I had not written about this until today, mostly because I was being respectful of Ken’s aunt and uncle. I don’t know who reads my blog, and honestly as pissed off as I am, I am not the kind of person to potentially ruin a beautiful day.
Chris, Ken’s cousin, got married this past Saturday. We were not invited to the ceremony. In fact, it was told to Ken from Chris to have something else already planned so that when family asked why we were not coming we had an excuse other than Chris told us not to come.
Chris called Ken about a month or so ago. I didn’t know it was him when I heard Ken talking. I know he said Chris’s name, but I thought it was our friend, not his cousin. He sounded defensive, and I wondered why Chris was yelling at him. As I listened to more of the one sided conversation, it became clear that it was his cousin on the other line. He was angry and yelling at Ken for something that had happened 20 years ago.
I was a little freaked out. I can assure you, it is never a good idea to listen in on a conversation in which you only can hear one person. It makes you think the worst.
Ken finally got off the phone and he told me what the random phone call was in regards to.
Some twenty plus years ago, when Ken was probably about 18 or 19, his whole family went to Mammoth as they did every summer. Sandy, Chris’s sister, had brought along a friend with them, as teens often do on family trips. Sandy and her friend were probably about 14 or so.
This friend lost contact with Sandy at some point and only recently was in touch with Sandy because of the magic of Facebook. A conversation took place between Sandy and this girl and she told Sandy that during that trip, Ken had made inappropriate advances, and even insinuated that there was a forced sexual encounter.
Sandy had found out about this maybe 18 months ago. She informed her brother about it, and at the time, he mentioned it to Andy. No one seemed to think this was a problem or a real event and it was not ever brought up with Ken. In fact, Andy told us (after we spoke to him) that Chris didn’t seem concerned in the least about this. We have spent time with both Chris and Sandy on numerous occasions since they knew, and no one has brought this up with Ken. No one has treated him differently that I could see. Hell, if anyone could be upset, it would be Sandy, and she has always been one of the family who is closest to us.
This is why this phone call was shocking. He was angry. He yelled and hollered and made this out to be this horrifically detrimental issue in the family. He was concerned Ken’s presence at the wedding would cause drama at the ceremony and therefore would ruin his big day.
Fuck you, Chris Hiner.
At no point would Ken ever dream of making a spectacle at a family wedding. At no point would Sandy ever ruin her brother’s wedding. This chick who made these accusations wasn’t even going to be at the ceremony. What the fuck??
To be perfectly honest, I have never been real sure of Chris. There was something about him that seemed off. He was funny as hell, but I never got to know him. It bummed me out because by all accounts, he and Ken were quite close when they were younger. I felt like I should know this guy better. But instead, it was always kind of cold and distant, and I don’t know why.
He had a kid and it didn’t do him any favors. He and the baby mama split, and they have had issues since. Don’t even get me started on his demon that is his spawn. Granted, I don’t even know if I blame the kid being that the same cold and distant demeanor that I have experienced from Chris is exactly how he acts towards his own son. He ignores him and the only time I see him interact with him is to yell at him for something that is clearly being done to get attention.
I don’t know what has motivated this recent rift between Chris and Ken. Of course, I don’t have all the data, but that is mostly due to Chris. I emailed Sandy. I asked her if she knew what was up. I also asked her if she had anything to do with the wedding invite. She told me invites were up to Chris, and she agreed to talk to us in person next time we come up. I am tempted to have Ken call her.
I told Ken that Chris is dead to me. Yeah, he fucked with the wrong Mama Bear. His actions are incredibly fucked up on every level. Andy agrees with me, and he is also upset. There was a much bigger family drama point there in the form of feuding sisters (my MIL and her sister who have not spoken in 10 years) that attended the wedding, yet this random event was what Chris opted to focus on.
Family is not blood. Family is who you choose. I have never been one to assume you are worthy of respect simply because we share the same surname. I don’t refer to what would be my Grandmother as anyone but Virg because that woman lost privileges as a grandparent. None of my aunts and uncles were referred to as Aunt Robbie or Aunt Jo. They were all just called by their first name. I believe whole heartedly that although my parents have no other daughters, I have sisters. Family is who you love. Blood is what you clean up.
I wrote a letter to Chris this morning and will be sending it to him once Andy gets me his email address. I can assure you, I will protect Ken to the death and it would be wise for Chris to know this.
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