The Open Minded Child

3-11-15






Curse-a solemn utterance intended to invoke a supernatural power to inflict harm or punishment on someone or something. n offensive word or phrase used to express anger or annoyance.






There was most likely a time in history that if a child cursed you, said child would be burned at the stake. Now everything from video games to movies have not only curse words, but actual curses present. Harry Potty dies at the hand of Voldemort with Avada Kedavra, or the Killing Curse. Curses are part of popular culture and it doesn’t really seem like they are taken seriously, let alone considered offensive for the most part.






Of course dropping an F-Bomb in class will get a child detention. But what if the same kid simply told another kid he was putting a curse on him? Is this a punishable offense? Is this something that falls within the conditions of an offensive action?






This question comes up due to a situation that took place at soccer practice last week. During a team building drill, there was a curse uttered. It wasn’t anything fancy or one uttered by a Death Eater, but the results were certainly questionable.






The game played was tag in which there were two people who were “it” and the rest of the team had to avoid them in the designated area. If they were tagged, they were to sit down with the hopes that two of their other fleeing teammates would come over and tag them back in. It is wild and crazy and filled with gobs of laughter on the part of everyone involved. Imagine my surprise when I received an email the following day from a parent indicating that something had made it upsetting for one of the kids.






Cameron, who was one of the kids who was doing the tagging had managed to catch Carlos which put him as out pending team help. That wasn’t the issue at hand. It was the words that Cameron chose to use once he had tapped Carlos on the arm.






“I curse you!”






I can hear the words being said by this player simply by thinking about the vibe of the game. I hear the joking around and the menacing laugh delivered with joy that was simply a silly declaration that went with the mood.






Sadly, this is not how Carlos heard it. He heard it as an act of aggression that sparked fear in him. He was concerned that this phrase meant he now had an actual curse on him and he asked his mother if this is something that could actually happen.






This is a 9 year old boy. He attends a Christian private school and for the most part is a very quiet and sweet child. There is a certain innocence about him that was pointed out in the email I received from his mother. She indicated he was sensitive and that something like this shouldn’t be said at a soccer practice.






I am a rather progressive mother. My kids actually do drop F-Bombs, but they understand that they can only do that in my own house and it should be used sparingly. They read Harry Potter and understand all of the make believe that JK Rowling has masterfully woven together in her books. Although we don’t attend church or as parents believe in a major deity, we allow and encourage our kids to ask questions and if need be, look into any major (or minor) religion and would support their belief system without batting an eye.






I don’t know enough about Cameron’s upbringing, but can venture a guess he is somewhere in between my family and that of Carlos’. He most likely has an active imagination and the idea of adding curses to a game of tag seem pretty harmless. I doubt he meant any hard to come to Carlos and I would bet that he wouldn’t even remember his utterance.






This situation left me in a pickle. On one hand, as a representative of our soccer organization I had a duty to address the situation without being dismissive. Whether or not I agree with the idea of one child cursing another has nothing to do with the fact that I have to address the complaint. At the same time, I certainly couldn’t come down like a crazy person and put a moratorium on kids being, well, kids.






Even after choosing the correct words carefully in my email back, I still worried that this wouldn’t be the last time Carlos would have to deal with modern times. I would never criticize a religious based school as I know every school is different in how they handle the ever changing landscape of what is blasphemy and what is simply good fun. And in this situation, this wasn’t coming from the school, but in fact the family which is truly where a child learns the most from. At what point does this family as a whole start bringing these kind of topics into the home?






There are times in a kid’s life in which you start to let them in on the little secrets of life. Fifth graders get to watch videos about their changing bodies. 7th graders start to hear some sex ed. College often is when everyone experiments with everything from booze to drugs to even partners. What is the right age to explain to a kid that even though they love their chosen god and adhere to the morals and principals that they are taught that they have to understand not everyone follows these guidelines?






This is a question with no correct answer. I recognize that as I end this that I may have opened a larger can of worms than originally presented to me. That being said, I think it is important as a society that we start to consider these things when we as parents embark on the journey of child rearing. There is a lot of discussion about how we will handle things like Santa Claus or Jesus, but perhaps we need to make a point of giving kids a spectrum as opposed to a one or the other. The only way to truly help our kids grow mentally and spiritually is to give them a little more guidance about how to handle people that they may encounter with a different background.






Open minded children create well rounded adults. It is an important thing to remember.