funk

8-3-11


I have been in such great sleeps these last couple days. I really wish I didn’t have to get up.

I am livid pissed right now. I got home yesterday to find a pile of debris in the backyard. Mind you, it wasn’t in any kind of container. It was mostly in one spot, but there were several shingles with nails sticking straight up scattered around the base of the pile and not near the pile. My dogs were outside.

It was a mess that I had specifically asked to not have happen. Mind you, sitting in the entry way of our house are these collapsible bins that were purchased for this debris. They were still in the packaging, not used.

My boys were on the roof, helping. I wasn’t super happy about that. Bobby seemed fine. He was focused and really helping. Dax, on the other hand, is as clumsy as I am. Let’s not put him up on a roof. Especially when no one was really paying attention to him.

Dax came down when I got home. He and I both almost stepped on a nail. Luna almost did, too.

Oh, and there were breakfast dishes out, the one small project I asked to be completed was not, and overall, it wasn’t the house I wanted to come home to.

On August 20th, I wanted to have a party for Dax in my backyard. It will not happen there, now. I can’t risk putting children back there with the potential of nails being missed in the cleanup. My mom has offered up their house. I think I may take them up on it. I can fit the bouncer in their driveway, and I can use their bbq for the hot dogs.

I am under a lot of stress right now. Despite my brave face on this diabetes thing, I am freaked out. So to have this roof thing now become what I didn’t want it to become, I am in a tailspin of epic proportions.

I worry I took out my stress on Dax last night. He kept asking and asking for me to get him milk despite me telling him he could get it himself. I told him if he asked one more time he would go to bed. Within a few minutes, I would be carrying a kicking and screaming child into his bedroom, who was shouting, “Ok, mom, I will get it myself!”

Daniel goes home today. Although it has been a really nice visit, I will be glad to be back in my house without visitors for a few days. I have another week of company coming up soon. I am really much better at being a hermit, so it is hard for me to come out of my shell for this much time.

My blood sugar is high. Super high. I finally figured out how to get blood on the first poke. This morning, before food, it was at 191. Holy fuck. I have been taking my meds for only a few days, but it seems like it should be better at least by a bit. I take another reading in 45 minutes. I am charting it. I want to cry.

I forgot my apple today for snack. Thank goodness the refilled the snack box at work. And thank goodness I had 75 pennies to purchase some pretzels for my snack later.

I am considering walking on the treadmill at work today. Even if I don’t do that, a walk is in order this afternoon. I know the exercise will help with the stress.

I told the boys we would take them to the Wilson Park Trains on Sunday. That should be cool.

I haven’t sent out invites for Dax’s party. I have not reserved the bouncer. I have no party stuff at all.

I spoke to the Murrieta sheriff yesterday. He was very sweet. He was calling me back from my email inquiring about a police report for Doug. He said they didn’t really have the information I was looking for and he provided me with the coroner’s phone number. What he could tell me was that the house was all locked up and that Steve must have had a key or something to get in. He said it was an instant death. As for the exact time or date of death, he didn’t have any other information. It also sounds like truly, the date of death listed on the certificate is probably what they will say since it was open and shut and it isn’t like a lot of investigation needs to be done. I don’t know what to do with this info yet.

My parents were really cool yesterday about the diabetes info. My dad even offered to pay for something like weight watchers. I was kind of shocked at how generous they were on this one. I suppose they want their daughter to be healthy. Plus, my dad already lost one kid this year. He doesn’t need to lose another.

I was super jealous of their recent toy. They got an iPad! Awesome! It totally makes sense for them. I think they will love it. Although I did point out to them that I am hoping they don’t so they just give it to me. LOL!

I made an appointment for Mama Cat to be cut open on Wednesday of next week. Yay summer specials! The spay will only be $25. Not bad at all! I will need to take the kittens down there this weekend. As much as it would be fun to keep Rudy, I will not do so. I think I am just attaching to her since I really appreciated her purrs.

I just looked up online to see how long it takes for at least one of my meds to start to show a difference. It can take 6 weeks. I feel much better knowing that. It means that the change I assumed would already start to kick in will not show up for a while.

I feel a little bad yelling and bitching this morning in this blog. In all fairness, I have been unable to speak to Ken about any of this yet. He was busy, we had company and I was just too tired to wait up to talk to him when he came to bed. Being that we will be back to our normal occupancy this evening, I may be able to get these things off my chest long before he reads this.

I need to work. It is the only thing that will get me out of this funk.