zoned

6-17-11




Suicide is Painless continues to play in my head this morning. It isn’t because I watched M*A*S*H last night.



Doug shot himself this past weekend. I found out about it yesterday afternoon in a tearful phone call from our dad. I am struggling with several emotions right now.



I am angry that this caused my dad pain.



I am angry that I have guilt.



Doug struggled with his bi-polar. I know it fucked with him.



I keep looking to Facebook for clues. It is where I last talked to him. He chatted me Friday morning. He apologized for how he had been. He said he wasn’t well. He said he would not go back to his house. I asked if this was due to his breakup with Elizabeth. He said yes.



My dad said it happened over the weekend. I know he was alive at 12:23 am on June 11. He sent a note to what appears to be a high school friend on FB.



I keep zoning out. I go over things in my head. Am I being overly dramatic?



I don’t know that I am ready right now.