triumphant return

1-18-10

What a long weekend. And not always long in a good way.

Come Thursday evening, Ken was feeling the first wave of sick. At about 11ish, he threw up and I knew we were in for a hellish next 24 hours.

I refused to get sick. No joke. I felt the rumblings of nasty in my gut and I just laid very still, willing it to go away. I so did not want to hurl. I actually started having anxiety attacks from it. Ken got up several times, and I just laid there. I didn’t sleep, I just concentrated. Like a weird anti puke meditation.

At around 3, my bowels were getting the best of me. I finally had to get up. Thankfully, or, well, I am not 100% sure on this, I didn’t ever throw up. Everything exited where it was supposed to. It was a lot, and my stomach was in gobs of horrid pain and discomfort, but I didn’t have to throw up. I wonder if I would have felt better quicker had I let myself do so, but I think I am ok with the results.

Ken got it gobs worse than I did. He, however, was at least more functional than I was that morning and he got the kids up and ready and over to daycare. When I stood, I was light headed and weak. I could hardly shuffle from my bed to the bathroom, and it was an even greater challenge to return to bed.

Ken and I slept from 8:30 till probably about 11. I finally got up since my chest muscles were hurting. I assume from a combo of a very vigorous workout the day before and the countless anxiety attacks I dealt with. Hell, it could have just been from lying in bed for that long. My back was killing me too. We headed into the living room to whimper and whine in there for a while. At least we would have the distraction of some tv.

Several things came up as we sat there. First, we heard the street cleaner drive by. Shit! We had not moved our cars as I am normally at work, and Ken is not throwing up everything he has eaten in the last week. Next, Ken realized not only did he have to get some flyers to a school, he had a class he had to attend. Luckily, he was functional and managed to do both of these outings. I, on the other hand, was still rough and I hardly moved.

I fought my fear of not wanting to consume fluids for fear the vomit would make a sneak attack. Although, the minute I started drinking some water, I felt gobs better. I even opted to take the boys to my parents’ house in order to allow them some healthy people to interact with, and I could just lie there. This would also give Ken a couple hours of no kid time so he could rest some more.

That entire trip was tough, but I think worth it. The boys had fun, and my dad was able to laugh at me as I was in this crumpled ball on the chair in the garage. LOL!

When I got home, the pain started coming back and I realized it was not sick anymore, it was hunger. This seemed promising. I had not eaten in 24 hours, so hunger made some sense. I had some chicken broth, and it settled ok.

We went to bed early, but at around 10 I woke up in searing pain in my gut. I was sure the chicken soup had angered the stomach gods and I was now going to die. It lasted all of an hour and I finally settled back in and got some sleep. Not much, though. I just could never get comfortable.

Saturday morning we were going to my parents’ house again as Grammie and my great aunt Dee were coming. Ken was still sickly, so I told him to just stay home and sleep. I was feeling much better so I took the boys over a little earlier than planned. It was good timing, though, as they were just getting there.

We pulled up and the boys recognized that Grammie was there. Grammie had just pulled back out of the driveway, though, in order to park on the street. She had dropped Dee off. I crossed the street and the boys ran up to the porch to say hello to my mom. Then, Dax charged up to Dee, with a big hug, yelling, “Grammie!” It was after he pulled back and looked up that he realized he was not in his great grandmother’s embrace.

“AAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!” He was terrified. He burst into tears and glared at poor Dee. That was not Grammie. He didn’t even want to deal with Grammie when she walked up. He was done. Dee was so sweet about it and took no offense, thankfully. We got Dax upstairs, calmed down with some milk and a cracker. Dee said she was sorry to him, which only started him up all upset again. So my dad took him outside to play.

The boys ended up playing on their bikes and I visited with Grammie, Dee and my mom. My mom went and played with the boys for a while and I got the latest gossip on my cousins and the goings on. All of this of course I filled my mom in on later, which of course just made my mom annoyed at Grammie. LOL!

Matt got home from bowling and we went to lunch at the Big Wok. A bold meal for someone with only chicken broth in her gut, but I had a small helping and it settled fine. I think it was happy to have some real food in there.

Lunch was fun. It was a great visit and Dax even talked to Dee all on his own. It appeared all was forgiven. Yay! Dee also told me how well behaved they were in the restaurant and told me she was impressed with them completely. Another Yay!

We got back to the house and we visited some more while the boys played with Lego upstairs. It was a loud afternoon, but good. Grammie and Dee didn’t leave until about 3:30 or so. I ended up sticking around for another hour and a half and got home a little after 5.

Ken had not only rested, he did the dishes and some laundry, which was awesome! He also ordered Chinese food so I wouldn’t have to cook. He and I didn’t eat much of it, but it is nice to have all these leftovers in our fridge so cooking has been optional.

We didn’t go bowling Sunday morning. One more sleeping in morning sounded good. Granted, I didn’t sleep in that much. Dax woke up and needed his butt changed so I got up with him. He and I watched Up. Well, really, he watched Up and I chatted with Dani and played on Facebook. Bobby got up and the movie was about over when Ken got up.

We had planned on using this coupon we had that expired Sunday for breakfast at Denny’s. We decided to go ahead and do it. After that we went and got cat food and crickets. We also walked up to Toys R Us to look around.

It was in Toys R Us I started feeling wrong.

I had been dealing with a severe storm of anxiety attacks since Thursday night. In fact, Saturday night, I had a hard time settling in. I was up till midnight, all jittery and feeling wrong. In Toys R Us it hit be hard. I felt like my heart was racing. We checked my pulse, and it was a little high. I felt like I wasn’t really there. It was freaky. Ken drove us home and we checked my blood pressure. It was fine. If anything, it was a bit low. My pulse was also fine. Yet I still felt off.

I noticed every time I had to yell at the kids, pick up some trash or anything that is “stress causing”, I felt the same symptoms. It was horrible. I don’t think I have more stress than other people, but I may just not be able to deal with it correct. Now, add to this my recent diet and exercise changes, being super sick and still coping with exhaustion, my whole body was not happy with me.

I went outside to play with the dogs, and I think the fresh air helped. We spent some time prepping for the rains. All of this was working towards a result, and I could feel myself being less stressed. See, the problem is, I need to relax. But in order to relax, I have to of been productive so that then I feel like I can relax. And no, I gave this some thought, it isn’t just that I want something to have been cleaned. I specifically have to have done the cleaning. Even if it is a small project, I need to be the one to have done it, and I feel good about it. I need help.

And when I say help, I am actually going to call my doctor. They are probably closed today for the holiday, but I am going to set up an appointment in order to either get a referral for some counseling or hell, give me some drugs. I need something. I read one of those checklist of symptoms that you look at to determine if you have an anxiety disorder, and I had like all but one. Scary!

The boys went to nap right before the rains came. Bobby slept, but Dax fought it. Ken and I watched Bedtime Stories (super cute). When I say watch, I swear, with interruptions galore, it took us 3 hours to watch a 90 minute movie. Not cool.

After the movie, Ken played video games with Bobby, and Dax and I set up his train case and he helped me prep things like the hot chocolate for after dinner.

We watched the Golden Globes. I always enjoy that awards show. It did not disappoint. I wanted to watch it last night for fear that they would talk about it on the radio this morning. Stupid me, they are on vacation today so they are not there. I could have gone to bed way earlier! Oh well. I am just excited that I managed to get some pretty good sleep last night and although I woke up still tired, I didn’t feel like I was just getting up because I wasn’t sleeping anyway so might as well get up.

I have Ken’s car today. Since there is no daycare, Ken is with the boys. Not that they plan on going anywhere, especially with it pouring as it is, and on a holiday, but he needs the option. I do not care for his car, especially with the shocks going out. Ken did text me this morning to make sure I got to work ok, as he had awoken from a bad dream about me, the Blazer and some kind of elephant animal. I assured him no pachyderms assaulted me on my drive in.

I am shockingly caught up this morning already. Although I was greeted with a giant pile of adjustments I needed to attend to, it wasn’t bad. I do have some agings for auditors that have to be generated, but most of that is easily done. With it being a holiday, I assume most companies won’t even be open today. We don’t get any mail, so no checks. It will probably end up being pretty dull today. But I suppose that is ok. We downloaded a bunch of newish songs on Itty, so I am hoping to enjoy some good tunes today.

I used the hair dye Ken got me last night. It accomplished a couple of things. The strip on the back of my head which didn’t match the rest of my hair before is now blended in nicely with everything else. My hair is also less black and more brown. It is still dark, but it has a bit of an auburn tone to it. It is also not nearly as fried as I was afraid it would be. This was a pretty mild dye. It turned out to not be the amazing stuff I got 2 times ago, but it was good. In another month, I will see how much fades and perhaps even need to hit it with a lighter shade. It does look better, though, so I am pleased.

Bobby took a picture of me yesterday. He tells me it is so he will remember me when I die. Dude, kid now is on a morbid streak.

On the plus side, having the flu is an excellent way to kick start your diet. Seriously, you don’t want to eat, and you really don’t for a couple days. Plus, everything you do consume leaves your body at an alarming rate, which just means less crap inside you. I still would like to be hooked up to IV’s for a little while, like maybe a week or so, in order for me not to eat. That way perhaps my appetite will shrink and I will eat less when I am done with a liquid diet.

Tonight I need to go out. Crap. I need a couple things. I suppose they can kind of wait, but I might as well get them done. One of our remaining 2 hair brushes is dead. The other is on its last legs. I need to get new brushes. This includes a new one for work. On top of that, I need a new compact for work. I want a People magazine. The brushes we use come from the Body Shop, so that is a real outing. The other items can be obtained at Ralphs. The question is, what is most important, and what can wait. All of this needs to be considered.

With the Haiti earthquake, and a new one in Guatemala this morning, it was pointed out we should probably have some kind of kit. I know we have provisions, but how many do we really have, and is it centralized? I suppose we should work on that. I need Ken’s meds, and the obvious supplies.

Hooray! Someone just told me it looked like I had lost some weight! Of course, it helps not consuming much the last few days, but I will so take it! Perhaps my lifestyle changes are paying off. I resume some exercise today. I am going to do lots of Yoga to stretch out my back. But I figure 30 minutes a day is going well!

I am pleased that so far today I have been super productive. I have emailed 40 customers or so. That doesn’t sound like very many. But it really is, especially since each email requires me to attach invoices, manually write up a note on each email about the balance, list all the invoices, and in most cases, doing a search on the net to find an email address for them. We have email on many folks, but not all. They still like the calling technique. It is a shame for a company so gung ho on trying to get ahead on the tech curve we are still so far behind. They want us to all have web cams at our desks so we can see each other internally. Why? Why in the world is this needed? Yet this is the same company that neglects to put an email address as a requirement on their applications, and when customers do list an email address, they don’t enter it into the system, leaving it on an application that stays in some file. It is truly remarkable.

YAY! Listening to Bad, Bad Leroy Brown. Super happy making!!