toxicitiy

7-10-14

Roar.

Is it too much to ask for people to grow the fuck up? Is it too much to hope that people would take responsibility for their own repeated actions? Is it too much to expect for people to not make everything only about themselves?

Clearly, I am the delusional one here.

Sarah was supposed to pick up Angela on the way to Steve. Sarah texted me at to tell me Angela wasn’t anywhere to be found and she wasn’t answering her phone. This of course was reminiscent of my last experience with picking her up.  Truly, it was the same as just about every time I have dealt with her. She has never been punctual and it is always some excuse. Frankly, I am tired of it. Sarah asked me how long she should wait. I told her 10 minutes, but I totally understood why Sarah gave her 20.

Sarah was almost at Steve when Angela called her. She didn’t answer the phone since she was driving. Angela texted me saying she had forgotten her phone. The only thing that would have been an acceptable excuse would have had to include something about bleeding out. Even then I would have been annoyed. Her track record isn’t clean and I just don’t have time for this nonsense.

I didn’t respond, and Sarah sent a quick apology to her and we decided to eat since it was now 7 o’clock. Angela didn’t start the barrage of pity party texts until about 8, which meant she was most likely properly intoxicated. Not only did she give full on guilt trip texts, she got Charlotte involved, which meant poor Sarah had to hear it from multiple sources. It was ridiculous.

What made it worse was how much Angela’s bullshit was like dealing with Brandy. These selfish people that have been a part of my life for so long are incredibly taxing on me. I was probably more angry at Angela than I needed to be, but a good chunk of that was me lashing out my frustrations at Brandy onto Angela.

I am very angry at Brandy. I am very angry at Angela. I am angry that these are people that should either be some of my very best friends for the rest of my life, or simply a blip on my life line that provides me with laughs more than frustration. Instead, I am left in this crazy limbo. We run in similar circles and even though I try to be respectful and don’t bash them both on a regular basis, all of their nonsense comes at me with force.

Andrea feels like Brandy and I will be friends again. I wish I felt like this was a good statement. I don’t know that I want to ever be friends with her again. I find her arrogance and preachy ways to be super offensive. Yet I find myself still drawn to her, if only because it is familiar and in a lot of ways, safe. I don’t like letting people go. It is hard for me to lock people out forever. Yet in reality, it is better for me to not be around such toxic people.

I emailed Angela this morning and told her she needs to calm the fuck down and chill out. I told her I was annoyed with her reaction and how she made her mistake into something that Sarah and I should feel guilty about. I know it will fall on deaf ears, especially since she was already wallowing in her self-pity which is why she is leaving in the first place. At least I know I told her and if she decides she is truly pissed at me, there would have been nothing for me to do about it without sacrificing myself in ways I am no longer willing to do.

Thankfully today is mellow. The boss is still out which makes for a less frustrating work day. I also don’t have any planned activities aside from sitting on my ass and watching the movie my mom brought me. It sounds blissful. I figure I can walk the dogs after the movie since it should be cooler out. I like the outlook for the day.