uncertainty

4-27-09

Welcome to the land of uncertainty. Population: everyone I work with.

On Thursday last week, Tammy and I were greeted by a fellow employee who had been with the company for 21 years. We didn’t talk to her much, but today would be probably the last day we would talk to her. She tells us she just wanted to stop by and say goodbye. Turns out, she had been laid off. Despite the furlough days, apparently we are still in dire straits and they needed to cut some more money in the form of bodies.

At the end of the day, 30 people had lost their jobs, and my source, who’s source is super reliable, told us that another 10 were slated for the following day, including a possibility of 2 in my department. Friday was spent on pins and needles, waiting for the inevitable “Gotta minute” from my boss to one of us, and then the rush of tears. It was horrible.

By 2 on Friday, we got word in the form of hearsay that we were in the clear at least until this week. This morning, we were told that we would probably only lose one, and the one is not me. That being said, there was a huge meeting scheduled today for some of the big wigs that would be going over the numbers (close is today) to determine who is next, and when the next wave hits, which has rumors of as soon as Wednesday.

I am exhausted. I just feel so stressed. The talk seems to be that we are a sinking ship. So does that mean I should stay with the ship as long as they want to pay me and give me health benefits? Or should I be trying to find something else now instead of waiting. Sure, if I get laid off, unemployment is easy enough to get. But that doesn’t last forever.

I found myself in uber cleaning mode on Saturday. It was the only way to get out of my head when it came to the uncertainty that my workplace now represents. I scrubbed the kitchen floor Cinderelly style since it allowed me to have full control over the process. Put a control freak in a situation in which they can’t control anything, you are now looking at a control freak with anxiety attacks that she is sure are mini heart attacks.

Even with some semblance of control with the cleaning, I didn’t want to make any decisions. I didn’t know what to make for dinner. I didn’t want to be the one who had to decide that, too. My overwhelmed mind just doesn’t know what to do now. I am the primary breadwinner in a house in which, let’s face it, does the bulk of the chores, is mom to two kids under 5, and wife to someone who isn’t always as organized as I would like him to be. I have folks worried about me. But how do you make them feel better? I suppose that isn’t my job, but how else do you get them to stop with the questions that don’t have answers? I am not suggesting that I don’t appreciate their concern, I just don’t know how to answer anymore.

And to make things worse, my superstitious nature has been kicked into high gear. On the way home from work on Friday, there was a dead duck. This is road kill highway, but it isn’t like I work by a pond, so ducks seem out of the ordinary. Plus, this is the third one, in the exact same spot. The first one was on my way to work on the same morning my mom ended up going to the hospital. I don’t remember if anything major happened from the second one, but the third one seems to have occurred during a pretty bad time, which makes me nervous. I don’t want to be all out of luck, like a duck that died.

My Saturday, despite the stressful over tones, was productive. I cleaned the heck out of the kids’ rooms, and got much of the laundry done. I also scrubbed the kitchen. As if this wasn’t enough, I worked on the trailer, going through the boxes of stuff Virsil said he wasn’t interested in keeping. This meant throwing away a lot of crap, boxing up the things he did want, making a Goodwill pile, and discarding an alarming amount of lube. In addition to this cleaning, I gave myself a nice giant lump on my head when I smacked my head into the roof of the trailer. I was sure I was going to do a Natasha Richardson. But I did not die, and it made me sad all over again thinking about how she thought she was fine and then was not. I had not realized the size of the injury until when I was scratching my head yesterday, I pulled off this giant scab. Lovely.

The McDonald’s visit was good. The kids were able to run, we were able to not think too much, and even though McDonald’s isn’t the best food, it could be worse. This one kid was there with his overwhelmed mother (who also had a 1 year old and a 2 year old in tow), and was clearly a special needs kid. He was about 5, and spastic. Dax came out of the structure a couple times, crying, complaining that someone had hit him. Then, this little boy started hitting Dax by the slide in full view. Ken yelled at him. Full on, “Excuse me; you do not hit my child!” He looked terrified. He ran back to his mother, who also had witnessed the offense. The kid tried to play some more, but when he would catch sight of Ken, he would run back to the safety of his mom. Finally, the mom brought the kid up to Dax so that he could apologize. Ken stepped in, and was all smiles for the kid, and then everyone was cool. Mind you, Ken also was making loud remarks directed at this mom earlier when her two kids were still wearing shoes despite the rules that say no shoes. I am pretty sure this woman was even more scared of Ken than this kid was.

I am very grateful that the boys are at the age where they need minimal supervision when they play in the yard. Between Ken working on things and me in the trailer, the boys were mostly on their own for a few hours. They had lots of fun. They found the cardboard pieces from a cut up box and went homeless swimming. Bobby did manage to soak him self when he started playing with the dog’s water, but it was minor overall. I did feel a little bad to be working on stuff and not playing with them, but I suppose they will survive.

Sunday morning we stopped by this garage sale which actually was a rummage sale for a fund raiser by my old soccer field. They had everything for $1. We started going through the clothing for the boys when a lady told us for $2, we could take a bag and fill it with whatever we could fit. They were trying to get rid of stuff at this point. The bag was one of those giant Target bags. So we filled it. The boys probably both got a dozen new things each, even if they last only a few wears. Now I have them waiting for cleaning. What shocked me was the number of underwear being sold. I know, a quick washing would make most toddler undies fine, especially since it isn’t like these kids are walking around with some STD. But I guess sharing underwear seems odd no matter what.

We spent the boys’ nap time watching this ABC show “What Would You Do?” Fascinating stuff. Hidden cameras would show how people would handle certain things from seeing a baby locked alone in a hot car to watching a women cuss out her nanny to seeing a guy drug a woman’s drink at the bar. It was crazy to see how many people didn’t do anything. This one was where this homeless guy “collapses” and no one stops for him as he is lying out on the sidewalk. It was crazy. This one lady, who needed a cane to walk, and was homeless herself, stopped and kept asking folks to call 911 for this guy, but they ignored her, too. It was awful. What was really crazy was how emotional folks got once they found out it was a set up. Lots of tears, men and women alike. Very cool thing to watch the people who spoke up to help their fellow man. I was impressed.

BTW-F this whole swine flu crap. Look, I dodged SARS, I didn’t get the freaking monkey pox. I don’t need pig sick. So stop it! I refuse to let some funny named illness get me. So bring it on, piggies.

My rockin $10 purse I got at Target looks rough now. I knew the fabric would never last, but I had no idea it would get so tattered so quickly. So now I am in the market for yet another purse. This one took forever to find! Plus, it isn’t like I have tons of spare cash. I have $10 from Target, so I am on the hunt from them. Until that time, my current tattered mess will do.

Is it bad when your closing remarks to people at work is no longer good bye, but good luck?

Look, I am mostly fine that old guys hook up with young chicks. You are 67, your new wife is 26, fine. But don’t get the chick knocked up. You aren’t doing anyone any favors. You are making a child who will be fatherless by the time they are in grade school. Have you no shame?

I find it amusing that the Soup makes fun of the Hills, but I truly don’t want to hear anymore about it. The whole show is just horrid trash. I know, I watch 90210, but at least they are open about it being scripted. But the Hills just makes me sick. I guess I am feeling feisty this morning.

I am thrilled with the new phrase for Mother Fucker. Apparently some regular tv channel aired Snakes on a Plane, which has the line, I am tired of these Mother Fucking snakes off my Mother Fucking plane. They had recorded a version for tv with Sam Jackson’s voice saying the following as a replacement for the catch phrase for this movie. “I want these monkey fighting snakes off this Monday to Friday plane.” Seriously, I am going to be calling people monkey fighters forever now.

I requested time off in August, and the boss hasn’t gotten back to me. I am all freaked out since perhaps he hasn’t approved it because I will be gone! Either that or he is just busy with trying to keep people employed and it isn’t all about me. LOL!

The last bit of info was that they were planning on getting rid of enough people to make the remaining people be swamped so that they have to do overtime. I know, this makes no sense being that they would still have furlough, why then make folks work OT? My only thoughts is that they are keeping people that they think will paddle on the sinking ship and people who won’t work OT are easier to get rid of. Yes, crazy. Thank you rumor mill.

I tossed a bunch of old onsies. I kept the ones that were sentimental, just in case we win the lottery and I can have another kid. I am wondering if my talented MIL can make me a quilt made up of several of the boys’ clothing items. I may need to look into that.

I think I talk too much. Yes, this coming from someone who is on page 4 of her daily blog and this is a short one. I say things to folks, and even though they claim they hear me, they don’t seem to really HEAR me. Ken was on delay all weekend. I would say something to him, and about 2 minutes later, he would repeat my comment as if it was something he had not heard before. I would blame him, but I have had so many other people around me do this. So this must mean I am doing something wrong. I may need to go all silent Bob on folks so that the few things that come out are profound and truly command attention.

Boss just made it in. For someone pretty fond of small talk, especially concerning payments received, he sure seemed edgy and uninterested. Not sure what this means. Then again, he is one of those people that doesn’t like to deviate from his internal script.

OMG. New edit funny. John Goodman in the Big Lebowski says, you see what happens when you Fuck a stranger in the Ass, has been changed to when you find a stranger in the alps. AWESOME!

On that note, I think I will get to work.


Ok, I am back for a few. Of course, as I open this I forgot what I was going to say.

I brought a hammer into work. I now have it at my desk in case Tammy and I need to bust through the window due to a disgruntled ex employee. Is that bad?

It is sad when you do find certain people on Facebook and you determine that they still are as awful as you remember them. I found an old soccer team mate of mine (on my ex’s girlfriend’s list, strangely enough, but that is another topic altogether). We were never close, but I knew her, played with her, knew her dad, and even though I didn’t expect we would be friends or anything, you would think she would of at least responded to my inquiry as to if she was the same one I remember. I didn’t even friend request her. Yet as of right now, no response. I have seen she has been on, since she happened to comment on a post done by the girl I know her through. I don’t really mind since it was ages ago, and I don’t know her, but still, you know what site you are using, how’s about being polite? Of course, I don’t know that I am much better. I think I saw on there this guy that used to hang out with us at school that we never talked to really outside of classes (not that we talked to him then, either, but he was there), but that seemed to always be there. Did I friend request him? Nope. That my friend, is very sad on my part.

I just had a random craving for a Chinese Chicken Salad from the Kettle. I wonder if they have a kids eat free night.

Dax loves the movie Bolt. Asks for it daily now. Luckily, it is very cute, and I have only seen it 200 times so it isn’t old yet. But what makes the movie so cute to have on, is that in the standard music montage sequence, the boys sing along to the song played, which I am telling you, is the sweetest thing ever. They know a lot of the words, and sing along, almost without bothering to watch the movie. They just know it, and sing to it. I suppose I should bust out the ole video camera for that one.

I am so falling asleep. I guess I will go make my lunch now.