Meeting day

8-31-09

I just went over the list of who is gone. It was depressing. I also took a gander at the org charts. There are not many people left. So I am left sitting here, in a lot of shock.

I cleaned off some mundane things off of Tammy’s desk. Mostly because I needed to see it bare in order to come to terms with it. I considered moving the fax machine so as to just make some drastic change in order to really know it has happened. But in reality, my set up has been perfect for a few years, so I don’t know that it needs to be done.

I did open up the shades. Tammy hated them open, especially in the morning since people could see in but we couldn’t see out. But I decided I like the openness. I want to feel like I can see the outside.

Enough of the depressing.

My weekend was good. Lots of sunshine and pool time. Went to Grammie’s on Saturday where we spent a lot of time in the pool, which felt fantastic being that it was a million and 4 out there. I also made a point of visiting with Grammie. I tend to just hang out with the kids in the pool, but being that Dax wasn’t swimming, I was able to sit inside for a while and let her talk about things that were going on in her life. It was a rough month for her in July having lost both her mother an son within a week or so of each other.

Sunday was cleaning in the morning, and spending all afternoon outside with Bobby in the pool. I managed to tan quite a bit (and a little burn on my tummy) and was very relaxed, something I needed in order to come in this morning.

We watched a couple movies, one of which turned out to be a bad disc so Netflix is sending us a new copy. Kind of a shame, but it isn’t like we won’t watch it when we get it. We were like a third of the way in when it died. Last night, I had turned on Mama Mia mostly as background while Dax was taking his shower with Ken. Turned out, not only was Bobby entranced, so was Dax when he came out. They both danced with all the songs, and seemed to really enjoy it. At the end of the movie, Dax even sang out, “You can dance!” which made me so happy!!

Disney just bought Marvel? Odd.

My neck hurts. I think I either slept on it wrong or messed it up while in the pool. In general, my arm and shoulder on my right side. I am not sure what I did, exactly, but I know it hurts like hell.

I may need to start a private journal sine there are things that I would like to talk about but I unsure if I want to share as a public item. Not that a whole lot of folks are reading this, and not that I wouldn’t tell them all in private, I just don’t know that the dirty details should be here. Opinions?

On Saturday evening, I was reading a story to Bobby before he went to bed. As I got up, I could feel my body ache. So I groaned, which prompted him to ask what was wrong. So I answered, “Mommy is getting old.” Without missing a beat, he says to me, “Mommy, can we go to the mommy store to get a new mommy since you are old?” Dude, can we say cold?

I love how much more he communicates and how fun his ideas are. Especially when he prefaces them with, “I have an idea!” Granted, some ideas are better than others (when he and my mom discovered a dead lizard at Grammie’s, he suggested we cook it and eat it), but every one just tickles me so.

Dax continues to amaze me. Yesterday when they were playing in their giant boxes (courtesy of the FLL since the tournament kits are now in our house), Dax has broke a little of it. He then announces his box is ruined. No joke, he used the word ruined. I was pretty impressed. Of course, I would have been impressed if he spit in a box.

I have a list of new accounts, so I think I will dive into those. I figure I have to kill like 4 hours since it is only 7 and the meeting is at 11.

Ok, I know I shouldn’t complain being that it has been a really mild summer, but I have to say, this hot can stop. Seriously. This is unacceptable. I just walked out to the warehouse for a call and it is 8:30 and already 75 degrees out. Yesterday, even though I spent all afternoon in the pool, I was sweating within minutes of getting out. Uncool.

My new accounts are actually not bad. Gee, could that be because Tammy did her fucking job!!! Sorry, still a little upset. I had to change her voice mail and it was tough saying she wasn’t here anymore.

Dang. Just rough. I am getting calls I need to transfer to people and they don’t work here anymore.

I am off to the town hall meeting. It starts in like 20 minutes. I am walking over in a few minutes. Should be interesting to say the least.

Dax has his annual doc visit this afternoon. Poor kid gets shots while in a cast. Not fair if you ask me. On the plus side, he is due back at the leg doc tomorrow morning and they will remove the cast he has probably and if he needs a new one it will hopefully be smaller. We will see. A new one will be nice if only to get his leg clean. It is depressing to see how much smaller his casted leg is already. But I know that he will bounce back quick being that he practically bounces on the cast.

Ok, off I go.

safe for now

8-28-09

Day 2 of complete freak out stress. The layoffs were due to occur this week, and with it being Friday, I think it will happen shortly.

I don’t know if I am safe. I don’t know who is going. I know rumor. I know there are a lot of names being tossed around. I don’t want to get comfortable yet.

There was an email sent late yesterday that announced a town hall meeting. Side note on this one. Stop calling every gathering town hall meetings, people. Just because the elections and stuff had them doesn’t mean we have them. Sheesh. Anyway, this meeting is a mandatory Monday meeting. It is supposed to give us some insight as to what the future holds for us here. I wonder if they will be telling us we are closing. I wonder if we have a future. I wonder if a lot of the information I have heard will come to light. He might know since he would help set up this meeting. It is supposed to be fancy with it being recorded and broadcast online for folks out of state. It is also interactive for not just us here, but for off site employees. It will be interesting. Hopefully I get to actually be there for it.

I am tired today, on top of being on edge. My calf muscle decided to spasm last night around 12:30. I never really got back to sleep. It was hot, and even the boys were up. Dax didn’t fall asleep until midnight, and Bobby was up at 3. Ken actually got up when I was up this morning. I had gotten up early myself since Bobby yelled out for something, so I opted to go check on him. His bear and blanket were on the ground. For some reason he felt it was our job to retrieve them for him. Uncool.

My morbid taste buds have been stimulated in an odd way. Mental Floss had a story on Victorian Post Mortem Photography. It was fascinating. In Victorian times, photographs were not as prominent as they are today, and if a loved one died, often, your only picture might be of them after they had passed. Many of these old photos still exist today. Pictures of people sometimes lying in beds or coffins, mostly children and infants due to the high mortality rate back then, with artistic looking portraits. Sometimes they would prop up the dead guy, trying to make them look as if the photo was taken when they were still alive. They would sometimes even paint eyes on their eyelids, which creates this creepy zombie look on most of them. There were the obvious photos of mother and deceased child, but what was more shocking were ones where there would be live children standing around, posing, with their passed sibling. One was a dead twin lying on a couch, with his live counterpart standing behind the couch, looking clearly disturbed. One particularly eerie photo showed a creepy man holding a child. The kid was dead (he looked so peaceful, almost as though he was just sleeping) but what was scary is that the dad also looked dead-ish. Of course, we don’t know for sure, only being able to speculate, but how freaky would that be?

I found the photos haunting, but charming. From my understanding, they were not as creeped out by death as we are today. Photos were ways to remember, and they would hang these photos in their houses, and even send them to friends and relatives. They were not taboo. They were just what you did. I would love to read more on the practice, and to see more photos. As much as seeing photos of deceased kids in christening gowns is hard on me, I can look past it and actually try to see the beauty of them .Sure, sad photos overall, but they were taken so people could remember the person who died, and by looking at them even now, I feel like I am fulfilling their request.

There were several sites selling the photos. I was shocked at how pricey they were. I would like to find an exhibit to go see some up close. Perhaps this weekend I will be hunting for that outing. Probably not a Bobby and Dax trip.

I will probably not write too much more. I don’t want to keep this open. Besides, I am falling asleep so I should probably find something a little more stimulating.

No news. It is 8 am. Word is, the boss has a lot of boxes at his desk. Makes me nervous. If there are LOTS of boxes, it could mean multiple people. Or, just me. Lord knows I need the most boxes if I have to go based on how much stuff I have on my desk. I am sick to my stomach now.


It is 10 till 9. It has begun. Names are flowing in of who has been hit. So far my dept has not been. I am upset at the names. I don’t know if I can keep it together.

More names. It is now 10. Nothing yet on our end. I know it is coming, but now it is just the waiting game. I say before noon.


It is 10:40. They called Tammy up 10 minutes ago. Sigh. And yet my annoying coworkers are giggling, ordering lunch. Sigh.

I am safe. For this round.

I am sad. I am angry. I suppose I should eat my lunch, but I kind of lost my appetite, which is unusual for me.

Well, it is fitting to take the kittens tonight since I can get all my tears out in one bit cry fest. Then I can eat ice cream and drink heavily when we get home from our other errands.

I just heard some more names that made me yell. They are truly getting rid of some of their best talent, the folks that truly would keep this place afloat. I am super curious what will be said on Monday.

The boss is supposed to come around and tell us our new accounts from her old stuff.

Tammy called. She is ok. She got a small severance package, which sounds like a little more than 2 weeks pay. Actually, it probably was 3 since she has been here 3 years. She said there is nothing at her desk to pack at this point since she already took everything. I guess I will clean up her desk come Monday. The body is still warm today, so I just can’t do it.

I have to unstress

8-27-09


It is hell day at work. So instead of dwelling too much, I have decided to find some humor.

Ok, that being said, yes, an obituary is not the normal place we seek out a laugh or two. However, you have to laugh whenever you can, even when it is not appropriate since you never know when one of these things will be about you and you can’t laugh.

I had done a search online after I had been told about my uncle passing away. I wanted to find his obituary. It had not been up yet, so I forgot about the search until this morning when I was noting how Google remembers prior searches. So I pulled up the key words when looking for my uncle and there was the link to his obit.

Bill Lathan Horton (1955-2009)


Bill Lathan Horton of Witter Springs passed away July 18 in Sacramento, CA Bill was born in Inglewood California on March 30 1955. He was preceded in death by his father, Bill Horton Sr., and his sister Robin Harworth. He is survived by his sons Bill J. (Jodi) of Kansas, and Sean L. of Oregon. His grandchildren, Bill G. Samantha, Josh and baby due in November, mother Fern Horton from Riverside, sisters Lianna Burger (Mark) of Corona, Diana (Tom) of Redondo Beach, five nephews, and one neice. Bill enjoyed the fishing tournaments of the kids while he was active in the Elks. He loved his horses. He was a building contractor in Lake and Mendocino counties until poor health. He was so proud of his son, Bill serving in the military in Iraq who is on his 3rd tour. Bill was a strong advocate for Cancer research. He loved sports, and was a diving champion in high school


Ok, I have never written an obituary. I can’t imagine they are easy. How do you tell someone’s life in 200 words or less? You have to cut out words and certain facts just to be able to fit it in the limited space you have. I am hoping this explains why they had no problem listing the last names of my two aunts, yet not for my mother.

What really caught my eye though was the fact that “niece” is misspelled. There is no excuse on a newspaper or news site for ANY word to be misspelled. This is an age in which we have spell check. How long does it take to correct the word that comes up with a little red squiggle line under it? But what makes is particularly amusing to me is that it is the word niece. The niece they are referring to is me. Yup, I have 6 male cousins (and my brother which makes 7 grandsons, and then one fantastic granddaughter) and I get to be the only girl. My name is always misspelled or mispronounced. It is a daily occurrence what with work and other various things I have to do in life. So the one time my name isn’t actually mentioned, at least they kept with tradition and misspelled who I am, even if it wasn’t Gena.

I also found it interesting that the last sentence about him loving sports and being a diving champion in high school was included. I have not seen my uncle dive (or be in shape to do so) in 25 years? When I die, will my obituary feel the need to say I played soccer back in the day even though now it just looks like I ate a soccer ball?

I don’t mean to make light of my uncle’s death. I have fond memories of him (and some just odd) and I know that I will get a little teary when in the grand tradition of my family, spread his ashes a year later. Speaking on that point, hey, friends and family go ahead and sprinkle me right away. Is it illegal to attach ashes to a few giant balloons and let them go, letting them sprinkle wherever they may land?

We will see Grammie this Saturday. I have not seen her since her son died. I think a couple of extra long hugs are in order. Bobby decided a while back that we need to get her a present. Specifically blue flowers. I don’t make this stuff up, folks. So on Friday, probably after the shelter trip, we need to go and get some blue flowers for Grammie. I am wondering if they have some good potted ones since as much as some fun carnations or something would be good, it is more pricey than necessary, and they don’t last long enough.

I don’t know how many people know or suspect that today is layoff day. Heck, I am not even 100% sure. All I know is that the room is pretty quiet. It has been somber since last week’s meeting that the layoff would happen by this week. I am thinking that I need to close down my journal for the day so that I am not in the middle if something happens. Wish me luck.


Ok, quick update—nothing has occurred that I know of and it is 11:30 right now. Rumor is that there are so many that it will be over today AND tomorrow. See, to me, that is not ok, especially since they could have done it all by now. I realize I don’t know all the info, so for all I know people are being let go as we speak and I just have not heard yet. So we will see. Either way, at this point, I am starting to wonder if our department won’t be hit until tomorrow. One more sleepless night. Ken assured me we have booze, so I will be quite trashed these next two nights.


My day now is on the slow drag. It is a quarter to noon, which is when I get a little break of stuff (and net access for 30 minutes) and then wait until 1 for things to be stressful again. At least then I only have like an hour and a half. Hopefully the day speeds up.

I think I was supposed to go to my parent’s house tonight, but I don’t see it happening. I have other things at home I need to do. I have not talked to them about it. Maybe I should email my mom.

Hair!

8-26-09

We are trying to sign Bobby up for AYSO.

My dad asked me yesterday, as Bobby kicked around a ball in their driveway, if we were going to sign him up as we had considered. I told him that due to expense, I had not planned on it this year. My dad, without missing a beat, says, “We’ll pay for it!” I was shocked at the generosity. How could I say no? Especially since Bobby seemed excited at the whole thing. So am I. I filled out the paperwork for him to play in my old region and I am picking up a check from my folks tonight. The only hitch is that it may be too late for this season. Apparently they start taking sign ups as early as May, so I have an email in to the head of the region to see if there is a team out there for him.

It will be a lot of chaos with things like practice once or twice a week, and maybe one or two games a weekend. It isn’t a huge deal since we will just make do (let’s face it, I have not even begun to have chaos with the kids.). I am anxious to see him in his little uniform. So cute!

Of course, I am also setting myself up for more cracks about his hair. Look, I know that there are people that will say I should cut Bobby’s hair. The problem? I love his hair. I would be ok with it shorter if only to keep it from being tangled. He was interested in the whole Mohawk thing, until we explained that it does mean we would have to shave part of his head. He was not ok with this. Turns out, he likes his hair long, too.

A friend of my parents, who bowls with my dad, approached us on Sunday before bowling. She started lecturing us on Bobby’s hair. I have come to recognize starting the second my stick said I was knocked up that every person in this world would feel the need to tell me how to raise my kid, despite not being asked for advice. I endured belly rubs from strangers, raised eyebrows as I fed my kid in public, and politely listened to random folks telling me the dos and don’ts of kids. I ignore most of it, which is tough for me, I have to say. I don’t take kindly to people butting in. I draw the line at certain things, though.

Offering me a tip on a way to help a kid with something is fine. Us moms do need to stick together. We are in the trenches and some of us do see things that other moms may have not had to deal with yet. I get that. I have even come away with some amazing gems. Why do you think I still read both parenting magazines cover to cover, and still hunt online for more info?

What irks me is when other people think that it is their job to parent me. This woman spoke to me as if I had come home past curfew and smelled of booze. It was condescending and downright rude. I tuned out, but mostly out of respect for my dad. I knew that it would be bad to bitch out this woman in front of all of his bowling buddies.

And it wasn’t even like she was yelling at me for say, smoking in front of my kid. Or perhaps she was intervening because I had hit my kid. No, this assault was based purely on the fact that my 4 year old son has long hair.

Are you fucking kidding me?

I have heard the arguments, people. Sure, he may look like a girl (he is quite pretty, so even without the hair I think there could be confusion). Even my mom thinks this could be a problem in school. Our counter has basically been, it is his hair, he can cut it when he wants. This doesn’t sit well with my dad.

He thinks the statement of it being up to Bobby makes no sense being that he is 4 and we are his parents, so we have control. Sure, this is true. We decide when he goes to bed, we decide what he eats, and mostly what he wears in terms of what he has to choose from. How damaging is it to let him wear his hair however he wants? Is it really going to break him?

It isn’t like he doesn’t have his own influences, by the way. His best friends at preschool (On a side note, I used to be unhappy with Kenny as his friend with his negative influence, but the new kid, Liam, I don’t know about him yet.) both sport either a Mohawk or a shaved head. He could easily come home, tell me he wants hair like them. I would then put him in the car, drive down to Supercuts and hand the nice people $20, hold back my tears, and voila, I would have a bald kid. But his friends don’t seem to care that their friend has long hair. So Bobby doesn’t feel pressure to cut it.

Trust me, he will want to cut it at some point. And honestly, there are times when I have considered cutting it short just to make things easier. But now if I do, it will look as though I buckled to pressure. The rebel in me won’t have that. Hell, even if the rest of the world told me they didn’t care, and only my dad was pressuring me, I wouldn’t cut it just to irk him. Don’t get me wrong. I love my dad to death, but sometimes his old fashioned sticks out like a sore thumb, and that teenage desire to do the exact opposite of the old man comes out in force.

My mom never teases or harasses me about it. I don’t think she likes it long, but she knows that it is my decision, and she knows I am a good mom. She worries about school, but she has only mentioned it maybe once or twice, and then let it go. Perhaps she understands on the level of a mom that this is irritating.

It is a shame that Dax doesn’t have Bobby’s hair since I am pretty sure Dax would handle the bitching out of people for me, and get away with it. Some lady, who was butting in, pissed off Dax to no end at Costco. Dax saw her sitting at a table, eating, and says to me, “Who’s dat guy?” I explained it was a lady who was taking a break from shopping. In the middle of my explanation, this lady butts in and says, “I know who you are! You are Jack! I heard your mum call you that.” Dax was pissed.

“I not Jack!! I am Dax!” he declared with total disgust. I laughed, and I assumed that was it. Nope. The lady was insistent. She told him 2 more times he was Jack, to which Dax yelled at her some more. I tried to tell her that he was in fact correct, but she wasn’t listening. I am pretty sure she then referred to Bobby as his sister, and really, I should have walked away at that point. Luckily, the crazy lady stopped interacting with my obviously annoyed 3 year old.

I guess the problem I have is that even though I have a crappy self esteem, constantly worrying that I am not a good enough mother to these boys, there also is a sense of pride when I get tons of compliments on how good my kids are. People have told me I am a good mom, so I have been able to mostly keep the fear of child services out of my head. So when these people start criticizing (and not even worthy criticism) I start to second guess myself. This of course leads to me being pissed, which then leads to all out anger at anybody who approaches me about my kids, even if it is for a nice thing. I get all Mama Bear on the world, and I want to protect them as best as possible from raging idiots. Of course, I also explain to the boys that a good chunk of the general populous is dumb as rocks, but let’s face it, they don’t understand the magnitude of this just yet.

In other news, it has been eerily quiet around work. The layoffs are scheduled for tomorrow, which is like this horrible dark cloud hanging over us. Despite having been told I am more than likely not on the chopping block, I won’t feel ok until I clock out on Friday. Tammy seems rather ok with everything. I think it may be just both of us not talking about it. Not sure.

Damn. The region manger for AYSO emailed me back. Apparently they are in fact full for under 6. If I turn in the paperwork today, though, I can get him on a waiting list. If he doesn’t get placed by September, they send back the check. I might as well send it in and see if that works. Worst case scenario, we do it next year.

It is going to be a long day. Tammy is leaving at lunch, so I will really be bored.

I think I will be taking the kittens to the shelter this afternoon. I want them to get checked in and adopted out quickly, so getting them settled before the weekend crowds is best. I will be sad that they might be nervous and scared, but I think they will be ok. I am going to get the AYSO check today, and tomorrow I am going to my parents since they are busy on Friday. I suppose I can take them Friday. We will see.

Ok, that isn’t bad. Apparently there are only 2 kids on the waiting list. So he may have a shot! YAY!!!!

The forest fires have even made our warehouse smell like it is on fire. Crazy!!

The good news is that it looks like I am not pregnant. I appear to be spotty, which is appropriate for this time frame. It also explains the ick I had yesterday. It is my version of cramping. My IUD does seem to rock, though. It has been in for I think just shy of a year with no complications. I have not had to use a condom since, and it appears that my periods will in fact me nothing.

Tammy is not happy. I can tell in her body language. The boss just called (Because clearly he doesn’t think we can handle the day without him. And if this is the case, why take the day off?????) and when it was her turn to talk to him, she was visibly annoyed. I tried to lighten the mood. He asked me if anything exciting was going on, so I told him Los Angeles forest was on fire. I don’t think he knew what to do with this. Normally, I could joke about his dumbness with Tammy after said exchange, but I got the impression this was not wise today. I don’t blame her. I don’t know what to do for her right now.

Seriously. I am bored. If I am reading about the swine flu, then I clearly need to get out.

I am also falling asleep, which is not good.

I have a busy afternoon if I am going to get a check and then get home to cook dinner. I might not go back on Thursday. Maybe I will let my parents come to us and I can clean house a bit, and set up the kitten area so Bobby can play with them before they go away.

Ok, I am tired. I must have been dozing off with my eyes open (a cool trick at work) and in the monitor reflection I could swear I saw this little fuzzy muppet guy chewing on his rainbow socks. He is gone now, which kind of bums me out. He was funny.

Sadness all over

8-24-09

My back hurts again. I need to do some stretches in general. I think that will help. What probably did not help, well, ok, not complaining really, nor do I think I will continue with that thought.

I have been up since 3. Apparently Monarch thought it would be ok to go into Dax’s room, knock over his lamp, and then leave, scaring the crap out of Dax. I heard him yell out, and Ken didn’t budge, so I got up. I got him some milk and crawled back into bed hoping that he would at least give me my last hour. Not so much. He yelled out again, looking for more milk around 10 till 4. I got up at that point, recognizing there was no point in getting comfy for 20 minutes, which would have only resulted in me finally drifting off 2 minutes before the alarm yelled at me. It worked out ok as it gave me a chance to shave my legs.

I also had a little more time to catch up on Facebook activities since last night my grand plan had been to go to bed early. In all fairness, at 8:20, we had shut down the house and were in the process of bedtime. Ken had to go read to Bobby still (I never did ask why he didn’t read it when he was in there before), so we agreed to meet in bed in a bit. I ended up needing to go in and sing to Dax for a while as he said his leg hurt. Not sure if it hurts or itches, or what the deal is. He is walking on it a bit, which I seem to recall the doc saying he should not, despite the bend in the cast. But he only complains when he goes to bed, so I think he may be complaining about bedtime with complaints he knows gets attention. I still worry it is not just in his head, but either way, the singing helped him settle.

We got into bed, and it still wasn’t even 9, so we were doing ok. Of course, Bobby came out crying because apparently he wanted one of the cats to sleep with him. No one wanted to take that hit. Ken told Bobby this, but then also handed him the flashlight to go ask the cats himself. We heard him walk through the house, then come back, hand over the flashlight, and went into his bedroom. Ken went to tuck him in.

Ok, 5 till 9, we are still not late. It is almost normal bedtime, but at least it isn’t late. Dax cries again. Bobby coughs a bunch. Bobby’s coughing prompted us to stop our activities and Ken went to check on him. He was facing the wall, with his hands over his head. He rolls over to look at Ken who asks him if he is ok. Bobby tells him that he put his hands over his head and is fine. This stems from pool activities. Whenever he would choke on some water, I would have him stand up tall, hands over his head as it helps you breathe better compared to bending over. I remember this from my soccer days. So I always tell them in the pool if they get water in the wrong pipe, to put their hands over their head. It was nice to hear Bobby actually listened to my advice.

Ken came back to bed, and as I mentioned before, not complaining, but I didn’t get to sleep until 10. Oh well, at least I tried.

My weekend was pretty uneventful. Played in the pool, yard, and with kittens. Ken and I watched The Big Lebowski and Ocean’s 11 (the original). I know, random, but both were interesting and mostly good. It was cool to see such legends in the Ocean’s movie. I prefer the newer one, but mostly just due to pacing. The first was a bit slow, and I think that some of the musical numbers didn’t help. I loved seeing Shirley Mclaine looking stunning. I am pretty sure Frank Sinatra isn’t the best part of the movie. Dean Martin, though, new crush I think for me.

Crap.

I talked to my source this morning. I am not on the chopping block. At all. But, we are getting hit hard on Thursday. 160 people. This includes some really wonderful people. People who I enjoy working with and am shocked they are getting rid of them. But the worst is, I know who is going in this department.

The dilemma is that I don’t know if I should tell her. I know I would like to know, but I don’t know if she would. I think I need to tell her, though. I think it is the right thing to do. I am sure she won’t tell anyone that I told her or anything like that, but I just hate for her to get hit. I swear, I only seem to get close to the ones they let go. Every freaking time. No joke. It started with Kitty. Then Hope, and Penelope, now…it sounds like it is Tammy.

I want to cry.

Tammy has been one of the best influences on my life, ever. She is kind, she is funny, and even though we don’t believe in the same things, she has given me so much to think about and reflect upon and she just has really, I think, made me a better person. Don’t worry, I plan on telling her all of this. She has encouraged me to be who I am. She has been a huge supporter of my writing, and as corny as this sounds, my soul. She truly believes I am good, and seriously, it freaks me out that this is some kind of punishment to me to fire her so I feel guilty for ever mocking her religion. The solace I take is that really, she is ok with it. And actually, because I know she has deep faith that God has a plan for her, I truly believe that her plan is actually taking her to doing the programs and brochures she and her sister do now, and she has been loving doing for a while. She has said they have considered doing this full time, and they would make ok money at it. I don’t know if it is the path, but I hope that whatever the path, she does fantastic.

I am so upset.

Ok, I just told her. She is my friend and dammit, I can’t not let her know. I texted her from the bathroom and told her to meet me there and I told her. I started crying first. I know, I am so freaking lame. But it is just wrong. So fucking wrong. Why her??? Why her of all people. There is a person in my dept that no joke, complains about being bored because she has no work. There is another person who doesn’t do any work, ever!! Why Tammy??????????

She hugged me, and we cried a bit. We cleaned up to make sure to not being suspicion to the whole thing. She just went home, she couldn’t deal with this right now. I have never felt worse. She is coming in tomorrow, and we can talk then, but man, this is horrible. She told me she was glad I told her, so that makes me feel a teeny bit better. I guess it is better to hear from your friend than the boss.

I am glad I have a job (unless something changes) through the end of the year, but I can tell you, my work days will not be the same without her.

I have to get off this topic.

I didn’t get off the topic. I opted to write her a letter. Seems appropriate since she was always a huge fan of my writing and I wanted to give her something to take away from here.

I just took some Tylenol. Hopefully that will help the headache I have. I am pretty sure it will not help the heart ache.

Ok, off topic, off topic….


It looks like we are driving up to the Brenan Compound for Labor Day Weekend. Should be cool since it is 3 days. We have not been up since I think Feb. I know we just saw them, but we should see them more often. This is a good weekend since Ken has not started work yet, and the boys have that Monday off. I am even considering taking off that Friday. We will see. I can always call out sick. Don’t know yet. We are taking the new van, which should be nice. Super comfy. Lycos will have lots of room. The trip home will be long due to traffic, but we will all manage. We always do.

I am wearing an all purple dress. So unlike me! I was told I was pulling it off, but I still am nervous being that it is out of my comfort zone. But if I look ok, then yay me.

Tammy just texted me to tell me she is ok, just needed to regroup. I don’t blame her. I would have gone home, too. She thanked me for telling her. I hate that she is having to comfort me on this. I am a lousy friend.

I got some Sally Hansen nail strengthener at Target. It isn’t the stuff I want to get, but I figured this was a cheap way to start the process. My thumb nails, the right on in particular, is splitting down the center and is all thrashed. I pick at the cuticles, which has probably destroyed my nails. I blame my stress levels. I pick when I am really stressed. This week will be rough. But I figure if I go crazy on the polish and lotion, I am less likely to mess with my fingers when it comes to picking.

We washed the cars this weekend with these new Mr Clean contraptions Ken got on Woot. Kind of cool little things, really. Not sure I like the window cleaning aspect, but my dad had given me this other stuff, so I may do the windows with that. In actuality, what really doomed the wash job was how hot it was out. I think some of the soap may have dried onto the glass. We also took out some more of the stuff in the PT. I had bags of toys, trash, and other already in there, so it was just a matter of getting them out. I put some of the organizational bucket stuff from there into my current car. So now my car is clean, and super organized, which I am quite proud of. I need to still get a better CD holder book, which we have plenty of. I just need to dig one out.

We need to find the warranty paperwork on the PT and decide if the repairs are covered. If so, we need to get it fixed. If not, we should look into what we will do with it. I wonder how much we can get for it.

I don’t think the magnitude of just how many people are being let go has hit me yet. Good, kind, hard working people. My understanding so far is that we are reducing the company down to how we used to be many, many years ago. We will concentrate more on distribution, not so much on manufacturing. There is even talk of us moving from the building I am in, to go over to the other building across the parking lot. Not a big deal to move to the other building, but it sounds like this may not happen. I will be curious if I will get to be here during these growing pains and if perhaps when we get to the light at the other end of the tunnel, if I will be one of those folks left who has been here forever.

Pretty sure I can’t take the boys to the X-Games, ever. Truly, it is just a matter of time before they get into that and I will be knee deep in emergency room visits for various breaks and injuries. If I have a heart attack in the next 20 years, I am pretty sure this will be why. Sure, the fat and other will help, but even if I was healthy, these boys will be the death of me with their stunts.

If Tammy is no longer here, I think I will start coming in closer to 6 and maybe starting next week I will ride the exercise bike again.

Dammit! There is some guy on TMZ whose name is Dax. He is fine, but I hate that two prominent folks in the world with my kid’s name.

We are going to Costco this evening. Might as well do it when we have some money.

I was quite proud of our dinner last night. Ralph’s seems to often have these whole chickens that are on sale. So we pick up a couple and make stuffing and put it all together for roasting for a couple hours. We have done this twice now, and both times, the chicken was so juicy! Yay us!

I am working pretty hard now, just trying to keep my mind off of stuff. I am starting to get sleepy, which is not fun since that makes the whole day drag even more. I am considering getting a box and taking some of my stuff home. Not a lot, just a few items here and there. I actually have a can of “spaz juice” which is a Happy Bunny product. I have had this for years. Truly, I don’t need it. I may just throw it out. I have a couple other items that really, I don’t need. So I may start chucking stuff just to make my desk more neat.

Of course, there is always still the possibility that I am getting let go on Thursday as well, so cleaning my desk may be more like cleaning out.

At noon, I will be the only person on my side of the department. It is going to be lonely and quiet over here.

It is that time of year again when I need to start considering everything from Halloween costumes to where we are spending the holidays. There is tentative plans for the Thanksgiving holiday to be spent at Legoland with Ken’s family. Don’t know any details as of yet (hopefully we will pin something down if we go up). If this is the case, Christmas will be spent at home. I do love the idea of doing Christmas just the four of us in the morning again. It feels so cozy. I like the big hoopla, too, but I think they need to be a smidge older for it to enjoy it more. Let’s face it, Christmas morning is early, not late in my head, and truly, most little kids would agree with me. And really, since Christmas is a Friday, we can always head up there that night, with Ken and I being up all night and then letting the Brenans hang out with the boys while we nap. I always end up taking off that whole week after, so I think I will make that my plan again. I get like 2 floats, so really, I am only using like one vacation day that week, so I think that is doable.

Boy, I really am trying to keep my mind off of stuff if I am bullshitting about holiday schedules in August!!

The boss is out the next two days. Apparently one day is a seminar, the next is vacation. Seems kind of tacky to be out when people are being laid off. He will be here on the day that it has been rumored that it will happen. I am glad he is gone, though. Just means that it will be quiet for my reports.

Dangit! Ken just called and thought he could come and get me for a bit to go for some ice cream. I am covering 2 people at this point, though, so really, getting out is not much of an option. Dang!

I am so happy for Friday!

8-21-09

I don’t like the pet store where we were going to display the kittens. When Ken first told me they would display them, I assumed they would be in some kind of giant box that had the FREE KITTENS sign above them and kittens would find homes. Awesome! Not so much, though. Turns out, not only do the kittens need to be at least 8 weeks old (getting past the point of maximum cuteness for adoption purposes if you ask me), they also have to be spayed/neutered, and have their first set of vaccinations. Look, I love my kittens, but I love my family more and that is a lot of money to shell out for that. Plus, the shelter will do all of that for the kittens, and will still display them in a nice place where people won’t be impulse shopping. They will be looking for an animal. Ken told me it was up to me on when we take them since he pointed out I am way more attached. I hate being in charge on this, but I am also grateful he isn’t forcing me into anything that I am not comfortable with. For now, the plan is one more week as the kitten pimp and then we need to start looking into getting them shelter bound so they can get adopted out while they are still little.

I managed to do the cleaning thing yesterday, even if it took place later than planned. When I got home, we actually headed straight to the pet shop, so when we got home, it was almost time to get the boys. We spent the afternoon playing and making pancakes and around 5:30, Ken was online, the boys were playing with Thomas (along with watching it intently) and I was sitting in my chair, trying desperately not to fall asleep. So I decided to take a stand. Ok, not a stand so much as I stood up. I then declared it was time to clean up. So I enlisted the boys’ help and we cleaned their rooms and the living room. It didn’t take too long. They were both quite helpful. Then we got ready for bed. It was perfect!

Of course, what was not perfect was my hurt toe being stepped on by Dax’s cast.

I am still tired this morning. I think I slept better, but truly, I just don’t get enough sleep. I am happy that I will at least get a couple more hours of sleep tomorrow.

Tonight I am taking the boys to my folk’s and then picking up Ken from home and heading to the grocery store. Hopefully all of that goes ok. I am not sure I am up for craziness.

I just trimmed a chunk of bangs. I hope that wasn’t a mistake.

We noted HR was back in town today, which means they are back from the layoff tour of the country. Kind of scary. I don’t think they are doing a performance here today, but you never know. They may just want to get it all over with.

I just put my hair up and I have to say, it looks rockin.

The day is dragging already. Probably because I am not doing anything useful

Ok, started working a bit. Day still dragging.

On an up note, though, we caught Mom cat again! YAY! Ken calls me just now and says all creepy like that he went to check on the kitties and that he thought we caught a possum, but his story was just to freak me out. Sigh. Luckily, the end was that we had mama back. So he is calling to get her an appt to get her spayed so we can drop her off at the farm. Woo!

Jenni just sent me pics of her and Dan. YAY! I love seeing her so happy. It is one of the things that makes me happy, when I see my friends so pleased with something. Jenni actually is glowing she is so happy. YAY!!!

I love my new shoes, but they squeak. It drives me crazy! It is one thing when shoes click, but these creak and squeak. So lame. I am hoping that once I wear them a few times they will do better. I have worn them all of twice, once last Friday and then today (I have fallen deeply in love with the other pair I got and I have been wearing them more). So let’s hope they get better.

bittersweet

8-20-09

Grumpy has a home!!

My coworker’s daughter who has been talking about getting a cat for a while decided on one of our brood. So Grumpy is at my desk right now, waiting on them to get in so he can go to his new home. I am sure I will get teary, but I will try to keep it together. It will be difficult, especially considering how tired I am.

Ken has a big meeting today with Hermosa School district, which caused him I am sure the insomnia he was suffering from last night. It was odd. At 10:30, I woke up because I had to pee, and Ken was snoring, which meant he was asleep. It was shocking since this was pretty early. I was jazzed. Then between 1:30 and 2, he was tossing and turning, and next thing I know, Star Trek was on. And M*A*S*H, and who knows what else. I think they were turned off around 3:30 or so. All I know is despite my best efforts, my sleep was not restful. I listened to most of the episode, I tried very hard to just put it out of my head. But my own sleep issues from the last couple days took over, and not even the Vicodin I had was going to keep me knocked out. I am ok for now, mostly since I am a morning person. But I know I will hit a wall in a couple hours.

I may be hitting up the vending machine for soda all morning.

Bobby was whining about something last night and wanted something he was not allowed to have. So I say to him in the middle of his sob fest, “Sucks to be you, don’t it?” to which he stopped crying and instantly starts laughing. He looks at me and says, “I’m not a donut, mom!” LOL!!! He then proceeds to go tell Dax, “Hey, Dax. Mom thinks I am a donut.” This was greeted with hysterical laughter. I love it when my kids are funny.

It has been determined I am surrogate mommy to these kittens. We had them in the outside pen so they could do their turbo kitty runs. I went in to make dinner, and the boys were playing outside, so they were doing their own thing. I would check on them from time to time. They would all run up to the side, meowing their cute little mews and would want me to come in. So after I ate, and Ken and the boys were still inside eating, I went outside to check on them again. I went in the pen, and I was promptly tackled by 7 kittens. I ended up lying on my stomach, and they all sat on me. They were so excited, I wondered if they would have rather had me lie on my side in order for them to nurse! So 4 of them curled up in a pile on my back, and the other three curled up in my arms, and next thing I knew, I had 7 sleeping kitties on me. Crap! It was super cute, but I couldn’t move. I tried calling for Ken, but being that I was in the middle of this pen, and Ken was all the way inside, and I didn’t want to yell too loud, it took a good 10 minutes before he heard me. I yelled one last time, deciding that if he didn’t come, I would just go to sleep myself. Luckily Ken heard me and laughed. He then got the kitty bucket to be able to scoop them all up and let them sleep in their cage for a bit.

I have a raging headache. I am assuming it is from lack of sleep. I suppose I should find some pain killers.

Grumpy is playing on my desk, which is super cute. It is good I don’t have a kitten on my desk every day since I would get nothing done.

It was a little hard giving him up. I just took him out to his new mommy. He had just been sitting curled up in my arms, purring and licking my hand when my co worker arrived. He started shivering when I handed him over. I know he will be fine, but let’s face it, I don’t know this woman. I know I love the kitties, but will she love him as much as I want her to? I don’t know, but I really can’t get too crazy about it. People have been cat parents for years and cats clearly have thrived. So I just have to be ok with it.

If another person tells me to “rush” on something, I am going to kick them in the fucking head. I do things 10 times faster than anyone else and for anyone to treat me like I am doing something slow, well, let’s just say I am taking my time on this request just for this reason.

Andy has decided against taking any of the kittens, which blows. But I refuse to be discouraged. I will find as many homes as I can before they go to the pet store/shelter.

Actually, the fact that my coworker indicated the spread was a rush was not what annoyed me most. What annoyed me was that she was giving me this whole explanation on what took place that resulted in the transaction. I could give a fuck. Seriously. It doesn’t matter to me why she wants things applied. I am not the manager. All I do on these is apply things together and create a new doc for the remaining balance. Not a big deal. So then she also has to go on and on about how she had to go to the boss, and blah, blah, blah. So I mentioned she didn’t need to on this, and she actually had the gall to get snippy with me. What the fuck?? I didn’t ask for the back story, and when I offer advice for next time, she bites my head off. Look, lady, don’t whine about something that is avoidable. Or, preface the interaction with, this is just a vent session, I am not looking for solutions. Sheesh!

Tammy got Dax (and Bobby technically) a fish tank! This is awesome since we had considered getting some fish as the next progression of animal in their life. We need to go pick out fish (Tammy is insistent I bring her the receipt for them so she can pay me back) so they will each get to get one (the tank probably only supports 1 or 2, and I think I will get them one of the swimming frogs, too) and we can put it in Dax’s room so he has the fish, and Bobby has Leonard. Very exciting!

Dax seems to think it is bad to make a mess. Or do things wrong, for that matter. He is the master of the bold face lie. When he spills milk, he starts yelling, “I didn’t make a mess!” He gets more upset when you call him on it and it is like he really is just closing his eyes and pretending it doesn’t exist. He does the same thing when he has an accident with pee or poo (which I am happy to report is not often at all). It is so odd. Makes me of course wonder if he is getting in trouble for messes at Maria’s.

How does my hair already have grays again?? Probably because they are just destined to be there. I dyed my hair 3 weeks ago, so I have to wait at least another 3 before I can do it again. Conner thought that perhaps I could pull off blue hair. As much as that sounds like fun, I don’t know that my work would be as thrilled with it. Although, then again, I don’t know how they would feel about it. They don’t seem to care about most things. But maybe in 3 weeks I will play with some kind of lowlights or something with the red instead of all over color.

I feel the need to complete a project or something. I think when I get home from work I will clean one of the boys’ rooms, or maybe even both. I just feel so disconnected from the house right now. Not just the house, but everything. I suppose it has been rather hectic this month. Maybe this evening I need to make a point of sitting down to dinner with the family. We all eat around the same time, but maybe I need to have us all really sit at the same table. I shouldn’t plan on doing too many changes all at once. Let’s aim for the rooms, then go from there.

The tired is creeping back into my eyes. Grumpy I think was what was keeping me awake. I may need to go nap in the bathroom again.

Thank goodness. I had this piece of hair in my eye that I couldn’t locate and it was driving my eye nuts. I just found it and was able to remove it. Pheww. It is a amazing how much better it feels.

I want a soda

8-19-09

It is yet another no boss day. He is taking vacation, which I think is code for, I need to go home and figure out who in this department needs to be let go. Sources now tell me that the layoff here will take place next week. Not sure which day as it sounds like it will be over the course of the week. It means I don’t have to worry about packing up this week, but I do need to be aware of my inventory for next week. Clearly I was feeling cocky if I brought in my new radio. On the plus side, by all accounts, this wave of layoffs is it for the rest of the year. Of course, things change.

One of our cats is angry with us. I am guessing Monarch as what took place is so his style. While we were gone in Colorado, someone peed in my box of ding dongs. Then yesterday, someone peed on my counter. Both were times in which Monarch in particular was angry at my actions, the first being I was gone for a chunk of time, and the second being I have been playing with kittens smaller than his head. He is a very possessive kitty. Mind you, Ittles might have done it too, but although she has been know to crap outside the box when it isn’t clean enough for her standards, she tends to keep her statements in check. Monarch, when we first had him, managed to pee on several Dax related items, and it all seemed out of jealousy of my time spent with the baby. Never you mind that Monarch came AFTER the baby. His feeling is, he is number one. This morning, he practically showered with me because he was so desperate for attention. Tonight I may need to just sit and pet him on my lap for a while.

The kittens are well. They ran around in the pen last night at a million miles an hour, which is great fun to watch. They were so healthy looking, and happy, and it warms my heart to know they will make excellent kitties for someone. I think today we will go down to the pet shop to make arrangements to have them displayed in their store. We will let them be there for 2 weeks, and then we will take them to Pedro, where we will monitor their progress. This afternoon, we also need to call Andy to see who he is taking. Especially critical since we may have dubbed the wrong one Hogarth! It may actually be Happy, whom I am particularly fond of. I am ok with this, as she would be an excellent addition to their household.

We ended up going to Denny’s with my folks last night for Dax’s birthday. Bobby opted to not eat, but he was out of sorts from the start. My parents had bought booster seats so that the boys could ride in their car if they wanted to. Bobby, who is suffering from a bout of abandonment issues (and a severe case of Mommy-Centric) freaked out despite having been excited about going with Grandma to Denny’s (where we would meet them). He ended up going with us after all. When we were there, before the meal even came, he started sobbing saying he didn’t feel well. I rushed him to the bathroom where he peed for gallons of urine. I am concerned that he doesn’t go pee more. Sure, some of it is he is just too busy, but when he doesn’t pee, he feels sick since he has let it go too long.

On the way back to my parent’s house, I told Bobby I would ride with him in Grandma’s car, hoping this would help ease his anxiety. He was a little nervous getting in, and then I pulled a Gena. I went to step in the van and slipped a bit and managed to bang my toe, and then scraped off a chunk of skin off of said toe. It wasn’t like I could scream out since Bobby was already freaking out. So I had to suck it up and not yell, curse, or even cry. It had that super white look for a moment before it decided to bleed. It wasn’t pouring out blood, so this was good. But it did hurt like hell. Only me, right?

Of course, my efforts to cheer my oldest son resulted in my youngest being all out of sorts the 4 mile drive back to my parent’s house. He was sure I had left him, also. I know, he was with Ken and Matt, but apparently they are not enough these days. He also is suffering from Mommy-Centric and just doesn’t know how to handle my absence. They both caught this when I was with them for a week and change when we were on vacation. They saw me every morning for 9 days. Then I was there for 3 days in a row, and they were sure that at any point they needed me, I was there. Ken says every morning they ask for me. I am flattered, I really am, but it is tough to have them both hanging on to my arm at the same time. Monday, I walked them across with Ken. Normally in that situation, one of them would hold my hand, and the other would hold Ken’s. Since Dax has to be carried, he asked me to do it, so I assumed Bobby would walk with Ken. Nope. He wanted to only hold my hand. So poor Ken just walked across with Dax’s backpack, while I walked with both kids. I know this will pass, as it has in the past, and I will be bitter when it turns into a case of Daddy-Centric, but I can safely say it is not easy being the center of attention.

Dax got some fun presents. Matt got him a remote control train, which Bobby actually played with since Dax was distracted the Bumblebee guy my folks go him. They also got him some playmobile (which he has not touched yet, but was jazzed about, so I will have to bust it out maybe at bowling) and we got him the talking Bolt (he was thankfully quite please with him, even though he already has the soft one. He had them both in bed, so this is good). He is still obsessed with the train set Sabrina and Stephanie got him, and requesting to watch the Thomas DVD daily, so this is cool. Bobby was clearly a little unsure of how to deal with Dax getting all the attention, especially so close to him getting so much attention with his leg. I think that this weekend, maybe on a Target run, I will take just Bobby with me so he can get some quality one on one time. Or maybe I can have Ken keep him tomorrow or something and take him to McDonald’s since Dax can’t really go.

As if my toe injury isn’t enough, I also seem to have bruised myself without even realizing it! I took off my bra yesterday and my boob screamed at me. I started feeling around to see if I could find the source of the pain, thinking perhaps I had some kind of injury. There is a bruise on the underside of my left breast that I have no idea where it came from. It isn’t like it is unbearable, but what the hell?? How do I manage to do that?

I am losing interest on the FarmTown game. Really, I am losing interest on most of the games at this point. Too much upkeep with little payout. I do like the chatting aspect of the game, but the last couple nights I really have not even been on at night since I have been so tired. I started FarmVille, too, because clearly the answer to feeling overwhelmed with the games I am playing is to add yet another responsibility. I may have to drop some of them in order to not feel like the only thing I do on FaceBook is these crazy games.

I am sleepy, and having a hard time keeping focused. I have considered bailing early today (what and miss a no boss day??) so I can go and clean house or maybe even nap, but I think that for now I will just struggle a bit. And let me tell you, it is quite the struggle!

Oh no!! So the kitten known as Happy, and now really should be Hogarth, is truly the pick of the litter. I want her, Andy wants her, and of course, my coworker’s daughter now wants her. I have 6 other kitties that would like homes, and who are all sweeties, too. I would rather Andy take her, so I have already told my co-worker she is taken. But I am trying to convince her to think about Doc. Similar cuteness, so perhaps that will work out. I am willing to bring the kittens to work one day so people can see then and fall in love.

My Wiki readings for the day have concentrated on early 30’s Hollywood. Strange, really, but it started with looking up info on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Man, what I wouldn’t give to be able to do my time travel wishes and go back to watch the party where Roscoe Arbuckle was when that woman died. Or just to see how they all interacted with one another. So freaking cool.

My fantastic weekend

8-18-09

Happy birthday my baby boy!! I guess you are not a baby anymore. You are 3!! When did this happen???

What a weekend!!

Friday night, we headed out to see Up with Stephanie and Sabrina. The movie was so great. The little short before may also be my new favorite Pixar short. I cried like a baby through a lot of the film. So freaking good. Sabrina was a little spooked. Not sure if it was sadness (it was a very dark and sad movie) or just scared. Probably didn’t help I was crying. Dax was crazy. He had fun, and enjoyed himself. I guess Bobby was fine, but he was on the other side of Sabrina, so I didn’t interact with him during the movie.

Saturday was kitten day! The brood of 7 were washed up and then we got to play with them. The boys loved them. We had them in one of the kiddie pools (they graduated to a better play facility later) and we did out kitten social hours maybe 3 or 4 times in the day. It was great. By the end of yesterday, they were actually running up to us, calling out to us, eating kibble and just being so freaking cute it hurts. We named them after the 7 dwarves, less one who was Hogarth because Andy said the one reminded him of Hogarth and they were planning on adoption of this one. Turns out, the one I dubbed Happy (my favorite) is actually Hogarth, so who knows. Not sure who they are adopting, or if maybe they will take 2! LOL!

If I could, I would keep one (Happy is my choice) for Bobby. She would be ideal, too. Super needy, and sweet, and would fit well in our mix. Ken doesn’t seem swayed at all, so I am not really pushing the issue.

Our luck continues, though. Friday night, we managed to trap Mom Cat and she nursed the babies through Saturday. We had to separate them since she is uber feral and it would be hard to get kittens each time. We have a home for Mom so I think this week we will get her spayed and then drop her off at her new farm. Also, the pet shop Ken found the mom home said they would be more than willing to display the kittens in their shop for adoption. YAY! Then, if they can’t adopt them out in a week or so, we will take them to the shelter where they adopt out quickly. We will keep tabs on them, and will take them home if they run out of time. It will be an intensive couple weeks, but I think it will be good and I just know they will all have homes before we know it.

Sunday night, I went to see Depeche Mode with Conner. The concert was great. They sounded awesome, and I loved hearing all the old songs they played. I only didn’t know one song, and it was I think one of their new ones. When they played Somebody, I actually cried.

As for my evening surrounding the concert, it was an adventure. Poor Bobby lost it when I left, so I had him wear my heart necklace so he knew he had my heart no matter where I was. Ken said he was quite happy with it after he calmed down. So this was good.

I met Conner at his place and we headed out for dinner with his girlfriend, Nadja. She is just lovely. Super sweet, very pretty. I liked her a lot, which is a odd for me when it comes to Conner’s girlfriends. The only problem? I swear, the three of us often seemed at a loss for things to talk about. I tried, and we managed ok. But things got odd when we were talking about my Colorado trip and I tried to mention briefly about Dax’s broken leg. I knew Conner would not care, nor would he want to talk extensively about it. But she seemed genuinely interested in how it happened and more about Dax. It was hard. I should have just not worried what Conner thought, but I was his guest and I felt I didn’t want to insult him. It was tough. Especially after he said the reason they never see Aaron anymore is because they went off and had a kid. I was a little bitter, and I did snip once, but I kept myself in check. Let’s face it, despite knowing that Conner will always be in my life, he isn’t someone I see that often, so the once a year we get together, I can be nice.

Nadja didn’t go to the show with us. Teaa and Scott did, other people I had not met before. Super nice, but we were not in the best setting for talking. The three of them were not even really looking forward to the show. They are not concert folk, I guess, but luckily they did have a good time. They sat a good deal of the show. I didn’t let them get me down, and I enjoyed the whole show. Lots of fun.

The biggest thing I noticed was that I really, really, missed Ken. He would have laughed at things that I cracked up at. Conner, for instance, was not as amused at the freak show in Hollywood. Sure, we both were amused at the Red Cross bloodmobile just outside the vampire convention, but who wouldn’t laugh at that? But I just felt like he wasn’t the true person I should be seeing things with.

What was really funny, and I suppose expected, was that out of all those people, we still bumped into Brandy and Erin! LOL! We were up at the top, them at the bottom, but we saw each other when heading to our respective seats. What are the odds?

I loved watching the freaks so much, I suggested to Ken that Hollywood was the place to go for our adventure on Monday. We had the day off together, and we headed out right after dropping off the boys (Bobby kept it together pretty well considering he hates it when I leave). We had breakfast at this little diner, which apparently was one in which scenes from Million Dollar Baby was filmed. We then walked a lot of the Holly Walk of Fame, seeing all the different stars for folks. I had not done that before. I have seen some, but not a few blocks worth. We were going to see District 9 at the Grauman’s, but ended up going to Madame Tussau’s Wax museum instead. We had so much fun!! The day was awesome, truly awesome.

We got home, where I got online and happened to chat with my old boss from Earthlink for a while. We had just been talking about him, and then he just set up a Facebook account! I learned some info on where people were, and I filled him in on the people I knew. It was kind of somber, especially when talking about one woman we were friends with who had passed a couple years ago, and another couple we knew in which their son died from cancer. In fact, I was directed to her caring bridge site, and I have it ready to read today (I have tissue) and I sent her a note. She even emailed me back! So that was bitter sweet.

The evening was spent with kitten play and some pool time, and I have to say, this was one of the best weekends I have had in forever. It was just fantastic!

I am now super sore. I walked a lot. But I am happy to report, despite all the hiking, my new toe things worked out great, even with all that walking! I was, however, so sore that I couldn’t sleep much, even with the mega pain killer. Tonight I will take more.

After work, we are going to my parent’s house to do cake and presents for Dax. Should be fun and chaotic!

Crap. Big meeting at 9 am. I will keep us informed.

It was just the announcement that layoffs are happening. If I am walking out the door on the 28th with only my purse, it means I am still employed. Apparently it will all be over and done (for this round) by next Friday. Nothing is happening this week, so next week is my sick week. I am freaking out. Of course, for all I know, it is still just one from our dept, and hopefully not me. But it doesn’t mean they have not changed their mind. It was also just announced no more furlough. This is a mixed blessing. It is better to not lose money from not working, but I kind of enjoyed the random days off.

I just finished the blog my old friend, Mo, wrote about her son. Man, that was tough. Their son had cancer for 4 of the 6 years he was alive. It was tough to read, but I feel like from one mom to another, I need to read her journey. I would want someone to read mine. I was pleased to hear that they are doing well (and have another blog which I will check out at lunch) and have a little girl that was born a little over a year after their son died. It is tough to read any of those sort of things without crying.

On the way home yesterday, we stopped by the cemetery and visited Ken’s sister’s grave site. She was still born, and has she survived, Ken would never have been conceived. In fact, her death is the reason that Ken wasn’t named until he got home from the hospital. It was sad to me to see this grave where my sister-in-law was laid to rest. I didn’t know her, and really, only my MIL did. Yet I could feel a connection. I clearly cry to much as it is, and I get too wrapped up in other people’s sadness. I am still sad about Dani’s daughter having not made it to full term. I am sad about Stephanie’s son, who I didn’t even know yet I have happy thoughts for him because knowing his mommy and sister, he would have been awesome. I just can’t imagine losing my child and even reading articles about other people losing theirs, it just kills me. It really does. So I am giving a somber hug to all of my mommies out there.

Clearly, when news of layoffs hit, my fantastic weekend fades away and I become morose.

My day has been stressful so far, but the good news is that Ken changed the appt time for Dax’s appt, so it means it is in 2 weeks in the afternoon so I don’t have to freak about coming in late to work. It also means (if I am still employed) that maybe after the evil shots, we can go by some place he would enjoy for dinner. Poor kid is getting shots and an x-ray in the same week!

Anybody want a kitten?

8-14-09

It doesn’t seem like a good sign to head out to work and as you have made it barely 2 blocks, you notice to your left several police cars. The cops are all out of the car, each one of them with their guns drawn, pointing intently at something you can’t see. Thank goodness the light turned green since I am pretty sure I didn’t want to be part of that morning.

But I am feeling pretty groovy this morning. I hit up the Sketchers sale yesterday and managed to get not one, but two pair of toe thong sandals, both of which seem to be quite comfortable and shockingly cute at the same time. I saw several I liked, but only found two in my size. The first pair I was becoming heartbroken as I was unable to find my size in black. They had plenty in “chocolate” but let’s face it, do I EVER wear brown? Not so much. A security guard (oh, yes, as a strange shopping experience in general, this Sketchers has like 3 guards. It is in almost total lock down. It isn’t in a bad part of town, it just seems to expect the worst) approached me and asked me if I needed help. Clearly he could see I was distraught by the lack of 10 black. I explained this to him, and he was sweet enough to gesture to a sales rep at the front to come over. While the sales rep was preparing to come over, the guard took the time to look through the shoes and sure enough, find my size. I told him he was the best and he says, “anything for a pretty lady”. I asked him if he gets commission cause he deserves it now! Very sweet man.

I found another pair because both were only $20, and the sale was but one, get one half off. YAY! So two pair for $30, which is right up my alley. I hate spending more than $20 on anything, let alone shoes. I did note these other flip flops on the way out that were marked at $5, but I opted to pass for now. I will for sure go back since it had a few decent sales and all the shoes were super comfy.

Last night, Bobby and I went and picked out some cupcakes for tonight. Bobby thought that Dax would like the ones that had the Incredible Hulk (we didn’t really splurge, only hitting up Ralph’s since we had other groceries that needed buying) plus, it had some princess cupcakes in the mix that Sabrina will hopefully like, too. It was an eclectic cupcake mix.

I am unsure if Bobby is staying the night or not at my folk’s. We are still going over there to do cupcakes. Bobby has said he wants to stay all day at Grandma’s, but he also doesn’t want me to leave him, so at this point, I am packing his bag with the assumption he is staying, and let him decide on if this is what he wants to do.

I wonder if changing gum packaging really increases sales.

I seriously would give anything to go back in time to just wander Woodstock. I would love to just kind of fly over like some kind of ghost, not having interactions with anyone, just observing the mood and the feel of the whole thing. Seriously, I don’t know if it would be my finest decision, but living in the 60’s would have been so interesting.

I need a drink. I just spent 45 minutes on the phone with a dingbat.

She was so insistent that the customer was not at fault on this whole mess. Yes, she, the warranty dept and much of inside sales messed up big time on his account, but bottom line, if the customer wants me to do his books for him, he needs to be paying me a check. Especially if he is going to not ever contact me on any of it!!

So as if my morning wasn’t hectic enough, I get a call that there is a litter of 7 kittens in the warehouse that almost got smushed by a forklift. They are about 3 weeks old, dirty, and feisty. Awesome! I got them to my desk and word of the kittens spread. I had all the cat folk coming to my desk, questioning what the plan was for them, and quite honestly, bringing way to much negative “you don’t know what you are doing” type of attitude. Fuck them all. Seriously. I was feeling defeated and sad, especially when some miscommunication with Ken made me think even he felt like I got in over my head. But luckily, I feel rejuvenated and good and am anxious to hopefully catch Mama (Ken is in route with the traps) and get homes for everyone. I will have tales undoubtedly come Tuesday of the weekend spent with the kittens. Until then, I am signing off since my lunch time has finally come!

apparently I am a little long winded today

8-13-09

It was the pee.

Maria had called me yesterday to tell me Dax was doing the pain wiggle again. This time I was prepared with a solution that did not include me rushing home. I told her to put him on the toilet and see if peeing made him feel better. I didn’t hear from her the rest of the day. Ken and I went to get them in the afternoon and Dax was all happy. Maria told us that she had him pee and he was thrilled. Not only did he feel better, he was comfortable enough telling her later that he had to go again! YAY!

More kid success this morning! I needed a coke, so I figured I would just drive through some place on the way to work. It dawned on me that Jack In The Box is supposed to have these Yo Gabba Gabba toys. We stopped at one in Colorado when we first heard, and they were out. We checked one local, and nothing. I figured what did it hurt to give it a try. Not only did they have them, but they had one complete set (including the preschool toy that was a ball) and another almost complete set, just missing Brobee. YAY! So I now just need to find a Brobee, which I am sure I can send Ken out to get over today. Woo hoo!

That was the extent of good kid news, really. Dax was super out of sorts yesterday afternoon because he wanted a Bolie and some milk which I did not give to him as we were heading out to Party City. He was pissed, and was not afraid to let everyone in a 3 block radius know. Luckily, he cheered up after dinner. Plus, the leg bag we got him, even though it is way too long, still did what it needed to do so he got a much needed bath last night.

This afternoon I am trying my shopping luck at the Sketchers outlet store. There was a sign saying they were having a sandals blowout sale. One of my favorite pair of sandals ever came from Sketchers, so I am hoping to find something there. Ken gave me some cash, so I might find something awesome. Or maybe a couple things!

I am a little bummed that we are no longer going to see Backbeat on Saturday night. Stephanie had a family thing. No worries, though. They seem to tour a lot, so I am hoping we can see them soon. We were supposed to go Sunday to the concert in the park to see them, but I might be going to see Depeche Mode with Conner. I say might since I emailed him to find out details and I had not heard back yet. Hmmm….

I have my car back. It is amazing how much I missed it! I don’t even drive that much. LOL! But it is so nice. Ken had cleaned the Blazer for me for yesterday. Wow, it is quite the difference when you just pick up form trash and clutter and wash it. So much nicer! My plan is to be super diligent with the new car. Even got a little trash can for it so even if there is trash, I have a place to put it that will inspire me to dump it. We got two things to use for trash, unsure of which one would be better. Right now, we are using the little wooden bucket. Looks cute, and stays put. We had also got a shower caddy looking thing, and it is in the car still. I may keep it in the back to organize little things that I may have in the car. I am thinking of getting another one of the wooden boxes since it is a good size to put my shopping bags in for storage. I don’t have a lot of things that stay in the car. I have the bags, my all purpose kid bag (formally known as the diaper bag, but being that we don’t do diapers anymore, it is just the kid bag. It is also the super nice one so I have a pretty bag for my car), and for now, the diva mobile, which I am hoping won’t be needed for too long, and funny enough, matches the kid bag! But I want to stay organized.

Why does everyone assume ideal first date needs to include the beach? Does every woman really like this? They are doing interviews for the singles party and al the guys have the first date as dinner, maybe a movie, and then the beach. How freaking cliché! Why not something different? Why not something that allows you to talk to the person for a bit? Look, I know I never really dated. But why can’t a date be something like miniature golf where there is potential for laughing and fun? Or maybe like a cheesy fun center that has tons of lame stuff? It allows you to get away if it is going poorly, and gives you lots of opportunity to talk and just enjoy one another. Movies are fine, but you don’t talk. That seems like a 4th or 5th date. Dinner, always good, but it shouldn’t be fancy. It should be more casual. I guess I don’t expect much on a date.

Another question. Why do people keep watching these Final Destination flicks?

For years, I worked hard at getting the red tones out of my hair that I had put there in my colorful hair days. Now, as I am dabbling in the reds again, I can’t seem to keep the red in my hair. Don’t get me wrong, it is still reddish, but nothing like how I want it. I don’t want to over do it, either, so I can’t do my hair again for another month at least. It isn’t that my hair is ugly, but I was enjoying the shocking red I had. It was subtle yet pronounced, if that is possible.

I am feeling rather sleepy this morning. I woke up to Bobby running around the house at 3:30 in the morning. It was our fault, really, since Ittles had spent the night in there and had pounded on the door as a way to let us know she needed out. Bobby let her out, but then proceeded to follow her around. I also need to get to bed earlier. I know I always say this, but I blame Facebook games, now. Between Farmtown, Farmville, Yoville, Super Poke Pets, Vampire Wars, and all the other crap Ken plays, there is just not enough time. I didn’t even get to my farms this morning before work. Stephanie warned me to stay away from Farmtown. Did I listen? Nope.

Monday I am supposed to be on Furlough. I am crossing my fingers that since I know daycare is open, and I don’t think Ken has work, perhaps he and I can go to a movie or something. Of course, knowing our luck on this, something is going on for Monday and we won’t have that time.

I can’t keep my eyes open. Probably because I am reading wiki stuff this morning. As much as it is all interesting, it is too relaxing to just sit and read. Too easy to fall asleep.

I get nervous when the boss gets back from a day off. Is today layoff day?? Although, that being said, I think that it probably has not happened in some time where he was out one day and the next day people got let go. Plus, he has been out a million times, yet no layoffs. It is one of those things where it happens twice and forever we assume. Back when he first started, he did let like 3 people go at different times, and then didn’t come in the next day. I think someone talked to him about that, though. I once had to scold him for using red file folders. He would often put bad things in red and then come up to you for his “Gotta Minute?” question and then proceed to write you up. So then, he started using red for other things, but it was still nerve wracking. I told him this and I have not seen him with a red folder since. So I really don’t know that it is fair to say he is always out before a layoff. Shoot, I seem to be out of the office for many of the let goes. The last 2? I was out sick. I was out for at least 3 others, too. So now, if I call out on a Friday, some people here get nervous. Like maybe I know something. But I was here the hell day when like 35 people got let go. Of course, none were our dept, so who knows. At Earthlink, the HR guy used to come in a suit only on days he was firing people. Dude, not good!

A couple of things bug me. I hate it when people can’t think for themselves. Yesterday, one of my coworkers approached me to ask when I was sending out this report of expired credit lines again. She didn’t ask like that, though. She says, “so there are no more updates?” What the fuck? There are ALWAYS accounts that expire. It happens daily. I only send out the report monthly, plus, an aging will tell you the exact accounts that are expired and coming expired. Oh, and by the by, I was out a fucking week, and covering for people all three days I have been back. I was not pleased with her tone. I made that pretty clear. So I tell her, well, if you have done all the ones from the aging (she said she had been using that), then she could look ahead a month if she needed more to update. We can update them whenever, we just don’t want them to expire for too long. She was confused. Honest, she had no idea that she could update other accounts just by looking at things coming due in Sept. Never you mind that all of my lists have a month ahead. Never you mind that it is from the same fucking report she already has that she could just look at it. OMG, people, what the hell? It is the, unless you give me instructions to the t, I don’t know how to accomplish my job, type of people that make me want to scream. What do you do when you get home? Do you know that dishes need to be done? Or do you know to make dinner? What if no one tells you to do these things??? Should I remind you to fucking breathe?????????

So that is the bulk of folks I run into. But what ticks me off even more is the folks that seem to think I, of all people, need the set of instructions that everyone else needs to function. My boss emails me telling me a payment is in route for my customer. Cool. It is only partial, but no worries. He proceeds to tell me, oh, yeah, you can’t clear the invoice with it because of the new JSOX policies. Um, duh!! I was there in the meeting when this policy was created. In fact, it was just me, him and one other person. I KNOW THE WAY TO DO MY JOB!!!! I know he must be accustomed to dealing with sheep, but I can assure you, I am no sheep.

Speaking of sheep, I forgot to mention what cracked me up at the banquet. They kept referring to everyone as sheep and how they are a flock and how they all need to stick together. I have never felt more like a wolf in sheep’s clothing then I did that night. If anything, I strive to be anything but the sheep. I don’t want to be lumped with the masses who need leadership and guidance every step of the way. I am not sure I want to be anyone shepherd (I am pretty sure there are a lot of people who would agree, I should NEVER be a leader), but I damn sure know I can function just fine without needing that kind of protection. They kept mentioning how you need to watch out for goats. I assume this was not due to some random new goat flu (and it was hard not to laugh every time they said goat and my inner monologue kept saying, “what goat?”) but in reality the goat was a metaphor for devil folks (the horns I suppose? I doubt the tin can eating is blasphemous) that will lead you astray. But truly, wouldn’t the wolf metaphor make way more sense? Wolves devour sheep. Goats just butt them around a bit and are loud (hmm, much like some ministers). I am just saying that the scared sheep should be looking out for much more dangerous characters.

Oh, and one of ministers that was talking made me laugh a little. It is one thing to stick out as the only white girl. But at least I had Ken, my token white guy. But when he asked who here had not been saved, I can safely say I did not raise my hand despite being the only one in the room who had not been baptized. Even Ken had the magic water dumped on him when he was a kid. Me? Nope. Sure, I could bless some water (I am a ordained minister afterall) and take care of this. Maybe I should bless the pool? LOL! No, but seriously, I felt like such a fraud being there. These are all folks (aside from my man) who really and truly, no jokes aside, feel the power of some force that doesn’t reside in a light saber. I was about to say I don’t understand, but then again, I have my own strange beliefs and crazy talk (including the guilt when I kick a stuffed animal for fear that they feel it) and I swear by them in a less vocal fashion than these folks do. So how is that any less powerful? We believe what we do to get by. Sure, I make jokes. Dani saw the album of pics from the banquet and asks me, “oh, so you go to church now?” and I responded with, “Nope, still bound for hell” and she said that this made far more sense. But even if hell is my destination based on most faiths, I can at least say I believed what I felt in my heart and not what anyone forced me to believe. I saw a lot of the kids in the audience, even at my own husband who was raised in a very churchy family, and I wondered if it was fair to make any kids do the church thing. I suppose it is not much different then telling them Santa is real or using the baby powder concoction to ward of the evil monsters in Bobby’s room. If anything, I suppose the organized religions and church gatherings are really about love and togetherness, right? You are not forcing a kid to believe in god as much as you are helping them to just feel safe. It is an invisible security blanket. And I know that as kids get older, they will ask questions and they will make their own decisions on what they want to, and actually can, believe. I just hope that enough parents out there don’t shun their child for their faith or lack thereof. I know, getting preachy (no pun intended) about this. And random on every level. But my mind works odd and sometimes a train of thought goes on quite the adventure.

Do you ever have random memories pop back into your head? Mine just happened and it is one of those things I wish I had handled better as a friend. Nothing I can do about it now, and I am pretty sure she doesn’t even remember how I was, but man, sometimes I wish I wasn’t such a bad friend to folks back in the day. In all fairness, I was young and I didn’t know what to do with this sort of situation. In addition to that, I don’t know that we were that close at that point. I guess it is just hard to sometimes recognize that I sucked at times. This was not an isolated incident, mind you. Just one that came to mind just now.

Ok, I started doing a bit of work, which I think helped in waking me up. So this is a good thing. I may actually make it through today! Ok, that is if I can manage to not choke on my water!!! What the hell? Nothing like coughing and gasping for air. LOL!

We have a stamp for our fax machine that says FAX and the date. Who uses this?? Especially when there is a confirmation sheet that prints out?

So I have determined Ken is trying to communicate with aliens. Ok, maybe not, but all I know is when I pulled up yesterday, I noticed for the first time what Ken had been doing up on the roof. He got a weather gauge he tells me. I didn’t think anything of it. I should have known bad things were brewing when we went to Lowe’s and he got a lot of crap for this weather thing. I didn’t realize that it was this 6 foot pole sticking off my roof with this little rocket ship thing spinning around. What the fuck?? Cause our roof isn’t enough of an eyesore? Sigh. It is especially amusing being that he went to all this trouble when we live in Southern California. What weather was he trying to measure exactly. Hmm…it is 78 today! Next day: hmmm..it is 78 today? Next day: hmmm…it is 79 today! WOW, a change!! DUDE!! I can safely say he isn’t going to get a lot of interesting readings from it. I have a feeling my poor home will be ground central for more of this shit when the boys get older. I am a patient woman.

It is a shame I don’t want to move to come place like Colorado. There is the weather that Ken desires, and I would imagine in some of those places other than LA, the cost of living isn’t as high and I could get a bigger house. Too bad I quite fond of this area that I couldn’t bare to leave.

Is it bad that when I say “Son of a” the children come back with “bitch”?

I wonder if my voice is annoying to anyone.

I really want to make time to watch hockey this season. Maybe even go to a game this year.

I need to go to the dollar tree. Maybe I will do that on the way back from the Sketchers. Although, I was just there and saw nothing of interest. Maybe I need to hit up the 99 cent store instead. I just wanted a couple more little things. OH CRAP! I need to get a cake. I was thinking of going by the Torrance Bakery to see how much a Bolt cake would be. But I would imagine I have waited too long to get that done. His whole leg thing through me off. I thought I had till next Saturday to do stuff. But I want to make sure we see the movie tomorrow and cake makes sense. I guess I will just run over to Ralph’s. I should call my mom tonight to see if us coming over with a cake is ok. I am sure it is, but still.

I am pleased to report that Bobby still loves Revolution and is enjoying other Beatles songs I am introducing him to. Dax becomes strangely calm now when American Pie comes on. He complains when it is over, which is hard to do being that it is like a 7 minute song! I am just pleased at how much music they like in general. My dad, I mean, he likes music, but he isn’t like say my mom. But the boys are learning names (and making up names for songs) so it is fun. Bobby likes most of the Green Day songs that come on. Shockingly, I have not played much in the way of Erasure aside from this one live album I had in my car for a while. I may need to break that out, just to make sure they are not traumatized at some point when I am listening to gobs of it. Dax is a little more picky, but it mostly depends on his mood. He still loves Jack Johnson and much more folksy mellow music. Bobby is all about rock!

I have two blogs? Oh yeah!

8-12-09

Despite this being a boss free day, I have been crazy busy all morning. I tend to have a blog done by 7, with minor updates through the morning. It is 8:40 and I am just starting!

So I had to rush home yesterday at like noon thirty because daycare called me to tell me Dax was in gobs of pain. I don’t know if you can explain how crazy your mind is when you are driving home thinking only the worst.

I got there to find him extremely upset. He was on this giant pillow, crying and just looking miserable. I ran to him and scooped him up where he held on so tight. Poor baby. It was only at this point that I noticed my first born sitting a few feet from me. I had not planned on taking them both home as I was unsure what kind of attention Dax was going to need. But I couldn’t very well leave Bobby behind. So I ushered him over to get his backpack and escorted them both home.

I quickly placed Dax on the chair (breaking my toenail in half in the process) and assessed the situation. He said he hurt, so I grabbed the pain killers and had his dose in his hand within a few seconds. I wondered if he had just been moving around too much, and I figured the meds would get him to settle and maybe even if I was lucky, nap a bit. I ordered Bobby on the couch and got the Steve and Joe trilogy of Blue’s Clues playing on the TV.

It couldn’t have been more then 5 minutes after administering the drugs when Dax is still freaking out and tells me, while holding onto his crotch, that he had to pee. I rushed him into the bathroom where this kid unleashed like 15 gallons of pee. I think he lost like 4 pounds in the sitting.

We headed back out to the living room, and you could see a distinct change in demeanor. I didn’t think the meds would kick in that fast, and it made me wonder if perhaps the pee was actually the source of the pain. Dax, although very potty trained at home, is not as keen on peeing at Maria’s. Hell, he is hesitant anywhere else if he is with someone other than Ken or I. So it seemed that he had been holding it all morning and just did not want to go in his pull up (he would be in undies, but let’s face it, we don’t need a pee mess in his cast). The rest of the day, he was fine, no problems. He hurt a bit before bed, but it was minor. It seems as though I rushed home to help my child go pee.

On the up side, I got to go home. On the down side, I had to keep the two of them in a forced quiet time since I knew they had not napped at Maria’s. They were trying.

When this one order is released in the next 20 minutes my day will be less crazy. I hope.

I am kicking around a couple of topics for a new piece. One was about the burial of the dead. Another is helping people who don’t want help.

A couple days ago, we saw this guy on his hands and knees on the sidewalk when we were heading home from the grocery store. I turned the car around to make sure he wasn’t some guy having a heart attack or something. Nope. Just a crazy homeless guy. He asked us for some ice cream, then asked if he could stay at our house (assuring us he would stay outside). It was sad, really.

Sigh. So daycare just called. He claims to be really itchy now. Not shocking. He moves around a lot, and he sweats even while just sitting, so I would imagine he is in rough shape. I told her to also put him on the toilet to see if peeing helps him. If that doesn’t, she is going to give him the Benedryl we had in his backpack to see if that helps. If not, I may be leaving early again, but this time, I am thinking I will need to take him back to the doc. I don’t know if Ken has plans tomorrow, so he may be able to take him.

Nothing from daycare again, so I wonder if the peeing helped! It is 11:30, so it is possible that since he is going to nap soon that this is where he will get restless. We will see.

I am going to party city tonight to see if they have a good party set for Dax. I am hoping for Bolt, but I doubt it. I need to get him a cake, too. On Friday, Stephanie and Sabrina are coming over and I will have party hats and stuff, and then we are going over to the movies to see Up. I am dropping Bobby off with my folks after the movie (this is his treat) and then maybe back to the house for some cake and ice cream? Don’t know that part yet. But a little play time would be good for Dax, and to let Bobby not have to be a huge part of it. Then again, I am wondering if maybe we do some cake at my folk’s house so Bobby can also participate, then leave him there after the kids eat cake. Hmmmm…..

I am now bored. Why can’t my work be spaced better. Sheesh. I was swamped just like an hour ago. Oh well. I did some Wiki reading. Davy Crockett, Andrew Jackson, Julia Child, Topher Grace and Nast, the cartoonist. I know, super random. I am thinking of looking at the Alamo after lunch and hopefully there is some good reading on the Mental Floss this morning. I get my net access in like 10 minutes, and clearly I am counting down the minutes.

The update!

8-11-09

I am apparently a slacker since I haven’t written in forever.

It has been a crazy 2 weeks. I don’t even know where to begin.

So the book banquet went great! It was a little chaotic as we left because it was at this point that my overly sensitive Bobby got weepy. He was clinging to my leg for dear life, sure that he would die if I left him with the sitter. Dax, on the other hand, was showing her around the house, dragging her from room to room, happy to be rid of the parental units for an evening. If I didn’t know any better, he was actually a little smitten with her.

But luckily Bobby survived, and apparently despite his dramatic cries, he was chipper and fine all of 5 minutes after we left. Figures.

The banquet was at the Marriott in Manhattan Beach, which was good since it was close and we knew exactly where it was. It was very nice, looking very similar to a wedding reception. We were in fact, the only two white folks there. I am also glad I opted for the dress I chose instead of my original plan. I already stood out because of my whiteness, I didn’t need my attire to match the difference.

The best way to describe the evening was with two words: Holy Tourette’s. There was a lot of other ministers, and just various congregation members that had the podium and would talk about their love of Pastor and their love of God. Every one of these confirmations resulted in various audience members shouting out an “Amen” or a “mmmm hmmm” or just waving their hands in celebration of their own faith. It was actually very cool to watch. It was like one of those southern churches with lots of music and singing and just a joyous celebration.

I didn’t have to talk, thankfully. Tammy did introduce me, and I did stand up so everyone could take a look at me. That was a little scary.

During dinner, people were visiting, and Tammy introduced me to people, including Pastor and his wife. Both seemed happy to meet me, but clearly they were distracted by all the festivities. Pastor even called me Gina, but I chalked it up to the craziness of the evening, and the fact that even though he knew my name as Gena, he probably saw it written for the first time and pronounced it as he saw it. I could get mad, but I was just happy to get to write a book!

I had a set of twins each come up separately and kiss me all over my face. I was confused when the second one did it since I had already been assaulted. Both were lovely women and were just so happy I helped on the book. They are prominent members of the church, and clearly loved characters.

My favorite introduction was this lovely pastor who was so genuine in his affection for what Tammy and I had done for Pastor Metters. He was a doll.

We snuck out early. Around 10:30. We had to get up at 4 the next morning, and by the time we got the sitter home and into bed, it was midnight. Crazy!

The flight there was awesome. The boys loved every second, and it was a much shorter flight than I expected. Only a couple of hours. Not too bad. We had a little crazy with the car rental when they wanted like $900 for a deposit on the van. We opted to wait for Papa Brenan on that one. So we headed back to the airport and met up with the rest of the troops.

OH! So TSA folks have no sense of humor. You try to crack jokes, they just scowl more. I had forgotten that I had a canister of sunblock in my carry on. You would have thought that I was trying to blow up the plane. They took it with little fanfare, but the anger in the guy’s eyes was disturbing. On the way home, we were missing buckets to put our stuff in for the e-ray machine. At that very second, a guy comes up with a stack of them. So I say, mostly for the benefit of my children, “it’s the bucket man!” He looks at me like I was a demon. He then growls, “I am not the bucket man.” Holy fuck! He was actually mad that I was somehow demeaning his job by calling him the bucket man. Seriously dude, I think I am more worried about you nuking the plane then anyone else in that room!

We found the rest of the Brenans and headed to Holly home. It is beautiful. Just beautiful. It is like a slightly smaller version of the Brenan compound. Lots of trees, beautiful interior. I will say it. I am jealous!

Holy was out with friends, so we all hid and basically when she got home we each trickled out to show her that her whole family had arrived while she was at lunch. She was so happy!

Of course, there was the unfortunate trampoline incident. Dax, along with his brother and cousins were on the trampoline and Dax came down wrong on his left leg. At the time, we assumed it was a strain. There was no swelling, and even though he wouldn’t put weight on it, he wasn’t complaining too much. That night, though, he didn’t sleep. He just screamed all night. It was horrible. The next day, we went to get him some kind of leg brace. The knee braces were all to big, so we improvised with an elbow brace. It seemed to help him a lot, and he was less cranky. That night, though, he was still not sleeping. Tylenol wasn’t helping, ice wasn’t helping, nothing helped. So Monday morning we took him to urgent care. No hospital rule was still in effect, you see.

There still was no swelling, no bruising, and when Andy checked it, there was really not a lot he could feel that was off. We took him for x-rays and when we got back to the room, we noticed his knee had begun to swell. Seconds later, the doc walked in and told us it was broke. It took every ounce of strength to not burst into tears. I didn’t want to in front of Dax.

They put him in a splint, as they wanted to talk to the pediatric orthopedic before they did a cast. 15 minutes after we left, they called and scheduled an appt the next morning since they were adamant about him being in a cast for the flight.

The urgent care there, btw, was FANTASTIC! Just the nicest folks, and they were very helpful. They have him some kick ass drugs (Oxy codone!) and really made sure he was content. It was nice. We did have to drive to like 10 pharmacies to get his meds, but it was worth it since he slept for the first time in 3 days.

The orthopedic doc was wonderful, too. They gave them both lollipops (Bobby came with us for the cast for moral support of his brother) and laughed when Bobby declared, “I have an idea! I will break my leg, too, so I can have a blue cast!” They were also shocked at how chipper Dax was. While they casted his leg in bright green (his choice), he was singing the alphabet.

We stopped at the Babies R Us to pick up an umbrella stroller as we knew that the airport would be hell without it. Turned out to be an outstanding purchase. We let Dax pick out the color and told him it was the new Diva Mobile. He has called it this since. YAY!

The rest of the trip was fun. In fact, the whole trip was fun aside from the leg. We visited with everyone a lot. There were times in which every family member was sitting at a computer, playing FarmTown online together. We laughed, we joked, we shared. Loved every minute of that.

Bobby’s cousins were outstanding. Evie and Daniel took it upon themselves to entertain their un-broken cousin. Luckily, Daniel had been a huge Star Wars fan and had a million toys from when he was younger. Holly had a whole giant walk in closet full of said toys, which gave the kids hours of play time. Evie had coloring books galore as she is a coloring fanatic, so the kids also got to color to their heart’s content.

On one of the days, Ken’s cousin from his dad’s side was there. Her son was also with them. He must be around Evie’s age, so I would say like 14 or 15? He was clearly smitten with my Evie. I was cracking up at his desperate attempts to get Evie to come and watch him do the zip line, or to bounce on the trampoline. At one point, Evie asks me why he is being so attentive. I pointed out that he is clearly digging on his second cousin. This produced a hearty, “Eeewwww!!!”

Evie and I got to chit chat a lot, too, so that was fun. I wish she was closer by. I adore her and I love being an aunt. We discussed her wedding, despite her not having a fella right now. It was nice and girly talk. Daniel played some of his music, which was fantastic! He needs a little more practice, but his sound is very KROQ, and I am anxious to hear more. He I shy about it, but that makes him even more charming.

Our trip came to and end and I did have my normal travel stress since the Brenans don’t get places as early as the Bowlby in me needs to. Luckily, even though we did leave a little later than I would have liked, the early helped when our checked luggage was too heavy, and we didn’t get there too early where we had to sit around for a long time.

Our flight did have a mini layover in Albuquerque. It was only like 40 minutes. We jumped off the plane, and sprinted over to the gate (which was like 100 feet away, but we didn’t know this) to find out that our plane had not even taken off from Texas yet. Big storm. We would be stuck in Albuquerque for a couple of hours. The worst part? We arrived just as all the restaurants had closed. Luckily, I had sandwiches packed for the boys, and they found a little friend, this little girl who had just turned 4. She and Bobby ran around as Dax watched, also giggling at the spectacle. They had a blast. Her mommy was nice, just a young girl of like 20. He husband was about to be shipped off to Iraq and she was off to see him before he did. She was in good spirits, but I wondered if she was just putting on a front for her daughter. Their plane, also originated in Texas, was delayed. Both of our planes arrived in minutes of each other, so this gave the kids tons of time to play. At one point, Ken got out his laptop and the Simpsons Movie, which settled everyone nicely.

On the flight, Dax and I were lucky enough to have a row to ourselves. I said to him that he could lie his head on my arm and sleep. He did this immediately and slept the whole flight. He did wake up for about 10 minutes when his ears popped, but he settled back in, so this was good. Bobby also crashed with Ken and both were just out.

When we got off the plane, Bobby was asleep while walking off the plane. Both boys were miserably tired and cried quite a bit getting to the shuttle and car. The plane got in late, and with being stuck waiting for a gate, waiting for luggage, waiting for traffic as the shuttle got out of the airport, we had delays of an hour or so. It was rough. This nice woman on the shuttle gave the boys a lollipop, though, and that was sweet.

We got home around midnight, and the kids crashed harder than I have ever seen before. It was so nice to be back in our own beds!

We got an appointment to see our orthopedic guy for Friday. This resulted in an even larger cast. They put one on, and ended up taking it off and putting another one on, with a more extreme bend in it. He dashed out happiness by telling us the opposite of everything that the last doc had told us. Waterproof cast? Nope, keep it dry because water can pool. Walking? Nope, keep him off of it at all times. Smaller cast? Nope, we need to have it even bigger to give it support. The only good news is he goes back in 4 weeks and since he is little, these kind of breaks heal quickly. So he might not be miserable for 12 weeks like the original assessment. Then again, Dax is so active, so I worry he is going to mess it up somehow. He rolls and drags himself around really well. His biggest issue is itching right now, which Benedyl, although is helping, isn’t something I want to have to give him too much of. We keep it for night time. The last two nights, though, he was up till midnight. He just isn’t getting out enough energy during the day. It is frustrating.

Luckily, my folks were home, so I did take them there both Thursday and Friday. This gave Ken some time off including allowing him to go see a movie with Aaron on Friday. I am taking them there tonight, too, so hopefully that helps tire them out.

In other news, layoffs are scheduled at work. My sources tell me my name has not come up on the tentative list so far. The rumors are that it will happen by Sept 2nd, and that most of the people are in other warehouses across the country. But one in my department is being axed. It is still scary since I can’t assume I am safe. Plus, I just hope the right person goes.

Ken has my car till Thursday. He has to drive really far for this class he is teaching. Although I am happy to have him comfortable, I am not thrilled with the dirty that is the Blazer. I am putting him under strict orders to clean out the car this afternoon while I am at my folks. I have become accustomed to luxury with my van, and now I think his car should be nice, too.

Ken got me a new radio for my desk. The volume actually works on this one. Woo hoo! The sound isn’t as great as the speakers don’t just face forward at me. However, it is super cute, still plays my iPod, and has a remote! I know, I am odd, but the remote is all kinds of happy making. If only I can figure out how to make it stay on for longer than an hour at a time…

Finally found a Bolt stuffed animal. Of course it is only a few days away from me giving Dax one that talks, but I am ok with this. He has been so happy with it, carrying it around like it was a real dog. Bobby picked out a giant Wall-E (they were 1 for $15 or 2 for $20) and both have enjoyed their new friends. Of course, they had to go into timeout.

Last night, the boys were on a mission to drive me batty. They wouldn’t listen, despite us going to Toys R Us to get Dax’s free prize for the birthday club. It was a little wooden Thomas the Tank Engine (which worked out wonderfully since he has been train obsessed lately) that was a $13 toy that he gets free for his birthday. We ran around the store, and both just whined the whole time. So annoying. When I asked them to be quiet, they got louder. So finally I started taking stuff away. At one point, the threat on the table was letting Lenoard out into the backyard, leaving Bobby lizardless. This shut him up pretty quickly.

The good was short lived. He hit Dax, which Ken saw, and when Dax told Ken that Bobby had hit him, Bobby lied about it. Not good.

I had a talk with him, trying to explain that he needed to be good. He promised to be better, and I then told him if he was really good this week, he might be able to spend the night at Grandma’s. This sent him into a spiral of tears and fear. He thought I meant that I would leave him at Grandma’s forever. Not good. He has been out of sorts from the whole trip, the whole Dax thing, etc. I calmed him down, and he fell asleep soon after. It is tough to be a 4 year old.

Up is finally playing at the cheap movies. The plan as of right now is to go see it Friday afternoon with Stephanie and Sabrina. That will be fun. This will be the mini birthday party for Dax since he really can’t run around. They liked seeing a movie there, before, so I am hoping that they enjoy it again.

I got a note from beyond the grave! Ok, not really, but tell me this isn’t like a way freaky cool thing. Ken pulled out a couple of things from behind the couch cushions. One of the items was a respond card from our wedding! Random! Not sure how it got there, especially since all the replies are somewhere else. Anywho, it is from my great grandmother who just passed! In it, it tells me how she loves me very much. Can we say freaky?!?!? I am taking it as a cool thing, like a ghost coming to tell me that she is at peace now. My mom says when she finds coins that they are from Robbie. I like that, too.

I have managed to get my iPod to work on the new radio, so I am happy. I am really enjoying the remote. It is much easier to listen to the iPod, too, since the volume isn’t hard to use anymore. I can listen to albums I have been craving without worrying about turning it down, then up, then down, then up, then down, then down, then up, then up all because it won’t get to the right volume with one push. I have found myself going to do that, though. But now, it isn’t a dial, but a button. And a button on a remote!

Perhaps I need to pamper myself more if a remote for my radio that is another 12 inches away is so happy making.

Is it wrong that I get gobs of pleasure from using the giant lighter as a blow torch on a pile of ants?

I have another question about ants. So we got home from the vacation to find a pile, and I mean like a huge pile, of ants in the freezer. Like on the lip at the bottom. I can’t see how they got in. I can see how they couldn’t get out. But what I don’t understand is, ok, fine, one got in, or maybe even a trail, but a pile of little ant corpses? Did they all huddle up for warmth and then die? Do you think any of them resorted to antabalism?

My day has been dragging. I have gotten a lot of things done, but it just seems slow today.

I have such a craving for the chicken soft tacos at Taco Bell. I may need to stop there for dinner tonight. Either that or I will just be good and make dinner.