8-11


Weight training tonight. I think I will also take a walk after I get home from my parents’ house. Either that or I will have Ken help the kids with their homework while I go on the walk. Maybe I will do both!

I am trying to curb Dax’s complaining and whining. It is clearly age specific, but it needs to be curbed. Taking a calm approach yesterday seemed to hit home with him much quicker. Each time on the way home from school in which he did his routine, I told him that he had just lost a stone. He was upset, but he learned pretty quickly that I was not kidding around.

The boys helped me with the final tossing of items from my closet. They both convinced me to keep this one top. I am still not convinced, but they were very adamant about it. It was very cute. Bobby especially was pressing for me to hang on to it. He has fab taste, so I couldn’t say no on this one.

I feel the cold still. My nose is congested a bit and my throat hurts. I also feel a little something in my lungs. It isn’t super intense yet, which annoys me since I would rather just be all sick so I can be done with it. But perhaps fighting it is better as it allows me to keep functioning.

I am using my green tea this morning to stay warm. I have determined the first articles of clothing I need to invest in will be some form of sweaters or jackets that can go with the number of tank top style clothing I own. The arm warmers I will be treating myself to this weekend will be a good start, but I do need something like a nice sweater, preferably one of those uber cute long ones.

I am overly antsy for Thursday. I am going over worst case scenarios. I am going over best case scenarios. I am going over reasonable scenarios. I just want to know where I am at. I wish that my little glucose meter could get all the information that the blood work I got on Saturday will provide me with.

I am starting to wonder if we are going to need to go back to separate rooms for the boys. Dax, being an early riser, and a bored 5 year old, keeps being insistent on waking up Bobby in the mornings. For a long time, he was content with just reading books. But he is going through a phase in which he wants Bobby to play with him constantly. Our current idea, which although isn’t perfect, may at least allow Bobby some more sleep, will be to teach Dax how to turn on the tv in the mornings. We will make his cereal something he can get on his own, and he can get up, get some breakfast and watch some Spongebob until Ken gets up and wakes Bobby up. Like I said, it isn’t ideal if only in the idea that one doesn’t want to encourage kids to watch more tv, but I know I keep them active, so it isn’t like I am zapping their brain completely. Plus, Bobby, like a true Brenan, is a night owl and prefers to sleep in the mornings. Dax, although he looks like a Hiner, is all Bowlby in his sleep habits. Kid falls asleep pretty easily, and gets up at the crack of dawn.

Decisons and Tantrums

11-7-11


What to do, what to do. I pride myself in being pretty involved with everything the boys do. I help out at the school, help them with their homework, I am part of both soccer teams in multiple ways and everything I do, I know it is going towards their benefit. But what happens when the activity technically helps them, but in what I think is a very indirect path?

On Saturday, I chatted it up with Jim, who is a board member and field coordinator for our region. He is a super nice guy, and for the first time it occurred to me that he does actually know me now, and not just because Ken is involved greatly in the board meetings and refereeing. He knows I am there for field set up, and help with field take down. He knows I am an assistant coach and team mom for two teams. He also knows that I do care about what is going on with our region.

He told me we missed a hell of a meeting on Thursday. It was heated due to one coach being rejected for coaching a travel team. He said 3 board members also turned in their resignation. This was not good at all. The board has already asked Ken to join as a U8 coordinator. Now Jim was telling me I should come on board.

I was flattered. Sure, they ask a lot of people to join, but I don’t know that they always like the people they ask. They just need bodies. But honestly since day one, the board members we have met with have truly liked Ken and myself. They like that we are involved. They like that we have new ideas. Mostly, they like that we are still enthusiastic about the process. The people on the board now started when their kids were still playing AYSO. Now, with most of the kids grown and in college, it may be time for the board to change over to new blood. Ken and I could be that blood.

Recently, I had determined that even though I want to be a big part of the PTA, I worry that too much of the responsibilities will take away from my interaction with my own children. I will still be a part of it, in more ways that I think I am comfortable with, but a lot of that is because I know the boys will be at this school for a long time. I have no idea how long the boys will be involved with this soccer thing. Bobby is not in the running for any kind of long term aspirations such as high school spots. Dax, who is definitely good enough may not have the desire to keep up with it. So if I get involved with AYSO on that level, what am I committing myself to? What am I committing my family to?

After the two games, we were hanging around waiting on the official drawing for the U8 tournament. Fred, the regional commissioner, came down and he knew me, too! Yeah, this is going to my head a bit. Any hoo, after the drawing, Ken and I were chatting it up with Fred and Jim, and Fred told us the positions that were now open on the board due to the recent resignations. One was treasurer. Ken quickly pointed out I was the woman for that gig. Fred looked at me and asked me what I do, and I explained that I have been in credit and collections for 15 years. Fred and Jim looked as though they had to contain a little happy dance.

Fred went on to then explain what I would have to do. I struggled to listen because my brain was racing. As much as yes, I am more than sure I can handle this, I didn’t know if I really wanted to. It is a lot of responsibility. Aside from needing to be at every board meeting, I would need to cut checks, keep track of incoming money in a ledger, and assist in create a budget. There will be reports to run, deposits to make and various other responsibilities. It sounds a little like when I was a manager at Blockbuster, with a hint of my current job thrown in for good measure. The total amount of money I would be dealing with is about $100K. Nothing in the grand scheme of things.

It sounds cool. I would be handling a big deal. I would be important. I would be able to perhaps make it even more streamlined and who knows, help save money. It also means I would be in charge of things I don’t know that I am 100% comfortable with.

The other positive comes in the form of Ken. Since he will be already on the board, it means this is an activity that he and I can do together. Currently, I don’t have a lot of hobbies. I don’t have outside activities that I get involved with. This is something that I like, which is helping kids out, and working towards making a positive soccer experience (something I was fortunate to have) for them and hopefully their parents also. Ken and I can do these things together, which I have to say, is kind of romantical.

This thought just occurred to me as well. This makes for an excellent note on my resume. Not that I am out looking for a job right now, but adding that I am treasurer for an organization like AYSO on the resume shows that I was elected to the position and am responsible for other accounts. This is a good thing.

I am still terrified. It takes me out of my comfort zone, which is a good thing, but can I handle it? Am I biting off more than I can chew? Sure, I can probably handle doing much of this while at my current job. Making a few spreadsheets seems like a cake walk. But am I over simplifying it? Why is this stressing me out so much??

In other soccer related news, Dax tried to top his epic meltdown from years ago in Target. This one definitely goes in the record books as number 2.

During the second quarter of Dax’s game, Dax was told he was sitting out for the quarter. This wasn’t a punishment. We have 5 kids on the team, and every game, we have 4 kids sit out a quarter, and our coach is awesome about making sure he keeps track from week to week, which has allowed each kid a chance to play the whole game. Seriously, a side note on Coach Ed, this man has been probably the best thing to happen to our soccer experience. I wish he had been Bobby’s coach last year, and even though Ken is coaching next year, if we were not, I would request to have Dax on his team.

Back to the tantrum tale. When Ed told Dax he was sitting out, he burst into tears. I don’t know that he realizes that it isn’t a punishment. Plus, the last couple weeks, we have been a kid down, so everyone played the whole game. Dax buried his head into my stomach, full of deep sobs and anger. The problem with this was that I was the coach on the field for this game. He kept fighting to try to go back on the field, thrashing about as I tried to subdue him. Luckily, my mom was there (Ken and my dad were at Bobby’s game which was on another field) and she was more than happy to help by taking this beast in the form of my sweet Dax.

I went back on the field, feeling as though I was being a bad mom. It seems as though it is my job to handle his breakdown, not to go on the field when Ed would have been more than happy to take over. But I handled coaching duties for much of the second quarter. When I noted that my mom was now dragging him away from the field because it seemed as though this would be the only way to calm him, I tagged Ed in and went over to take over.

My mom was holding him back, and I went up to him and got down to his eye level. I spoke firmly and quietly. I told him he had to sit out and that at this point, he really should not be allowed to play anymore of the game at all. I asked if he was ready to go cheer on his team. Instead, he argued with me about wanting to play on the iPad. I told my mom to take him to Bobby’s game (which is where she was headed). He screamed, but my mom didn’t bat an eye. I went back to the game.

At half, Ed sad he was shocked. He said he had never seen Dax like that. I pointed out that when Dax gets mad, he gets MAD. He is no joke. Ed was awesome about it. I told him it didn’t look like Dax would be playing the rest of the game. He understood and told me I should go and watch Bobby’s game. He was so sweet about it. He said to go for a quarter, and come on back after, and maybe Dax would be ready by then.

So I went over to find my mom sitting with Dax between her legs, still whining. I had a sit down discussion with Dax. I explained to him what I needed from him. I needed him to go cheer for his team and if he behaved during the 3rd quarter, he could apologize to Ed and ask if he could play the 4th quarter.

Dax agreed and he did a good job. He cheered and apologized and clearly used his earlier rage to our advantage in the 4th quarter. He kicked some serious ass. I may need to piss him off before every game. It was a tough morning with him, but I think it was good that I stuck to my guns on what was needed from him. I may have been too nice by giving him a chance, but he is still only 5. I will be curious as to what my mom thinks.

I missed all of Bobby’s game, which was apparently one of our only defeats. We were outplayed, but honestly I am not surprised being that this team is undefeated. We often luck out by having a couple of key players who carry our team. I am so bummed I missed such a good game.

As if that wasn’t bad enough, I will miss it again next week. Games are both at 10:30. I will let my folks switch off, or more realistically, my dad will a start at Dax’s game with my mom at Bobby’s and then they can switch at the half. This will be Dax’s last game, so I do need to be there, but it is possible that this is Bobby’s last game, too. If they lose this week, they do not advance. So much pressure!

On Saturday, I felt the cold creeping into my body. I ached a bit and my head was pounding. I went out for a nice power walk with Captain Wussy (that would be Luna, who jumps at the slightest leaf falling) hoping to sweat it out a bit. This did seem to help quite a bit. We went to bed early.

Sunday was a busy day. The house was in need of some attention. We cleaned up a lot of things, and did gobs of laundry. The rain was welcomed as it allowed us to concentrate on what needed to be done. Also, I love exercise in the cold. I did a bunch of Wii (btw-Wii says I am at 272! Woo hoo!) and once the rain cleared up, we all went for a long walk. The boys took their modes of transportation (a scooter and a bike) and we even brought Lycos along, who did much better this time and looked thrilled again. It was nice to be out in the crisp air with the family.

I started the crock pot early Sunday morning with chicken noodle soup. It was one of my best batches ever and it was perfect for such a cold night. I know I ate more than I should, but I figured one splurge wasn’t going to kill me. Besides, I have workouts planned all week.

Yesterday I also was inspired to try on this one pair of jeans I have been unable to wear in years. They fit! This made me do a happy dance and I decided to start going through the other articles of clothing in the depth of my closet. I found that everything in there (aside from one dress that I bought a long time ago that I hope to fit into at some point) fits again! YAY! I got rid of several items that were too big and honestly, ugly. I found some shoes I forgot I had and feel more comfortable walking in now that I am not nearly as heavy. It was a good shopping trip!

My new goal is to hopefully be down to 160 come Dec 31st. It may be a long shot, but I think if I keep working at it, I can get there. I will get two weight lifting days a week again starting next week (Dax’s practices are over this week) and I can really get moving more once soccer is done. I also have found a couple of items I want to pick up. One is this mini elliptical that would fit under my desk. I could be doing this while sitting at my desk! Both Ken and I also want to get those big exercise balls and make those our chairs for our desks. I also am considering this weight vest. It has 40 slots that you can add these 1 pound weights in each. You wear it for walking, etc. I thought this would be cool. Easier on me than ankle weights, too.

I would also like to be down another 6 pounds come Thanksgiving. I just think it would be nice to be in the 60’s range for a big family day.

On Thursday, after my very exciting endocrinologist appointment (can you tell I am jazzed about going?), we are going to go down to my PCP to talk to her about my boob. As I mentioned before, I had noted this discharge on my right breast which was tan in color. I did some reading, and it looked as though I should stop messing with it. I have since stopped messing with it until I noticed yesterday just how tender it has become. You could even see that the bump I was feeling was now visible. I read up on it, and it turns out it could very well be a minor infection in a duct. I used a heat pad on it last night when I noted it was leaking again. At this point, I drained out of it a lot of this tan colored (now with a slight tint of green) material, which then eventually turned into a tiny bit of blood and then stopped. My boob also felt gobs better. I think I will need some antibiotics to clear it up, but I am not sure. It doesn’t hurt to check in with the doc on something like that. Also, I can monitor it these next couple days being that I drained it. It doesn’t hurt much this morning, but I do notice the area still. I sure hope it isn’t anything serious.

Ok, as much as it pains me, I really should get to work.

where is this epic rain?

11-4-11


At what point will I turn to a different television show to fall asleep to? I don’t know how long I have been watching M*A*S*H for this purpose. It has been a while. I was thinking about this last night as I found myself feeling instantly relaxed as I watched Colonial Potter dole out old fashioned expletives at Corporal Klinger. The hijinks between BJ and Hawkeye made me warm and fuzzy and it was as though I had just consumed a glass of warm milk. I can only speculate on what makes this particular show my bedtime story. It is a show I remember watching with my mom. It is also a show that Ken and I would watch early in our relationship, really even before it could be considered anything other than a friends with benefits situation. It has fond memories across the board. Tonight will be even better with the rain pouring down.

I am looking forward to a long walk at the Compound. It is so quiet there. You hear the drops of morning dew and the crackle of leaves under your feet. There is a crisp smell you can’t get a lot of places around here. Now add running puppy dogs, curious boys and all the time in the world.

I have started watching Firefly on Netflix on Padme. It is quite good so far. Of course, I am only in the pilot, but it has potential. I am not surprised, based on the numerous factors. I think my next set of shows to watch once I finish this will be the Walking Dead which has shown up on my streaming list. I wish I could watch Dexter, but it is not available as of yet. Come on Netflix! Work with me here!

There is a viral video of a Texas judge beating the shit out of his then 16 year old daughter. I am telling you, it was so incredibly hard to watch. The crack of the belt with the screams of her voice was painful. The fact that corporal punishment is still allowed in the home is beyond me.

It has just occurred to me that my dreams of sleeping in tomorrow are not to be. I need to drag my ass down to Lab Corp to have blood drawn for my endocrinologist appointment next week. I was unable to procure an appointment time, so I just need to show up with the masses. On the plus side, I will be fasting, so I believe I get a higher priority.

I wish I had star power.

I should have the boys make a list of everything they are thankful for.

I want to float in an inner tube in one of those water parks that has a current around the park without feeling like a whale.

I want to watch Harold and Kumar go to White Castle.

I don’t want to return any of my phone messages today.

I reset my iTouch last night. I now have our entire music library on it, but no feasible playlists. I also am lacking in the numerous apps I had downloaded. Luckily, I don’t tend to purchase any apps, and they are all listed in iTunes on the computer, but to be honest, it will be nice to have an uncluttered iTouch for a bit. Plus, it allows me to listen to my whole library of music, which I have not done in far too long.

The boys and I read a book last night in which Arthur goes and meets the president. As the characters were in the White House, the book pointed out the numerous things in the building such as a barber. I told them that there also was a bowling alley. Bobby grabbed my arm and about had a heart attack. He begged me to plan a trip there. I had to explain it wasn’t an alley we could bowl in, but they didn’t care. They liked the whole idea of going to DC and checking out everything. I think I need to start saving now!

I like that my wedding ring is not as tight anymore. My fingers are shrinking!

Is it wrong to kind of hope for some boob shrinkage in this weight loss?

Dax wants to have a Jack Skellington as part of our Christmas decorations. I wonder where I will get that.

Why are there commercials congratulating these kids for joining the military? I am guessing that is the only job security anyone can find these days, so how much of it is really something to give them a pat on the back for?

Why must sales reps be so cocky and rude?

Looks like practices tonight have to be canceled per our region. The 90% chance of rain and the potential for field damage if we do practice is too great. Sounds like poor Mr. Dax will not get to practice tonight. I know he will be bummed. Perhaps a nice movie night is in order for the Brenans tonight.

green monster

11-3-11


I have met my end of year goal. Time to reset it. My hopes is to lose at least 10 more pounds by Dec 31st. I figure if I can maintain and possibly keep going in a downward direction over the next two holiday filled months, I am doing great!

I was pretty proud. Especially since I do notice the difference, not only in appearance, but in how I have been treating food. Even my body has rejected it when I eat too much. I feel very sick if I eat more than my smaller portions now. Milk doesn’t have the same appeal it used to have. Even certain sweets like chocolate and soda are almost too sweet. My chemistry is working with me. Thank goodness.

Unfortunately, chemistry doesn’t always work with your brain. I went to the parenting class yesterday and our principal was there. Mrs. Sakurai was an overweight woman. She was way plump. She got similar news at the beginning of summer last year as I did and was handed over her very own trust blood glucose monitor because of the diagnosis of Type 2 diabetes. She was offered the same meal replacement program that I had contemplated. She decided to do the program. I am telling you, in the same time I have been losing weight, she has easily lost twice as much as I have. It is remarkable. She looks fantastic! While I am super proud of her achievement, the little green monster sits on my shoulder and whispers sweet nothings of, “See, you could have been at that point by now had you been drinking those shakes. Look how great she looks. Sure, you have dropped a few pounds, but she has dropped a whole person.” It isn’t healthy to allow this kind of thought process in my life, but sometimes it is the soundtrack of my mind.

I am glad that I went yesterday to the parenting class. I didn’t need it by any stretch of the imagination, but it did serve a couple of good causes. Every class who had a parent in the class allowed a book to be donated from this organization to their classroom. We also got to take a book home, which is always awesome. Plus, by participating in these workshops, it raises the attendance of them which brings more programs to our school.

What was interesting was that there were only a couple of us there that spoke only English. In fact, most of them didn’t speak English at all. Disturbing in many ways. The English speakers actually had the interpreter, which seems backwards. Not a big deal, but we need to really think about this as a school. We are teaching kids in English and their parents cannot read or speak in the language their kids are expected to know. I wish that part of enrollment at the school would be some kind of mandatory English class for parents. They would have to attend in order for their kids to be able to be there. I know, that takes away rights, blah, blah, blah. I am thinking about the big picture here. It would benefit these families a great deal if they could understand their kids and how much progress they are making. This is 2011. There is no reason these parents shouldn’t know English.

I was impressed with some of the parents when it came to English, though. One woman was very proud that she has taken the time to learn English. She made a point of only speaking in English, and talked about how she uses her daughter’s homework to practice for herself. I was so pleased with her.

One mother made me cringe in hate. We watched a video on the importance of reading to our kids. The video talked about how we feed our children, and it showed a woman breast feeding her baby. As my boobs skipped a beat, the horrid broad behind me actually said, “Eeewww!!” I am telling you, I was so angry. Fucking bitch. She feels breast feeding is offensive? Look, a chick feeding her kid is far less annoying than the chick who lets her 2 year old run around the classroom while we are trying to listen to the video. Oh, yeah, I am talking to you, fucking broad with not one, but two little kids running around. I will never fault someone for feeding their kid formula. Never in a million years. I will feel a little sad if only because the happy I felt while boob feeding was euphoric and I wish that experience for everyone, but if you can’t for whatever reason, as long as you feed that kid, good on ya. But don’t you DARE look down or be disgusted by someone feeding your child with your bare breast.

Nah, I’m not passionate or anything.

Looks like I will be rockin the soccer schedule through Dec 3. There is a “Jamboree” tournament starting Nov 12, ending Dec 3rd. It is a single elimination that takes place over 3 different days. This is for Bobby’s team division only. His team has a couple of amazing super stars. I am not sure if we have lost any games. So if we play like we always play, Bobby will be on a champion team. LOL! He will be so excited, which is adorable.

Ken and I are planning a night out. Hardold and Kumar hits theatres this weekend, so once I get my prize money from Halloween, I think I will hit up the folks to watch the kids while he and I hit the town for and old fashioned dinner and a movie. It is a much needed night out as the two of us.

AAA

11-2-11


My dad has an abdominal aortic aneurysm. It was detected a couple of years ago. It is at 3.5 cm right now. At 5.5, they would go in for surgery. Right now, they are just monitoring it since it is currently asymptomatic. I am sure my dad had mentioned it before, but for some reason, his most recent trip to the doctor for it last week and my reading the little pamphlet on it yesterday has sent me into a bit of a tizzy. I of course would not be all crazed in front of him. As he pointed out, he said if he really thinks about this shit, it will drive you crazy. True, very true, but my mind is hard pressed to let something like that go without over analyzing the crap out of it for a couple days.

There is a parenting class today at 8:15 at the school. I had planned on going just because it means I am involved in everything the school provides. I had decided to not go since next week I am taking off early on Thursday for my follow up appointment with the endocrinologist and on Friday, I had considered taking the day off to hang with the kids since I was pretty sure Ken still has classes even though they have the day off. But based on the shit day I had at work yesterday, and seeing some of the fucked up emails already this morning, I am very tempted to bail early, go to the class, and then go home and clean house. At least then I will feel productive and appreciated.

Mind you, not everything is craptastic. Aside from the bad news and work stress, things are ok. My glucose levels have been fantastic. I get to walk today and I plan on resuming my Wii workouts today. I did my weight lifting yesterday, which felt so nice to do again.

Out of the costume

11-1-11


Trick or treating is awesome. And I don’t just mean the walking around getting free candy. The best part of last night was really watching the boys hand out candy. Bobby especially was really getting into it. He greeted each trick or treater by their character name. He and Dax both complimented costumes and were really happy to hand out candy to people. When kids would come up looking to me, Bobby would tell them, “I am the trick or treater here, come to me for candy!” He took his job very seriously.

The actual candy procurement adventure was fun, too. Sabrina was all decked out in possibly the cutest Princess Leia costume ever. The kids had a lot of fun running up to each house. We even bumped into kids the boys knew, which I am sure will become even more common each year.

Dax decided he had enough after a couple of blocks, so luckily Papa Brenan was with us so he walked him home. Not before Dax begged me to take his bag with us to get him more candy. I did not trick or treat for him, as I have a rule against that, but I wasn’t about to make his breakdown worse by telling him my philosophy on Halloween etiquette. I did put a handful of our own candy into his bag so he had about the same as Bobby.

Our neighborhood was uber crowded, which was fun. We did have one crazy girl. I am still not sure if she was truly batty or just thinking that it was cute acting like a spaz. She would dance up to us, her painted face right in our face and say, “Would you like to play?” in this pseudo child’s voice, complete with creepy undertones. It wasn’t a big deal since she seemed to leave the kids alone, so I guess have your fun, lady. Oh, and if you truly are a nut job, I apologize for laughing at you.

Earlier in the day, my costume managed to win 2nd place at work. I was very pleased. Yes, I feel I was robbed of first place since the guy only really had on a mask, but he did make the judges laugh, which I suppose is how you have to do it. Plus, who am I to complain? I got a $100 gift certificate to a restaurant. Not sure which one or how they decide since I have yet to get the prize, but hey, its $100! Yay!

Ken has hurt his foot somehow. Not sure how, but he didn’t sleep last night. He has been doing a lot of running from his ref stuff, so I am not shocked. He is actually concerned he broke something. He is going to call the doc this morning and see about going down there. I will possibly go with him. Not sure yet. I am considering tagging along if only because I need to ask the doctor about my own issue.

Ok, this is a TMI moment, but I want to document when it started. On Sunday, in the shower, I noticed my right boob was leaking. Mind you, I have not had anything in there for a while now. If I have, it has been standard light stuff that is clear. This is tan in color. I had noticed this strange lumpiness under my nipple the last week, and I wonder if I bruised it or if it is some kind of clogged duct. Not sure how it all works since I am not pregnant or lactating at this point. My boob hurts now, but I think it is because I have been messing with it. Of course, the net is a sea of too much info, and my current decision is I need to stop manipulating it to see how much is coming out. It is probably nothing, but it is concerning.

I have a bag under one eye. Is it bad when I think it would actually look better if I had a matching one for the other eye?

I think I might miss my tail today. It was a lovely back rest.

Weight machine work out today. Yay! I am really looking forward to it.

I am bummed this morning. I thought we had at least one salad left so I could take it to lunch. I was incorrect. There was nothing to really take for lunch, so I ended up bringing the left over pizza. One piece will not kill me, but I was hoping for salad.

Have I mentioned how much I love my iPad? I am downloading issues of Time Magazine right now. Awesome! I may need to get all magazines on here. Not that I have a lot at this point, but if I get my subscription renewed for EW, I will certainly get it on here.

Damn you iTunes! You have too many cool things!!

I think I should at least attempt some work today, especially if I am hoping to leave early.