A Whole Lotta Weekend

3-22-10


I am exhausted. My stomach is fighting with me this morning. I don’t know what is up. At around midnight, I woke up with horrible pains. I felt bloated, but it was only a tight feeling with no results. I was uncomfortable for a couple of hours. I was miserable. I was tired and dying and even though I eventually fell asleep, my gut still hurt and now I am just miserable. If I can make it through today, I will be impressed with me.

My weekend was good, which may be why I am so spent today. Saturday morning after lounging around for a while, got started after a trip to Target. I had plans on hitting up the grocery store as well, but we didn’t make it over there.

We headed over to Sabrina’s talent show. I was worried we were running late since I thought it started at 2. I guess doors opened at 2, but the actual show didn’t start until 3. Either way, we managed awesome parking and good seats.

The show was slightly chaotic. I kind of expected this based on Stephanie’s descriptions of rehearsals and other behind the scene stuff. Not that it was a huge deal, though. The kids were all super adorable.

On I think the first performance by individuals, this set of two sisters came up to sing Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer (I don’t understand why these kids would be encouraged to sing a Christmas song in March, but I suppose it doesn’t matter much). The older sister didn’t start singing, which sent the younger sister into a meltdown. Poor darlin broke down sobbing on stage. I was crying for her. The worst part was, they just left this girl there, crying her eyes out. I was pissed. It lasted for at least 30 seconds before someone finally came up to help her. What the hell?? I was tempted to go up. Her own parental unit didn’t even go up! Not cool.

Some of the kids were so freaking cute. I loved it. Both the boys enjoyed it, and they both told me separately that they wanted to be up on stage singing.

Sabrina got to be up on stage 3 times. Twice she sang with her Teddy Bear class. The other time, she sang Old MacDonald with this other little girl. When Sabrina was up in the second group performance, Bobby kept yelling out, “Hi Sabrina!”

We went down to the Cabrillo beach for a while after the show. We played around there for a bit, letting them get out the energy stored up from sitting for a couple of hours. It was gorgeous out and we had a good time just hanging out down there.

After the beach, we headed home to let the boys unwind. We also wanted them to get some sleep before Sunday. Ken and I were able to watch Up in the Air, which was a very good little movie. I enjoyed it quite a bit.

Saturday night was the first night in a few days in which we all slept well. I had planned on us getting up early, but with everyone sleeping past 7, I wasn’t about to be the one to wake everyone.

Our plan had been to be at Disneyland for when they opened the gates. We still got there only about 10 minutes after they opened, so not too bad and we got to sleep in.

We arrived at the security check point. They had only a couple of lines open, which sucked, especially when people like ourselves didn’t have any bags to check. To the left of the line was another check point that had some cast members at the ready, but when we started over there, they snipped at us all that they were not ready for people.

They opened that line 30 seconds later.

It was a mad rush to get over to the empty line. Ken and Bobby ran that direction. Dax and I started over that way. I don’t know what we tripped over but all I know is not only was Dax down, I was flat on my stomach, hands skinned on the rough pavement. I didn’t worry about my injuries. I crawled over towards my poor screaming Dax and held him while we sat on the ground recovering.
I know that I didn’t try to stop myself. I tried hard to keep Dax from falling. Thankfully, I think my efforts paid off since he only had a minor bruise compared to the injuries I sustained.

What was not shocking, but still sad at the same time, was that in this crowd, NO ONE stopped to help us. The only person who was there even before I got to Dax was one of the cast members. She was very sweet and not only checked us out, she walked us to the front of the check out and let us in ahead of the lines. Ken and Bobby had seen that we went down, but Ken saw the cast member helping us, so they stayed past the check point rather than navigate through the crowd backwards. They met us at the front after we got led up there.

I sat Dax down on a bench to check him out. He told me he was mostly spooked from the incident. Thank goodness. He had one small cut on his finger, but it was minor compared to what it could have been.

I, on the other hand, was pretty banged up. My hands were bruised and the right hand was bloody. My ankle, which had been feeling better, was sore. I was shaky and my whole body hurt from my belly flop on the ground.

We found out where first aid was so that we could get Dax a band aid and me cleaned up a bit. At the end of Main Street off to the right was not only a first aid station, it was like a little Urgent Care facility complete with register nurses. The guy who saw us was super nice and bandaged Dax up, who promptly said his finger felt better. He then cleaned my cut, which actually made me wince when he put the peroxide on. It is a pretty bad cut. He bandaged my hand and kept asking me if I needed pain killers. No joke, he asked me at least 3 times. On the third time, I agreed only to make him feel better. He also gave me an ice pack. It was really a nice service overall.

After the first aid, we headed over towards Tom Sawyer Island. We hit up the Jungle Cruise first. After that, we rounded the corner to see that there was no way we would end up on the island today. The whole river was drained! LOL! They were making repairs and just fixing up the island, river and shows that take place there. Oh well. So much for that plan.

Instead, we hit up rides like Pirates and the Haunted Mansion. It was a slow enough morning that we got on Splash Mountain with no wait. It was the boys first time on that. They loved it. Me, not so much, since I never liked drops like that, but I dealt with it for their sake.

We hit up Winnie the Pooh and then took the train to Tomorrow Land. We determined that Dax was now tall enough to do Space Mountain. Luckily, the line was pretty short. Ken got us fast passes for Buzz while we waited for Space Mountain.

Oh. My. God. I knew the kids would like Space Mountain. I had no idea they would LOVE it. Dax laughed hysterically the entire time. It was so funny! He was thrilled. I have never heard him so happy. In fact, when the ride stopped and it was time to get out, he refused. He wanted to go again right then and there. He burst into tears, he didn’t want to get off!! Bobby was also excited about the ride, totally thrilled with it. As Dax screamed, many of the people around us were laughing that this little kid was upset not because he was scared, but because he loved it so much.

We had some down time after that and we watched Captain EO. Holy crap you can tell that was done in the 80’s. LOL! The boys liked that, too. Dax was a little spooked at the bad chick, but then when they started singing and dancing, he felt much better about all of it.

After Buzz, we left the park briefly to go across the street to McDonalds for lunch. Way better idea for food. We didn’t pay the $45 it would have cost to feed us in the park. Plus, it allowed us to sit down in some air conditioning and just relax for a bit. And really, the hike isn’t too bad to get there.

On the way back in the park, we knew we only were going to be there for a little while. The crowd had increased significantly and the boys were running out of steam. We went into California Adventure with the plan to go on the soaring over America ride. The line was 45 minutes, and it was not a constantly moving line, so we knew the boys would not last. Even Monsters Inc had a half an hour wait, so we determined we had run out of time. We did end up seeing the Muppet 3D show, which Dax did much better with this time. I enjoyed watching Bobby stick his foot up at the 3D image coming at him. That cracked me up more than the show!

Dax crashed out on the way home, but Bobby stayed awake which surprised me. When we got home, we had them watch a movie so they could vege, but they were restless. We tried to send them outside, but they were not only restless, they were cranky.

It was earlier than what time we would normally wash them, but decided to bath them so that we could hopefully get them to bed a little early. Of course, this didn’t happen.

I was dead on my feet last night. I made dinner, but I was spent after that. When I get home I am tempted to try to nap.

Bobby says to me on Saturday that he knows Ken and I are married. He said he knows it is because we love each other. He then says that he wishes he could marry Dax so that it would mean Daddy and I were married and then he and Dax would be so we would be lots of married. He is too cute.

More trips in my future. We are going to Colorado Springs to see Daniel graduate from high school. That is us leaving on Friday morning for the graduation which is that afternoon. Here is where I am torn.

On Saturday morning, Ken and the boys would fly home. I can, if I so choose, stay there and fly to Ohio with Papa Brenan, Holly and Andy. I would be with them from Saturday, coming home Tuesday. What is in Ohio, you might be asking? Well, we would actually be cemetery hopping. No joke. Holly is our genealogist in the family. She has the family history all mapped out and knows all the lineage. This trip is to find some Brenans in the Ohio cemeteries.

Let’s map out why I am torn. Look, cemetery hopping sounds awesome. There is always interesting stuff to see in a cemetery. Most of the time I don’t have the time to look at local ones, and these are probably really cool old ones. This is a point for trip.

In a point for and against, I will be away from Ken and the kids for 2 full days. It is for since how often do I get away from all of it. But in reality, I don’t want to be away from them for that long. I worry that they will all manage without me. I don’t know that I will manage without them.

Ken is my grounding point. When I am having stress or panic or anything like that, he is the one who can calm me down. As much as I adore my in-laws, they are not Ken. I worry that my shyness will kick into high gear and I will feel all wrong around them. Just hanging out with Andy will probably help since I feel very comfortable around him, but it will still be odd.

The reason I am going to this is because I am the photographer of the family. I will be able to document all of this really well. Plus, between Ken and I, really, I will get more out of the land of dead people. I know that Ken was invited since how often do the siblings get to go out together. I kind of would like Ken to be able to do that, even though it isn’t his ideal setting.

I was a little worried about taking off that much time from work, but it should be fine. It is only 3 days. I won’t need any more time off between that trip and Christmas that I am aware of aside just from Bobby’s first day of school. So I will be ok when you get right down to it.

Ken is really pushing for me to do this trip. He knows even though I am nervous, that ultimately I will enjoy myself. He is probably right. But it is a lot of anxiety leading up to it. Do I suck it up and do it? Or do I chicken out?

I watched Temple Grandin last week, and she also was nervous about things. She pictured all of these situations as doors, and that you are just walking through a door, a door to your future. When you look at it in simplistic ways, it is easier to walk through. Maybe I should just walk through this door?

I have to make a decision very soon. I took steps to look up on Find A Grave to see if there were any interesting plots to look forward to. I am also planning on emailing my Find a Death guy to see if he knows of any interesting points of interest there. I am excited about a lot of these sort of things, but worry that it will not be anything like I am thinking. Man, I wish I wasn’t such a wuss.

In other exciting news, we determined that Bobby will be done at Maria’s in May. He is old enough to attend Camp VIP this summer. It is a 4 week program that Ken does Lego classes at. Bobby would be able to do Lego, or any of the other classes that the pre-kindergarten students have offered. We told him about it, and he liked the idea. It means that Ken would take him to school with him and Bobby would do his classes, then go hang out with Ken in the afternoon during the afternoon session of Lego. It will save us $150 a week for him, which is all kinds of good. And after this camp, Bobby will end up just hanging out with Ken until school starts in September. I worry a little that he will miss out on a couple of more learning things at Maria’s, but he is doing so well, it will actually be better for him to be in classes with other kids. It will teach him to follow instructions from new teachers, and he will get other kids around him, which will be good practice.

I am quite proud that I have not only taught the boys my phone number, but now they have our address memorized. Thank goodness for repetitive singing of the number and street. It is an amazing tool.

I read through some of the key points of the new health care bill. Is it wrong that I don’t understand why people are so dead set against it? I worry that most people are against it only because it is a party situation. Don’t get me wrong, I would have preferred all of this money and time spent on re-vamping things like our schools. But really, I understand why we need health care reform. There might be better ways to have done all this, but maybe we need to give it a chance before we freak out.

I am feeling significantly better now that the day has progressed. I am still tired, but I have grown rather accustomed to being tired. LOL!

The day, although moving forward, has turned into boring. I have been working pretty steadily on various items.

I am bummed that it seems that the red in my hair is already fading. I wonder what kind of time and cost is involved with touch ups. I opted to not blow dry my hair this morning, allowing the hair to be free from styling. I am not entirely sure it is something I can pull off. It seems like a very messy shag. I might be able to do this if I at least dry the bangs.

I had strange dreams last night when I did sleep. I remember sitting around in this cool old house with a couple of people from my past. Jason was there, as was Aaron. Greg was too. I was talking with them about kids in general. It was interesting. They told me (I say they since I am unsure which one actually said it) that I used to be so mean and angry in high school. They were impressed with my softer side. I found this interesting. I didn’t realize that I had been so awful. Of course, this was all in my head, so clearly, I did think this, but in my dream for some reason I was surprised. I think the house belonged to Aaron, and he was moving out. I remember wandering the house, looking at old stuff, feeling very nostalgic, despite the fact that none of the things really existed outside the dream. There were photos and trinkets and things that all in the dream were real, but when I think about them now, they were not.

I also remember my friend Jeff being in part of the dream, and he had come out in high school instead of later in life. I was so pleased because he became “my gay” and it was a cool dynamic. Really, all of the guys in the dream were strange to have there, especially considering they are not folks I talk to on a regular basis.

I have to say, my dreams have been far more interesting since the Effexor. I have noticed gobs of changes since the meds. I feel over all much more calm. I suppose all of that could be in my head, but I have been in situations in which I would have been more annoyed or stressed, and I was shockingly sedate. I wonder if I come across as more spacey. I wonder if anyone notices the effects aside from me. I suppose if I wasn’t projecting a lot of the stress, why would anyone notice?

It was three years ago yesterday that Pixel died. Which means that 3 years ago this coming Sunday, Robbie died. My mom has said that when she finds change on the ground it is from Robbie. In the last week or so, I keep finding dimes. Random dimes. I even have them set aside, afraid to spend them since I think they are from her. I know, lame, but whatcha gonna do? I miss her. Her and Pixel. Where does the time go? How has it been that long? Robbie got diagnosed not long after Dax was born. He couldn’t have been more than 6 weeks. I was still on maternity leave. She didn’t last more than 7 months. It went too quick.

Well, this is cool news. The weekend that I would be going to Ohio is Memorial Day weekend. So if I go, it means one less day off that is vacation pay. This might actually work better. I am still sure I will miss my boys, but it is probably good for me to be away from them for a couple days. If not just for me, for them! All three of them will appreciate me even more! Of course, my big fear is they won’t even notice. Either way, I should go.