6-27-11
My weekend was filled with so many emotions. I find myself exhausted and ill this morning.
Thursday afternoon, Ken and I helped out with Bobby’s end of year party. This may have been some of the most fun I had with the class. I got to spend time with small groups of his classmates since I was at the bead station. Ken chose poorly if only because he was outside in the hot sun at the parachute station. LOL! The kids got to do a lot of cool things, and even Dax got to play.
Friday was bittersweet as I watched Bobby get his perfect attendance award, and then not long after, we would be signing him out of kindergarten, for the last time!!
My sadness was quickly overrun with frustration since both boys decided to work my last nerve all day with everything from fighting to whining to you name it, they did it. Let’s put it this way; when we went to my parents’ house for dinner, I brought wine.
This brings us to Saturday. I wonder if my nerves were weak on Friday because of the memorial service the next day.
We packed up gobs of toys for the boys along with other goodies for them. I was determined to not have them go crazy. My parents were also going, which worked out well for the boys and my mom since they kept each other company.
We got there a little early, but I recognized Sandra and Elizabeth right away. It was a small pizza place, and it looked like we would have the place mostly to ourselves. The cyclists that were riding in honor of Doug were still out on their ride.
My folks were only about 5 minutes behind us, which was great since I could let my dad take the lead on talking to folks and my mom and the boys were covered.
Sandra presented me with a bag which contained two small carved bears. One was a polar bear carved out of bone that Doug had gotten on some trip to Alaska. It was carved by Eskimos. The other was a bear carved out of coal. Sandra told me these were two of his most prized possessions. I was incredibly touched.
She also told me that she had much of Doug’s Star Wars collection for the boys. Doug apparently had told her about how much the boys loved Star Wars and it was only fitting to present these well loved toys to two kids who would love them, too. I have to say, as I went though them later when we got home, I could truly feel the 8 year old boy who would have been playing with these figures. He even saved the packaging, even after you could see where he cut out the UPC codes that were undoubtedly sent away for the Boba Fett that was in the collection.
My quarter uncle by divorce showed up. This is Doug’s uncle, Sandra’s brother. He is an interesting bloke. He coached my soccer team back in the day, and he was one of the driving forces to get me on the team at Costa. I walked up to him, and you could tell he had no clue who I was. In all fairness, I look NOTHING like how I used to. Last he saw me, I was thin, with a pony tail in my natural color, and well, 10. LOL! He tried hard to not say that he didn’t recognize me simply due to the fact that I was now 6 of the people I was when he last saw me. Either way, he was still the same idiot I remember him to be. He said that this was probably the most I ever spoke to him. I guess this is proof as to how shy I was back in the day.
I also got to me Doug’s ex step dad. He is awesome. Ken is his name, and he was jovial, sweet, kind, and truly, I could understand why Doug was still so close to him. Ken’s wife, Cheryl, was also there. She was a complete delight. Turns out, she used to work for much of her career at Halldale! What are the odds???? She fell deeply in love with the boys, and it was incredibly nice talking to her.
Ken did make me blush. He had been one of the riders, so he didn’t show up for a bit. When he was introduced to me, he stopped, and told me how much Doug loved me. He said Doug spoke so highly of me and often. I was thoroughly embarrassed, touched, and pleased. It was amazing. He would go on to do this once again with me when he introduced his brother to me.
Sandra, Elizabeth and Ken all told me several times how much the boys and I meant to Doug. I felt bad again, my guilt rising to the surface. Sandra had not known that I talked to Doug on Friday. She told me how she understood my guilt since she had the same guilt having also spoken to him on Friday. Steve saw him a day or two before, and knew he was having an episode and was off most of his meds. We all knew, but as Ken (stepdad) pointed out, no one could have helped him unless we devoted ourselves 24/7, and that would not have even been feasible. He was incredibly rational and deep, I thought. Sandra also told me how she had spoken to a doctor that specializes in bipolar disorder last week. He said that based on Doug’s case, it is a wonder he didn’t do this a long time ago and said we were lucky to have had as much time as we did. Sandra said this brought her a ton of peace.
I found out only a little bit of information concerning the discovery of his body. It was on Monday. Steve and his wife found him. Sadly, this was not the first time Steve had discovered a body at this house. His father died in the same house of a heart attack. Steve said it would be hard for him to go back in there. When my dad asked him about it, apparently Steve was really broken up about it. However, I still get the impression that Steve has more guilt than anyone since he was unable to speak about Doug directly. When he was telling Ken (stepdad) about what took place, it always turned to how doctors are idiots and that prescriptions make no sense. I was frustrated about this, and Ken looked to be also, but we stuck with it, perhaps both looking for answers.
After most of the people headed out, there was talk of some of the people going up to the house. Ken (mine) asked me if I wanted to go. I said this sounded ok, and so we followed Sandra to the house in which Doug shot himself with a shotgun.
I did go in the room. I don’t know what I expected. I suppose in my gruesome mind, I wanted to see blood. I wanted to see evidence of what had occurred so that it would all be real to me. Instead, the room was very sterile. They had pulled up the floor boards and removed all evidence that anyone had ever killed themselves in there, let alone even lived in there. The boys were underfoot at the time, so I didn’t delve into there too much. Ken (mine) was surprised I didn’t take a minute. But honestly, I felt no spirit in there. I felt no evidence of his presence. Ken (mine) noted the scrape marks on the ceiling and told me later that you could tell where Doug had been sitting. I saw nothing but a remodel.
I chatted with Elizabeth some while we were at the house. Poor darlin is having a rough time with it. Even though they broke up, it wasn’t because she didn’t love him dearly. She seems still in shock and unsure of how to move forward. Thankfully we agreed to keep in touch, and perhaps through that connection, she can always have Doug close, and still be able to move on with her life.
Sandra gave me a few more items. One was the naval sweater belonging to Ray. She had it from back when she and my dad were still married. She also presented me with an old telephone that she and my dad had gotten on her first visit to Somerset to meet the Bowlby’s.
The best of these possessions was a cook book from 1892. This was a cook book Virg gave to Sandra when they were back there. It is the kind of present she would have NEVER given to my mom, let alone me. There is so great satisfaction in the idea that it still came to me. That’s right, suck it, Virg.
The book has not only recipes, but health remedies, how to care for a child and various other advice given in 1892. It is one of those fabulous items that I can’t wait to read though more.
We didn’t stay at the house too long. My boys were getting restless and honestly, I was spent. I couldn’t do anymore small talk. I couldn’t sit in the house anymore, wondering what other items he might have there that would have shed some light on his issues.
Our journey home was long. We took some back freeway that would end up dropping us off in San Luis Obispo. It was winding roads and filled with trees and idiot drivers who don’t understand how to let people pass on these sorts of highways. We listened to music, and iTty seemed to sense the mood so he hooked us up with gobs of old school tunes.
A few minutes after Ken said he and Greg had driven this highway before on one of their drives, an old Depeche Mode came on. It triggered random nostalgia and sadness. I can’t even explain it. It may have been brought on by my lack of flooding tears at the memorial. It may have been from the zoned out I was all day after a strange dream the night before. Either way, it was an interesting trip home.
Come Sunday, I was pleased to have nothing on tap. There was talk of seeing Green Lantern, but I just wanted to be left alone. I worked on pictures in the morning while Star Wars played and the boys played with the action figures. After this, I went outside for a while with the dogs and kittens and even went in the pool with the boys for a while. As I was chilling with Ken, watching the boys, Mike, our neighbor, came out and told us the boys needed to go play with the neighbor. Turned out, they had one of those water slide bounce houses set up. Ken went to check it out and they instantly said to him, “where are your boys?” So the boys spent about 2 plus hours on this thing. Ken calculated it out and found that Bobby (Dax had several breaks) had climbed the tallest building in the world with how many times he went up this thing. Needless to say, the boys were SPENT when they finally came home.
So was I. I didn’t hang out long with them all outside. I just didn’t have it in me to be social. I was able to go back to my house and work on dinner and other things. It was nice, actually.
I am at work, not happy about it. I feel icky and tired, and annoyed since my boss has come in like 2 hours early. I have 2 days worth of work to catch up on, and all I want to do is zone out. I am glad I get another 3 day weekend, one in which perhaps I can not be so sad.
Monday, June 27, 2011
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
up
6-22-11
I am on an up swing day regarding Doug. After discovering that my aunt contacted Doug’s mom about Facebook, and yet he still was gone, I feel better that even with someone seeing the warning signs, it was too late to do much about it. Doug had decided to end his suffering, and even though it does leave some questions behind and lots of sadness, I cannot fault him for doing it on his own terms. Selfish, possibly, but I think I agree with Joey that there are no selfless acts. Not saying that all acts are selfish, by the way, but I think there is a certain joy and high one gets when they help someone, and even though their primary purpose is to give joy to someone, it doesn’t come with out some sort of reward.
I am not trying to be pessimistic, btw. I am simply saying don’t put too much stock in folks who seem to be better only because they give more of themselves.
Am I making sense? Who knows.
I want to gather some pictures together of what I have of Doug. I thought maybe I would make a collage of some sort to take on Saturday. I took a ton of pictures from my dad some time ago that are of Doug’s childhood. I figure those mixed in with what I have from the last couple of years would be fun. I am second guessing the word fun now.
I have to just really make it through today. Tomorrow is mostly a meeting in the morning, which I can go home right after. Ok, not home, but I am no longer at work. I am going to go help out at Bobby’s class for their end of year party at noon. Then I am not coming back until Monday. It will be a good few days off. Ok, yes, there is a memorial service in all of that, but you know, it will be therapeutic. Maybe some folks will tell stories and that will be cool to hear.
The boss has decided to make my life a living hell yet again today. He is requesting reports to be done practically daily, despite them not changing much from day to day. It is truly a wonder how he got the position he is in. Oh well.
I am on an up swing day regarding Doug. After discovering that my aunt contacted Doug’s mom about Facebook, and yet he still was gone, I feel better that even with someone seeing the warning signs, it was too late to do much about it. Doug had decided to end his suffering, and even though it does leave some questions behind and lots of sadness, I cannot fault him for doing it on his own terms. Selfish, possibly, but I think I agree with Joey that there are no selfless acts. Not saying that all acts are selfish, by the way, but I think there is a certain joy and high one gets when they help someone, and even though their primary purpose is to give joy to someone, it doesn’t come with out some sort of reward.
I am not trying to be pessimistic, btw. I am simply saying don’t put too much stock in folks who seem to be better only because they give more of themselves.
Am I making sense? Who knows.
I want to gather some pictures together of what I have of Doug. I thought maybe I would make a collage of some sort to take on Saturday. I took a ton of pictures from my dad some time ago that are of Doug’s childhood. I figure those mixed in with what I have from the last couple of years would be fun. I am second guessing the word fun now.
I have to just really make it through today. Tomorrow is mostly a meeting in the morning, which I can go home right after. Ok, not home, but I am no longer at work. I am going to go help out at Bobby’s class for their end of year party at noon. Then I am not coming back until Monday. It will be a good few days off. Ok, yes, there is a memorial service in all of that, but you know, it will be therapeutic. Maybe some folks will tell stories and that will be cool to hear.
The boss has decided to make my life a living hell yet again today. He is requesting reports to be done practically daily, despite them not changing much from day to day. It is truly a wonder how he got the position he is in. Oh well.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Something else
6-21-11
I am going to try and not talk about Doug this morning. There have been a bunch of little things that have been messing with me concerning that, but I just don’t, I just can’t, do this every day. I need some sense of normalcy this morning.
Bobby gets an award on Friday! There is an awards ceremony on Friday for the whole school. I had planned on coming anyway, but it was a nice bonus that there was a note sent home with Bobby that said he gets one! My guess is that it is perfect attendance. I honestly don’t care what it is for. I am just excited to see him go up and get an award!
The boys played with Anthony yesterday afternoon. It was a pleasant change of friends. I am getting tired of Danny. The boys seemed quite happy with him being there. They played in the pool and had a good time. Although, clearly they were reveling in the fact that Anthony is not as in charge as Danny is.
Miss Lira gave us a bunch of stuff from her classroom. Apparently it pays to be nice to teachers because you get perks like free stuff! She told us to come back today and tomorrow, too, since as she goes through it all, she will find more things to get rid of.
I hate being this tired.
My body is in a state of crazy. Aside from my head and heart issues, my reproductive organs have waged war on me in the form of an incredibly fierce time of the month. I have been suffering from cramps and sorry for the TMI, but seriously I am thinking of purchasing stock in Tampax. On the plus side, my work does actually provide free tampons, so this certainly helps. I am hating this, though. I hope that either I get knocked up soon, or that this year flies by so that I may get back on the IUD to keep me from these unpleasant days.
Two cups of coffee and about 64 ounces of water later, my energy has improved greatly. This will certainly help in making it through today.
I am going to try and not talk about Doug this morning. There have been a bunch of little things that have been messing with me concerning that, but I just don’t, I just can’t, do this every day. I need some sense of normalcy this morning.
Bobby gets an award on Friday! There is an awards ceremony on Friday for the whole school. I had planned on coming anyway, but it was a nice bonus that there was a note sent home with Bobby that said he gets one! My guess is that it is perfect attendance. I honestly don’t care what it is for. I am just excited to see him go up and get an award!
The boys played with Anthony yesterday afternoon. It was a pleasant change of friends. I am getting tired of Danny. The boys seemed quite happy with him being there. They played in the pool and had a good time. Although, clearly they were reveling in the fact that Anthony is not as in charge as Danny is.
Miss Lira gave us a bunch of stuff from her classroom. Apparently it pays to be nice to teachers because you get perks like free stuff! She told us to come back today and tomorrow, too, since as she goes through it all, she will find more things to get rid of.
I hate being this tired.
My body is in a state of crazy. Aside from my head and heart issues, my reproductive organs have waged war on me in the form of an incredibly fierce time of the month. I have been suffering from cramps and sorry for the TMI, but seriously I am thinking of purchasing stock in Tampax. On the plus side, my work does actually provide free tampons, so this certainly helps. I am hating this, though. I hope that either I get knocked up soon, or that this year flies by so that I may get back on the IUD to keep me from these unpleasant days.
Two cups of coffee and about 64 ounces of water later, my energy has improved greatly. This will certainly help in making it through today.
Monday, June 20, 2011
still lost
6-20-11
Guilt is a powerful thing. It overtakes even the most logical of thinking. I can look at the facts. I can look at the situation, and I can say that my actions, had they been different, would not have stopped Doug from killing himself. But guilt can even make writing that last sentence hard.
When he chatted me Friday morning, I was unhappy at the timing. I knew he had been out of sorts, so when he sounded like he was needing to talk, I knew I didn’t have the time for it. I don’t just mean time in terms of the fact that I needed to get the boys ready for school, either. I was drained at this moment in terms of being therapist, and I didn’t know if I could listen to him right then and there. I wanted very badly to know what was going on with him, but Friday morning was not the time. I told him that I wanted to talk later. He seemed ok with this.
I should have suspected something was up based on what he was doing on Facebook all of Friday. Why didn’t I do anything? I know why. This came across as more of a cry for attention, not so much help. Looking at it now, it was neither, but it doesn’t take away from how I feel.
There is denial from Sandra and Steve. They think it is possible that this was an accident.
I keep going to the net, looking for, well, whatever. I want to be able to find some kind of information. I don’t know what I expect to find. I also keep going to his FB page. There is nothing there.
Sandra has something for me. I don’t know what it is. She also wants to talk to me, but she isn’t ready yet. My dad is driving out to talk to her today. I worry for him going by himself if only because I have a feeling it is going to be a very dark and sad ride home.
The memorial is Saturday. In what sounds more like an AYSO after game party, we are having this memorial at a pizza parlor. There is a bike ride scheduled for this event, but other than that, I have very little details. With my dad going and talking to Sandra today, I hope that he gets more information.
Guilt is a powerful thing. It overtakes even the most logical of thinking. I can look at the facts. I can look at the situation, and I can say that my actions, had they been different, would not have stopped Doug from killing himself. But guilt can even make writing that last sentence hard.
When he chatted me Friday morning, I was unhappy at the timing. I knew he had been out of sorts, so when he sounded like he was needing to talk, I knew I didn’t have the time for it. I don’t just mean time in terms of the fact that I needed to get the boys ready for school, either. I was drained at this moment in terms of being therapist, and I didn’t know if I could listen to him right then and there. I wanted very badly to know what was going on with him, but Friday morning was not the time. I told him that I wanted to talk later. He seemed ok with this.
I should have suspected something was up based on what he was doing on Facebook all of Friday. Why didn’t I do anything? I know why. This came across as more of a cry for attention, not so much help. Looking at it now, it was neither, but it doesn’t take away from how I feel.
There is denial from Sandra and Steve. They think it is possible that this was an accident.
I keep going to the net, looking for, well, whatever. I want to be able to find some kind of information. I don’t know what I expect to find. I also keep going to his FB page. There is nothing there.
Sandra has something for me. I don’t know what it is. She also wants to talk to me, but she isn’t ready yet. My dad is driving out to talk to her today. I worry for him going by himself if only because I have a feeling it is going to be a very dark and sad ride home.
The memorial is Saturday. In what sounds more like an AYSO after game party, we are having this memorial at a pizza parlor. There is a bike ride scheduled for this event, but other than that, I have very little details. With my dad going and talking to Sandra today, I hope that he gets more information.
Friday, June 17, 2011
suicide
6-17-11
It is an interesting thing. You hear people talking about the stages of grief. I know that it isn’t a perfect list, but it is interesting to experience the “typical” stages. I have actually found myself in denial a couple of times. I will find myself going, “no, I didn’t get the call yesterday. He is fine. It was actually not Doug they found. He isn’t dead”. Isn’t that absurd? Yet I have done it a few times.
I have not done the full anger yet. I know it is there. I just can’t yet. I can’t be mad at him yet. He was sick. I know that to some degree I suppose I should be mad, but honest, when I find myself getting angry, I go back to, “he had inner demons I know very little about.” What kind of person would I be if I could actually yell at him for that?
My ankle hurts today. In my playroom project, I over did it. But the playroom looks good. I was in there when my dad called. I am starting to think the room is cursed since last time I did an epic project in there, Doug called me all upset and came over.
Even though my boss is driving me nuts today, it is probably a good thing. He has given me other things to think about .
I wonder if he will be cremated. I wonder where the funeral will be. I will be upset if it is on Bobby’s last day of school.
I am going to leave at 11 today instead of noon. I just don’t want to deal with my boss’s crap today. I am afraid I will snip at him.
I am needing details. I am used to being able to look it all up on the net. I need to be able to know everything I question. But right now, I have little. I hate this.
It is an interesting thing. You hear people talking about the stages of grief. I know that it isn’t a perfect list, but it is interesting to experience the “typical” stages. I have actually found myself in denial a couple of times. I will find myself going, “no, I didn’t get the call yesterday. He is fine. It was actually not Doug they found. He isn’t dead”. Isn’t that absurd? Yet I have done it a few times.
I have not done the full anger yet. I know it is there. I just can’t yet. I can’t be mad at him yet. He was sick. I know that to some degree I suppose I should be mad, but honest, when I find myself getting angry, I go back to, “he had inner demons I know very little about.” What kind of person would I be if I could actually yell at him for that?
My ankle hurts today. In my playroom project, I over did it. But the playroom looks good. I was in there when my dad called. I am starting to think the room is cursed since last time I did an epic project in there, Doug called me all upset and came over.
Even though my boss is driving me nuts today, it is probably a good thing. He has given me other things to think about .
I wonder if he will be cremated. I wonder where the funeral will be. I will be upset if it is on Bobby’s last day of school.
I am going to leave at 11 today instead of noon. I just don’t want to deal with my boss’s crap today. I am afraid I will snip at him.
I am needing details. I am used to being able to look it all up on the net. I need to be able to know everything I question. But right now, I have little. I hate this.
zoned
6-17-11
Suicide is Painless continues to play in my head this morning. It isn’t because I watched M*A*S*H last night.
Doug shot himself this past weekend. I found out about it yesterday afternoon in a tearful phone call from our dad. I am struggling with several emotions right now.
I am angry that this caused my dad pain.
I am angry that I have guilt.
Doug struggled with his bi-polar. I know it fucked with him.
I keep looking to Facebook for clues. It is where I last talked to him. He chatted me Friday morning. He apologized for how he had been. He said he wasn’t well. He said he would not go back to his house. I asked if this was due to his breakup with Elizabeth. He said yes.
My dad said it happened over the weekend. I know he was alive at 12:23 am on June 11. He sent a note to what appears to be a high school friend on FB.
I keep zoning out. I go over things in my head. Am I being overly dramatic?
I don’t know that I am ready right now.
Suicide is Painless continues to play in my head this morning. It isn’t because I watched M*A*S*H last night.
Doug shot himself this past weekend. I found out about it yesterday afternoon in a tearful phone call from our dad. I am struggling with several emotions right now.
I am angry that this caused my dad pain.
I am angry that I have guilt.
Doug struggled with his bi-polar. I know it fucked with him.
I keep looking to Facebook for clues. It is where I last talked to him. He chatted me Friday morning. He apologized for how he had been. He said he wasn’t well. He said he would not go back to his house. I asked if this was due to his breakup with Elizabeth. He said yes.
My dad said it happened over the weekend. I know he was alive at 12:23 am on June 11. He sent a note to what appears to be a high school friend on FB.
I keep zoning out. I go over things in my head. Am I being overly dramatic?
I don’t know that I am ready right now.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Busy busy busy busy busy busy
6-16-11
Boy, I have been such a slacker!
In all fairness, I have been swamped in mommy business and work nonsense. This week was Dax’s Pre-K program in which they celebrate the last year and sing to us parents. It is the most wonderful thing in the world to sit and watch. I could watch my kids do these things all day long.
Dax got to welcome us all for coming. He did great. I was so proud of him! All the kids were fantastic.
I got there early, which worked out perfect since not only was I able to secure front row seats, I was able to help set up a bit, which I felt really good about.
Ken dropped off the kids to me outside the auditorium. My poor Bobby spooked at this, and thought he was stuck outside since the one door to the auditorium was locked. I found them maybe 20 seconds after they got out of the car, but the damage had been done, and Bobby was in tears. I managed to calm him down, thankfully.
Right before I was going to walk him to class, one of the helper aides there said I could probably have him stay for the performance. Ken had suggested this the night before, but I really felt it was not a good idea. However, it being suggested in front of him, and with him all weepy, it was hard to turn it down. We did go take his backpack to the room and let Mrs. Fasheh know. Dax, of course, stayed behind since he told me, “My classmates are here, mom!” He is sometimes too brave.
Ken arrived with the balloons and lasagna. I had tried to get the balloons earlier, but they were not ready. He was frazzled and I felt under attack. He questioned Bobby’s presence, and had me do his hair. I felt like hired help. Ken left the room for a moment and the balloons were set up on the stage by some other parents who said that this was where they went. Apparently, Miss Lira had told Ken the night before they were going elsewhere. I was interrogated when Ken came back. Did I mention he was grouchy? On top of that, he moved my camera placement and was not particularly chatty with me. I was close to tears by now.
Thankfully, the program was my wonderful drug, and I was high again on happy.
After the show, Dax got upset when he wasn’t allowed to have one of the balloons, yet. He burst into tears into my shirt, and I had to comfort him, keep Bobby from freaking out, and gather all our cameras and stuff since Ken was now helping with some other stuff. I stayed calm, and waited until he was better before we headed outside to the potluck. I was mostly concerned with getting Dax food since he had seen things from the table that he really wanted and we were the last people in line. I had Dax go sit down, and I fixed him a quick plate. There was not a lot of stuff that looked good, but there was enough for Dax to be happy.
I was sitting with Dax, making sure he ate some of the real food before his cookies and donut when Ken appeared with the balloons. He had been able to take Bobby back to class and was now handing out the balloons. He says to me with this exasperation in his voice, “Did you make me a plate?!” I had instant guilt and shame and sad. He looked pissed, and I tried to stay upbeat because of the mixed company.
Ken made himself a plate, and still came across as grouchy. I was super upset, trying to explain that there wasn’t anything up there that he would want, and that my hands had been full and I was just getting Dax taken care of. I felt as though none of it was heard, and even had I mentioned that I had not eaten, it was not a good enough excuse.
I spoke to Ken about all of this when we got home. He maintains I read into it, but really, it was this incident that was one of many crazy shit that populated my highly stressful dream in which my entire life was being some kind of slave. Let’s just put it this way, Cinderella had it pretty good with her step sisters compared to how it was going for me in this dream.
After being all fired up with this dream, I went to work yesterday to find shit loads of stuff that needed my attention. Most of it was frustrating. Between one department fighting every procedure to an idiot boss who actually read my email, responded to it, and then called me asking me only minutes later for the exact thing I had just emailed him, I was spent. I went home yelling.
Thankfully, it was hot out, so the kids went in the pool, and I set up a small enclosure for the kittens. They were less thrilled about this than me. They seem more happy with me just holding them. But they did seem to run around a bit before they all just screamed for me.
I sat on the deck of the pool for a bit and Ken came out and we played a bit with the kids/dogs. Poor Lycos fell off the deck into the rinse bucket. She was like a turtle, stuck on her back, unable to get up. She was fine, but I can tell she is sore.
I polished off a bottle of wine and the kids, Ken and I watched some America’s Got Talent. Turns out it is family fun! We are looking forward to watch some this evening.
I went to the clinic this morning and the sweet old man doctor was kind enough to sign me out for good. I probably was supposed to wait for paperwork, but he told me I didn’t need to wait, so I left. Hopefully they will fax stuff over to my HR.
Today is my afternoon free day. I am considering this playroom mess as my project. I can toss stuff with no one knowing about it. Is that wrong? I think what I will do is put everything in a giant bag and put it in the garage. If no one mentions anything in there, then I can safely get rid of it. I want to have a yard sale soon, anyway. This is a good bag of crap.
I am unmotivated today to be here at work. Tomorrow I leave at noon to get Bobby. Then I drag them down to the doctor’s office with me to have a lump in my armpit checked out. It is probably nothing, and I am actually not all that stressed about it, which is quite unusual for me. I just know that when you find stuff like that it is better to be safe.
I also will be taking the boys to get Dad’s day gifts. It is another busy weekend what with Saturday being BBQ for Matt’s birthday, and Sunday being a dad’s day celebration of some sort. Plus, in the next day or so, we have to get the Lego trailer to the summer camp site for next week. Did I mention busy?
Boy, I have been such a slacker!
In all fairness, I have been swamped in mommy business and work nonsense. This week was Dax’s Pre-K program in which they celebrate the last year and sing to us parents. It is the most wonderful thing in the world to sit and watch. I could watch my kids do these things all day long.
Dax got to welcome us all for coming. He did great. I was so proud of him! All the kids were fantastic.
I got there early, which worked out perfect since not only was I able to secure front row seats, I was able to help set up a bit, which I felt really good about.
Ken dropped off the kids to me outside the auditorium. My poor Bobby spooked at this, and thought he was stuck outside since the one door to the auditorium was locked. I found them maybe 20 seconds after they got out of the car, but the damage had been done, and Bobby was in tears. I managed to calm him down, thankfully.
Right before I was going to walk him to class, one of the helper aides there said I could probably have him stay for the performance. Ken had suggested this the night before, but I really felt it was not a good idea. However, it being suggested in front of him, and with him all weepy, it was hard to turn it down. We did go take his backpack to the room and let Mrs. Fasheh know. Dax, of course, stayed behind since he told me, “My classmates are here, mom!” He is sometimes too brave.
Ken arrived with the balloons and lasagna. I had tried to get the balloons earlier, but they were not ready. He was frazzled and I felt under attack. He questioned Bobby’s presence, and had me do his hair. I felt like hired help. Ken left the room for a moment and the balloons were set up on the stage by some other parents who said that this was where they went. Apparently, Miss Lira had told Ken the night before they were going elsewhere. I was interrogated when Ken came back. Did I mention he was grouchy? On top of that, he moved my camera placement and was not particularly chatty with me. I was close to tears by now.
Thankfully, the program was my wonderful drug, and I was high again on happy.
After the show, Dax got upset when he wasn’t allowed to have one of the balloons, yet. He burst into tears into my shirt, and I had to comfort him, keep Bobby from freaking out, and gather all our cameras and stuff since Ken was now helping with some other stuff. I stayed calm, and waited until he was better before we headed outside to the potluck. I was mostly concerned with getting Dax food since he had seen things from the table that he really wanted and we were the last people in line. I had Dax go sit down, and I fixed him a quick plate. There was not a lot of stuff that looked good, but there was enough for Dax to be happy.
I was sitting with Dax, making sure he ate some of the real food before his cookies and donut when Ken appeared with the balloons. He had been able to take Bobby back to class and was now handing out the balloons. He says to me with this exasperation in his voice, “Did you make me a plate?!” I had instant guilt and shame and sad. He looked pissed, and I tried to stay upbeat because of the mixed company.
Ken made himself a plate, and still came across as grouchy. I was super upset, trying to explain that there wasn’t anything up there that he would want, and that my hands had been full and I was just getting Dax taken care of. I felt as though none of it was heard, and even had I mentioned that I had not eaten, it was not a good enough excuse.
I spoke to Ken about all of this when we got home. He maintains I read into it, but really, it was this incident that was one of many crazy shit that populated my highly stressful dream in which my entire life was being some kind of slave. Let’s just put it this way, Cinderella had it pretty good with her step sisters compared to how it was going for me in this dream.
After being all fired up with this dream, I went to work yesterday to find shit loads of stuff that needed my attention. Most of it was frustrating. Between one department fighting every procedure to an idiot boss who actually read my email, responded to it, and then called me asking me only minutes later for the exact thing I had just emailed him, I was spent. I went home yelling.
Thankfully, it was hot out, so the kids went in the pool, and I set up a small enclosure for the kittens. They were less thrilled about this than me. They seem more happy with me just holding them. But they did seem to run around a bit before they all just screamed for me.
I sat on the deck of the pool for a bit and Ken came out and we played a bit with the kids/dogs. Poor Lycos fell off the deck into the rinse bucket. She was like a turtle, stuck on her back, unable to get up. She was fine, but I can tell she is sore.
I polished off a bottle of wine and the kids, Ken and I watched some America’s Got Talent. Turns out it is family fun! We are looking forward to watch some this evening.
I went to the clinic this morning and the sweet old man doctor was kind enough to sign me out for good. I probably was supposed to wait for paperwork, but he told me I didn’t need to wait, so I left. Hopefully they will fax stuff over to my HR.
Today is my afternoon free day. I am considering this playroom mess as my project. I can toss stuff with no one knowing about it. Is that wrong? I think what I will do is put everything in a giant bag and put it in the garage. If no one mentions anything in there, then I can safely get rid of it. I want to have a yard sale soon, anyway. This is a good bag of crap.
I am unmotivated today to be here at work. Tomorrow I leave at noon to get Bobby. Then I drag them down to the doctor’s office with me to have a lump in my armpit checked out. It is probably nothing, and I am actually not all that stressed about it, which is quite unusual for me. I just know that when you find stuff like that it is better to be safe.
I also will be taking the boys to get Dad’s day gifts. It is another busy weekend what with Saturday being BBQ for Matt’s birthday, and Sunday being a dad’s day celebration of some sort. Plus, in the next day or so, we have to get the Lego trailer to the summer camp site for next week. Did I mention busy?
Monday, June 13, 2011
It's My Birthday!
6-13-11
3 day weekends should be mandatory.
My Friday was wonderful, even though the boys were wild. Dax and I took Bobby to school, and then headed straight over to the auditorium to get seats for Bobby’s performance. We got 3 seats in the front. One seat for me, one for Dax, and one for the tripod.
Turned out, the other 3 classes of Kindergarten had their performance at 8:30. We opted to go ahead and watch that, too, since it would still be cute. Plus, Dax and Bobby’s friend from Maria’s would be a part of it, and Dax was happy to see him.
It was quick, maybe 15 minutes total. Dax played Angry Birds on iTty most of the time, and was shockingly content sitting for as long as we did. It may explain his antsy later on during the day.
Bobby’s class and his sister class came in at 9:30. It was a 15 minute program. I loved every minute. The kids did great. Songs and poems were recited, with lots of the fun hand movements and dancing.
Bobby was pretty sedate, and I could tell it was nerves based. He looked terrified. It didn’t help that his part was practically the last thing done. He had to sit through 13 minutes of other stuff before he could get his part done with.
He went up to the microphone and delivered his lines. He did it perfect. He then practically sprinted back to his place. He kept it together up until a good 10 minutes after the performance was done and he and the other kids were allowed to go greet their parents. He burst into tears in my side. Poor baby was just overwhelmed with the whole thing. Luckily, he had lots of people tell him he did fantastic and he was able to calm down after a bit.
We left the school a little after 10. This was significantly sooner than I expected. It wasn’t a big deal. We headed down to Del Amo to the Build a Bear. The boys picked out helmets, knee and elbow pads, and skateboards for Logan and Carver for their birthdays. BAB rocks for all of their coupons All of the items I got cost a total of $20. Totally reasonable especially considering the happiness it brought to the boys.
Our adventures took us to Chick-fil-A for a snack, and then over to Target to wander before our lunch date at 1. We met Stephanie and Sabrina at Taxco in RPV for lunch. It was super entertaining because of the conversation. We ranged from muscles in the body, including Dax declaring there are muscles in his penis, to discussing Jesus the bad Romans who killed him, to Sabrina using French and also announcing how she was not getting married. These kids were fantastic. It was like a comedy show!
After lunch, we headed to the theatre to get tickets for Kung Fu Panda. Since we had some time to kill, we were able to go to the Goodwill next door. Stephanie had found some amazing items recently from there, so we hoped to repeat the experience. We were way successful. I found robes for the boys that were perfect. Stephanie found a perfect blue jacket that looked amazing on her. She found a bunch of other awesome things. Bobby played the role of personal shopper for her, pointing out wonderful fabrics and styles. I have trained him well. Dax and Sabrina ran around in their own world.
Kung Fu Panda was great! I am not convinced it was better than the first, but it was solid and I look forward to multiple viewings once we have it on DVD. Dax was fidgety in the theatre. He really never has been much of a movie theater kid. But he did laugh hysterically during several parts, so that was good.
After the movie, the boys and I headed home where we picked up Ken. We still needed to get cat food lest we end up killed in our sleep. We headed to Petco since they were close to our bank and they have these giant bag of our cat litter.
We wandered the store, as we often do, checking out everything including the other critters since the boys love looking at them. We were in the reptile area where there was a sweet ball python. He was very handsome (mind you, I have no idea what the sex of this critter is, but for some reason, he was male in my head) and when I spoke to him, he actually raised his head up to look at me. I felt all Harry Potter and not so secretly wished that I actually spoke Parseltongue.
I didn’t get to spend much time with him at first, since I was herding my wild boys. The snake happened to be on sale by quite a bit. Ken asked to open his tank to take a look at him. Man, he was so freaking awesome. He seemed pretty happy to be held. It was especially amusing since both employees helping us did not want to do the touching, having Ken do that part. The boys fell deeply in love with him, as did I. Ken then announced this would be my birthday present. Woo hoo!!
We purchased the supplies needed for him, and along with items for all the animals in our house (bones for dogs, food for cats, food for rats), we left Petco with a damn lot of stuff, including our newest family member.
On the way home, we discussed his name. I had considered some epic awesome names, but I pointed out to Ken that I was thinking perhaps he needed something super simple. The name in my head was Hal. Ken responded to my idea of a simple name with the sentence, “So something like, Hal?” I almost died. Our unagi is awesome. He has been dubbed Hal. I think his middle name will be Unagi.
I explained to Raticus and Remy to not be disturbed at their downstairs neighbor. They didn’t seem to care since they were busy shoving food in their cheeks.
Saturday was my birthday. Ken made me breakfast at desk. His plan was to make it and serve it to me in bed, but the early riser that I am kind of screwed up that plan. LOL!
We went to lunch with my parents, Matt and Papa Brenan. I decided on Leo’s, this little Mexican food place down the street from them, which has been there my whole life. It used to be up the street a bit, but it was still there. I know I have been there, but it has been years and years. I can see why now! LOL! Ok, it wasn’t gross, but it wasn’t fab, either. My favorite Mexican food joints do NOT need to be worried or jealous.
We went back to the house for cake, and that was a lot of fun. Ken and the dads discussed random stuff like phone service, etc, while the boys and my mom played in their room. I floated back and forth.
Since Papa Brenan was heading back up North, we took him back to our place for a bit so he could look at the roof with Ken to get an idea for what would be needed for August. I am telling you, we were not home for more than 3 seconds when NB was at our house. He was freaking out, wondering where we were all day. I pointed out that their grandfather was there and they could not play. Yet somehow, this kid was now in my house.
I let them play for a few minutes while Ken and Papa Brenan were outside. I told NB that he would have to leave when they came back inside. I spent that 10 minutes doing a rush clean up job on our very chaotic house.
We hung out in the yard, while the kids entertained their grandpa. We also had the kittens out, and they were playing a lot. It was also the first time they didn’t just scream at me. LOL!
After Papa Brenan left, we ran over to pick up some hair color and Chinese food. Yum! The food, not the dye. LOL!
Sunday the plan had been to go see the screening of the Incredibles at Mann’s Chinese Theatre. It was part of this LA Times film festival. It was free, and we had registered for it, but it was no guarantee that we would get in. Based on how wild the boys had been all weekend, I didn’t think us sitting in line for 3 hours and then watch a movie would be a good plan. I am glad we didn’t go. We were able to sleep in for one thing! LOL!
We did kind of keep the boys cooped up for a bit, since we went to Target and Costco, but they didn’t mind. They got a smoothie from Costco, so it makes everything better. Plus, they picked out cards for me at Target.
Bobby also got to purchase something for me. He had his wallet and he had $2 in there. He looked around for stuff for me (I wasn’t there, I was off picking out clothing), and he ended up finding a butterfly that goes in a garden. It was $6. Ken let him have $4 so that he could count it all out and determine what he needed. It was a great lesson, and I think he was very proud!
We got home and the boys went in the pool and played with NB for a while. I on the other hand got to make lasagna! YAY!
Dax’s class has a potluck tomorrow after their little program, and I made a small lasagna for that. I also made a huge one for home. I wanted left overs. I also just like making it. I feel all accomplished. Especially when it turns out as well as it did this time.
Ken colored my hair while the boys took a bath. It was a crowded bathroom. But it was cool. Especially since my hair looks awesome!
Ken was just on the radio! LOL! He called in about the topic of “you knew the wedding was a mistake while you were walking down the aisle”. He called about Beth. LOL!!!!
3 day weekends should be mandatory.
My Friday was wonderful, even though the boys were wild. Dax and I took Bobby to school, and then headed straight over to the auditorium to get seats for Bobby’s performance. We got 3 seats in the front. One seat for me, one for Dax, and one for the tripod.
Turned out, the other 3 classes of Kindergarten had their performance at 8:30. We opted to go ahead and watch that, too, since it would still be cute. Plus, Dax and Bobby’s friend from Maria’s would be a part of it, and Dax was happy to see him.
It was quick, maybe 15 minutes total. Dax played Angry Birds on iTty most of the time, and was shockingly content sitting for as long as we did. It may explain his antsy later on during the day.
Bobby’s class and his sister class came in at 9:30. It was a 15 minute program. I loved every minute. The kids did great. Songs and poems were recited, with lots of the fun hand movements and dancing.
Bobby was pretty sedate, and I could tell it was nerves based. He looked terrified. It didn’t help that his part was practically the last thing done. He had to sit through 13 minutes of other stuff before he could get his part done with.
He went up to the microphone and delivered his lines. He did it perfect. He then practically sprinted back to his place. He kept it together up until a good 10 minutes after the performance was done and he and the other kids were allowed to go greet their parents. He burst into tears in my side. Poor baby was just overwhelmed with the whole thing. Luckily, he had lots of people tell him he did fantastic and he was able to calm down after a bit.
We left the school a little after 10. This was significantly sooner than I expected. It wasn’t a big deal. We headed down to Del Amo to the Build a Bear. The boys picked out helmets, knee and elbow pads, and skateboards for Logan and Carver for their birthdays. BAB rocks for all of their coupons All of the items I got cost a total of $20. Totally reasonable especially considering the happiness it brought to the boys.
Our adventures took us to Chick-fil-A for a snack, and then over to Target to wander before our lunch date at 1. We met Stephanie and Sabrina at Taxco in RPV for lunch. It was super entertaining because of the conversation. We ranged from muscles in the body, including Dax declaring there are muscles in his penis, to discussing Jesus the bad Romans who killed him, to Sabrina using French and also announcing how she was not getting married. These kids were fantastic. It was like a comedy show!
After lunch, we headed to the theatre to get tickets for Kung Fu Panda. Since we had some time to kill, we were able to go to the Goodwill next door. Stephanie had found some amazing items recently from there, so we hoped to repeat the experience. We were way successful. I found robes for the boys that were perfect. Stephanie found a perfect blue jacket that looked amazing on her. She found a bunch of other awesome things. Bobby played the role of personal shopper for her, pointing out wonderful fabrics and styles. I have trained him well. Dax and Sabrina ran around in their own world.
Kung Fu Panda was great! I am not convinced it was better than the first, but it was solid and I look forward to multiple viewings once we have it on DVD. Dax was fidgety in the theatre. He really never has been much of a movie theater kid. But he did laugh hysterically during several parts, so that was good.
After the movie, the boys and I headed home where we picked up Ken. We still needed to get cat food lest we end up killed in our sleep. We headed to Petco since they were close to our bank and they have these giant bag of our cat litter.
We wandered the store, as we often do, checking out everything including the other critters since the boys love looking at them. We were in the reptile area where there was a sweet ball python. He was very handsome (mind you, I have no idea what the sex of this critter is, but for some reason, he was male in my head) and when I spoke to him, he actually raised his head up to look at me. I felt all Harry Potter and not so secretly wished that I actually spoke Parseltongue.
I didn’t get to spend much time with him at first, since I was herding my wild boys. The snake happened to be on sale by quite a bit. Ken asked to open his tank to take a look at him. Man, he was so freaking awesome. He seemed pretty happy to be held. It was especially amusing since both employees helping us did not want to do the touching, having Ken do that part. The boys fell deeply in love with him, as did I. Ken then announced this would be my birthday present. Woo hoo!!
We purchased the supplies needed for him, and along with items for all the animals in our house (bones for dogs, food for cats, food for rats), we left Petco with a damn lot of stuff, including our newest family member.
On the way home, we discussed his name. I had considered some epic awesome names, but I pointed out to Ken that I was thinking perhaps he needed something super simple. The name in my head was Hal. Ken responded to my idea of a simple name with the sentence, “So something like, Hal?” I almost died. Our unagi is awesome. He has been dubbed Hal. I think his middle name will be Unagi.
I explained to Raticus and Remy to not be disturbed at their downstairs neighbor. They didn’t seem to care since they were busy shoving food in their cheeks.
Saturday was my birthday. Ken made me breakfast at desk. His plan was to make it and serve it to me in bed, but the early riser that I am kind of screwed up that plan. LOL!
We went to lunch with my parents, Matt and Papa Brenan. I decided on Leo’s, this little Mexican food place down the street from them, which has been there my whole life. It used to be up the street a bit, but it was still there. I know I have been there, but it has been years and years. I can see why now! LOL! Ok, it wasn’t gross, but it wasn’t fab, either. My favorite Mexican food joints do NOT need to be worried or jealous.
We went back to the house for cake, and that was a lot of fun. Ken and the dads discussed random stuff like phone service, etc, while the boys and my mom played in their room. I floated back and forth.
Since Papa Brenan was heading back up North, we took him back to our place for a bit so he could look at the roof with Ken to get an idea for what would be needed for August. I am telling you, we were not home for more than 3 seconds when NB was at our house. He was freaking out, wondering where we were all day. I pointed out that their grandfather was there and they could not play. Yet somehow, this kid was now in my house.
I let them play for a few minutes while Ken and Papa Brenan were outside. I told NB that he would have to leave when they came back inside. I spent that 10 minutes doing a rush clean up job on our very chaotic house.
We hung out in the yard, while the kids entertained their grandpa. We also had the kittens out, and they were playing a lot. It was also the first time they didn’t just scream at me. LOL!
After Papa Brenan left, we ran over to pick up some hair color and Chinese food. Yum! The food, not the dye. LOL!
Sunday the plan had been to go see the screening of the Incredibles at Mann’s Chinese Theatre. It was part of this LA Times film festival. It was free, and we had registered for it, but it was no guarantee that we would get in. Based on how wild the boys had been all weekend, I didn’t think us sitting in line for 3 hours and then watch a movie would be a good plan. I am glad we didn’t go. We were able to sleep in for one thing! LOL!
We did kind of keep the boys cooped up for a bit, since we went to Target and Costco, but they didn’t mind. They got a smoothie from Costco, so it makes everything better. Plus, they picked out cards for me at Target.
Bobby also got to purchase something for me. He had his wallet and he had $2 in there. He looked around for stuff for me (I wasn’t there, I was off picking out clothing), and he ended up finding a butterfly that goes in a garden. It was $6. Ken let him have $4 so that he could count it all out and determine what he needed. It was a great lesson, and I think he was very proud!
We got home and the boys went in the pool and played with NB for a while. I on the other hand got to make lasagna! YAY!
Dax’s class has a potluck tomorrow after their little program, and I made a small lasagna for that. I also made a huge one for home. I wanted left overs. I also just like making it. I feel all accomplished. Especially when it turns out as well as it did this time.
Ken colored my hair while the boys took a bath. It was a crowded bathroom. But it was cool. Especially since my hair looks awesome!
Ken was just on the radio! LOL! He called in about the topic of “you knew the wedding was a mistake while you were walking down the aisle”. He called about Beth. LOL!!!!
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Yo, God, it isn't nice to keep kids up that late
6-8-11
So freaking tired!!!!!!!
Ken went to go entertain kids at some Jewish Center last night. I guess they have some kind of celebration last night that goes all night. Unfortunately for me, it means I just don’t get to sleep like I should. I left the tv on, and shockingly I was not as worried about Stabby Joe, but I just couldn’t get to sleep.
He got home at 2:30 or so, and even though I fell asleep at that point, it only gives me like 90 minutes. I need to wake up.
On the plus side, I have decided to take Friday off. Bobby’s presentation is at 9:30 and I was going to take Dax. So I might as well take them to school, too, since Ken leaves to go to class right at 8 after he drops them off. Bobby is allowed to leave after, so we will be out of class by noon at the latest. Stephanie and I are taking the kids to see Kung Fu Panda 2. There are some considerations on what else we shall do. Lunch at this place Stephanie and Sabrina love is possible, and we have even considered letting the kids build a bear. Should be a fun day!
My birthday present to myself will be a hair cut. I don’t know if I will be able to get down to a location on Friday night, or if I can go Saturday morning before we head to my folks. I am thinking I can do it Friday evening as it will be easier.
On Saturday, we are doing lunch at Leo’s. It has been down the street from my folks for years and years, yet I have never been! Papa Brenan is going to be in town for a funeral on Friday, so he is coming along to lunch as well. The boys will be surrounded by family!
Sunday is the Incredibles viewing. I hope that we get there early enough for seats. We didn’t tell the boys yet because we wanted to make sure we were in a seat before we told them so they didn’t get their hopes up.
Hmm..maybe I will see if I can get my hair cut tonight!
Miss Lira sent her top kids, 4 of them) around to a bunch of classrooms, including Bobby’s, to have them read to the classes. Dax was one of the top kids! Bobby said it was so cool to have Dax in his room.
Miss Lira also sent home the list of wall words for Kindergarten for them to practice over the summer. Man, I wish we had known about the Pre-K for Bobby. I went through the flash cards that Bobby got his first week since they will work still. Out of 51 words, Dax knew all but 5. Woo hoo!
I need to re-do the wall of words in our house. I want to put up Bobby’s new words for 1st grade, and I want to keep the kinder words. Plus, I want to put the numbers up in order this time. I also want to put addition and subtraction symbols for Bobby. I am looking forward to summer since it means I can really work with both boys so that they are overly prepared for the fall.
So freaking tired!!!!!!!
Ken went to go entertain kids at some Jewish Center last night. I guess they have some kind of celebration last night that goes all night. Unfortunately for me, it means I just don’t get to sleep like I should. I left the tv on, and shockingly I was not as worried about Stabby Joe, but I just couldn’t get to sleep.
He got home at 2:30 or so, and even though I fell asleep at that point, it only gives me like 90 minutes. I need to wake up.
On the plus side, I have decided to take Friday off. Bobby’s presentation is at 9:30 and I was going to take Dax. So I might as well take them to school, too, since Ken leaves to go to class right at 8 after he drops them off. Bobby is allowed to leave after, so we will be out of class by noon at the latest. Stephanie and I are taking the kids to see Kung Fu Panda 2. There are some considerations on what else we shall do. Lunch at this place Stephanie and Sabrina love is possible, and we have even considered letting the kids build a bear. Should be a fun day!
My birthday present to myself will be a hair cut. I don’t know if I will be able to get down to a location on Friday night, or if I can go Saturday morning before we head to my folks. I am thinking I can do it Friday evening as it will be easier.
On Saturday, we are doing lunch at Leo’s. It has been down the street from my folks for years and years, yet I have never been! Papa Brenan is going to be in town for a funeral on Friday, so he is coming along to lunch as well. The boys will be surrounded by family!
Sunday is the Incredibles viewing. I hope that we get there early enough for seats. We didn’t tell the boys yet because we wanted to make sure we were in a seat before we told them so they didn’t get their hopes up.
Hmm..maybe I will see if I can get my hair cut tonight!
Miss Lira sent her top kids, 4 of them) around to a bunch of classrooms, including Bobby’s, to have them read to the classes. Dax was one of the top kids! Bobby said it was so cool to have Dax in his room.
Miss Lira also sent home the list of wall words for Kindergarten for them to practice over the summer. Man, I wish we had known about the Pre-K for Bobby. I went through the flash cards that Bobby got his first week since they will work still. Out of 51 words, Dax knew all but 5. Woo hoo!
I need to re-do the wall of words in our house. I want to put up Bobby’s new words for 1st grade, and I want to keep the kinder words. Plus, I want to put the numbers up in order this time. I also want to put addition and subtraction symbols for Bobby. I am looking forward to summer since it means I can really work with both boys so that they are overly prepared for the fall.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
evil clinic doctor
6-7-11
I did not like the clinic doctor.
I got there when it opened and thankfully was in a room within about 20 minutes, which is pretty damn good. I am still limping, but I never said it was 100% better. The doctor comes in and asks me how I am. I tell her it is loads better and this is why I moved up from the boot to a couple of ace bandages and a good shoe. She looked at me with a crumpled face.
She proceeded to tell me that I am not better and that she saw me limp in. I pointed out that I was limping with the boot, also, and that it is significantly better. She then interrogates me, asking me what my doctor had told me. I explained that he gave me the boot, told me to stay off the foot when I can, and to just take it easy for a couple weeks while it heals.
Apparently this was the wrong answer to bitchy clinic doctor.
She looked at my foot and honestly, after she manipulated it a bunch it hurt more. She decided ace bandages were not good enough. She ordered a new brace. I had no problem with this. I did have a problem with her suggesting therapy.
She was in shocked disbelief that my doctor had not suggested PT. I pointed out that even though it was a bad sprain, he felt that it would be fine. She flashed the crumpled face again and tried to insist on me coming there for therapy. Um, a big fat fuck you as far as I was concerned. She must have sensed I was not going to give in, so she asked if she sent me home with some stretches if that would be ok. I agreed to this plan.
One of the nurses came in and presented me with a box. In it was my new lace up brace. I swear, had I not asked him to, he was not going to help me with this thing. He also handed me what I assumed was a coloring book for my kids. Turned out, it was the booklet for ankle injuries, that also happened to include a couple stretches. If I didn’t know any better, I would say it was something that you get at something like Hometown Fair from the fire department for the kids. Cartoons and silly wording, it was so freaking lame.
The nurse put the brace on wrong. It wasn’t tight enough and it seemed pointless. He then asked me what time I would be coming in on Thursday. Are you kidding me?? Fuck! So I have an appt on Thursday morning to once again show them my injury.
I later noted that my follow up sheet had my injury checked of as “improving as expected”. If I was improving as expected, what the fuck was up with the third degree???
I was back at work around 8, so that isn’t too bad, especially considering the 3 hour visit last week. The only problem was my shoe didn’t fit over this new brace, so I had cold toes yesterday.
I love that when Bobby was doing sentences in class yesterday, he mentioned me. The word was “hope” and he said that he hoped that his mom would not trip again. LOL!!!!
I am really looking forward to Friday. Bobby’s class is doing some kind of presentation in the auditorium. Ken can’t go, so I will be sure to film it. Bobby has a card he needs to read to the room. I will probably cry. LOL!
Stephanie has suggested taking the kids to see Kung Fu Panda 2 on Friday afternoon. It may work out quite well since Bobby gets out at 12:30. I can probably work a couple hours, then go get Dax from Ken. Dax and I can then go watch Bobby perform, and then it won’t be much longer after that in which he will get out of school. I may have to work out some more logistics, but I think it is doable!
I actually blow dried my hair this morning, the first time in weeks. I am noticing that it is time to touch up my hair color. The reds in my hair have really taken over again, and I can see the real roots are there. I will probably do the dark dark brown again. I am tempted to cut my hair, too, since it is now summer time. I could take off about 3 inches and be good.
OMG-I found a Mexican Food buffet. Ok, maybe they are everywhere and I just didn’t know, but I am telling you, buffet plus Mexican Food equals happy Gena! It means I can go to a Mexican place and the boys can try things. That to me is way worth it. Buffets are brilliant when you have little kids. They can try 100 things, and you don’t have to feel bad.
I leaned on my hurt knee yesterday and it felt like it popped. I actually expected to see blood on my knee. I am noticing today that it feels like there is fluid in it. I assume it is standard knee fluid, having had knee injuries before and remembering the fluid feel. But what is odd is that there is one part that almost feels strangely attached, almost like it is stuck. That part worries me the most. I will keep an eye on it as it seems bad all around. Trust me when I say I will NOT be telling clinic doctor about this part.
I keep stealing the boys’ toys. Ok, not all of them. Just the cute ones. I have boys, and they are now at the point where guns and action figures are way cooler than little stuffed penguins and squinkies. Thankfully, I have a place for them in my heart. I have been migrating them to work slowly. My hopes is that if I get knocked up with a girl that I can then have them for her. If I have a boy or no kid? Well, I guess then my desk will be cute. LOL!
I have not been taking my injury serious enough. I am not saying I am super hurt or anything, but I am noticing that I should be a little more diligent about my recovery. My ankle hurts a lot this morning. My knee does, too. My knee was only hurting before when you touched it. Now it hurts just sitting here. I think it is time for some meds.
I did not like the clinic doctor.
I got there when it opened and thankfully was in a room within about 20 minutes, which is pretty damn good. I am still limping, but I never said it was 100% better. The doctor comes in and asks me how I am. I tell her it is loads better and this is why I moved up from the boot to a couple of ace bandages and a good shoe. She looked at me with a crumpled face.
She proceeded to tell me that I am not better and that she saw me limp in. I pointed out that I was limping with the boot, also, and that it is significantly better. She then interrogates me, asking me what my doctor had told me. I explained that he gave me the boot, told me to stay off the foot when I can, and to just take it easy for a couple weeks while it heals.
Apparently this was the wrong answer to bitchy clinic doctor.
She looked at my foot and honestly, after she manipulated it a bunch it hurt more. She decided ace bandages were not good enough. She ordered a new brace. I had no problem with this. I did have a problem with her suggesting therapy.
She was in shocked disbelief that my doctor had not suggested PT. I pointed out that even though it was a bad sprain, he felt that it would be fine. She flashed the crumpled face again and tried to insist on me coming there for therapy. Um, a big fat fuck you as far as I was concerned. She must have sensed I was not going to give in, so she asked if she sent me home with some stretches if that would be ok. I agreed to this plan.
One of the nurses came in and presented me with a box. In it was my new lace up brace. I swear, had I not asked him to, he was not going to help me with this thing. He also handed me what I assumed was a coloring book for my kids. Turned out, it was the booklet for ankle injuries, that also happened to include a couple stretches. If I didn’t know any better, I would say it was something that you get at something like Hometown Fair from the fire department for the kids. Cartoons and silly wording, it was so freaking lame.
The nurse put the brace on wrong. It wasn’t tight enough and it seemed pointless. He then asked me what time I would be coming in on Thursday. Are you kidding me?? Fuck! So I have an appt on Thursday morning to once again show them my injury.
I later noted that my follow up sheet had my injury checked of as “improving as expected”. If I was improving as expected, what the fuck was up with the third degree???
I was back at work around 8, so that isn’t too bad, especially considering the 3 hour visit last week. The only problem was my shoe didn’t fit over this new brace, so I had cold toes yesterday.
I love that when Bobby was doing sentences in class yesterday, he mentioned me. The word was “hope” and he said that he hoped that his mom would not trip again. LOL!!!!
I am really looking forward to Friday. Bobby’s class is doing some kind of presentation in the auditorium. Ken can’t go, so I will be sure to film it. Bobby has a card he needs to read to the room. I will probably cry. LOL!
Stephanie has suggested taking the kids to see Kung Fu Panda 2 on Friday afternoon. It may work out quite well since Bobby gets out at 12:30. I can probably work a couple hours, then go get Dax from Ken. Dax and I can then go watch Bobby perform, and then it won’t be much longer after that in which he will get out of school. I may have to work out some more logistics, but I think it is doable!
I actually blow dried my hair this morning, the first time in weeks. I am noticing that it is time to touch up my hair color. The reds in my hair have really taken over again, and I can see the real roots are there. I will probably do the dark dark brown again. I am tempted to cut my hair, too, since it is now summer time. I could take off about 3 inches and be good.
OMG-I found a Mexican Food buffet. Ok, maybe they are everywhere and I just didn’t know, but I am telling you, buffet plus Mexican Food equals happy Gena! It means I can go to a Mexican place and the boys can try things. That to me is way worth it. Buffets are brilliant when you have little kids. They can try 100 things, and you don’t have to feel bad.
I leaned on my hurt knee yesterday and it felt like it popped. I actually expected to see blood on my knee. I am noticing today that it feels like there is fluid in it. I assume it is standard knee fluid, having had knee injuries before and remembering the fluid feel. But what is odd is that there is one part that almost feels strangely attached, almost like it is stuck. That part worries me the most. I will keep an eye on it as it seems bad all around. Trust me when I say I will NOT be telling clinic doctor about this part.
I keep stealing the boys’ toys. Ok, not all of them. Just the cute ones. I have boys, and they are now at the point where guns and action figures are way cooler than little stuffed penguins and squinkies. Thankfully, I have a place for them in my heart. I have been migrating them to work slowly. My hopes is that if I get knocked up with a girl that I can then have them for her. If I have a boy or no kid? Well, I guess then my desk will be cute. LOL!
I have not been taking my injury serious enough. I am not saying I am super hurt or anything, but I am noticing that I should be a little more diligent about my recovery. My ankle hurts a lot this morning. My knee does, too. My knee was only hurting before when you touched it. Now it hurts just sitting here. I think it is time for some meds.
Monday, June 6, 2011
stupid clinic
6-6-11
It was a good weekend!
I figured I should write now since I need to go back to the clinic at 7. I am not looking forward to that since it takes for-freaking-ever. But hopefully by going so early it won’t be as bad.
My Friday was restful! After the boys and I got home from my folks’, I fed them and put them to bed. They were very cool about it, and it allowed me to crawl into bed at 7. I propped up my foot to ice it and settled in to watch Sunshine Cleaning, a flick I have been wanting to watch for a long time.
I was sleepy, so after my movie, I turned on Reality Bites since I have seen it a million times and I figured it didn’t matter if I fell asleep. I ended up watching about half of it before nodding off. Ken got home not much later.
I slept in. That was wonderful. I could have used more sleep, though.
It was realized that I had screwed up. Dax’s TB test was to have been checked, and I forgot to take him down to the doc on Friday. This was bad for a couple reasons, the worst being that Dax would probably end up needing to do it again, which I would have hated myself for.
We ran down to the doctor’s office, hoping that someone there would be able to help us. A miracle in a white coat, my wonderful doctor, was there! She was more than happy to sign off on his test and it meant we had our paperwork for the school and Dax didn’t have to get another shot. Oh, and it also meant I wasn’t completely in the dog house.
My parents brought over a new toy for the boys. On Friday, it had arrived at their house. It was Dax’s birthday present. My mom, like me, cannot keep something for that long. Gifts that are awesome should not be stored, they need to be given. LOL! So my dad told her to go ahead and show Dax. This also means they can use it all summer.
It is a teeter totter airplane thing. It is their new favorite thing. It took some time to set up, but once it was done, the boys were on it constantly. Who knew this would be so popular!
Aaron came by Saturday evening so we started our sessions. Ken, Aaron and I talked for several hours. I let Aaron talk mostly, taking it all in. I have some opinions, but I need more information from him. I can say, though, it was very interesting all around.
Sunday morning we went to see Star Tours. Our plan worked well, with Ken going with the crowd to the line while the boys and I side stepped that and went and got fast passes. It allowed us to go on the ride first thing, and then come back 45 minutes later for a second ride with not much of a wait either time. By the time our second ride was ready, the wait time was already up to 2 hours and return times for Fast Passes were not until 9 pm! We done good!
I did not wear my boot on Sunday. My ankle has been feeling better. With ace bandages and my Sketchers, it seems to work ok. Although I am sore this morning. I am hoping that the doc will just send me on my way quickly so that we can stop this part of the healing.
Ok, I need to take care of some things before I go.
It was a good weekend!
I figured I should write now since I need to go back to the clinic at 7. I am not looking forward to that since it takes for-freaking-ever. But hopefully by going so early it won’t be as bad.
My Friday was restful! After the boys and I got home from my folks’, I fed them and put them to bed. They were very cool about it, and it allowed me to crawl into bed at 7. I propped up my foot to ice it and settled in to watch Sunshine Cleaning, a flick I have been wanting to watch for a long time.
I was sleepy, so after my movie, I turned on Reality Bites since I have seen it a million times and I figured it didn’t matter if I fell asleep. I ended up watching about half of it before nodding off. Ken got home not much later.
I slept in. That was wonderful. I could have used more sleep, though.
It was realized that I had screwed up. Dax’s TB test was to have been checked, and I forgot to take him down to the doc on Friday. This was bad for a couple reasons, the worst being that Dax would probably end up needing to do it again, which I would have hated myself for.
We ran down to the doctor’s office, hoping that someone there would be able to help us. A miracle in a white coat, my wonderful doctor, was there! She was more than happy to sign off on his test and it meant we had our paperwork for the school and Dax didn’t have to get another shot. Oh, and it also meant I wasn’t completely in the dog house.
My parents brought over a new toy for the boys. On Friday, it had arrived at their house. It was Dax’s birthday present. My mom, like me, cannot keep something for that long. Gifts that are awesome should not be stored, they need to be given. LOL! So my dad told her to go ahead and show Dax. This also means they can use it all summer.
It is a teeter totter airplane thing. It is their new favorite thing. It took some time to set up, but once it was done, the boys were on it constantly. Who knew this would be so popular!
Aaron came by Saturday evening so we started our sessions. Ken, Aaron and I talked for several hours. I let Aaron talk mostly, taking it all in. I have some opinions, but I need more information from him. I can say, though, it was very interesting all around.
Sunday morning we went to see Star Tours. Our plan worked well, with Ken going with the crowd to the line while the boys and I side stepped that and went and got fast passes. It allowed us to go on the ride first thing, and then come back 45 minutes later for a second ride with not much of a wait either time. By the time our second ride was ready, the wait time was already up to 2 hours and return times for Fast Passes were not until 9 pm! We done good!
I did not wear my boot on Sunday. My ankle has been feeling better. With ace bandages and my Sketchers, it seems to work ok. Although I am sore this morning. I am hoping that the doc will just send me on my way quickly so that we can stop this part of the healing.
Ok, I need to take care of some things before I go.
Friday, June 3, 2011
The List
Kevin Smith
Neil Patrick Harris
Paul Rudd
Jason Segal
Olivia Wilde
Wow, first time I have a person for all 5 slots. Perhaps it is time to laminate? LOL!
Neil Patrick Harris
Paul Rudd
Jason Segal
Olivia Wilde
Wow, first time I have a person for all 5 slots. Perhaps it is time to laminate? LOL!
ouchie
6-3-11
I hurt today.
Yesterday was a day wasted. At 9, my HR told me that I needed to go down to their clinic since my injury happened on the premises. I was not thrilled with this, and with good reason.
Vicki drove me since it would have been a pain in the ass for me. I got there at 10. I filled out my paperwork, watched the health info loop the full way through almost twice. The loop is an hour.
Ken and Dax came down to hang with me. It was a nice distraction. I was so sleepy and starving.
I had to do a breathalyzer and pee test. I guess it is now policy for every injury. I of course assumed it was because why else would I have fallen so spectacularly had it not been because of some substance abuse.
It was nearly 1 by the time I saw a doctor. He didn’t do much, but at least he was nice. He was nervous acting, and it was a little annoying, but I appreciated that he laughed at my bad jokes. He was extremely adamant that I do not take the Tylenol he prescribed with the Vicodin that I had. He told me about 4 times. He also prescribed Ibuprofen for the swelling. All pretty simple. I have to wear the boot of shame at work at least until Monday morning, which is when I have to go back to the clinic. Thankfully, my appt is when they first open.
I got back to work only to gather my belongings and leave. Ken stayed at my work long enough to get the cage from the warehouse. Dax and I drove home so I could feed him and myself.
Thankfully it was Thursday, which meant Ken would be taking the boys to class. I set up shop with the intent on watching Easy A. Instead, I fell asleep. I woke up at a quarter to 5 because I thought my phone had rang, which it had.
Ken brought home dinner and the rest of the evening was making sure homework was done and that I was ok. I did have Ken put my boot on so I could go and chit chat with my kittens, who yelled at me. Ok, no, only Dot really yelled at me, but he was pretty pissed at me. LOL!
I ended up icing my ankle in bed while I finished my movie. I know I slept, but I need more sleep. My elbow was in a bad spot and now is sore. My shoulder on the one side also hurts from the injury itself. My ankle also seems to hurt due to the walk from the car to my desk. I didn’t drive with my boot, so the hobble was in only an ace bandage. I would have parked in the lot closer, but the gate would not open. I was pissed. So now, my ankle is throbbing, I hurt in other spots, and I am super freaking tired. Why am I here?
I am here because I leave early like every Friday in June. I also have to be gone on the 14th for Dax’s stuff. It is hectic.
Ken is going to go see X-men tonight (jealous!) with Aaron and Chris. I am glad he is getting out. He needs it. The boys and I will go to my folks and then home.
I am going to tough it out today and try to not leave before 1. I can’t make any promises.
I hurt today.
Yesterday was a day wasted. At 9, my HR told me that I needed to go down to their clinic since my injury happened on the premises. I was not thrilled with this, and with good reason.
Vicki drove me since it would have been a pain in the ass for me. I got there at 10. I filled out my paperwork, watched the health info loop the full way through almost twice. The loop is an hour.
Ken and Dax came down to hang with me. It was a nice distraction. I was so sleepy and starving.
I had to do a breathalyzer and pee test. I guess it is now policy for every injury. I of course assumed it was because why else would I have fallen so spectacularly had it not been because of some substance abuse.
It was nearly 1 by the time I saw a doctor. He didn’t do much, but at least he was nice. He was nervous acting, and it was a little annoying, but I appreciated that he laughed at my bad jokes. He was extremely adamant that I do not take the Tylenol he prescribed with the Vicodin that I had. He told me about 4 times. He also prescribed Ibuprofen for the swelling. All pretty simple. I have to wear the boot of shame at work at least until Monday morning, which is when I have to go back to the clinic. Thankfully, my appt is when they first open.
I got back to work only to gather my belongings and leave. Ken stayed at my work long enough to get the cage from the warehouse. Dax and I drove home so I could feed him and myself.
Thankfully it was Thursday, which meant Ken would be taking the boys to class. I set up shop with the intent on watching Easy A. Instead, I fell asleep. I woke up at a quarter to 5 because I thought my phone had rang, which it had.
Ken brought home dinner and the rest of the evening was making sure homework was done and that I was ok. I did have Ken put my boot on so I could go and chit chat with my kittens, who yelled at me. Ok, no, only Dot really yelled at me, but he was pretty pissed at me. LOL!
I ended up icing my ankle in bed while I finished my movie. I know I slept, but I need more sleep. My elbow was in a bad spot and now is sore. My shoulder on the one side also hurts from the injury itself. My ankle also seems to hurt due to the walk from the car to my desk. I didn’t drive with my boot, so the hobble was in only an ace bandage. I would have parked in the lot closer, but the gate would not open. I was pissed. So now, my ankle is throbbing, I hurt in other spots, and I am super freaking tired. Why am I here?
I am here because I leave early like every Friday in June. I also have to be gone on the 14th for Dax’s stuff. It is hectic.
Ken is going to go see X-men tonight (jealous!) with Aaron and Chris. I am glad he is getting out. He needs it. The boys and I will go to my folks and then home.
I am going to tough it out today and try to not leave before 1. I can’t make any promises.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Boot of Shame
6-2-11
Well, I guess I needed adventures yesterday.
I was rockin my awesome new wedges that I love. They are so comfy, I feel like I could almost run in them. This doesn’t do me much good when apparently I cannot walk in them. It’s funny, since I was actually being super careful on my way to the car. Something told me that I needed to watch where I walked. Too bad I didn’t listen.
There is a shallow rain gutter in the middle of my parking lot. I never walk through it, and took care to step over it. Apparently I didn’t clear all of it, or there was something more slippery on the other side. I don’t actually know. All I know is that my right ankle and leg took off in one direction while the rest of my body went straight down. And it was a forceful fall. I suppose when you are 6 inches higher than normal, that is a lot of time to pick up speed.
My left knee hit hard. As the rest of my body crumpled, my natural airbags deployed and my left boob was smashed into the ground. My hands broke the rest of the fall, keeping my face from contact.
I lay there for a moment, sure that I was about to be helped up by the warehouse guys. Thankfully, I was on my own. They didn’t see it happen. I don’t know how they could have since I think I went down at the speed of light.
I was a little concerned that I would not be able to get back up. My ankle was throbbing and my knee was on fire. Plus, I still had to get up on the stilts I was wearing. I was also trying to stay composed since if someone was in route to help me up, I didn’t want to be a blubbering mess.
I managed to get to the car and out of the lot. I whimpered a lot the whole way home since it turns out my injury made driving difficult. Pushing on the gas/brake hurt like hell.
I changed my shoes and went to get Dax. He had a dentist appt that we would be heading out to as soon as we got Bobby and Ken.
At the dentist, I found myself standing during the appt. I was helping Bobby with homework while Dax was Mr super awesome brave boy on his first dental cleaning. I am glad I brought Bolt with us.
We got home and by this time I was in gobs of pain. Yet I still set out to work on making dinner.
Mind you, during all of this, the boys and even Ken to some degree did not think much of it. Hell, I didn’t, either. I hurt myself on a pretty regular basis, so why bother with freaking out. The boys didn’t ask if I broke myself. They asked if the cement I fell on was ok. Nice.
I hobbled around, making dinner and occasionally having to sit down because I felt faint from pain. We all sat down to eat dinner, and I was still functional.
Finally, I sat down on the recliner and iced my ankle. Ken noted how swollen it was. I rested and iced for about an hour. By this time the boys were bathing and getting ready for bed. In fact, I didn’t move again until 7, which is when I kissed the boys goodnight and Ken went to read to them.
I wanted milk, and I wanted to go sit at the computer to play one of the games before bedtime. I lowered my foot and went to stand. Oh, crap. I can’t put any weight on my right side.
After a few minutes of pain and a little panic, Ken said it was time to go to Urgent Care. The boys quickly put on shoes and socks, gathered some books and we headed out the door.
Thank goodness the urgent care was quiet. It actually didn’t take long at all. Ken was able to get me a wheelchair so I was wheeled to X-Ray. The guy in there was awesome, complete with an R2D2 ring tone. I was not as fond of the doc, but in all fairness it was at the end of his shift and he looked tired.
The x-rays showed no break. However, there is a lot of bruising. He decided it would best if I wore the soft boot. When I heard soft boot, I assumed some kind of ace bandage thing. Nope. It is the full on robo boot that is heavy. Thankfully, though, it really helps. I can feel that it supports the hell out of my ankle. The crutches that accompanied it are not as cool, but I have used them for some balance.
We got home and I crawled into bed. Ok, that makes it sound like it was easy. It was anything but. I was babying my right ankle and didn’t consider that crawling up into the bed, using my left knee to pull myself up would be a super bad idea. My left knee yelled and screamed and threatened to leave me if I attempted anything like that again. I was left crumpled on the bed, unable to function.
Turns out it is considerably easier to drive using your right foot. I took the van this morning. It has way more room so that I could put my right robot foot in the center. I then used my left foot for the gas. I felt like I was driving side saddle.
Tomorrow I will not have access to the van, so I think I will need to stay home. This being said, I will need to pick up Bobby at some point. In fact, early tomorrow. We will have to figure that out. I suppose I can use an ace bandage to pick him up.
I am now needing to fill out an incident report at work. Bleah. Not fun. Especially since it has stuff like, “how can you prevent this accident in the future”? I put, “be more careful”. LOL!!
Well, I guess I needed adventures yesterday.
I was rockin my awesome new wedges that I love. They are so comfy, I feel like I could almost run in them. This doesn’t do me much good when apparently I cannot walk in them. It’s funny, since I was actually being super careful on my way to the car. Something told me that I needed to watch where I walked. Too bad I didn’t listen.
There is a shallow rain gutter in the middle of my parking lot. I never walk through it, and took care to step over it. Apparently I didn’t clear all of it, or there was something more slippery on the other side. I don’t actually know. All I know is that my right ankle and leg took off in one direction while the rest of my body went straight down. And it was a forceful fall. I suppose when you are 6 inches higher than normal, that is a lot of time to pick up speed.
My left knee hit hard. As the rest of my body crumpled, my natural airbags deployed and my left boob was smashed into the ground. My hands broke the rest of the fall, keeping my face from contact.
I lay there for a moment, sure that I was about to be helped up by the warehouse guys. Thankfully, I was on my own. They didn’t see it happen. I don’t know how they could have since I think I went down at the speed of light.
I was a little concerned that I would not be able to get back up. My ankle was throbbing and my knee was on fire. Plus, I still had to get up on the stilts I was wearing. I was also trying to stay composed since if someone was in route to help me up, I didn’t want to be a blubbering mess.
I managed to get to the car and out of the lot. I whimpered a lot the whole way home since it turns out my injury made driving difficult. Pushing on the gas/brake hurt like hell.
I changed my shoes and went to get Dax. He had a dentist appt that we would be heading out to as soon as we got Bobby and Ken.
At the dentist, I found myself standing during the appt. I was helping Bobby with homework while Dax was Mr super awesome brave boy on his first dental cleaning. I am glad I brought Bolt with us.
We got home and by this time I was in gobs of pain. Yet I still set out to work on making dinner.
Mind you, during all of this, the boys and even Ken to some degree did not think much of it. Hell, I didn’t, either. I hurt myself on a pretty regular basis, so why bother with freaking out. The boys didn’t ask if I broke myself. They asked if the cement I fell on was ok. Nice.
I hobbled around, making dinner and occasionally having to sit down because I felt faint from pain. We all sat down to eat dinner, and I was still functional.
Finally, I sat down on the recliner and iced my ankle. Ken noted how swollen it was. I rested and iced for about an hour. By this time the boys were bathing and getting ready for bed. In fact, I didn’t move again until 7, which is when I kissed the boys goodnight and Ken went to read to them.
I wanted milk, and I wanted to go sit at the computer to play one of the games before bedtime. I lowered my foot and went to stand. Oh, crap. I can’t put any weight on my right side.
After a few minutes of pain and a little panic, Ken said it was time to go to Urgent Care. The boys quickly put on shoes and socks, gathered some books and we headed out the door.
Thank goodness the urgent care was quiet. It actually didn’t take long at all. Ken was able to get me a wheelchair so I was wheeled to X-Ray. The guy in there was awesome, complete with an R2D2 ring tone. I was not as fond of the doc, but in all fairness it was at the end of his shift and he looked tired.
The x-rays showed no break. However, there is a lot of bruising. He decided it would best if I wore the soft boot. When I heard soft boot, I assumed some kind of ace bandage thing. Nope. It is the full on robo boot that is heavy. Thankfully, though, it really helps. I can feel that it supports the hell out of my ankle. The crutches that accompanied it are not as cool, but I have used them for some balance.
We got home and I crawled into bed. Ok, that makes it sound like it was easy. It was anything but. I was babying my right ankle and didn’t consider that crawling up into the bed, using my left knee to pull myself up would be a super bad idea. My left knee yelled and screamed and threatened to leave me if I attempted anything like that again. I was left crumpled on the bed, unable to function.
Turns out it is considerably easier to drive using your right foot. I took the van this morning. It has way more room so that I could put my right robot foot in the center. I then used my left foot for the gas. I felt like I was driving side saddle.
Tomorrow I will not have access to the van, so I think I will need to stay home. This being said, I will need to pick up Bobby at some point. In fact, early tomorrow. We will have to figure that out. I suppose I can use an ace bandage to pick him up.
I am now needing to fill out an incident report at work. Bleah. Not fun. Especially since it has stuff like, “how can you prevent this accident in the future”? I put, “be more careful”. LOL!!
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
too tired
6-1-11
I didn’t sleep as well as I would have liked. I am exhausted this morning, and feeling icky. I felt nauseous earlier. It was a strange combo of being starving and feeling like I was going to hurl. Neat.
I spent much of yesterday morning working on Aaron’s rehab notebook. There is something incredibly personal about a journal. Even though much of his was simply detailing the process in terms of meetings and mundane information such as what he was eating, you feel like you get to know a person a little better in that time.
Aaron has agreed to sit down with me to go over some of the details of his life. Specifically things like regrets and the list he made of folks who have disappointed him. He was incredibly enthusiastic about this idea, which makes it all the more fun for me. I know, it seems wrong to get excited about going over what makes a person upset, but to me, it gets to the root causes of someone’s issues, and I love that process. I probably should have been a shrink. The problem is, I don’t know if I could limit sessions to only an hour!
We set up the pool. Woo hoo! Ken is working on a heating system with it. Since we have it by the shed this year, he is rigging up some tubing to run over the shed that will have pumped pool water go through it, being heated by the sunshine. He has done this before when the pool was on the driveway. It worked then, and he only had one tube, so this should make our pool quite pleasant this year. Plus, it is in the sunshine all day, so it will be super nice. Bobby is thrilled. He may develop gills this summer.
Green tea please make me feel better.
Peeonastick.com is a pretty cool site.
My kittens are getting active. When I put them back with Mama last night, one of them jumped out of the box and ran back over to me. They can get out of the box and they seem very happy with me. Of course, I am eating this up.
Dax had to get his TB test yesterday. Ken said he was amazing about it. He cried, but he held still and was super brave. I talked to Dax on the phone a little bit afterwards and he was so cute. Poor kid.
My poor Bobby had a slight meltdown yesterday when I picked him up from school. He thought he had lost his sweatshirt. Poor darlin. His little friend, Oscar, helped us find it, but Bobby was embarrassed about crying.
Zoned and sleepy. I am not happy about this.
I know that I should not get annoyed, but it is a pet peeve of mine. I was just greeted by a coworker who asked me if the computer was working. She asked if my computer was working because SAP was down last night. Mind you, the computers worked, just the program we use did not. So not the same fucking thing. Sigh.
I didn’t sleep as well as I would have liked. I am exhausted this morning, and feeling icky. I felt nauseous earlier. It was a strange combo of being starving and feeling like I was going to hurl. Neat.
I spent much of yesterday morning working on Aaron’s rehab notebook. There is something incredibly personal about a journal. Even though much of his was simply detailing the process in terms of meetings and mundane information such as what he was eating, you feel like you get to know a person a little better in that time.
Aaron has agreed to sit down with me to go over some of the details of his life. Specifically things like regrets and the list he made of folks who have disappointed him. He was incredibly enthusiastic about this idea, which makes it all the more fun for me. I know, it seems wrong to get excited about going over what makes a person upset, but to me, it gets to the root causes of someone’s issues, and I love that process. I probably should have been a shrink. The problem is, I don’t know if I could limit sessions to only an hour!
We set up the pool. Woo hoo! Ken is working on a heating system with it. Since we have it by the shed this year, he is rigging up some tubing to run over the shed that will have pumped pool water go through it, being heated by the sunshine. He has done this before when the pool was on the driveway. It worked then, and he only had one tube, so this should make our pool quite pleasant this year. Plus, it is in the sunshine all day, so it will be super nice. Bobby is thrilled. He may develop gills this summer.
Green tea please make me feel better.
Peeonastick.com is a pretty cool site.
My kittens are getting active. When I put them back with Mama last night, one of them jumped out of the box and ran back over to me. They can get out of the box and they seem very happy with me. Of course, I am eating this up.
Dax had to get his TB test yesterday. Ken said he was amazing about it. He cried, but he held still and was super brave. I talked to Dax on the phone a little bit afterwards and he was so cute. Poor kid.
My poor Bobby had a slight meltdown yesterday when I picked him up from school. He thought he had lost his sweatshirt. Poor darlin. His little friend, Oscar, helped us find it, but Bobby was embarrassed about crying.
Zoned and sleepy. I am not happy about this.
I know that I should not get annoyed, but it is a pet peeve of mine. I was just greeted by a coworker who asked me if the computer was working. She asked if my computer was working because SAP was down last night. Mind you, the computers worked, just the program we use did not. So not the same fucking thing. Sigh.
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