Medicated

1-20-10

I am medicated.

Of course, I so can’t tell yet.

My doctor’s visit went quite well. I saw a new doctor in my PCP’s group. He put me at ease pretty quickly. Probably within 3 seconds when he walked in. First, he said hello to the boys, and then he noticed Ken’s Robot Chicken Star Wars shirt. He then told the boys about a Darth Vader pen he just got. He ran out and brought it back to show them. It was a Lego Pen. Clearly, this doc was one of our people.

Ken distracted the boys with some Yo Gabba Gabba on Itty and this allowed me to talk to the doctor without the distraction of the boys. He asked me the standards. He wanted to know symptoms. I explained the cluster of attacks I had been having since Thursday. I mentioned that it seemed to happen a lot when I would lie down to sleep. He speculated perhaps some reflux. It sounded interesting. But we pressed on to see if this was really the diagnosis.

I explained that I also get it other times, so he ruled out the reflux as a cause. He mentioned thyroid, but based on the length of time I have had attacks in general and my lack of other key symptoms, thyroid didn’t seem to fit. He also felt around to see if there were any masses. This is where I decided he ruled. He says to me, “Try to swallow while I choke you.” I almost died laughing.

He proceeded to list of several options of medication. Some would help in sleep, but Ken and I stressed that sleep is not my problem and that as long as I am not in the midst of an attack, I sleep great. So he ruled those out. He didn’t want to give me anything that was more geared towards depression as I didn’t have those symptoms, either.

Ken pointed out to him around this time that I was anxious right there. He was shocked. He told me that he would have had no idea. I apparently hide it well. I pointed out that I can’t exactly freak out all the time as I gestured to the boys. He understood immediately.

He brought up my file on the computer. As a side note, man, those charts on the computer rock. He can bring it all up so quickly, send a prescription off to my pharmacy all in a few clicks. No more little pieces of paper with crappy writing. I pointed out to him that our kids would not understand bad doctor handwriting jokes.

On the screen, he was clicking off the two meds we had decided on. I would be taking Effexor as a daily medication, and he was going to give me a 30 day supply of Xanax for emergency attacks. The Effexor will take about 6 weeks to really kick in. We are hoping I don’t need to take the Xanax. It is habit forming and I don’t know that I want to be that messed up. The screen had the different doses with little green happy faces next to them. I asked if the happy faces were because they were happy pills. He laughed and said that they were just indications that my insurance covered them.

He wants to see me in 2 months in order to follow up. By that time I should be feeling something and we will see if I need more or less or something else. Until then, I feel like I am on placebos. I mean, it isn’t like I feel anything specific yet. All I know is that I took the pink pill. I am not in some Matrix or down any rabbit holes. I know that it isn’t supposed to work that way. It is just one of those things where you feel like when you take some kind of drug you should notice something. LOL!

Perhaps just the feeling that I did something good for myself allowed me to be calmer last night in general. I was also way too amused at rhyming placebo with gazebo.

It may have also helped a great deal that Ken had done all the laundry. He spent the day yesterday making sure the kitchen was clean for when I got home and now everyone in our house has clean underwear! The boys and I helped put it all away and now there are just a couple more small loads to do. It means that this weekend I can concentrate on some other things. Number one is operation “get rid of the bags of toys”. We have several bags of old toys that we need to just get rid of. I also want to find some way to contain their costumes better. Because Ken got a jump start on the chores, we can work on that organizing I want to accomplish. I am so excited!

At the new dollar store I picked up two bottles of nail polish. One was a really pretty sparkly deep red. The other, black. I painted my nails black last night, and wow, it is a pretty good polish for a buck. It only took one coat to get it super black. I am impressed. I may need to go pick up some more.

I was very excited last night when Bobby at least tried a burrito. He ate probably a third of one. Dax opted to not eat a burrito or a taco, so thinking about it now, I guess he didn’t eat dinner. We have decided the new tactic on their picky behavior is that dinner is 30 minutes long. You can eat during that time (of course if you are still eating and the 30 minutes is up, this is ok), and if you just sit there for a half an hour, at the 30 minute mark your plate is taken away. I will try to provide foods they like along with ones they need to try. Lately they pick at food unless it is a favorite. Then right before bed, they complain that they are hungry. So they need to learn that dinner is when we eat. They don’t get to just decide later they need more food, especially since it isn’t that they are hungry, they want sweets.

It is so funny how open people can be now days on what meds they take. There was a time when there was shame in being on meds. Now, I have no problem posting my exact dose all over Facebook. LOL!

This sucks. I feel like I have a slight cold. I am not shocked. My poor body has been messed up the last week.

Wow, so that is surprising. I just called the school to see when registration is. Not only do they not know yet, they said it would not be until at least April. You hear about all these other schools registering in like Feb, so I just assumed. I have not decided on if I should try to get a permit for another school. I may just stick with Halldale since the boys know where it is and know that is where they are supposed to go. Ken told me we should be able to get Bobby into preschool next month so that he can have a few months of it before the big day of kindergarten. Yay!

Clearly we are testing my meds already. Ken found a leak in the roof. Sigh. He is off to go get something for temporary until the rains stop in a few days. He said fixing the front section where it is a problem is not going to be too much, so that is something. Part of me wants to just get a whole new roof, but that is pricey. We will have to look into things. It means, actually, that on Saturday he can work on roof stuff, which allows me to work on my own projects like the toys. This is a good thing.

Painting my nails is a very good thing. I have not picked at my fingers all day!

Man, I have been uber productive today. I am a little sleepy, though, since some of it has been rather monotonous.

How long does someone normally stay on an anti anxiety med? I wonder if it is something I will need to be on forever or if it will just be for a while for me to get my stress levels back in check. I am ok with either, mind you, I am just curious.