The shape of youth

3-4-15

“This looks like a dildo!”

Ok, when you read that sentence, it doesn’t really seem like that big of deal. Of course, that is if you don’t know that it was uttered by your 8 year old son while he was doing homework on measurements. The object in question was actually a baster and his declaration was out of amusement.

I honestly hoped I had heard wrong. I know that my boys are growing up fast, but it doesn’t mean you are ever really ready for the “talk”. They have asked me questions about babies and other sexual related items. There is a store near our house that sells adult videos and toys. We passed it one day when my 10 year old asked me why they sell the fancy underwear in the window. I quickly explained that women feel pretty when they wear fancy undies and boys like to look at women when they are in fancy undies. He laughed and indicated this all made sense and the subject was dropped. I was pleased that the advice I had always heard about kids wanting to know less than you think you need to answer on those questions was in fact very true.

Both Dax and Bobby watch a lot of videos online. Youtube is filled with goofy guys playing video games while recording it and they narrate with wacky and mostly cheesy comedy. Sure, a good portion of it is filled with everything a growing boy finds hysterical; swearing, poop talk and a healthy dose of slapstick. I know I should probably pay closer attention to these videos, but having heard a lot of them, I haven’t seen any real harm being done.

The knowledge of a dildo certainly does make me pause. I wonder if perhaps they are describing a similar looking item in a game and calling it dildo-shaped which is where Dax picked up the language at hand. It is possible, too, that there was in fact a more crude conversation taking place while the video showed the various characters in their games that would make it seem more adult in nature.

Thankfully I kept my cool when the words came out like a firecracker. I asked him to repeat what he said, and he gladly did so. I then proceeded to ask him where he had heard this word and if he even knew what a dildo was. He only seemed to know it was a toy but couldn’t elaborate. In all fairness, it was at this time you could see the slight tint of fear sweep across his face. I noted that look he gets not long before he would burst into tears over something he was getting in trouble for. I quickly explained that he was not in trouble and that I was more curious as to what they knew.

I could have possibly made this a more insightful conversation. I might have been able to use it as a way to venture in to topics such as masturbation, which I know is something they are, if only in an innocent manner, aware of. Instead, I opted to just explain that it was a grownup word and ultimately they shouldn’t use it with their friends or at school, to which both of them nodded in agreement and we went back to the homework in front of them.

I wonder if I handled it correctly since I worry that I the subject of sex shouldn’t be made out to be a bad thing. At the same time, I feel that they are too young to get into the subtle nuances that include things like toys and lingerie. We are a relatively progressive household with both boys allowed to use swear words, which I am very careful to point out to them are not “bad” words, but simply words that are not allowed in certain situations such as school. There is no shame put on nakedness and I have never been opposed to any kind of questions concerning body parts and functionality. I don’t say I had them in my tummy, trying to utilize the correct terminology of uterus instead. It in some ways feels like I should have possibly asked them more questions in order to have an open dialogue.

In the end, I have decided to not bring it up further. I know I probably should also watch some of those mind numbingly boring videos they cackle at on a daily basis, but I just can’t bring myself to care enough. Both of them will hear words and phrases through their life and I suppose all I can do is to continue to let them know I don’t mind questions about these topics. Plus, I am pleased that I can pawn off things like the sex talk to Ken, since let’s face it, hearing about sex from your mother as a boy has to be icky whereas your dad will be less weird.  I figure I can reserve my ways of embarrassing them in other circumstances.