Mutt Moms

4-23-13

I am a mutt.

There seems to be a movement out in the world today that has you name the style of mom you are. We have your tiger moms, your helicopter moms, hell even I have joked that I am Mama Bear. But it doesn’t just stop with random animals. You have attachment parenting, authoritative parenting, and permissive parenting. Each style comes with their own rules. Tiger moms are very strict and expect their kids to get no less than A’s in school. Helicopter parents hover around their kids; not letting them to ever feel like help isn’t nearby. As a mom, you read all of these different techniques and it’s no wonder we feel overwhelmed with the whole prospect of it.  

The pressure to be a good parent is at a peak these days. Moms from a couple of generations ago didn’t have to worry about much more than just keeping us alive. Now, alive isn’t enough. We have to make sure our 2 month old thrives and we identify their inner prodigy early so that we can ensure that they meet their potential long before Pre-K.

What a sad way to mom!

When I was a little kid, I wanted to become three things. I had plans on being a scientist on my own farm in which I also had my own veterinary practice. I also planned on being a mom. I wanted 6 kids; 3 girls, 3 boys. Clearly I had lofty goals, and although I determined pretty quickly my scientific mind was not ready for a career in medical breakthroughs for goats, I did still know I needed to be a mother.

After waiting for my body to reciprocate my desire for 3 years, I found myself pregnant with my son, Bobby. I was in heaven. I promptly started reading anything and everything I could get my hands on in order to make sure I was fully prepared to do more than just feed and water this little life form that was coming soon.

I have to ask, when did the parenting books section in the book store become a larger section than the children’s books? Well, that answer is now clear. Remember that pressure I spoke of? Well, so many of us moms out there have been trying to make sure we are doing everything right. We are giving ourselves the label as some way to show other parents at those play groups we all not so secretly despise that we are better than everyone else. We are looking for people to look to us as the model of great parenting when really, none of us know what we are doing.

Last night, right after I tucked my now 8 and 6 year old boys into bed I had a parenting epiphany.

I am a mutt!

A Mutt Mom to be specific. I have crammed so much parenting advice and articles and who knows what else into my mind I have started to form my own parenting style. I don’t stick to any one plan. I have taken bits and pieces of the many advice columns and books I have read and have raised my two boys accordingly. I also have not stuck to just one. I have been fluid in my parenting, making sure to address problems as they arise and try different methods based on what has worked in the past and being sure to know that the only “right” answer is the one that produces results.

I am a combo of the many things that make moms great. I am a mutt! I am stronger than a purebred because I am allowed to adapt. I don’t have to identify as any one breed. I am still fiercely loyal to my boys and will look out for their best interest, but at the same time I don’t need to feel pigeon holed into one method.

When they were young, I know I was very helicopter. But with time, I was able to pull back and let them grow. Do I regret having some helicopter tendencies? Not at all! During that time, I was able to do what I felt was best for me and my kids. I love that I have been able to grow as a mom and not just stay stagnant with procedures.

So moms stand proud knowing you are allowed to be a mom mongrel. You can pick and choose from all those crazy styles and still produce a fabulous child, and maybe even more importantly, you won’t lose your mind in the process. Don’t think that because you are not using the latest fad parenting that you are doing it wrong. Just know that you simply didn’t find that to be a good match.

Mutts get to have the best of all worlds.