6 weeks

3-3-10

Monarch has taken to curling up with my feet at night. He will often just sleep in the bottom corner of the bed near my feet, which makes moving around at night less dangerous. But when he opts to wrapping himself around my feet, you have to make sure to hold very still when you sleep lest you have scratch marks when you awake. It means that when he does this, it is harder to get good sleep. He has been extra needy with me since Luna, so I indulge him when he is feeling this affectionate. Plus, there is nothing cuter than when he gets up when the alarm goes off even before I do, and then he trots into the bathroom with me.

I must have known I would be tired today since I picked out floppy clothes last night. Either that or the clothes are just making it easier to be tired.

Ken discovered the best way to get compliance with the boys. Popping balloons. Bobby’s room, which is still filled with his birthday morning balloons, has gobs of anti bribery ready for use. When Bobby pitched a fit, Ken popped a balloon and threatened to pop more if he didn’t chill out. He tested Ken and another balloon popped. Bobby was calm. Ken used the same technique in the morning and it was quite effective. I have to admit, when I tried it last night, I was quite pleased with the results. I just wonder what we will have to do once all the balloons are gone.

Ken did quite a bit of clean up yesterday from the party. I feel like such a slacker. I didn’t even feel like moving when I got home. I may be recovering from the whole weekend still and just didn’t realize how much it took out of me.

Freaky commercial last night. It was for Michelin Tires in which they have this animated road where there is gobs of road kill, all of whom are whimpering with the giant tire tracks over their mid sections. One of the critters is sadly playing a harmonica. A live rabbit then jumps out into the road where a car is approaching. Then the Michelin Man throws some tires at the car and the car not only stops before adding to the squish collection, but then it re-inflates all the flat critters and it is all sunshine and lollipops again. WHAT THE FUCK????? I was so not sure what to do with this visual on any level.

When my coworkers are not speaking to each other, they like to then talk to me more. I am the backup friend. LOL!

Can you break your foot and not know it? I somehow doubt it. Plus, I would think pain would be constant. My foot is still sore, and at times I think it is getting worse. I figure this is week three that it has hurt. I suppose I should call the doc today. I think it has been hurting since around the weekend we went up to the Compound. So if I make an appt for maybe late afternoon we can all truck down there to have my foot x-rayed.

I love this! This guy on the radio right now is a blind movie reviewer. He sees movies even though he can’t see them. So it is interesting for him to explain what movies really move him, despite no visuals. He was talking about how the Hurt Locker was still suspenseful despite not being able to see things like the bombs he was defusing. I find that so fascinating. Sure, I know a lot of it is funny in the idea that he can’t be a part of the movie going experience 100%, but he really gets something totally different out of the movies that I would bet we miss. So cool!

I want to go to the comedy show KROQ is putting on!!! Kevin Smith will be there! And Jay Mohr! And Jimmy Kimmel! And Joe Rogan!! Seriously, an all around good show. But we can’t see em all.

I am debating on playing ref and peace maker with my feuding coworkers. I know I don’t need to, but I have this desire to help.

So I emailed Torrance Memorial to see about volunteering work. The lady emailed me back and asked for my cell number so she could have someone call me about details. I told Ken that I might be able to do something like once a week in the evenings where I can go and do stuff there. In my original email I indicated I would be most interested in maternity or pediatrics. Hopefully it is something I can make happen!

See, my thoughts on what would be ideal volunteer wise goes like this. When you are pregnant, you plan the birthing day pretty complete. You pack your bag, make sure all the contact numbers are ready for hubby to use to notify folks. You choose your birth method and you make sure your hair looks good for the first mom/kid pic. Not only do you plan all that, you also plan the first couple weeks home. Mom or MIL will be there or you have friends and sisters coming by. Your first couple weeks are usually pretty covered. What is not is that 24 hours after the birth to when you are discharged. Sure, people are in and out of your room, visiting with you, but I know from my experience, I felt like I had on this happy smile just because you don’t want to be rude. But in reality you are tired, scared, excited, sad, happy, crazy, sleepy, elated, and really, every single emotion under the sun. And let’s face it, sometimes you can’t vent to your husband or mom. Sometimes you need to just be able to cry without anyone messing with you. Here is where I come in. I want to be the person who can let that new mom have a moment to vent. I know that one of the most rewarding moments of Dax’s birth was the second night I was there and my poor roommate was crying because she could not get her new son to latch. I was devastated for her, yet I knew exactly what she was going through having lived it only 18 months prior with Bobby. She and I ended up talking for a couple of hours from like 3 am to 7 am. I never even got to see her since both of us had babies in our arms and a curtain separating us. I was able to really talk her down from her fears and let her really cry and vent and, well, let’s face it, be a new mom without having to put on the fake happy face for the sake of others. In hind sight, I wish I had gotten her name or email so I could have checked in on her. I just know in my heart, I helped that woman on that early morning. And I would love to be able to do that more. I know people like the lactation specialist was wonderful and how cool would it be to work with her? And maybe even to work with the patients where I could email them or call them few days after they leave to make sure they recognize symptoms of post partum or even just baby blues. When you are going through those emotions, the only folks who can understand are people who also went through it, and no matter how great of a family and support system you have, often, a stranger is your best comfort. Who knows, maybe this is all something I can get to do if I am a volunteer. I know I will have to do things like probably grunt work at first, but it is all part of the process. Besides, I think doing something for others is not only a healthy thing for my soul, it is something positive to give to my kids. They will see Mommy not just doing things for them, but for complete strangers which in turn will hopefully make them see the good in this. Plus, it might help me get over anxiety of socializing with people. Another thing I will need to learn for my kids being in school. It is all good, even though yes I really don’t have time for a lot of extra stuff, but I think this might be something I should make time for.

I have decided I want a Build A Bear party for my 35th birthday. I had always wanted a prom, but let’s face it, the logistics of this would be insane. I would have to either rent a place or get a dance floor for the back yard. Then there would be decorating and music and what to wear, etc. As much as it all sounds positively wonderful, I think it will just not happen. I am “friends” with BAB on Facebook and it just had a quick post about parties. I thought it was kind of fun, so I posted it and said I wanted to have my party there. I was shocked at the positive response, expecting folks to think I was a dork. Instead, it was all good. I looked into pricing and for 15 people, allowing folks to spend up to $25 per bear, it was only like $350 bucks. Really, when you get right down to it, not bad. Of course, I could spend less per bear or have less people, but either way, it might be something worth saving up for. Then I figured we could do drinks after, making it the booze and bears party. I was thinking of doing it at the Downtown Disney location as they have an upstairs which is where they do the parties. Then, there are gobs of bars down there and restaurants so we could easily do that right after. For right now, I am gung ho on this, so we will see how I feel in a few days.

Of course, I am very rude since I should not be concentrating on my birthday right now being then Ken is turning the big 4 0 very soon. Plus, I have an anniversary even sooner!

Ok, I made my appt for my foot. I go in Friday afternoon. Happy day for me since the doc I am seeing is the super cool one who set me up with my happy pills. Woo hoo! I will have to leave work a smidge early and then pick up the boys and run down there. Either that or Ken will just pick up the boys for me and I will come home before I go to my folks. Or I just won’t go to my folks. It all depends. Since it is a Friday, it isn’t like I need to rush, which is nice. I think Ken gets home pretty early on Fridays anyway, so maybe it will all work out well that if I need to get X-rayed, he can sit out with the kids. I am going to also see about talking to the doc about my meds. I have an appt with him in a couple weeks, but if we can take care of all of that on Friday, I don’t need to go down there a second time, and it clears up an appt spot. Truly, all I need is another prescription for the Efexor and perhaps one more refill of the Xanax, although on that I don’t know if I will even need it. But I might as well get it on the books.

I wonder how far out he will prescribe me. Like do I get 6 months of Efexor or a year? Or just another 3 months? I would hate to have to go back every 3 months, only since it is a pain to have to go to the doc anytime, but 6 months or a year would be cool. I have now been on the meds since January 20th, which means 6 weeks exactly! Wow! Neat! I guess that means it is at its full effectiveness. I am going to say that I think the pills have been a good investment. I feel better overall. Even though I do get some anxiety, it isn’t as overwhelming anymore. I do still suffer from the hypochondriac style anxiety. Last night I decided to talk it out with Ken as my sounding board. So I was able to walk him through each of my crazy thoughts, explaining where my head goes and how I try to talk myself down. It seemed to work since I didn’t require any additional meds and I was pretty calm about the whole thing.

I am going to end up staying late at work tomorrow against my best instincts. I have a meeting at 2 that just has to be done, so there is no real way around it. I don’t want to postpone it just because I leave at 2:30. It may end up being only 30 minutes. But knowing the topic, it will be at least an hour. I figure it won’t hurt, and I will get a smidge of OT out of the deal. And that actually works well since I will duck out of work a bit early on Friday. LOL!

If memory serves, today is the bug class, which means Ken will be getting Mr. Bobby to take to the class. I would imagine if Dax knew Ken was taking Bobby to the bug class, he would want to go, too, since he enjoyed it last week. But if he doesn’t end up going, it will just be Dax and myself this afternoon. Hopefully it stays dry out if only so he and I can go out back and play in the yard. I know the dogs will prefer that.

I am thinking that we need to do our taxes this weekend. We have gobs of time what with no activities planned. I also think that this weekend should be just that, no activities. Maybe I can bust out the finger paints and let the boys paint. If it is raining, hot chocolate is in order as well. Maybe a big pot of chicken noodle soup that cooks all day long so the whole house smells yummy. I just want to spend the day in sweats!

Bobby and my dad were going back and forth yesterday, inflicting imaginary pain on one another. My dad would rip off Bobby’s butt, and Bobby would declare that he was ripping off my dad’s arms. This went back and forth including a decapitation and heart removal. But the best part was when Bobby said he was going to rip off my dad’s ears and I quickly yelled out, “no Bobby! You have to do it to the pain!” Thankfully my mom got it and laughed.

I also got to tease my mom that Jesus is weeping for her since she is missing the second Easter in a row with the boys. I am so glad my mom has such a wacky sense of humor like me.