sadness

4-30-09

Happy birthday, Ken!

Today I feel a little off. Perhaps it is because I feel like I actually got some sleep. It has been so long since a god night sleep, I don’t know what to do with myself.

Yesterday afternoon, I got the boys early so we could go and get Ken a birthday present. We ran by the bank and then off to Target. I figured Ken could use some new shirts, and I had the boys help me out. Let’s just say Ken ended up with 3 t-shirts, all with some kind of skull on them.

My coworkers just alerted me to 3 dead kittens. What a horrible find. They were out on the front steps, one out in the middle, and two under sprinklers. They probably died from the cold based on the lack of distress. I had seen mama when I was in the parking lot, moving something. It looked like a baby. So now, I have Renee on alert to ask the warehouse guys to let me over in that area once they get in so I can possibly retrieve the last baby. I went out there now, and I had seen mama, who looks uber feral. So upsetting. The kittens couldn’t have been more than a couple weeks. Good sized kittens, but not walking yet. Eyes were already open. So sad.

Stupid warehouse guys are still not here. I can’t get into the yard until they do. Not good!!

On to more cheery things since if I dwell on this right now I will go crazy.

We went to the Disney store after Target with the goal of obtaining a Bolt doll for the kids. Dax especially loves him some Bolt. Unfortunately, they didn’t have any. Apparently, they sell out quick. But the good news, they get more, so I have another trip out to Disney. Perhaps a different location. Of course, they had gobs of Buzz Lightyear stuff, which the boys loved.

Our net was down all night, which sucked. AT&T had some kind of circuit blow in our area, which truly sucked. On the plus side, because of that, I think I got to bed considerably earlier than I would have normally.

Ok, I just went through the yard and didn’t see any signs of a kitten. Of course, there are lots of hiding spots, but based on this mom, I don’t know that she would have hidden the kitten so well that I wouldn’t see him. I told the guy out there to have anyone get a hold of me if they find any baby, so hopefully they come across one. It was pretty cold out, but mama might have moved this recently enough that he was still warm.

I feel so sad about the kittens.

I just went and sat with the mama for a bit. She looks so young. She was looking for the three that had died. Poor mama looked so sad. I considered bringing back a trap this afternoon to catch her, but then I realized this would be a bad plan for the one baby that may still be alive. So I will keep an eye out for a kitten in the parking lot and once I think the baby is old enough to get trapped, I will set traps for both. Hopefully I am in fact setting a trap for a baby and a mama.

Let it be noted right now. Something feels wrong. Something is going down today. I don’t know what, or even if I am right. Let’s hope I am just crazy.

Mama cat keeps looking around for her babies. It is so freaking heartbreaking to see her.

My sleepyness has returned full force. I don’t know what the problem is. I also keep alternating between hunger and nausea. I don’t know what that is about. I felt the same yesterday. I even peed on a stick this morning just to be sure, since my boobs were super sensitive, and my period last week was non existent. I had originally chalked it up to my Mirena is doing as it predicted, which is making them practically go away. It has been like 6 months, so this would be about right. But the test only had lines, no pluses, so I seem to be in the clear on that for now. I of course assumed the worst and figured I would be the first case of Swine Flu in Torrance, but aside from a slightly sore throat, I feel ok. The hunger is because I am due to eat lunch in like 10 minutes. The yacky feeling? Don’t know yet. Hell, it could just be stress.

We are going out to dinner for Ken’s b-day tonight. The plan so far is Hometown Buffet since we have a coupon, and with the cheap kid fare, we end up getting dinner for 4 all under $20. Not bad, really.

Rummage sale at Robinson’s school in Manhattan Beach tomorrow night. It is from 5 to 7. We are doing birthday pie and dinner with my folks, but we should try to get down there to take a look. So perhaps we will go around 4:30, take a quick look, then head to my parent’s house. Or we will go after. Don’t know yet. Although, I realize just now that we have to get the other kits for the birthday party Ken is doing on Saturday. It also means I know I will end up being up late tomorrow night to get them set. Hopefully it is an easy one.

My number show this week rocked hard! Silver is now enrolled in Catholic school, which amused me just for the uniforms. But the best part about that is that she isn’t Catholic, she knows nothing about it, but this one chick who is uber religious tries to “save” her and decides to fast until she comes clean about her past. In the end, she tells the whole school how she made a sex tape, and these girls who are supposed to be all forgiving call her a whore. It is fantastic! I am loving the whole cast at this point. There are no weak spots. Ok, this is of course aside from my longing for the original gang to show up more often. I was a horrified, though, to find out that I only have 3 more episodes left this season!! How will I survive???

Ok, haven’t watched AI yet, but if I am understanding correctly, Adam was in the bottom two with button head? WTF???

I think my plan now is to retrieve the children when I get home, and bring them this way to drop off some food for the cat. I am considering letting them play at the park across the street for a while and then meet Ken over at the restaurant since he isn’t done until 5. So if he calls me when he is heading over there, we can go at that point. So if I head over here around 3:30, after I visit a bit, I can go to the park for an hour. Sounds possible! It will wear them out, work up an appetite, and that way they are set for a public place!

busy day

4-29-09

I am done! With my reports, that is. The final one that I did this morning is one of those super easy, but filled with tons of steps that need to be done in a certain order or it all gets messed up, and there are 12 spreadsheets with 6 reports from the system for each spreadsheet. No joke. But it is done, and I am relieved.

Other than the fog my brain is in, I am ok. My throat is starting to hurt from the evil cold that is still lingering in my body. I don’t think it is the pig sick, but you never know. I will keep a close watch to make sure I don’t get more symptoms because that is all I need is to get some funny named illness.

American Idol has wronged me. I never actually watch AI. The closest I ever came was the season that happened when I was on maternity leave with Bobby. I was able to watch the Fox news in the mornings, and since it is their network, they would have all of the highlights of the performances, and they would even have on the person who was voted off. It was great! I didn’t have to invest a ton of time on the actual bullshit the program airs, yet I knew all the scoop.

Every year we do watch the bad singers. They are fantastic. I instantly fell deeply in love with Adam and Danny, and so we decided to watch the hell week auditions. Next thing you know, I am committed to this stupid ass show. Adam continued to wow me, and still does. Danny has been disappointing, but that is ok since I now love me some Allison. But despite my affections for my two rockers, I hate this fucking show. Seriously, it is horrible. Ralph from KROQ went on a rant last week about the horrible editing and silly crap they pull to fill time. I agreed, whole heartedly, and laughed my ass off at his frustration. Now it is my turn to vent about how bad it is.

The straw that broke my back was their choice in mentor this week. Every week is a theme and they have someone from the genre to mentor the kids to show them the way to greatness. In the past there have been everyone from Gwen Stephani to Whitney Houston to random country folks I don’t know. All of them, though, had a background in music, and truly they were appropriate for the night listed. I suffered through the mentor a couple weeks ago that was Quentin Terantino only because I love him. But in reality, he had no business telling Adam how to sing a song. He is a director and writer, and yes, he makes amazing song choices for his flicks, but he doesn’t write any of them!!!!!! He doesn’t sing the songs. They are all songs that were done when he was in diapers that he happens to respect. But last night, they took it too far.

It was Rat Pack week, which meant plenty of crooners were turning over in their graves. I am pretty sure the Chairman of the Board himself, Mr. Frank Sinatra is wishing he was a live so he could have the producers of AI wacked. And do you know why he is screaming profanities six feet under? Because the mentor the opted for since most of the greats are dead, was Jaime Fox. Yes, THAT Jaime Fox. The arrogant ass that happened to win an Oscar by playing Ray Charles. Look, I know that it was a good performance and he sang and all that jazz, but a mentor to other singers? Are you fucking kidding me? So because he played a guy that had nothing to do with the Rat Pack? If it was Ray Charles, sure, I would be less upset, but this is just a fucking guy who played him on the tv!!! And he had the balls to actually go through with it as if he was a living fucking legend. Oh. My. God. No words, seriously, no freaking words.

I am down to the final 5, with one of those going home tonight, so I will suffer through the next 4 weeks just to watch them obviously present Adam with his prize. I won’t be happy about it, but I can’t pull away from the train wreck at this point. I am weak, but Adam makes it tolerable.

They are tripping on a woman who didn’t know she was pregnant until 2 hours before she spit the kid out. As much as I understand their (their being the Kevin and Bean show) shock and awe, I can understand a bit of it. Many of the girls who called in said they didn’t feel any symptoms that were red flags until almost 6 months. The guys of K&B were in shock. Clearly, they have never been pregnant, or a woman for that matter. I was nor surprised at any of the stories, especially once I heard the background. Women on Depo who had no periods anyway. Women that didn’t really show, women who to some degree were in a place in their life where they just assumed it was adolescence. All seemed reasonable, and I just found it all fascinating. Apparently there is some new special on TLC (not surprising since they have been milking the birthing stories for years. A side note to that, don’t be pregnant or on maternity leave with that cable channel at your disposal.) that covers women who have had this happen. I guess I need to go and Tivo that. Along with the Demise and Rise of Steve-O, I have some interesting programming for this weekend.

They just took down email for a bit. Ok, like 10 minutes, but it amazing how much that messes with my job! When it came back up, I got emails from like 2 hours before! I guess it was having problems!

I watched a bit of my 90210 last night, and was shocked at how much sex there is. I know I was a bit of a prude in high school having not given it up until I was 17, and I know that as a 33 year old, I am probably way out of touch with exactly how much sex 15 year olds are having, but you still don’t expect for them to be so blatant, especially since how overly sensitive some groups get over shows. Kudos to 90210 for going forward with it, but still, it is shocking. Naomi is having sex everywhere she sees this one guy, and Silver and Dixon had sex and unbeknownst to Dixon, Silver had filmed it in all its glory and proceeded to include it in her pre bi polar diagnosis film project and screened it for several other students and a teacher. It makes for awesome viewing since has there been anything so mindless and stupid that has truly caught my attention in such a long time that truly has no flaws for what it is? Realistic? Don’t know, don’t care. Witty dialogue? Nor particularly, but I have laughed out loud at least a dozen times an episode. Does it make me feel creepy old? Not a chance what with Kelly and Donna back to their old tricks and in their old stomping ground. Sure, both with kids in tow and failed marriages, but how freaking awesome is that? I miss me some Brenda! And even though I know that Brandon was behind the camera for the best episode of the season, I would love to see him on the screen, in all his sideburned glory. And Dylan, David, Andrea, all of you! It doesn’t make you a sell out to come back to the cash cow that gave you life for so long. It makes you awesome on every level imaginable. So please, make a girl’s dreams come true, and make a couple of cameos on the show of all shows. I am telling you, it will be the best thing I have seen in ages.

Despite being swamped all morning, I keep having giant breaks. It is crazy. Nothing here is steady. Either I am busy for like an hour straight, or I am twiddling my thumbs for 30 minutes. If one of the things I had in the prior hour happened in the 30 minutes of down time, I think that the day would go by at a better pace. That being said, I am stoked that it is almost noon.

uncertainty

4-27-09

Welcome to the land of uncertainty. Population: everyone I work with.

On Thursday last week, Tammy and I were greeted by a fellow employee who had been with the company for 21 years. We didn’t talk to her much, but today would be probably the last day we would talk to her. She tells us she just wanted to stop by and say goodbye. Turns out, she had been laid off. Despite the furlough days, apparently we are still in dire straits and they needed to cut some more money in the form of bodies.

At the end of the day, 30 people had lost their jobs, and my source, who’s source is super reliable, told us that another 10 were slated for the following day, including a possibility of 2 in my department. Friday was spent on pins and needles, waiting for the inevitable “Gotta minute” from my boss to one of us, and then the rush of tears. It was horrible.

By 2 on Friday, we got word in the form of hearsay that we were in the clear at least until this week. This morning, we were told that we would probably only lose one, and the one is not me. That being said, there was a huge meeting scheduled today for some of the big wigs that would be going over the numbers (close is today) to determine who is next, and when the next wave hits, which has rumors of as soon as Wednesday.

I am exhausted. I just feel so stressed. The talk seems to be that we are a sinking ship. So does that mean I should stay with the ship as long as they want to pay me and give me health benefits? Or should I be trying to find something else now instead of waiting. Sure, if I get laid off, unemployment is easy enough to get. But that doesn’t last forever.

I found myself in uber cleaning mode on Saturday. It was the only way to get out of my head when it came to the uncertainty that my workplace now represents. I scrubbed the kitchen floor Cinderelly style since it allowed me to have full control over the process. Put a control freak in a situation in which they can’t control anything, you are now looking at a control freak with anxiety attacks that she is sure are mini heart attacks.

Even with some semblance of control with the cleaning, I didn’t want to make any decisions. I didn’t know what to make for dinner. I didn’t want to be the one who had to decide that, too. My overwhelmed mind just doesn’t know what to do now. I am the primary breadwinner in a house in which, let’s face it, does the bulk of the chores, is mom to two kids under 5, and wife to someone who isn’t always as organized as I would like him to be. I have folks worried about me. But how do you make them feel better? I suppose that isn’t my job, but how else do you get them to stop with the questions that don’t have answers? I am not suggesting that I don’t appreciate their concern, I just don’t know how to answer anymore.

And to make things worse, my superstitious nature has been kicked into high gear. On the way home from work on Friday, there was a dead duck. This is road kill highway, but it isn’t like I work by a pond, so ducks seem out of the ordinary. Plus, this is the third one, in the exact same spot. The first one was on my way to work on the same morning my mom ended up going to the hospital. I don’t remember if anything major happened from the second one, but the third one seems to have occurred during a pretty bad time, which makes me nervous. I don’t want to be all out of luck, like a duck that died.

My Saturday, despite the stressful over tones, was productive. I cleaned the heck out of the kids’ rooms, and got much of the laundry done. I also scrubbed the kitchen. As if this wasn’t enough, I worked on the trailer, going through the boxes of stuff Virsil said he wasn’t interested in keeping. This meant throwing away a lot of crap, boxing up the things he did want, making a Goodwill pile, and discarding an alarming amount of lube. In addition to this cleaning, I gave myself a nice giant lump on my head when I smacked my head into the roof of the trailer. I was sure I was going to do a Natasha Richardson. But I did not die, and it made me sad all over again thinking about how she thought she was fine and then was not. I had not realized the size of the injury until when I was scratching my head yesterday, I pulled off this giant scab. Lovely.

The McDonald’s visit was good. The kids were able to run, we were able to not think too much, and even though McDonald’s isn’t the best food, it could be worse. This one kid was there with his overwhelmed mother (who also had a 1 year old and a 2 year old in tow), and was clearly a special needs kid. He was about 5, and spastic. Dax came out of the structure a couple times, crying, complaining that someone had hit him. Then, this little boy started hitting Dax by the slide in full view. Ken yelled at him. Full on, “Excuse me; you do not hit my child!” He looked terrified. He ran back to his mother, who also had witnessed the offense. The kid tried to play some more, but when he would catch sight of Ken, he would run back to the safety of his mom. Finally, the mom brought the kid up to Dax so that he could apologize. Ken stepped in, and was all smiles for the kid, and then everyone was cool. Mind you, Ken also was making loud remarks directed at this mom earlier when her two kids were still wearing shoes despite the rules that say no shoes. I am pretty sure this woman was even more scared of Ken than this kid was.

I am very grateful that the boys are at the age where they need minimal supervision when they play in the yard. Between Ken working on things and me in the trailer, the boys were mostly on their own for a few hours. They had lots of fun. They found the cardboard pieces from a cut up box and went homeless swimming. Bobby did manage to soak him self when he started playing with the dog’s water, but it was minor overall. I did feel a little bad to be working on stuff and not playing with them, but I suppose they will survive.

Sunday morning we stopped by this garage sale which actually was a rummage sale for a fund raiser by my old soccer field. They had everything for $1. We started going through the clothing for the boys when a lady told us for $2, we could take a bag and fill it with whatever we could fit. They were trying to get rid of stuff at this point. The bag was one of those giant Target bags. So we filled it. The boys probably both got a dozen new things each, even if they last only a few wears. Now I have them waiting for cleaning. What shocked me was the number of underwear being sold. I know, a quick washing would make most toddler undies fine, especially since it isn’t like these kids are walking around with some STD. But I guess sharing underwear seems odd no matter what.

We spent the boys’ nap time watching this ABC show “What Would You Do?” Fascinating stuff. Hidden cameras would show how people would handle certain things from seeing a baby locked alone in a hot car to watching a women cuss out her nanny to seeing a guy drug a woman’s drink at the bar. It was crazy to see how many people didn’t do anything. This one was where this homeless guy “collapses” and no one stops for him as he is lying out on the sidewalk. It was crazy. This one lady, who needed a cane to walk, and was homeless herself, stopped and kept asking folks to call 911 for this guy, but they ignored her, too. It was awful. What was really crazy was how emotional folks got once they found out it was a set up. Lots of tears, men and women alike. Very cool thing to watch the people who spoke up to help their fellow man. I was impressed.

BTW-F this whole swine flu crap. Look, I dodged SARS, I didn’t get the freaking monkey pox. I don’t need pig sick. So stop it! I refuse to let some funny named illness get me. So bring it on, piggies.

My rockin $10 purse I got at Target looks rough now. I knew the fabric would never last, but I had no idea it would get so tattered so quickly. So now I am in the market for yet another purse. This one took forever to find! Plus, it isn’t like I have tons of spare cash. I have $10 from Target, so I am on the hunt from them. Until that time, my current tattered mess will do.

Is it bad when your closing remarks to people at work is no longer good bye, but good luck?

Look, I am mostly fine that old guys hook up with young chicks. You are 67, your new wife is 26, fine. But don’t get the chick knocked up. You aren’t doing anyone any favors. You are making a child who will be fatherless by the time they are in grade school. Have you no shame?

I find it amusing that the Soup makes fun of the Hills, but I truly don’t want to hear anymore about it. The whole show is just horrid trash. I know, I watch 90210, but at least they are open about it being scripted. But the Hills just makes me sick. I guess I am feeling feisty this morning.

I am thrilled with the new phrase for Mother Fucker. Apparently some regular tv channel aired Snakes on a Plane, which has the line, I am tired of these Mother Fucking snakes off my Mother Fucking plane. They had recorded a version for tv with Sam Jackson’s voice saying the following as a replacement for the catch phrase for this movie. “I want these monkey fighting snakes off this Monday to Friday plane.” Seriously, I am going to be calling people monkey fighters forever now.

I requested time off in August, and the boss hasn’t gotten back to me. I am all freaked out since perhaps he hasn’t approved it because I will be gone! Either that or he is just busy with trying to keep people employed and it isn’t all about me. LOL!

The last bit of info was that they were planning on getting rid of enough people to make the remaining people be swamped so that they have to do overtime. I know, this makes no sense being that they would still have furlough, why then make folks work OT? My only thoughts is that they are keeping people that they think will paddle on the sinking ship and people who won’t work OT are easier to get rid of. Yes, crazy. Thank you rumor mill.

I tossed a bunch of old onsies. I kept the ones that were sentimental, just in case we win the lottery and I can have another kid. I am wondering if my talented MIL can make me a quilt made up of several of the boys’ clothing items. I may need to look into that.

I think I talk too much. Yes, this coming from someone who is on page 4 of her daily blog and this is a short one. I say things to folks, and even though they claim they hear me, they don’t seem to really HEAR me. Ken was on delay all weekend. I would say something to him, and about 2 minutes later, he would repeat my comment as if it was something he had not heard before. I would blame him, but I have had so many other people around me do this. So this must mean I am doing something wrong. I may need to go all silent Bob on folks so that the few things that come out are profound and truly command attention.

Boss just made it in. For someone pretty fond of small talk, especially concerning payments received, he sure seemed edgy and uninterested. Not sure what this means. Then again, he is one of those people that doesn’t like to deviate from his internal script.

OMG. New edit funny. John Goodman in the Big Lebowski says, you see what happens when you Fuck a stranger in the Ass, has been changed to when you find a stranger in the alps. AWESOME!

On that note, I think I will get to work.


Ok, I am back for a few. Of course, as I open this I forgot what I was going to say.

I brought a hammer into work. I now have it at my desk in case Tammy and I need to bust through the window due to a disgruntled ex employee. Is that bad?

It is sad when you do find certain people on Facebook and you determine that they still are as awful as you remember them. I found an old soccer team mate of mine (on my ex’s girlfriend’s list, strangely enough, but that is another topic altogether). We were never close, but I knew her, played with her, knew her dad, and even though I didn’t expect we would be friends or anything, you would think she would of at least responded to my inquiry as to if she was the same one I remember. I didn’t even friend request her. Yet as of right now, no response. I have seen she has been on, since she happened to comment on a post done by the girl I know her through. I don’t really mind since it was ages ago, and I don’t know her, but still, you know what site you are using, how’s about being polite? Of course, I don’t know that I am much better. I think I saw on there this guy that used to hang out with us at school that we never talked to really outside of classes (not that we talked to him then, either, but he was there), but that seemed to always be there. Did I friend request him? Nope. That my friend, is very sad on my part.

I just had a random craving for a Chinese Chicken Salad from the Kettle. I wonder if they have a kids eat free night.

Dax loves the movie Bolt. Asks for it daily now. Luckily, it is very cute, and I have only seen it 200 times so it isn’t old yet. But what makes the movie so cute to have on, is that in the standard music montage sequence, the boys sing along to the song played, which I am telling you, is the sweetest thing ever. They know a lot of the words, and sing along, almost without bothering to watch the movie. They just know it, and sing to it. I suppose I should bust out the ole video camera for that one.

I am so falling asleep. I guess I will go make my lunch now.

meetings

4-22-09

The boss clearly has decided it is going to be one of those days today, so Tammy and I are gearing up for chaos. It is month end, we didn’t get tons of cash in, so he wants us calling everyone and their mother for more cash. Yes, this is my job, but it isn’t my job to piss off the handful of customers who are actually paying.

I am super zoned this morning. Although, I feel better than when I first woke up. My back was killing me. I couldn’t get comfortable all night because of how hot it was, which resulted in me tossing and turning a lot. This just tweaked my back. The shower on uber hot on my back was just what the doctor ordered. Unfortunately, I forgot the pain meds.

I am distracted with everything this morning. I was writing this and then I saw my Time magazine, so I started thumbing through that. Now I think I will look at email. Seriously, what the heck?

Renee just noticed that I cut my hair. LOL! She had to pat down my back to make sure I wasn’t just hiding it. But apparently donating to Locks of Love seems to make everyone pleased with my decision.

My readings for today have been kind of brutal. Lots of mass murder. Waco, Columbine, Oklahoma City. It seems appropriate based on the dates.

I am busy in waves today. Not thrilled about this, but the busy does make the day go by quicker. I have a meeting at I think 1. So that will effectively kill my afternoon. That is ok. The sooner I can get home and maybe plant those wildflowers for Earth Day with the kids.

I actually own shoes that I have had since before I was married. I know, that is an odd statement since this doesn’t seem all that odd, but for some reason, it is odd to me. Odd?

I need to make my guest list for my slumber party! Ken thinks that the shindig should actually be a whole weekend so that out of town guests will be able to spend more than just a couple of hours at a party. So he says Friday night and Saturday night. Basically, get a residence inn suite with two rooms next to each other. Have activities planned that allow for maximum visiting, drinking, and even some time to show off my boys. I need to get cracking!

It sounds like my meeting this afternoon will actually be more interesting than I originally thought. It may be quick, though, so I am not as thrilled. However, I have several questions relating to the topic, so it may be longer than they had planned. I don’t know yet.

Sick

4-21-09

I should not be more tired after a weekend in which I feel like I didn’t do enough.

Don’t get me wrong. I got a lot of stuff done. Cleaned a lot, did all the laundry, took the boys to the carnival and let them play in the pool, bowled, etc, but I would have liked to get a project done instead of just the recovery of a week’s worth of clean up needing to be done. I suppose I did a couple of small projects, but still, I would have liked to do more.

Yesterday, the hot of the day prevented me from moving much. I had plans of doing some shopping, getting my oil changed, just a few minor things. I went into the kitchen and I about passed out it was so hot. Apparently my living room was the place to be. So I opted to stay in there all day. I watched the rest of Sober House with Ken while he was home, and then when he left, I got to catch up on 90210. Holy crap, I love me some 90210. It is getting better each episode!

When my second number show was done, Ken happened to call and asked if I could bring him a couple of paychecks for his people, so Lycos and I met him in Carson to get them to him. It was fun driving around with the dog, since I had not done that in a while. Sure, she goes with us on walks and up north and stuff like that, but this was just me and the dog, so I enjoyed that. The absolute joy a dog has when they stick their head out of a car window is so cool.

When Ken got home, we all packed up and headed out to get my car’s oil changed and washed. Now Barnum is all kinds of clean and happy. The boys also liked watching the wash from the outside since both of them are terrified of the drive through car wash.

Oh, I suppose I should mention my chop job! So I had been threatening to cut my hair for about 2 months, and I finally did it. On Sunday, I just made the call. Ken measured out the 11 inches you need for Locks of Love, and he did the cut. I didn’t trust some Supercuts yahoo to not cut too much or to just hack it wrong. So Ken did the measuring, he did the initial cut, and then I went to Supercuts for the minor touch ups. Actually, the Supercuts lady was shocked at how good of a job Ken did. She even said it took less than a quarter of an inch clean up, so this was awesome! I colored it dark brown Sunday night, and now, it is pretty dark, not horribly short, but it looks good. It is a little different for me. I don’t normally have it this length. I used to get it shorter and undercut. This is straight across, and past my shoulders. Plus, I have bangs. In the past I didn’t. So it is slightly Cleopatra like, with a twist of Diablo Cody. I can still pull it back, but it is short enough that I can sleep with no hair tie. This in itself is worth it. No more tying it in a knot on the top of my head. Heck, no more buns. But the plus on this is that it means I can be lazy with my hair, and it still looks good, and I don’t look slobby. So far, folks at work love it. Even Tammy, who has previously threatened bodily harm for a cut, loved it and was pleased that I donated the hair to a great cause. That actually is way cool to have been able to do. I was originally going to do 6 inches only, but that would not have been a donation for a Locks of Love wig, just enough for them to sell to someone. Now, I was able to send them enough for an actual wig to be made from my hair. YAY!

On the down side, I seem to have finally caught the cold that has plagued my household since last week. Of course, it hit me this morning, when I had to be back at work. So now I can’t breathe out my nose, which sucks. I may need to raid the first aid kit for some nose stuff. I also will probably not be exercising tonight, now that I think about it. We will see. I am still going to my folk’s though. Also, if it is as hot as it was yesterday, exercising and being sick? Hmm…I would say not so much.

Cheez-Its are fantastic. Now get the ones where it is this combo of two kinds, one regular, and the other parmesan. Holy freaking crap. It is like heaven in a chip! This has been my snack the last few days. They had it for a while, then they got rid of it. Now it is back. I should of bought more boxes!

My plan is to look up some smoothie recipes that I can make that can be stored in the freezer. Last night, it was so freaking hot, and this means no appetite for the boys. Not that they will die if they don’t eat, but a nice nutritious smoothie for nights like that would be great. I know also that it so seems to be gearing up for a miserable hot summer. So if I make some good stuff for those nights, the boys will be set. I may even sneak in some veggies (baby food!) into it so they get that, too.

I don’t have another day off until the last week of May, which is Memorial day, plus one furlough day. I guess that isn’t that far away, but still!

I am going through my aging, calling folks I have called a zillion times. I have to admit, I find it hard to be inspired as I work. I would love another project. I have reports next week, which should break up my day a bit. I may prep the reports today just to get it done.

Non drowsy my ass. I took some cold meds, and I am a zombie now. Uncool!!!!

My neck now hurts in that achy way that tells you that you are sick.

3 day weekend

4-17-09

The Gabba visit was good overall. We got there at about 4:45, and it might have been advisable to have gotten there about 20 minutes earlier, but it worked out ok. There were was quite a few people there already. We got into line and began the wait. These were clearly my people. It was awesome. But I was mostly concerned with Dax falling onto Melrose since he kept grabbing my hand and pulling towards the street. Not that he would get hit where we were, but my over protectiveness kicks into high gear with that much traffic.

We didn’t get into the store until about 6:30. They were letting in about 6 families at a time. When one family left, more could go in. Each family would spend some time with DJ Lance, who was also spinning at the time with actual vinyl, who was kind enough to sign autographs and take pics with everyone. Toodee was there, too, and she would get in the pics with you. It was very cool.

Dax and Bobby were jazzed. They were jumping up and down, super excited. Dax was rocking his DJ Lance hat and glasses, and had several people taking his picture because of this. We got up to Lance, and he says to Dax, “Oh, look at you!” He seemed genuine in how pleased he was that this kid was dressed like him. Of course, Dax decided at this very moment he had enough. He screamed, and within seconds, I was rocking my 40 pound toddler who felt somehow wronged by this entire adventure. Bobby, luckily was still enamored with the 6 foot tall black man donned in orange. He conversed with the DJ and gave him a high five. Lance was so nice! He wrote them each a little autograph card. Bobby’s said to Bobby, stay awesome. Dax’s said, Don’t be scared! Let’s be friends!” Very cute.

Dax came around a bit, and even gave DJ Lance a high five, which rocked. It seems to be the ice breaker for Dax, and it makes me wonder if it is some kind of frat boy already emerging out of him.

We got a group shot with Lance and Toodee, and when this was done, I started to shuffle Dax out. I wasn’t trying to rush Bobby and Ken out, but Dax was heavy, and it was hot, and if we got out, then they could visit with Lance or Toodee. Instead, they followed, which resulted in Bobby in hysterics because he had wanted to give Toodee a hug. I now was the worst mother in the whole world. I subject Dax to the orange guy and took Bobby away from the blue cat dragon. Go ahead and cart me off to San Quentin.

I have to say, DJ Lance was way less gay in person. We wondered if he flames it up for the show since really, kids seem to respond to uber animated folks on shows compared to someone boring. It was surreal actually being in front of him, and I just was impressed with his dedication to the kids. He apologized to me for Dax’s crying, which I thought was sweet, despite it not being his fault.

I spoke with one of the employees and I mentioned how I didn’t know what to expect when we got there. He tells me that they didn’t expect this many people. It sounds like they thought maybe 50 people. Yeah, there was way more than that. A couple hundred? I don’t know, I am not good at that kind of calculating, but it seemed like a lot.

We got home around 8:30. Not too bad, really, when I expected much later. I had to snip at Bobby, though. I read to him, we laughed, I left with the instructions from him to “Go get Daddy”. Ok, no problem. Ken was reading to Dax, so when he was done, he would go read to Bobby. Bobby comes out, asking about his camera. No problem. I fix the issue, and tell him to go get back into bed. He starts whining in the hall. At this point, I started hissing at him to get to bed and the proceeded to run at him as he sprinted into his room. I tucked him quickly, but he so knew he had annoyed me. Ken went in maybe 5 minutes later, and he must have been upset, but mostly tired since Ken actually read him to sleep in only a few minutes. So I think Bobby will be ok with me today.

I am tired. That is an understatement. I should have gone to bed when Ken came out from Bobby’s room. Instead, I dinked on Facebook and Super Poke Pets for too long. My head hit pillow around 10:10. 4:10 came much too quickly.

I think that Spring Fest may be a tonight adventure. That way tomorrow they will sleep in a bit, and that in turn means I sleep in. Plus, it means our Saturday can be more productive. I had thought my parents were getting home early tomorrow, but Matt thinks it is late Saturday night. He is going with us tonight. I think that when I pick up the boys, maybe we can all go at that point, that way it is still kind of early. Then we can get home before it is dark.

If I can make it through today, I will be thrilled. I am nervous since there was some more layoffs. Granted, I think those were all part of the furlough announcement, therefore making the whole thing safe for us for at least a little bit. Although, it is a Friday, on a payday. I think this is layoff weather. They can have your final check in your paycheck. If I can make it today without the pink slip, I have a three day weekend to look forward to. I need to get my house in order so that I can get back into maintenance instead of projects. Monday is that day, but I also need to do a couple of errands, so hopefully it won’t take long. Plus, if I work on it throughout the weekend, it should be ok.

It looks so pretty out. I may need to go pick up some sun block today since I know I will be out in that sunshine at some point this weekend.

Nothing more disturbing than thinking you are playing The Beatles when Matisyahoo or whatever his fucking name is comes blaring out your stereo. I guess I didn’t change it to iPod.

It is always funny when you get those epiphanies in music listening. Such as the realization that the Beatles were REALLY FUCKING HIGH when they wrote some of this stuff. Not bad, mind you. Just fun.

last post at work

4-16-09

A small community has gone missing. You won’t see this on the news, but I can tell you, at least 10 people have gone missing. Little People. No, not midgets. Dax’s Little People. His little toys, which had all been in this bag, are mostly all gone. In the recent cleaning of their rooms, I had put them all in a bag for Dax so he could carry them around with him. When I got home yesterday, I found the bag in Bobby’s room. There were a couple of the people, but the vast majority were nowhere to be found. We searched Bobby’s room, Dax’s room, hampers, the bathtub, everywhere. No people. Part of our problem is we are looking for the whole gang to be hanging out together. But in fact, there could be people scattered. It is like looking for victims in some kind of horrible mass murder. Where did he bury the bodies? I will keep looking, as we have recovered about 5. Wish us luck.

In other news, I have determined, yet once again, it is not advisable to go to the grocery store with a 2 year old and a 4 year old. My mistake really wasn’t as bad as I have had in the past. Truly, the boys were charming and sweet, and mostly listened to instructions. We had to use the car cart, which had the boys jumping through the door openings like they were the Duke boys. They loved looking at the lobsters, as they do each time now, asking 100 questions about why they are in there, why people eat them and why do they have rubber bands on their hands. We got everything we needed, which really was just milk, bread and a couple of small things. Here is where it gets chaotic.

It was fairly busy, which is a little unusual on a Wednesday night. We got in line, unloaded the groceries and proceeded to slide my card, which immediately said, “um, yeah, not so much”. Side note, they should look into more humorous ways to inform you that your card is declined. Might make you feel better. Any hoo, apparently when Ken had transferred money, it didn’t take. So this meant, I had two boys running by the movie display, groceries rung up, an angry dude behind me since he was now behind someone taking too long, and when I went to call Ken, it went to voicemail. Lovely. Luckily, I got a hold of him on the second try, only to find out the online transfer was having issues, which meant that he had to call the bank. So this meant we had to cancel the order, I had to pull my cart to the side, and wait. During this time, Dax almost slugged this little girl who yanked a movie out of his hands. I had to intervene, and rather than deal with the whole having to get yelled at and yelling at the kid’s mom, I opted to remove the movie from Dax’s hands (they were in a full tug of war at this point) and appease my son instead of fight. Finally (mind you, I say finally like I was there for 3 hours or something, but in reality, it was maybe 10 minutes), bank was fixed, and I could pay for my groceries. It was crazy. You want to stay calm, but sometimes you have to yell at the kids, or get your stuff out of the way, and don’t forget the slight embarrassment. Such a pain. Next time I go, I am taking cash, since I really think that would at least take that issue out of the equation.

The wind has not helped Ken’s efforts to build the big shed. It doesn’t look at breezy today, so he should stand a better chance of getting it done. Of course, I am taking him away from his work pretty much when I get home. When we pick up the kids, we are going to see DJ Lance and Toodee who are making some special appearance at the Kid Robot store in I think it is Hollywood. This is a true adventure, since we are going to uncharted territory, with two kids in tow, seeing a tv personality in person, after bed time. It should be fine, and interesting. I have not taken the kids to something like this. I assume there will be gobs of people. I worry we are not going early enough. I worry they won’t get in, but I think that we can make it fun no matter what.

It is a slow day. Yesterday, we only got 2 checks in, so this does not bode well for our heroes.

I am freezing again. I have the heater on, but really, I am cold on the inside. Stupid ice water. Perhaps this morning is a hot chocolate morning.

The boys did not want to go to sleep last night. Dax may have been remembering the last time he lied down in that bed and went to sleep, he woke up throwing up. So that could be part of his screams asking us to keep reading to him. Bobby was just in a mood. He came out 5 times. One of the times, Ken told him no more milk (we are cutting him off at night because if he keeps drinking all this fluid before bedtime, he will never stay dry over night), but he could get his little cup and get some water. He pitched a fit since it wasn’t a sippy cup that he could take to his room. We are not letting him do that anymore (Dax is next). He burst into tears. I finally had to lead him to the room, and explain to him what our goals were in better words. I explained that he needed to stay dry, and that if he can, we will go to the Toys R Us, and he can get a new toy. He liked this. We discussed prizes for being good, and I have now promised two odd ones. When I read to him, I often will just declare I am tired and pretend to sleep next to him. He has always found this amusing, and told me that I could get my pillow and sleep in his bed. So now, every night he asks if I am sleeping in his room. So I told him that if he makes it all week with his magnets, that is a prize he can choose. The other prize is a “slumber party” where he can sleep in our bed all night. If they inspire him to be good, I am game. If they inspire him to stay dry over night, I will sleep in his room every night. So we will see.

I need new bras. Just a random thought.

We made rice krispie treats last night. Not nearly as entertaining in terms of kid friendly for making, but we managed to make it fun. I had them put in all the marshmallows. Bobby snagged one and took a bite, which although was bad form, but very funny. Dax wasn’t having any as he decided it was yucky. Bobby, however, who has been so much better about trying stuff, gladly had one. He determined the cereal itself was good, the marshmallow was good, so together they would be divine. I was surprised at how good they were. It has been a while since I had one (not counting the ones at the melting pot, and really, all of those were just chocolate holders), and wow, they are addicting. I am not a huge marshmallows fan, but I love rice krispies. We used the generic krispies, which were quite yummy. I am considering making another batch and shaping them into maybe a snowman or even like a dog or something. I thought that might be fun for the kids. I could add some eyes and stuff. I may need to cool it with trying to be super mom. Otherwise they are going to expect it.

I am sleepy this morning. I think the few nights of going to bed later are catching up. Plus, last night I slept odd. In the beginning of the night, I was freezing. Then I woke up at like 2, and was in a strange sleep and not asleep state that although was kind of comfortable, probably wasn’t sound enough.

I love the crazy people who think there are aliens in route and that there is a cover up and that spend their whole life being obsessed with this. This lady they are talking to on K&B is uber crazy. When they talked to her a couple years ago, she said the end of the world is coming, and she had her dog put down so she wouldn’t have to worry about him. She is now saying the pup was feral, which is why she put it down, but I think she is just covering her butt. So crazy.

I wonder if Google has some kind of document saving system. You can upload photos, but I wonder if I can upload word documents.

Ok, my work has gone stupid. They have now blocked all news sites. Yep, if something happens and I want to quickly check, not allowed. Lovely. I am guessing within a month, I will not be able to go to anything here. Look, business is slow. If an employee is checking the news, it isn’t because they are screwing around. It is because they are bored since we have no work. You have laid off a crap load of folks. Who is making the network slow here? At this point, I assume personal emails will be going away, too, so I am about to end all correspondence with folks. Probably safer right now.

Stomach Bug

4-15-09

I have a few minutes since I have mostly finished my reports. I have a couple more, but they can wait. Plus, I may not do them since the numbers are old due to how long it took for this stupid report to run.

Rough night, which is a shame since the afternoon was fine. When I got home, I managed to get the dishes done, and the rest of Dax’s room, including fixing his book shelf. I went and got the kids, and they played outside. I used the smaller, and less nice, of the two giant toy bins from their rooms to be the new outside bin. I also took all of their medium to large plastic cars out there, which pleased them greatly. They both took fire trucks up to the slide and had them fly down the slide. At first I was going to stop them, concerned that they would break. I then realized this didn’t really matter much since, let’s face it, toys break, and it isn’t like these were pricey.

We went inside only because they kept stomping all over Ken’s shed materials as Ken was trying to build the new shed. He got a bigger one that is going to be far more useful. It is going in the back corner of the yard. It does cut into the yard a bit, but I think this is reasonable. I suppose we should have just moved the play equipment over and then put the shed behind the garage, but at this point, this is fine.

We had pizza, which was cool since it meant I didn’t need to make a mess in the kitchen, and I am always jazzed when the kids will eat something else. Both of them ate a piece, and were quite happy.

While Ken worked on the shed, I got the boys bathed and ready for bed. We had a blast! They were both chipper and happy. When we finished, Ken was just coming in, so the four of us sat down on the couch and watched a Simpsons episode and a Backyardigans. Then it was bed time.

This all sounds pretty normal, if not better than. This is where it turned.

I was sitting in the living room, getting ready to watch American Idol, dinking around on Facebook. Ken was in reading to Bobby, and Dax looked like he was asleep. All of the sudden, Dax screamed out. It sounded different from his yells for some bread or milk, or just company. I ran in there, not really sure what happened. I crawled on to his bed and that’s when I saw the puddles of curdled milk all over him and his bed. I looked at him just as more came bubbling up out of his mouth. He was scared, but I knew I needed help. I ran out to the hall and yelled, “Babe!” and ran back to get Dax. Luckily I portrayed enough urgency without freaking out Bobby. I got Dax into the bathroom and told him that if he had to throw up, he should go ahead and do this in the tub. He promptly spit some of the nasty in his mouth out in there.

Vomit clean up is best done in the tub. It is just so much easier. We figured this out when Bobby had the flu a couple years ago. After Dax was cleaned up, he seemed happy. He was cold, despite being in a rather warm bath, but he was cheery. After about 30 minutes, Ken figured the vomit was caused from his cough. I didn’t think so as much since I never heard him cough before, but maybe I missed it. Either way, Ken gave him some cough medicine, hoping this would perhaps suppress and more. It was nasty medicine, so I offered him some fruit snacks as a chaser. Let’s just say I used poor judgment on this, and should have only given him maybe 2, not 6. I also learned that Dax doesn’t seem to chew these up well enough. He spit up very colorful goo, but it was very little. See, the tub rocks! No real mess! We spent another 30 minutes in a new bath, with my watching the clock since if it was the flu, those often seem to have a time interval, so I figured if in 30 minutes he had not puked again, we were probably in the clear.

When I got him in bed, he kept saying he was cold. He also polished off a glass of milk, which I was terrified that was going to end up in my hair while I read to him. We had the heater on high, and added another blanket. He settled in and stayed under the covers pretty well. When I turned in a little after 10, he was still under the covers, so this was good.

Our game plan for sick kids is shifts. Since we have the tv monitors, Ken stays out in the living room for a couple hours, and if needed, he has me do the next shift. Despite the time given to sleep, my sleep was restless. I couldn’t get comfortable, and I kept being sure that I was going to have to jump out of bed for another vomit attack. Plus, when Ken came in, I wanted to know how Dax was. I know Dax woke up at one point, but it was minor. I didn’t take a shift, but that was because it wasn’t deemed necessary.

When I looked at the monitor this morning, Dax was still under the covers and seemed content. It is 7:30 when I am writing this and Ken hasn’t called me, so I am guessing he is doing better this morning. So this is a good thing. I got my important reports done when I got in at 5:30 (even off the clock!) just in case I needed to come home. I suppose Ken is at home today, but he has a lot of work to do, I have furlough to use up, and I seem to still have the mommy block where the puke doesn’t make me gag. Although, clearly it has been a little while since the last puke fest. I wasn’t as immune as I have been in the past. Then again, the puking process doesn’t bother me, it is the after stuff. Ken isn’t 100% sure if he can handle the actual vomit process.

Needless to say, I am a little zoned. Dax’s adventures in digestion really can mess with a person’s sleep schedule. He was still frustrated from his milk with bubbles, which I just don’t get.

Recently if you give him a cup of milk, and if there are bubbles on the surface, he screams out, “No bubbles!!!” What the hell? And it isn’t like there is a way to really get rid of them every time? Not likely. There are times when you can so tell he is a 2 year old. He has always been stubborn (kid crawled back into the womb when I was trying to birth his ass), but now that he knows a ton of words and ideas, he thinks he knows it all.

His most recent phrase is this low, “What?” that comes after things I say that don’t really require that response. At first I thought he didn’t hear me. Then I determined this was him being funny. The only way to get him out of this mode is to say “What” back the same way he says it.

Both of the boys have become super affectionate. Bobby has pretty much ended each day at daycare with hugs for everyone, shouts of “I love you” to each kid, and one to Maria, which also includes the sign language signing for it. Dax seems to be copying Bobby (without of course all the hugs, although he did actually hug one of the twins yesterday), but both seem genuine especially when they do this with Ken and myself.

I almost wore a skirt today, but am glad I didn’t based on how cold I am! It is freezing! I have my heater on, but it just isn’t doing enough.

I got the update from Ken. Dax was bright eyed and bushy tailed this morning. Thank goodness. Bobby was a bit cranky, but isn’t that always the case? All the folks around the sicky are the ones who are cranky and Mr. Sicky Pants is fab. Oh well. At least there should be no vomit in the near future. Maria is under strict orders to call Ken if anyone spews, and if someone does, I will leave work at that point.

It is amusing to me how much I still enjoy Alanis Morrisette’s “You Oughta Know”, but it has changed, also. I don’t feel nearly as passionate about the lyrics. I remember all the words, but the inflections that I used to have down to a science are not there. I suppose when it came out, which is scary that it was that long ago, I was in a place that the whole album was my own way to shout at the world. Now, it is just a fun song to rock out to.

Bobby and I danced to “No Sleep till Brooklyn” last night. He has decided he really likes the Beastie Boys. I have been slacking in my music hour with them. There are so many cool things I want to do, but just don’t have the time.

Daycare is changing. I don’t like it. Seriously, it is time to get them in preschool. Maria told me she is taking some state kids (she needs more kids. At this point, Bobby and Kenny are 4 and probably leaving pretty soon. The rest of the kids are all nearing 3) and in order to be able to do that, you have to have your facility state approved. They require “stations” for things like reading and science, which are all way cool. However, they want them accessible at all times. The kids should not have a schedule for activities. They should just be running free and be able to go to each spot. What the hell? She said she isn’t sure she likes it, and doesn’t know that the core kids will either, but she will try it out. I don’t need the boys in some state run Montessori nightmare. Let’s hope this shop being closed helps the income enough to move them to something with more structure. Look, I am all for kids being kids, but they need to learn routine now since school has that, and before I know it, I will have two school aged children. So scary.

It would be so nice to just have a lump of money that we could buy one of these foreclosures in Torrance or even Redondo. That way we would be in the right district, and we wouldn’t need to worry about any of the school crap like that.

When one of the boys are sick, specifically Dax at this point since he doesn’t seem like a real kid like Bobby does, I really miss the whole breast feeding thing. It was always so much easier when I could just toss em on a boob, and the two of us could sleep all night when he was sick. Oh well. Those are days long gone. It would be nice if my boobs could figure this out, though. They just don’t want to quit producing some kind of stuff.

Ken just called. Maria has not reported any incidents, so we are probably in the clear, especially since they eat breakfast around 9, so it is 10:30 at this point and he would have thrown up by now. We think it is his cough, so we may need to get the humidifier out tonight.

Ken may be coming to get me for lunch, so that will be cool!

Why do I enjoy the song “Once Bitten, Twice Shy” so much?

I also like Ballroom Blitz, although I am pretty sure that isn’t the name of it or even the right words but that is how it sounds to me. I just know I love the beat.

Had a nice lunch with Ken at Jack in the Box. I don’t know why, but I so love their chicken bowls. Not the best chicken bowls in the world, but damn tasty. Ken is now off to the task of the shed construction. I am back to the task of keeping busy until 2:30. Wish me luck!

short

4-14-09

Ok, first off, yay Diablo Cody is on 90210 tonight!!!!

Now the bad. We need to replace a section of our roof. Ken said that if we had another big rain, Bobby would be swimming. Wonderful. The plus side is that Ken is going to be able to work on it this week. But there is still expense, etc.

Ken spent the day unloading the truck of stuff from the shop and now is embarking on the incredibly tedious task of organizing all of it. He picked up a couple of small storage sheds (they really are more like giant bins) in order to get some of the stuff put away. Really, he needs to get a big one that can be used to put all of the kits that need to be accessed quickly in. He is looking into that.

Last night, we did the Target run and obtained two more cubes for Dax’s room. After filling them, I determined that he needs at least one more with a big bin since his dinosaur bucket won’t hold all of them. Yes, he has a lot of dinosaurs, and loves them all. I didn’t finish the organizing in there, but at this point, it is looking pretty good. I think that we will get one more cube for Bobby as well, which will allow for expansion. I think he needs another one with 4 small.

My IT chick has not come to help me with the report as of yet. This means I am on hold with this report, which is slightly frustrating.

Monday seems to have now been tapped for projects. Ken has classes in the afternoon, so there will be no long trip or day adventure. Instead, the boys will go to daycare, and Ken and I will be working on items at the house. Whether that be Ken working on the work stuff and me on the house, or if I will be a Mr. B’s Bricks employee for the day, we don’t know yet. This week will really give some insight.

I have just been instructed to watch the movie 7 pounds. I need to put it on my Netflix. Apparently I will need a towel as Kleenex will not cut it when it comes to crying.

My People magazine has a list of top 10 celebrity memoirs. I need to put them all on my Amazon list.

I just had a strange feeling like I should be buckled in my chair at work. I went to buckle my seat belt, realizing that I was not in my car. Is that some kind of sign? I suppose so. It is a sign that I am crazy.

I always feel so bad when I don’t understand someone when they have an accent. My IT chickie came and helped me with the report, and she has this cool African accent (she grew up there). I adore her, and she is one of my favorite people here, but sometimes, I feel like I can’t understand certain words. I have gotten better, especially since the boys started talking since really, you understand very little of what they try to tell you, and practicing listening carefully has been a skill recently acquired from their growth. But still, I sometimes wish I was better.

Happy After Easter

04-13-09

I really wish I could get the hang of this report I have to run at mid month. I was given the ability to run it myself a couple months ago. However, I struggle. It always works out in the end, but is frustrating when I do the same thing I did last time to make it work, and it doesn’t work this time, so I don’t know what little difference is causing the problem.

So until that works, I am at a standstill. It is too early to get my IT girl to help (she isn’t in yet) and I also have to wait 30 minutes at a time after I run it so that I can check it.

My weekend seemed very unproductive. Yet I know I accomplished many things. Friday afternoon after work, I met Ken at IKEA where we looked for toy box solutions. I was feeling faint and rushed since I normally pick up the boys at 3:30. We were going to pick up this one shelf but I opted against it since I didn’t think my head was in the right place. I rushed home (only to realize I needed gas) and got to the boys at about 4. No, it isn’t like I get dinged for that. I don’t get in trouble and the boys probably hardly noticed. But my own personal autism causes me to be weird on schedules.

We headed out to Target to look again at the original idea. After looking at it again, and then pricing out the cuter and more expandable option, we determined that the solution was the one I had truly wanted 6 months ago! LOL!! We decided to pick up two containers. Essentially, it consists of a cube that you can then use various size containers inside. There are these kind of cloth buckets, and plastic ones. You can put one large in a cube, or 2 medium, or 4 small (there were also itty bitty that we determined wouldn’t be practical). We got a large and 4 small. You can add to this really easy, so we thought 2 would give us a good jumping off point, and then we could add if we needed more. It worked amazingly! I was able on Saturday morning get his ginourmous toy bin mostly into this little system. Yes, I tossed a crap load of toys (between Dax and Bobby, two huge trash bags worth) and could then organize the items better. Cars in the giant bin (it started off in one small until I determined he had so many they would not fit), characters in one, playmobile in another, and then two misc ones. He could stand to use one more cube with a large, but really, it is fantastic. I did the same for Dax, without actually having the cubes yet. I wanted to see how many he needs. He needs about 3, also, but his big problem is, well, big toys. He has several large cars and large “friends”. The cars may end up as outside toys, with us utilizing either one of the old toy bins or this shelf thing we have as storage. The other idea is putting in another shelf on the wall for his friends since his one shelf is about half the size of Bobby’s, and therefore he should have plenty of room for these. So that needs to be done, along with actually obtaining the cubes. All in all, not bad. I have not gotten rid of the bags of toys yet. I am waiting to make sure they don’t ask for something specific in the next week or so. Also, one set may be kept, but I have not decided yet. Either way, they are out of circulation as of the time being.

I did not get to the book shelves. Ken has been setting up his home office, and that would have been crowded with me on top of him there. I also still need boxes, which may mean I need to bring home some paper boxes from work. It is functional right now, so it isn’t as pressing. It is just a little too crowded for my taste, so once I get that handled, it will be nicer. But I need to take some time. Perhaps this weekend. Granted, I have a lot of work to do, so who knows, maybe I can do a little each night this week. While the boys watch a show, I can get a good 20 minutes of work done.

Bobby showed amazing integrity over the weekend. We have his chore chart set up right now. 3 easy ones for the first few weeks. Get dressed on his own, no hitting and get pj’s on by himself. Each day he does these, he gets 3 little magnets. If he makes it all week with no misses, he gets this Castle Lego set he likes. The first 2 weeks, he missed by one, but he still got small treats for the ones he did accomplish. So on Saturday night, we went out to present him with the 3 that would give him the Lego. He then proceeds to tell Ken that he in fact pushed Dax in the bathtub about 30 minutes before. Holy cow!! We were not going to ding him on it, since it was a mutual pushing that Dax started and all in all, super minor. So we are going to reward him for honesty this week.

Matt came over Saturday morning to color eggs with the kids. Have I mentioned that hard boiled eggs and kids under 5 are an interesting mix? Now, add colored water and an autistic brother, and you have a bit of a party. Ok, not really, but it worked out ok. They may have been a smidge young to handle things that break so easy, but we got it done with less mess than I expected. It also seemed to be a lot of prep for such a small amount of entertainment. But on the plus side, Matt hung out with the kids in the yard while Ken and I worked on our respective projects inside.

We took the boys to McDonalds on Friday night. Holy cow, they love the hell out of that place. They ran until Dax’s curls were dripping with sweat. This time, there was no breakdown of tears when we had to leave. Both boys shouted to the habitrail, “Goodbye McDonalds! We love you! We miss you!” Mind you, this was not prompted, yet very cute and well received by many of the parents in the room.

We didn’t make it back to Target for the additional cubes on Saturday, assuming we would get them at some point this week. However, I was amazed at how antsy I was when I was unable to go to Target on Sunday. It was one of those few days a year when my church is closed. Not that we needed anything, but the option was gone which frustrated me terribly. I hate being told I can’t do something like that. It is why I really would die in the country. If I had to drive more than 20 minutes to get to a store, then I would probably starve to death. At one point, Ken pointed out we could always go to Kmart since they were open. I cringed. Then he jokingly suggested that perhaps this meant that Kmart was better due to their more flexible hours. I told him that this was the worst thing he could even think. In fact, it would probably be better for him to break the news of potential infidelity with, “I love Kmart better than Target” and pause, wait for my crying to subside so that he could tell me he was kidding and then tell me he was f-ing someone else. It would be so much easier to take the news then.

Easter morning was awesome! The boys got up and I had them get dressed, telling them that the Easter Bunny called and that he was running late. They bought it, and when we were finishing up, Ken went around and rang the doorbell. The boys and I scrambled to go see if we could catch the Easter Bunny, and shockingly, they didn’t get all upset that he wasn’t there. Of course, that could be due to the Easter baskets that were sitting on the porch for them. They were so jazzed! We had gotten the wheelbarrows and I was pretty pleased with how good they looked. Of course, out of the 300 pics I took, doncha know I didn’t get one of their haul? Sheesh.

Matt came over and they hunted for eggs in the yard. It was really fun. We had about 4 dozen plastic eggs and it was perfect. Heck, next year, we may need to get even more. With plastic eggs so cheap (41 for a dozen), we may need to get like 10 dozen. Of course, that is a bitch, but they had so much fun, I wanted them to run for hours!

We played outside until we headed out for lunch at Denny’s. It was fun. After lunch, Matt followed us and we went over to Torrance Airport where this WWII bomber was at. We watched it land and take off, both of which were crazy impressive even for someone like me who doesn’t get all tingly over airplanes. Although, Ken had to point out that this one gun position on the bottom was called the coffin, and he proceed to tell me about how often if the landing gear was shot to hell, they would land on this, killing the guy in there. Yes, I am going to now obsess on this fact for a while since it messes with my head the idea of someone knowing they are about to die, and that someone else knows they are about to kill someone when they land.

The rest of Sunday was bland. Bobby napped, Dax did not (opposite of Saturday) and then they played some more out back. I didn’t do as much laundry and other stuff as I would have liked, having only done some cleaning on Saturday. I did sit and relax a bit, but even then, I didn’t do enough of that. I am not even sure what I did. I do know I didn’t get around to the rice krispie treats I wanted to make. Then again, it isn’t like those needed to be done the same weekend the boys were going to be bombarded with sugar.

I randomly went to the Yo Gabba website and found out that there is going to be a live appearance with DJ Lance and Toodee at this store in Hollywood. So the plan now is to trek out there. They said something about freebies, so you know I am all about that. Plus, the kids will probably enjoy seeing live Yo Gabba folks. Either that or it will scare them bad enough that they never watch the show again.

What is up with the news this weekend? Ok, I have to say yay for the polar bear who bit the piss out of that stupid woman who jumped into their habitat. And seriously, did Woody Harrison really think that by saying he thought the photographer was a zombie would get him out of assault charges? And yay on us getting the captain away from the pirates! I knew he would be safe. I don’t know why, just a gut feeling. I am always happy when my gut feeling is a good one, and it turns out to be right. There are no words for the Billy Bob Thorton assholery.

Spring Fest is this weekend, and I am excited. Ok, not really. At this point, I may need to not go just to break the cycle. It isn’t cool anymore. It isn’t even interesting. Sure, the kids will have some fun on some rides, but it is pricey. Heck, it would be cheaper to take them to Disneyland. But until I can manage to break out of it, we will be there, even if it is only for an hour.

Depending on Ken’s schedule, perhaps we will go to Target tonight (yes, I need my fix after the stress of yesterday) and get those other cubes. That way I can finish their rooms. In addition to that aspect of their rooms, I need to weed out their books. I have too many in there. I know, we are a book family, and to some degree, there is no such thing as too many books. However, with Dax only liking a handful of them right now for bedtime stories, and a whole bunch of ones getting thrashed when he gets up in the morning, it makes no sense to have so many that it is hard to clean up the mess. Bobby also has too many, some of which he doesn’t even like. So I may take out all but his favs, then add a couple new ones (I have even more in the closet) so he has some new options, yet not so many that it is a bitch to look at books.

Wasn’t I supposed to not stress about this shit anymore?

Aaarrrrrgggggghhhhhh!!! This stupid report is driving me bonkers!!

We had considered going to Legoland on Monday since Ken has free tickets for us any time we want. However, it sounds like he has class that day. So now, it leaves me with Monday off, but unsure of what I am going to do that day. Yes, day one of Furlough. The question is, do I take the boys some place? Do I take the day and work on all the projects I want to do? Do I just sit on my ass all day? I just don’t know! So this week, I will be figuring out my plans. Either way, a three day weekend sounds pretty cool over all. I could probably manage to take the boys to the zoo on my own. It would be pretty quiet I think since it is a Monday, and most Spring Breaks are ending by next week. Maybe I should take the boys to daycare and go see a movie with Ken in the morning before his class. Who am I kidding? His phone rings like non stop during the day. Hmm..well, I will come up with something.

Speaking of movies, I really need to return those last two Netflix movies I have. I also should check the account since I want to make sure we aren’t doing a higher rental account since we are not renting that much. It sounds like 1 a month or maybe 2 is plenty for us these days. Don’t need to pay for more than we do.

Ahhh, man. The boss is here. Not like I didn’t know it was coming.

Look, I like Obama, I do, but I can safely say I don’t give a crap about what kind of dog he got. Of course, I understand to some degree why it is news. The news can’t just be full of death and destruction. Ok, it can, but that isn’t what people want. Otherwise we will all hate watching anything on what is going on. You have to sugar coat some things. Then again, with news no longer being just part of one medium, is it truly necessary to do this? Of course, it is rare to only get your news from one source (I know I check several for even the same story) and the really super news channels are not going to only do fluff. What worries me is when they do. Should CNN really do stories on the Obama dog? I don’t know if I agree, I don’t know if I disagree, I just think it is an interesting debate.

I am super impressed with Dax’s memory. We have been reading Oh The Places You’ll Go each night and he loves the book, and I know I have read it to him a dozen times or more, but still, I am always shocked when he actually knows a lot of the words. He kind of reads along with me, which is way cute. I also have him finish sentences for me, which he loves. I even said a few lines while we were waiting for our food at Denny’s, and he could recite the next line. I feel as though I should be using his retention for something grander than just memorization of Dr. Seuss, but for now, this is happy making for both of us.

How hard would it be to get wireless mic’s for the boys? I mean, think of how cool that would be? I could capture some of the funny shit they say all the time. The other day they were watching Bolt, and singing along to one of the songs. Could not have been cuter. Yet by the time I would have had the camera out, I would have missed it. I carry that thing everywhere, but it isn’t like it is on and filming every second. I know, I have so much footage on these kids, there is going to be no question whatsoever about what their childhood was like. And they aren’t even 5 yet!!!

Minor Ken work crisis. It is under control, but still. He has to get back this truck he is borrowing by tomorrow morning, and the truck is still half full. Unloading isn’t a big problem, but getting all the stuff organized and out of the elements is. So Ken is currently at Home Depot obtaining sheds. This is good, if only because the stuff will get out of the driveway and will look nice. I am fine with a few sheds in the driveway. We don’t tend to pull all the way back, anyway. It is way too narrow for practical purposes. This sounds like it is Ken’s project for this week. I may need to send him out with the pile of chemicals over to the place to dump them so that that is gone, too, since it would make more room in the current driveway in the back.

Dude, can we say wacky? Papa Brenan got a Facebook page over the weekend. LOL!

I have been at this company so long that I really don’t know if I would be able to work somewhere else without freaking out! LOL!

I was impressed with the kids this weekend. So we picked up this pack of like 12 sponges that start out as little pills. Dollar Aisle is awesome. Anyhoo, they were all bugs. On the back of the package, was silhouettes of each bug included. We dropped them all into the bowl and watched them open up. The boys loved the hell out of this. I was actually able to use the fun as a learning game. When they were all open, I would take one out and have them find its match on the package. They both did great! I was so impressed. Made me realize I need to do more of these things with them. Maybe we need to go on a nature walk or something. Both love bugs.

Bobby finally figured out that he could go behind the hedge in our backyard. So he went on several adventures behind there. He even convinced Dax to go with him a couple times. That was cool.

It is way odd. So because of Facebook I have talked with some random people from my past. Those have recently included Shannon from Blockbuster, Flora from Earthlink, and Amada from Jr High. So odd! With Amanda, it is particularly odd since really, I don’t think I have seen or talked to her since Jr High. Ok, yes, I know I bumped into her a couple times when I was at Redondo (I think she knew Angela and Charlotte if I remember correctly, which is another odd thing, but I don’t feel the energy to get into that right now). But still, it is funny how this medium allows us to talk to people despite not really knowing them all that well. I love it. I really do.

It is so nice today! Normally I bring some leftovers for lunch. But since last night I was jonzing for some Taco Bell, I didn’t have anything. Instead, I made a sandwich. Holy crap it is tasty. It is just turkey, but it is yummy. I may need to bring a PB&J tomorrow just for the hell of it. I think it helps, too, that we always have fresh bread on hand these days. This stems from how many sandwiches the boys go through and how much just bread they eat. They ask for it all the time! So we have to go to the store a lot for more bread. We don’t even bother freezing it we go through it so quickly. Milk, too. I think on Saturday, between the boys and I, we went through almost 2 gallons! Dang, now I wish I had some milk to drink with this sandwich.

It is always amusing when I am in my little corner alone. I have not talked to anyone since in about 3 hours. Ok, not entirely true. I spoke to a couple of customers on the phone, but I have not actually had someone in front of me since, oh, shoot, it has probably been since about 7:30 this morning. It is now 11. I have shouted over the cube wall, but that is about it. So funny! If I play my cards right, I won’t really deal with anyone today. Ok, no, that isn’t fair. I actually like most of my coworkers, and my IT chick is hopefully coming over at some point to help me with the report. Let’s just hope it isn’t in the midst of my lunch hour.

I am considering going to Target on my own tonight. Or just taking one kid. I can get the cubes, and that way tomorrow I can work on organizing. I know Ken has the truck and stuff to do, but I have a feeling a lot of that will be him, not me. I can work on the inside. I suppose I can handle both kids.

Ok, I spoke to soon. I bumped into someone when I went to the restroom. LOL!

My children are such boys. Ok, they are children, too, but boys for sure. Let’s just say the fart is the funniest thing in the world, and if you say butt, they giggle. Awesome.

So some people at work pointed out that the plastic eggs they hid for the kids had money in them. I don’t know how I feel about this. To some degree, that is kind of cool, especially with an older crowd of kids. Then again, I am hoping that it doesn’t come down to bribing the kids to participate simply because they could make a few bucks. I know that eventually I would like to hide eggs with clues to where the next egg is. I am also hoping that despite the fact that most kids hate doing things with their family eventually, that I can keep that from happening with fun family tradition instead of money. I know that once we hid the eggs for my parents to find once, which was funny. I like the idea of maybe one egg has like a special prize. I also would like to have more people involved, but of course, that is hard. Most people have their own family stuff. Although, perhaps I need to invite some family over for some kind of annual Easter Egg hunt. Might be fun. Or more hassle than it is worth.

I never know what to say to someone who looks miserable. Ok, yes, I do when I know them, but coworkers? Especially when I don’t know them well. I have known this one for almost 9 years, and we have had ups and downs. In the last few years, it has been great, though. He mom passed recently, and her grandmother isn’t well. She is in charge of so much with her family now, and it is tough. She is a couple years older than me, and just found out her two sons (she had them when she was a teen) both got their girlfriends knocked up, and both are expecting boys in August. She is going to be a grandmother twice over before she is 40. She is taking off most of May to visit with her grandmother. She looked beat when I just saw her. I asked her if she was ok, but she didn’t really say much. Of course, there is not much I can do beyond that. If she doesn’t want to tell me everything, that is way reasonable. But I always worry I didn’t try hard enough.

I watched Forrest Gump over the weekend. It is one of those movies I think I can watch 100 times and still get choked up at. Of course, it doesn’t help that Tom Hanks crying is a sure fire way to get me weeping. It should be illegal, I tell you.

Wow, I never have my heater on all day. I guess it is the right amount of cozy. I also don’t feel as sleepy as I tend to. I think I actually caught up on some sleep this weekend. The boys slept in both days (I think they came out around 7?) and it makes a huge difference. I also have kept pretty busy all day. And no, not just doing this. I actually have done a lot of work. I will do a bit of work, then write a smidge as something comes to me. It has been a good balance.

Ok, it is about noon, and I am going to sign off. I will be posting shortly in my 30 minutes of quota time.

Good Friday

4-10-09

I have a new “pantry”. I had been using a bookshelf in our kitchen for more space. Ken had this cabinet at the shop that I have now replaced it with. Not only does it have more room, it closes! Yes, it isn’t exactly kitchen looking, but none of our decorating themes match, so it works for us. I am thrilled. It looks so much nicer. It will help in some of my kitchen cleaning this weekend.

I have a lot to do. I have laundry to put away (Ken washed it all yesterday). I have eggs to color. I have Easter baskets to create. I also want to get the Lego stuff that is in my way out of my way. Some of this will include packing up those stupid bookshelves once and for all so that there is more room. I just hate that the entry way is so cramped and squished. I brought in groceries yesterday and almost tripped over everything. Plus, I was knocking things down because it was narrow due to boxes. Trust me, when you have two toddlers who walk slow, a ton of crap you often need to bring in the house, and then set up an obstacle course, someone is going to get annoyed. That someone is me. So that needs some work.

I got provisions to make rice krispie treats. I have had a desire to make them for some time, mostly because I think the boys will enjoy them and enjoy making them. We got the generic krispies, which I realize is blasphemy, but for the same price of one box of Snap, Crackle and Pop, I could get two boxes of the other stuff.

My folks are on their way to Cancun in a couple hours. My task for the next week is to make sure to check in on Matt to make sure he is ok. Bummer for him only because he will be bored, is that he has today and Monday off.

Look, I am all for animals being safe and whatnot, but F you PETA. You sent a fucking letter to the Pet Shop Boys to change their name? Look, I know it is harmless and you are doing it for publicity, but really, you are just hurting your cause. I can tell you that I find your tactics to make you a less reputable organization and any good you may have done in the past is overshadowed by stupid games. Sea kittens? Asking Ben and Jerry’s to use human breast milk? It doesn’t make you sound witty. It doesn’t make you sound like you care about animals. It makes you sound like a-holes. Knock it off. I will be perfectly honest when I say that I agree with Kevin and Bean. When you see them do stuff like this, it makes you want to go out and eat a hamburger just to spite them.

People are out of the office today. Good Friday and all, it is a holiday for some. It means that I have no real buffer from the boss. Less people to bug means more time for him to annoy the crap out of me.

Shoot! I need to send back those two Netflix movies we have!!

I don’t have to go anywhere when I get home (a first in some time) so I think I will get a head start on this whole cleaning adventure. Now, I am going to go do some more wiki-reading and perhaps do some real work.

Can Puppies fly?

4-8-09

I have a lot to write about, but I just don’t have the energy. I am still so freaking tired. Of course, it didn’t help that I didn’t get to sleep until 10. In all fairness, it was not really my fault. It was the people who make the show House. I would have been perfectly happy catching up on the 2 episodes I was behind on when I was more rested. But they go and kill off one of my favorite characters on the show, and really, I had to watch. I have to say, the episode from last week was Emmy worthy. It was with Mos Def and he has locked in syndrome. It is shot so cool and the acting is perfect. It was a remarkable episode, and I think that it deserves an Emmy nod. As for this week’s episode, holy freaking crap! Look, I knew who died before hand. It didn’t take away the shock or the tears. It was so sad, and once again, I thought was shot well. I loved the use of lighting. And seriously, when they find Kutner, it may be some of the most heartbreaking scenes I have seen in a while.

My weekend was long and productive. Friday night was date night, which was fab. The Melting Pot was a lot of fun. A little pricey, but I suppose when you get right down to it, we did have a lot of high priced meats which along with the novelty, adds up. It was amusing to figure out how long to cook things. There were only a couple of fondue fo’paus committed, and we managed to not under cook things that needed the raw taken out, and we liked just about everything we got. I was shocked that there is such a thing as too much chocolate. Granted, it was a large helping, and it was meant for two, and we all know Ken wasn’t eating any of it. I was actually stuffed after the yummy melted chocolate, and I even left some. That is saying something.

Saturday and Sunday were pretty basic. Target shopping, boys played at BK play structure, boys played in yard and in pool, we bowled, got to go to Don Jose’s, and generally just had a good weekend. Saturday morning was particularly superb since the boys not only slept in, they were uber cute when they came in to our bedroom and hung out with us on the bed. Sunday was perfect if only because I got Don Jose’s, but even beyond that, it was good. We moved the kiddie pool under the slide, and made an impromptu water slide for the boys. Bobby especially loved it. He has always been part fish. He went down the water slide 100 times. The only reason he stopped was when it was getting a little cold out and we decided it was time to start getting the yard cleaned up.

I took Monday off in order to help Ken move out of the shop. In a pretty standard Gena move, I managed to injure myself before I even got started. Ken dropped me off about a block away from the shop when I pointed out that while he ran and did some of the errands, I could get started on the packing. I was wearing my favorite jeans, which are torn up and really much too long for flip flops. Yet I insist on wearing these pants. As I walked towards the shop, one of the chunks of hem that has long since separated from my pant leg decided to loop around my foot, causing the fall. I almost caught myself, too, but I ended up going down to the pavement. I actually assumed that my knee had taken the brunt of the force. I must have gone down in spectacular fashion since someone in a car at the light even asked me if I was ok. Fantastic. I wiped myself off, and headed to the shop. I hurt, but I figured it was nothing. I proceeded to bust my ass for the next 5 hours, getting the store emptied and packed up. I of course injured myself several more times over the course of that 5 hours. Let’s see, a table fell on me, I scraped my back against an exposed knife on a shelf, I cut myself on some broken glass in the office, and then there was just countless bumps and bruises from things falling on me, or things I would stub my toe on. I was crazy sore when I headed for home at around 3. I sat down for a few minutes before I went and got the boys. When I got up, I noticed the significant pain coming from my left foot. I chalked it up to just being sore from all the activity. I mean, sure, it hurt all day, but you play through. It took a lot of effort to hobble across the street to get the kids. When I got home, I sat down and iced my foot. After the 20 minutes, I went to get up and determined that I could no longer put any weight on my foot. I am sure the relaxing just made my foot realize that it hurt, a lot. I tried to move around the house, and it was awful. Ken called the doc and made me an appt for 6:30 to verify that I didn’t break it. My dad has the broken foot that he bowled on all day and then went and got it checked out and it was broke. It seemed reasonable that I could have done something stupid like that.

I got to the doc early, since normally they let you in pretty early there. It was not going to be an early night. The doc was swamped. I got there at a quarter to 6 and I didn’t leave until 8. I suppose that isn’t too bad, but for our doc, that is a long time. The bulk of waiting was just waiting for the doc himself. My x-rays took all of 15 minutes, and of course things like vitals and what not took a few minutes tops. I didn’t even see the doctor for more than 5 minutes total. He looked at my foot, all the while writing up the radiology request, and sent me on my way for that. When I came back up, he saw me for 2 minutes to show me the x-ray, tell me he didn’t see a break, but that he would have a radiologist look at it and let me know if they find anything. He told me it was likely I pulled some ligaments and that an ace bandage is my friend. It wasn’t my normal doc, and he was grumpy. I tend to love grumpy, especially when if anything, I should be the one who is in a bad mood. Instead, I turn on the uber goofball endearing charm. I don’t know what it is. I want them to smile. I figure if I can make the a-hole laugh, I rock. I do something similar in lectures or meetings. My goal is to get the person talking to focus all of their speaking on me. Speakers are supposed to never just focus on one person, so I take great pride when I can throw them off. Yes, I am lame. Any hoo, I did in fact get my grumpy doc to crack a few smiles, so yay me!

Kal Penn is on the radio right now. I loved his character on House so much, but I am telling you, I have so much respect for him right now. As much as I will miss Kutner, I am so happy he can do something that he has passion for.

My foot hurts less today than it has. It still feels like a brick fell on it, but I can walk a little better. I don’t have it wrapped, but I don’t walk a lot here. I should be ok.

I am upset since I found out that American Idol ran over last night and that means my recording doesn’t have Adam singing Mad World. Dammit! He is one of the ones I want to see! I guess I have to pull it up on the site tonight. They just played a clip. So freaking good!

My keyboard is filthy. I need to clean it!

My evening, luckily, is pretty quiet. Ken has a bit more to do at the shop today, and then I think he will be out for good. However, all of that stuff is now at my house, which is stuff he needs to go through and organize for garage storage. I am wondering if now is the time to go ahead and get that shed. There are quite a few things still in the house, and those need to be gone through as well. I am also taking a box from this adventure and using it for the books on the shelves I am taking down. That will clear up a lot of room. Once the return comes, I also want to go get the boys’ new toy storage things. For $100, I think I can parse down their toys in such a way that their rooms will be way cleaner and less cluttered. I also need to go to Big Lots this week. I may do that tonight since it is quick.

I have my furlough days scheduled. Yes, my work has decided that due to low sales and the general slow down due to the economy, we each need to take 12 of these unpaid days. It was handled poorly in terms of scheduling, but it is what it is. I am now not working on the 20th of this month, and I have approx 2 days off a month until the end of the year. I have decided to use these days to my advantage. On the 20th, Ken shouldn’t have classes yet, and we have passes to Legoland, so I think a trip down there is in order. I have July 2nd off, which gives me a 4 day weekend (we get July 3rd off as a holiday), so we are thinking of going camping at Big Sycamore Canyon. I also will probably use some of the random Wednesdays to take the boys to the museum or the zoo. Sure, I will make a point of using one or two of the days for me, and I am sure that a whole lot of housework will be done. I tend to take off a lot of unpaid leave each year anyway, so this is really just allowing me to do it without getting in any trouble. Not that I was, but you know what I mean. As Tammy pointed out, she is more than ok with the break she will get from here. It has been super stressful since they want us to collect money from people who have none. I suppose it isn’t smart of me to be writing when I could be collecting. Then again, as I pointed out, it is difficult to get something from nothing. Either way, I think I will get some work done.

Have you ever been jealous of something you really don’t want but you think you do?

I have come to the conclusion that despite my desire to be someone remarkable beyond my close friends and family, I really am not that person. A lot of that is my lack of suitable ambition to achieve those heights. The other part is that despite my mediocre talents, I am not note worthy. I am not getting down on myself. I actually find this to be freeing. I have spent a great deal of time stressing about not losing my identity and making sure that I have not settled. I don’t think that I have spent enough time just being happy for what I AM. Don’t get me wrong, I still intend on working towards feeling better about myself, but I can’t keep trying to be a person that I was never meant to be. I recognize that I am a good person. I know that I have made a difference in a lot of people’s lives. I will continue that, and hopefully be even better. Let’s face it, though. I write some funny stuff from time to time. I am a good worker (yes, this isn’t proof of this claim, but I would like to point out that I am so good that I have this time). I am an excellent mother. I have to stop shooting for perfection. My house is always going to be messy. I am not thrilled, and I have to understand why on that. I have to admit, a lot of this has stemmed from me worrying about what other people will think of my house. As much as I would love to have more people visit, it just doesn’t happen. The house only has to look good for me. If I want it clean because it makes me happy, then so be it. If I am looking to not trip over Buzz Lightyear for the 50th time this week, then yes, it should be clean. But if a few stacks of paper or a full laundry basket isn’t cramping my style, then why should I stress over it? I haven’t really worked out all the details of this plan to be less worried. I know that it will take time. No, I am not going to be a slob or stop working. I just need to, dare I say, relax and take pleasure in what is going right. I keep getting so worked up over everything. It makes the big things that do need fussing about seem less important to the people around me since I don’t have an appropriate scale for priorities. If I can do that, I will probably find that I get not only the help I need, I will also find the inner peace that really is what I need. Of course, all of this could just be my strange philosophical mumbo jumbo that seems to come from a bored day at work and a blank word document in front of me. Hell, I may forget all of this once I post this.

I realize that I forgot to order the bouncy balls from Oriental Trading Co. I may just go and get a bag of M’s and put those in the eggs. This has two advantages. One, M’s are just perfect in every way. Two, I can get them anywhere. Oh, and they will be gone that day, so I don’t have more toys to get rid of in 6 months. LOL!

There are things I need to add to my backyard to make it perfect for this summer. One, I need music. I need some speakers and somewhere to plug in the iPod. Two, we need some lights. If we are out late, I would like some kind of lighting. And lastly, a table. Sure, the kids have their little table, but when Ken and I eat out there with them, we don’t fit. Plus, they are close to outgrowing that table anyway. I may need to start trolling Craig’s List for patio furniture.

My head/neck hurts. It isn’t really my neck, but it isn’t as high up as my head. I just took some Ibuprofen.

The day is going slowly.

I just had to try and explain something relatively easy to my boss, and to say it was difficult is an understatement. I have determined that showing him anything is like teaching a puppy how to fly. He wants to do it, really badly, but he just doesn’t have it in him. He looks at you with that look of, I get it, but what am I doing again? It is the dumb dog look. You have to throw him a treat for trying, but really, it would be best to just give him a bone and call it good.