Fucking Cancer Sucks

4-8-11




DAMMIT!!!



Stupid fucking cancer. I am at a loss for words today, in a tailspin of sadness for Scott. Madelyn is looking at a 30% chance of survival at this point. That isn’t a high enough percentage. It isn’t fair. It is wrong. I hate this. Scott has been so positive since she was gaining weight and seeming to be so strong. Now this. She will have to spend 2 months in the hospital. The doc is supposed to talk to them more today. Right now, we are hoping for a stem cell transplant. Scott told me if that doesn’t happen, the cancer will win.



I hate feeling so helpless. I hate that Scott and Nicole have to go through this. I have this gut wrenching pain right now. It is one of those days I am glad I am mostly alone in my little cube so no one can see me tear up.



She is only 3. Why does her little body have to go through 8 rounds of chemo, and yet still not be healthy?



This is all just screaming and venting and I am sorry for it. I just hurt.



I told Bobby that he gets a prize for picking up the dog poo last night. He was so cool about it. In addition to that, he has been so polite and good about not whining as much when we tell he cannot do something. Ken and I were so impressed, we told him this and said that he needed something special for it. So tonight I think something is in order. Not sure the plan yet.



My last day of dealing with Jean’s shit. I am counting down the hours. It is 9 right now. Only about 4 hours left. Woo hoo!



Grandma Brenan made arrangements to come for the boys’ Open House next week. I know they will be quite thrilled to have this whole entourage to show around the school.



I don’t have much to say this morning. Like I said, I am out of sorts due to the evil that is cancer. Hopefully next week I will be better.