What do you want?

10-14-10




Dax is on to us. He now knows that if we are going to start messing with his hand, it may hurt. This makes bandage changing very difficult.



We tried bargaining, we tried threats, we tried bribery, but it was back down to wrestling and tag team in order to pin the kid and get it done. I don’t even know how much it really hurt as much as he was just pissed about the experience.



I put a fun face on Dax’s sock for his hand. I hope that his little socky friend will be happy making while he wears it.



After the kicking and screaming (which coincidentally has resulted in Dax going a little hoarse since he has had to scream a lot this last week), we opted to take a little break in the responsibilities and went over to Disneyland.



We only did a couple rides as it was crowded and let’s face it, it was a school night. We stood in the hour long line for the modified Space Mountain which had been transformed for Halloween. It was not worth it. The ride is the same, but instead of good music and lots of stars, they had several images of this “spooky” skeleton monster











It was pretty lame. I was not impressed.





Thankfully we had the Buzz ride to cleanse our pallet and we also left the park in the Monorail in the front, which the boys always enjoy.



Is it bad that it was super happy making that I got soup last night? Not anything special, either. Just some boxed Lipton chicken noodle. I had got some Saltines at the store, so to have crackers and soup was my comfort food.



I also was sentimental and sappy last night. I had been thinking about the movie Always a good chunk of the day, and then a commercial with “Smoke Gets in Your Eyes” came on and I was in heaven. I promptly found a Youtube video with Always clips and I almost got weepy. Dammit, that is a good flick.



Oh, and in the TMI, close your eyes if you don’t want to think about this, a shout out to Ken for a spectacular good night kiss.



I am in sleepy town this morning. I don’t have any sleep in time coming up for a while, either. Saturday’s game is early and Sunday we are going bowling since that is where we will retrieve the boys.



We are in debate on what movie to see on Saturday. There are so many I want to see. Some older ones like Easy A and The Social Network, and a few that just came out like Jackass, It’s Kind of a Funny Store and Red. The current front runner is Red since most of these movies are ones it doesn’t need to be seen on the big screen. I am sure we will change our mind a few more times before Saturday. We also have plans to do an early dinner at PF Changs, so I am all kinds of excited.



It looks like Dax may be ambidextrous. I don’t know how natural it is, but he does seem to have some left handed skills. He did a worksheet in class yesterday and it looks really good, and it was done with his left hand. The one thing I can see this being good for is the simple fact that I am sure that this will not be his last injury that will hinder his right hand. LOL! I am not shocked that he would be able to use both. The kid can already whistle and he skips really well. He can jump up and kick a ball with both feet at the same time, and not fall. He is very balanced.



If you found out that your mother did porn when you were a little kid just to get some money to support the family would that upset you?



This one lady at Disneyland was looking at Dax’s sock hand and instead of the “awww…cute” look, he got the “awwww..poor retarded kid” look. She whispered things to her companion and honestly, I think she thought the kid just got off the short bus. I wanted to tell her that Dax was smarter than her.



Strange, deep thoughts now presented to me. A friend has just told me that despite what I had always thought about her desires, I was wrong. She is a person that always wanted to have kids. Let’s face it, a good chunk of women want kids. A good chunk these days don’t. But she is someone that I assumed that the kid thing wasn’t just “what you are supposed to do” so much as she had a deep desire to procreate. I wonder how much of that was me projecting.



The reason it comes up is because as it turns out, her boyfriend of the last couple years doesn’t want kids. A reasonable desire, btw. I have probably an equal amount of friends who want kids as I do who do not. I also know folks that should have probably not had kids. LOL!



This news of him not wanting kids didn’t throw me because I always thought of him as a kid person. Rather, it shocked me that my friend would choose to stay with someone who didn’t want the one thing I thought she really wanted. I truly thought that this would be a deal breaker.



This then got me to thinking about what is a deal breaker? At what point do you throw in the towel on your partner and decide that no matter how great things are, you can’t stay with them. Thankfully, or sadly I suppose depending on how you look at it, there is never just one thing that splits people apart. It tends to be an accumulation of issues that combine to form the inevitable “irreconcilable differences”. Boy, this sentence sure does sum it up. There are just so many problems that no matter what good there is, you can’t go on living with this person for another second.



But then you think. There has to be a handful of things that would be the one and only reason you split up. I suppose the most common would be infidelity. I used to be one of those folks. I remember thinking that if my man cheated on me, that would be it. I have come to a point now where I think I can understand better that cheating is not as cut and dry. I would like to think that now I wouldn’t just throw everything away on the generic term of infidelity. I would like to think I would delve into it more to find out what caused it.



So what else could be a deal breaker? Sure, some of the more extreme things like perhaps them causing bodily harm to you or someone you love. Perhaps addition would be on that list. These would be the things that forgiveness could never come easy.



But what about the fundamentals? Do both people need to have similar views on life in order to be happy together? Once again, I know that the old adage of opposites attract is alive and well to this day with couples everywhere. Heck, I do not believe in capital punishment and yet Ken does. I know there are couples that have conflicting views on all the hot button topics from abortion to immigration to even party lines. Yet they all do well together.



What is funny is that I think that those people should stand a better chance at working out just in the idea that they already know what it is like to disagree and be ok with it.



This conversation with my friend comes on the heels of the call in topic on Kevin and Bean this morning about taking the man’s last name when you get married. Bean found some recent survey in which 50% of the men surveyed believe that it should be law for the woman to take the man’s last name when they get hitched. Are you fucking kidding me?



I know I can’t really speak for the women out there who don’t want to change their name. Hell, I changed mine. But honestly, I didn’t care as much what my name is. My identity never resided in my last name for me. Hell, if I had the choice I would be one of those cool people like Cher or Madonna (and yes, I understand they may not be cool anymore, but it is a point, people), I would just be Gena. No joke. I love my first name so much, I know it would be awesome with any last name. It was, and is, important to Ken for us to have the same last name as his father and grandfather and great grandfather. Brenan isn’t so bad. For one, I didn’t have to change my initials which made me way happy. And for another, Ralph on KROQ said my name sounded like a porn name, which made me super happy too.



Truly, I am one of those folks who always thought it would be fun to make up a new last name when people get married. Why does the guy get to choose his name? Why not celebrate the union by making it a combined effort? Sure, genealogists would want to kill you as it would make their life incredibly difficult, but I think it would be fun.



Although, guys, if you really want a good argument, just point out that the girl gets the wedding, and the guy gets the name.



What amazed me was how many people considered this not taking the last name as a deal breaker for their relationship. I suppose if it is important to them, I can’t get on their case. I may not understand it, but I am sure there are people that don’t understand things like how important kids are to one person, or why it is that it is crucial that no Christmas decorations be put up until after Thanksgiving. The important thing is that is important.



They tell us to never give up your dreams or ideals for anyone. Clearly, no one listens to this based on the number of unhappy employees in the work force. So is it really ok if we don’t do what we want just to settle? And is settling bad?



I know I am not thrilled with the minor amount of income Ken brings to the table. This isn’t a secret. I am the primary breadwinner in my household. I really am not thrilled with this status. There was a time, but I have decided that over all it is more stress than I like to deal with. Yet, my desire to have more money in my house is pushed aside. I don’t tell Ken to go out and “get a real job”. I don’t always like how he does his job, but the positives of him having this job sometimes outweigh the negative. For one, he can drop off the kids at school. Two, he picks Dax up after Pre-K. He now has time to work on some light housework in the mornings before he takes Dax from school to daycare. No, his job isn’t super flexible and I am pretty sure he shits Lego because of how much there is in the house and his car, it is all tolerable and I don’t find it to be so offensive for me to tell him its me or the Lego. He does need to sell the freaking PT, but we’ll talk later.



Trust me, I also know that Ken puts up with a whole lot of crap from my end. But maybe it isn’t so much that putting up with is a bad thing. People like horror flicks even though they scare them into needing to change their pants. The end result is still happy making. Perhaps I should not compare a relationship to a horror flick, but let me tell you, if you have kids, the bodily fluids flying around make some of those slasher flicks look tame.



I always wanted kids. I was at one point in which I didn’t care about being with anyone, either. I would have gladly taken a donation and moved to Canada with the result. In a funny coincidence, one of the donors I considered is the one who actually made the contributions. Perhaps my body knew his sperm would help me make some pretty fucking awesome kiddos.



I don’t know that I would have stayed with a man who didn’t want kids. Towards the end of Greg and my relationship, I started to get the sense that he wasn’t baby daddy material for me. I am thrilled that he ended up becoming an amazing step father. But I don’t know that even if we worked out all the other shit, that Greg and I would have ever been parents to a kid.



I was never going to end up with a person who didn’t want kids. I assumed my friend was the same way.



But I suppose love is a funny thing. Sure, the love that most people have for their child is amazing and it is intoxicating. And let’s face it, it has to be. Nature knew that if you didn’t have this love buffer you would drown the little brats sometimes.



The love you have for your partner, though, is something that hopefully takes you longer. It might actually be a mature outlook on my friend’s part to consider the idea that her man is a really decent fellow and those are hard to come by. She might not get the wonder of children, but not having kids may free her up to do other things that she loves. She could travel or go to school or hell, just go to movies every night. This life is no less fulfilling than someone with kids.



I guess deal breakers are great on paper, but nothing is a set rule. When choosing your “perfect mate” maybe those silly lists we might make when we are little should never be set in stone. I used to say I wouldn’t date a guy with a mustache. Oops. I am sure Ken never wanted someone with tattoos and who is a fatty. Oops.



What shocked me should not have. I wonder that maybe I made too much out of what I thought she wanted when really I should have looked at what was right there in front of me. She wanted to be as happy as she could be. We gamble a lot with who we get involved with, and she thinks she has a pretty good amount of winnings to be able to walk away from the table.



I really hope he is worth it. I have a friend who got married when she was in her 20’s and she stayed with him for 10 or so years. He never wanted kids. She did. But she loved him and didn’t want to lose him so she opted against it. They divorced when she was in her late 30’s, during a time when you didn’t really have kids that old. She now is in her 70’s and regrets having spent so much time with a man that ended up being not worth the sacrifice. I guess I just want my friend to think long and hard about what she wants and even though there may be no deal breakers, there should also be no settling.