How many do you need?

2-3-09

How many is too many? A Southern California woman gave birth to octuplets this month, much to the amazement of the world. It wasn’t just that the babies all lived and were healthy. It wasn’t just that this was only the second US birth of this many children at once. This was what first caught our interest, but then the happy shock turned into complete disbelief.

As more and more details began to leak out about this 33 year old woman, it became apparent that this was not going to just be another fluff story. Yes, she originally asked for media privacy, which of course is code for please dig out every piece of dirt on me you can find. But now she has opted to tell her story, for a price. What a shock, right?

Her background did not make her sound like the ideal candidate for admiration. Sure, carrying 8 babies in your uterus is pretty intense. Most women would not choose to carry that many unless of course their hospital of choice if the cardboard box behind the dryer. Yet this charming lady not only had IVF, she stuffed 8 if not more of her frozen embryos into her body. We always hear that you need to put a few in just to make sure one takes. The normal amount if 3, and if you are over 35, they put up to 5. The woman is 33, and some doctor loaded up her uterus like a gumball machine.

Ok, fine, so she ends up with 8. No biggie, right? It is a one time deal. Oh, wait, what is that you say? She already had children? What, she had one or maybe 2 and she was looking for that girl and ended up with a more than she had hoped? That would be forgivable. Instead, this woman already has, wait for it, 6 other children. All of them are under the age of 8.

It gets better. Those kids were also the result of IVF. Oh, and by the by, she is single, living with her bankrupt parents who have indicated that when she comes home from the hospital with the new set, they would not be there anymore. That’s right. She has 14 kids with no income, no help, and all of it was her doing.

All of the talk shows are clamoring to get her as a guest. The last I heard was that Oprah has already made arrangements to pay her the $2 million asking price (yes, I wrote that right) for her to tell people her story. Rumors are flying about everything from Discovery Channel to do a reality show about her to a book deal since she must be an amazing parent. Are you kidding me, people?

When I was trying to have a child, it took three years. I didn’t use fertility treatments. I couldn’t really afford them even if I opted to use them. I can tell you I cried every 28 days when the cruel truth flowed from my body with the indicator that I was not in fact with child. I wondered if maybe I just needed to get drunk and have some one night stand. Isn’t that how teenage girls do it? They seem to get knocked up just by going to health class. When the pee stick finally had the right hieroglyphics that when translated said I was pregnant, I peed on at least two more sticks to make sure it was true. I was elated to just have the one, and honestly, if I couldn’t have anymore, I didn’t care since I now had what I had wanted for most of my life.

I wanted a baby so bad and I could understand the appeal of taking a scientific approach to it. I don’t know that I would have taken such drastic measures, but I don’t fault anyone who does. What I have a problem with is someone who abuses the system.

When you have a child, or even two or three, you have to get to a point where you thank your lucky stars that you have the pleasure of having these bundles of joy. We all miss the feel of a newborn once we have toddlers. The late night nursing sessions, the onsies, the lack of their back talk. All of these are appealing things about a baby. Yet we also understand that at some point, we have to be responsible. It is expensive to raise a child. I know that there are women that are single, have a few kids and do their best to keep food on the table. They will work 2 sometimes 3 jobs just to make ends meet. Yet this woman has no job. She isn’t trying at all. Plus, she has brought 14 children into this world with no stable income. I guess that is why to have a lot of kids at once. Sponsors will pay you big bucks to use you for their product. I would imagine the folks at Pampers have sent her gobs of diapers and if the cable channels do make a show with her, everything in her life will be paid for. But who hopes to have that life for themselves and their children?

Even if she was set for life financially, is it appropriate to have 14 children anymore? We are overpopulated no only in California, not only in the US, but in the world. We have too many people. To some degree, it is irresponsible of me to have two, let alone even imagine having 14 of them. And she planned them! No, she didn’t think she would have 8 at once, but even with 6 children, she was hoping to add number 7. Is there anyone in this world that needs to have 7 kids? Not even Brad and Angelina need that many kids. At least they adopted half of their brood, but even so, how about spending a little more time on the ones you have, not always looking for a new one.

Every few months you see the news story about the crazy old broad that is living in filth with her 47 cats. She started with good intentions. She had a few rescues and took good care of them. Next thing you know, there are kittens, and then those kittens have kittens and then a few strays wander in and a friend of a friend found a cat that needs a home. It adds up pretty quick. Every new acquisition brings the lady joy. They are her babies. Let’s now compare this to crazy kid lady. How is this much different? It is very different since this lady actually planned each child! She didn’t just find some kitty in a dumpster. She put those cats in her own body. Well, ok, not cats, but actual babies! She didn’t just do it once, either. She did it at least 7 times. When does a person say enough is enough?

The most famous family in terms of a billion children is the Duggars who just had their 18th child this last December. They have had a couple of shows on Discovery back when they only had 15 kids. I know, they were a tiny family before! We have seen a glimpse into their lives which consist of home schooling, trips to the grocery store which is quite an adventure, and even their personal appearances on Good Morning America. Yup, even though they are a relatively successful family in terms of being happy and so far not having raised any serial killers, they have had help. The good folks at Discovery along with their sponsors funded their giant house. I would imagine that even though they do cut the check at the Costco, someone else is cutting them a check right back. The parents, although part of every child’s life, don’t even do the bulk of the care. Every little one has a “buddy” in which one of the older ones is in charge of everything from getting them dressed to story time. Well of course it isn’t hard to have 18 children when so much is being done for you. Parents of just one or two kids complain that they don’t even have time to be intimate, yet these Duggars seem to find time. Of course they do. If number 4 is crying while they are making number 19, all they have to do is have number 12 go check on them. I wonder if they sometimes just forget all their cute little J names which all of them were bestowed with and just call them by rank. It would be so much easier.

This brings us back to wack job and her litter. She doesn’t even have kids old enough to do the buddy system, let alone daddy to help out. Was she hurting when she had 6 kids? Did she watch these programs like Jon and Kate plus 8 or even the Duggar show and see that the real money is in multiples and having a whole bunch of kids makes for good tv? Maybe that is why she told the doc to load her up. It was like putting it all on black and hoping for the best. And sure enough, the wheel spun and the ball landed on 8, and she knew she was in for a big payout.

Whether or not her check comes with the show or other media relations, she will get the check. I just can’t get behind someone who actually did something stupid and then expects people to not only care, but to pay to see how stupid she really is. What is the worst part of it all, though, is that there are 14 children who will not understand any different for many years. I hope for endorsements if only to make sure those babies never have to tell a therapist later in life that they wish they were never born. Because at the end of the day, the only thing that matters is that the littlest members of this scandal are taken care of.

In one of my favorite movies, Parenthood, the shockingly wise character portrayed by Keanu Reeves points out that you need a license to drive, for a dog, and even to catch a fish. Yet anybody can be a father. Maybe it isn’t just fathers that should apply to be a dad. Mothers have just as much of a responsibility as the sperm donor, if not more. If ever there was a poster child for the issuing of licenses to have babies, I think this lady is her.