safe for now

8-28-09

Day 2 of complete freak out stress. The layoffs were due to occur this week, and with it being Friday, I think it will happen shortly.

I don’t know if I am safe. I don’t know who is going. I know rumor. I know there are a lot of names being tossed around. I don’t want to get comfortable yet.

There was an email sent late yesterday that announced a town hall meeting. Side note on this one. Stop calling every gathering town hall meetings, people. Just because the elections and stuff had them doesn’t mean we have them. Sheesh. Anyway, this meeting is a mandatory Monday meeting. It is supposed to give us some insight as to what the future holds for us here. I wonder if they will be telling us we are closing. I wonder if we have a future. I wonder if a lot of the information I have heard will come to light. He might know since he would help set up this meeting. It is supposed to be fancy with it being recorded and broadcast online for folks out of state. It is also interactive for not just us here, but for off site employees. It will be interesting. Hopefully I get to actually be there for it.

I am tired today, on top of being on edge. My calf muscle decided to spasm last night around 12:30. I never really got back to sleep. It was hot, and even the boys were up. Dax didn’t fall asleep until midnight, and Bobby was up at 3. Ken actually got up when I was up this morning. I had gotten up early myself since Bobby yelled out for something, so I opted to go check on him. His bear and blanket were on the ground. For some reason he felt it was our job to retrieve them for him. Uncool.

My morbid taste buds have been stimulated in an odd way. Mental Floss had a story on Victorian Post Mortem Photography. It was fascinating. In Victorian times, photographs were not as prominent as they are today, and if a loved one died, often, your only picture might be of them after they had passed. Many of these old photos still exist today. Pictures of people sometimes lying in beds or coffins, mostly children and infants due to the high mortality rate back then, with artistic looking portraits. Sometimes they would prop up the dead guy, trying to make them look as if the photo was taken when they were still alive. They would sometimes even paint eyes on their eyelids, which creates this creepy zombie look on most of them. There were the obvious photos of mother and deceased child, but what was more shocking were ones where there would be live children standing around, posing, with their passed sibling. One was a dead twin lying on a couch, with his live counterpart standing behind the couch, looking clearly disturbed. One particularly eerie photo showed a creepy man holding a child. The kid was dead (he looked so peaceful, almost as though he was just sleeping) but what was scary is that the dad also looked dead-ish. Of course, we don’t know for sure, only being able to speculate, but how freaky would that be?

I found the photos haunting, but charming. From my understanding, they were not as creeped out by death as we are today. Photos were ways to remember, and they would hang these photos in their houses, and even send them to friends and relatives. They were not taboo. They were just what you did. I would love to read more on the practice, and to see more photos. As much as seeing photos of deceased kids in christening gowns is hard on me, I can look past it and actually try to see the beauty of them .Sure, sad photos overall, but they were taken so people could remember the person who died, and by looking at them even now, I feel like I am fulfilling their request.

There were several sites selling the photos. I was shocked at how pricey they were. I would like to find an exhibit to go see some up close. Perhaps this weekend I will be hunting for that outing. Probably not a Bobby and Dax trip.

I will probably not write too much more. I don’t want to keep this open. Besides, I am falling asleep so I should probably find something a little more stimulating.

No news. It is 8 am. Word is, the boss has a lot of boxes at his desk. Makes me nervous. If there are LOTS of boxes, it could mean multiple people. Or, just me. Lord knows I need the most boxes if I have to go based on how much stuff I have on my desk. I am sick to my stomach now.


It is 10 till 9. It has begun. Names are flowing in of who has been hit. So far my dept has not been. I am upset at the names. I don’t know if I can keep it together.

More names. It is now 10. Nothing yet on our end. I know it is coming, but now it is just the waiting game. I say before noon.


It is 10:40. They called Tammy up 10 minutes ago. Sigh. And yet my annoying coworkers are giggling, ordering lunch. Sigh.

I am safe. For this round.

I am sad. I am angry. I suppose I should eat my lunch, but I kind of lost my appetite, which is unusual for me.

Well, it is fitting to take the kittens tonight since I can get all my tears out in one bit cry fest. Then I can eat ice cream and drink heavily when we get home from our other errands.

I just heard some more names that made me yell. They are truly getting rid of some of their best talent, the folks that truly would keep this place afloat. I am super curious what will be said on Monday.

The boss is supposed to come around and tell us our new accounts from her old stuff.

Tammy called. She is ok. She got a small severance package, which sounds like a little more than 2 weeks pay. Actually, it probably was 3 since she has been here 3 years. She said there is nothing at her desk to pack at this point since she already took everything. I guess I will clean up her desk come Monday. The body is still warm today, so I just can’t do it.