I feel groovy

3-25-09

I am starting my journal late this morning. I have been doing other things, some work, some other. I think that my pain pills have worn off and I am back in the real world. I was incredibly chipper when I arrived at work, yet somehow I felt fuzzy at the same time, so I wonder if the combo of Benedryl and the Acetaminophen was still influencing my mood. Not that I am not happy now, but I feel less giddy.

Yesterday was a long work day. Lots of crazy. Nothing bad, overall, but it just seemed like I had stuff going on every second of the day. I have a feeling this morning will be the same, but so far we are in the calm before the storm.

I had my dentist appt yesterday afternoon. Dax joined me and was perhaps the most charming and sweet little boy ever. We got there early, so he and I hung out in the waiting room, reading all of the kids books that were in the basket there. He sang, he laughed and at one point when he heard the music being played, he turns to me and says, “Mommy, we must dance!” He then started grooving out much to the delight of another woman in the waiting room and the receptionist.

We headed back for my cleaning. I had packed a full bag of things for him to play with including favorite toys, crayons and a coloring book, and even the coveted Cat in the Hat flap book that the boys love. Instead of playing with anything in the bag, he played with my watch. He was so excited about it, so I gave it to him to hold. He jumped around a bit, but not very much for him, and he never left the room. I didn’t have to scold him or tell him to calm down once. He was delightful. It was a little hard with him only because he is Mr. Conversation lately. He would ask me what something was, and I would tell him, and he would come back with his, “Oh but, but, why Mommy?” It normally isn’t a huge deal, since you can answer those questions, but when you have someone in your mouth, it isn’t something you can answer as easily. I was a little surprised that he didn’t talk more to the hygienist, but he was being a smidge shy. It usually takes him about 30 minutes to warm up to someone, and 30 minutes was all the cleaning took. I am sure she made a friend for life, though, when she told him he was such a good boy that he would get to have a prize from the treasure box. He chose a little frog and was so excited.

The afternoon was uneventful. I had a raging headache, probably from the congestion, a little bit of period, and the dentist cleaning. The boys went to bed without any issues, and I was able to medicate myself for sleep.

I have been quite pleased that Dax has not only let me, but requests, the book Oh The Places You’ll Go. I love the hell out of that book, and really love reading it aloud, so it is nice to have that every night. It also makes the other book he likes more bearable. One of the items in the recent Braskin load was a book called Matthew’s Dragon. Not a great story, but Dax likes that there are dragons. I am tempted to go down to Borders and see about a better book with dragons that will replace this one. Then again, I may just look through all of the other books in Bobby’s closet to see if he has anything that may do.

Bobby had me read this pop up book that is about Dracula going into town to scare folks, but then they give him teddy bears which is his weakness. Ok, to be perfectly honest, I have no idea what the book is actually about. I ad lib the story each time. I make every character on the page talk. Often they fight with one another, sometimes they sing, sometimes they just laugh. Bobby thinks it is hysterical. Who says I have to read the actual words in these things??

This afternoon I have to take Bobby back to the doc so they can look at his arm where the TB test was done. Last night it looked fine, but they have to mark it down that they looked at it. Since I will be out anyway, I am going to swing by my folks. I know my mom gets withdrawals if she doesn’t see them, and since I had to cancel my Tuesday visit yesterday, I figure she could get her fix tonight.

They asked the question to 2000 women whether or not they would shave their head in order to save the life of another. 75% answered they would. They are saying this is bogus on K&B since the same women also answered in the alarming majority that they would rather win America’s Top Model over getting the Nobel Prize. Ok, yes, that does seem questionable. I am pretty sure I would happily shave my head if it meant saving a life. Um, hello, look at all the rockin wigs I would get! I could change my hair every day! I would get my original hair color back! I could have so much fun with that, AND I would be saving someone. The two ladies on the air are saying most women can easily answer the question but they would change their tune if the razor is in hand. They also say that women value their hair way more than they would admit to. This is possible. They are also now asking for too many variables to be answered, but then again, I think they are interesting variables. Is the person who is going to die 99? Is he 30 with kids? How long is his life spared for? Like, is he on life support and just lasts like 3 more days? Is the person evil? I mean, would you want to shave your head for say Charles Manson to be spared? I know that there are the nutjobs that were part of his “family’ that shaved their heads in his support, but I mean actually shave their head to save his life is a different matter. How is shaving your head any different from cutting off a chunk to donate to someone who is bald from cancer? Look, I am the first to say I can’t stand the vast majority of the population. But I swear, since I had kids, I have become a wuss when it comes to anyone being sad. I cry over people I don’t know. Hell, I even have more sympathy for the bad folks just because I know that they too have a mother who loves them unconditionally. And even though they should probably no longer be walking around and should probably be 6 feet under, I would still feel sad for their death. It is this creepy thing in me that gives me sympathy for folks that don’t get it elsewhere.

I freaked out a few coworkers on Friday with this sympathy. Recently in I think Palmdale? Anyway, this 18 month old was found on the side of the freeway. The mom at first claimed she had been hit over the head and knocked out and the person stole her kid. She has since retracted her story and it has come out that she dumped the body after her daughter had somehow died at home and she didn’t want to be accused of killing her. The last story I saw made it almost sound like SIDS or even something like the baby choking on milk (she was put to bed with a bottle). The ladies I was talking to were all horrified at the idea of a woman dumping their own child. They all agreed that they would and could never do this. They then looked to me. I had to point out that it wasn’t all that inconceivable. I am pretty sure they all at that very moment feared for my boys. But I had to point out to them things like shock and even post partum that can alter your mood to make you do stupid and unbelievable things. I cited everything from how Brooke Sheilds wrote in her book that when she was suffering from post partum she considered driving head first into the center divider of the freeway. There was the woman who drowned her 7 kids. People with adrenaline can lift a car off of their child, it is also reasonable that they might toss the car on their own kid if they think it will protect them. I am not saying I would do something horrible, but I remember those first few weeks after Bobby was born. It was pretty rough. I was sure I wouldn’t be able to nurse, I was sleep deprived and I had no idea what I was doing. I could see how someone who was worse off than me could consider throwing their crying kid out the window. There is a Scrubs episode where Carla has post partum and I am telling you, I break down crying every time I see it. And I had it easy!! Look, the human mind sometimes snaps, and even though it isn’t ok, it still can’t be looked at without any form of compassion. The broad who is the mom to Caylee probably killed her kid. I think she is an awful human being. I also think she is sick in the head. I think she has some kind of defect that has detached her from her own offspring. She is one of the people that should never of had a kid, and never felt a bond with that kid. It is sad, and honestly I can’t read to much on that story because when I see the picture of that little girl, all I can see is Bobby and Dax staring back at me. No, I don’t want to be friends with her mother. I think she is bad, I think she is evil, I think she is a monster. But I wonder if she even understands what she did. I don’t know, I don’t have the inside information that someone close to her might have, and truly, it isn’t fair of me to judge her without that. I know, hypocritical of me since I judge just about everyone. But like I said, I somehow have internally become the sympathy for the monsters. I have the compassion for folks that won’t get any from anyone. I wish I understood it better. Maybe it is just because I often feel at odds with the opinions of so many people that it is my way of siding against them by siding with the very people they hate. If I agree with the people that the murder is all bad, then I am just like those people that think illegal immigrants are swell or that gay marriage is wrong. I know that this makes no sense. It is perfectly reasonable for me to thinks that a murderer is bad, and still not side with someone else who thinks the same thing, but may have differing political opinions than myself. I guess I am always looking for a fight. LOL! I just want to be able to look at both sides objectively. Too often, we as humans don’t do that. We don’t see the whole story, we only stay with one side and don’t hear each other out. It is a shame, really.

Can we say Gena going on a tangent?

Ok, now I am just feeling positively groovy. I wonder where that burst of energy came from. I have busted out Ichipod for some good tunes and I am going through my accounts, seeing if there is anything that can be applied before the end of the week. Yes, I know I am writing right now so this isn’t exactly doing this, so perhaps I need to go back to that?