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7-16-14

Can you still be mad at someone who has admitted to getting help?

Angela texted me yesterday with a simple picture of her keys and a small note. The key chains said NA. Sure enough, she has sought out help for her issues. She is 27 days sober, getting her 30 day chip on Sunday.

On one hand I am thrilled for her. If she follows through with this perhaps she will truly have an upper hand with her demons that have truly plagued her for years. It is a tough thing to actually take steps to fix the mess that addiction can make.

Then there is my more emotional, irrational side. This is the side that is still pissed at her. The one that feels like this is just one more convenient excuse. I feel like although I forgave her for a week ago, I didn’t let go all of the times I have truly wanted to smack her upside the head.

A minor epiphany hit me on my way in this morning.  I do think that some of my issues with this is that I really want to be that person who would let everything go just to help a friend who would be in this boat. I am upset that I just can’t do that. I can’t go all in, and it is hard for me to admit that.

I am going to go with her on Sunday to get her chip. She said it would mean the world to her if I was there. I think it important no matter what happens in our friendship that she has support. Going to a meeting with her isn’t going to change everything for me, but it may give me better insight so that I can act accordingly.

I also have decided that no matter what, if she is now truly going to take NA seriously then she will need to allow for me to speak my mind fully. No longer am I going to sugar coat things. She needs to know what she has done and she needs to allow me my own recovery.

In less angst ridden topics, I managed to get all the recycling down to the center. It was quite the hall and a reminder that my PT is not a large vehicle. I am also now pretty sure I placed several spiders in my car due to them being on the bags of cans. Bleah.

My mom and I are going to get matching tattoos. I am quite excited at this! We have decided to get the number three on the inside of our wrist. My dad is skeptical that she will get it done, but I think she will. It is not a completely outrageous tattoo idea, and this is something we have had as a symbol for 20 years or so. It should prove to be a really fun outing. Now to just figure out which font to choose!