A little preachy-sorry

9-3-09

I am struggling with my views of humanity this morning. I worry that my compassion lies in the wrong places and my understanding of why I forgive some but not others is fuzzy.

I have been a pretty strong opponent of the death penalty since I was in junior high. Not that I don’t think many of these killers aren’t monsters, but I just don’t know that I trust our justice system to carry out a fair trial. Using our own judicial system lingo, I have reasonable doubt that many cases that have been brought before a judge and jury will have enough faults that even when the accused is truly guilty of his crime, I wonder if perhaps we missed something.

I can safely say I am not qualified to recommend a death sentence for anyone. I am also relatively sure despite my intelligence level, really don’t know who has committed a crime and who has not. I have gobs of opinions based on evidence presented to me whether through media outlets or personal experience. And as much as I would love to serve on a jury (and enjoyed the 2 times I have been lucky enough to do so), I don’t think anyone would really want someone like me on their jury.

When I was maybe 11 or 12, my mom made me sit down and watch the movie 12 Angry Men. I resisted at first, concerned that it would be another Gone with the Wind debacle. I settled in, expecting the worst and was not just pleasantly surprised, I was riveted by the whole concept. One person is able to persuade 11 people to question their gut instinct on a defendant and change their mind. First off, if only I had that kind of power, I would change people’s minds just to mess with them. But more importantly, this tells you that our jury system is flawed.

People are sheep. Some are proud of this. They go with the flow, not ever wanting to disrupt their day with even the most obvious reasons as to why they should. I am not one of these god fearing individuals, but I do fear the individuals. Some of their basic thought process is solely dependent on what the person next to them is doing, who in turn is basing his actions on the person next to him. In an age where being unique is so much easier, I feel as though even more people are inclined to be exactly the same as everyone around them.

We are an age of cults and infomercials. Some slick talking guy with a full beard and loud booming voice can make us buy a device that chops veggies in a couple of slaps of the hand, even though we already have a full set of knives that the same guy already sold us last week. How long before they are selling the magic kool-aid on the same 30 minute spot?

Of course it is cliché to criticize lawyers. In reality they are doing their job. They are selling a group of 12 customers on the quality of their product. Their product just happens to be accused of a horrendous crime. They have the task of showing that even though there are some flaws that were pointed out by the “David Horowitz” lawyer, their product is still worth the 4 monthly installments.

We are a culture of easily influenced and easily molded. As long as someone tells you something with the right pizzazz, you are inclined to listen. This doesn’t help the justice system.

OJ Simpson was acquitted of the murder of his ex wife, Nicole, and Ron Goldman. Here is an instance in which there is a whole lot of evidence that really seem to point to him being guilty, yet due to bumbling DAs and a slick defense team, the man was let go.

Ronald Cotton spent 11 years in prison for a rape he did not commit. He was picked out of a lineup by the woman who was raped. She was 100% convinced that he was the man who had held a knife to her throat and attacked her. 11 years later, DNA testing having been done and another man bragging about having committed the crime, Ronald is now out of prison. The jury believed this woman’s testimony and sent a man to prison for more than a decade. How many other women have been mistaken in who they have said violated them?

Even if we put the right person behind bars, aren’t we still as a society responsible for what happens to them? Do we just let them rot in a cell? Are we officially done with them? Can these people never go on to do great things?

Ted Kennedy passed away last week, and I have the utmost respect for the man. I am a Kennedy junkie, this is true, but I also see all this man has accomplished.

He also killed a girl.

No, he didn’t slit her throat. He didn’t violate her in some horrid fashion. But he did leave her to die in the car as water rushed in, trapping her. He didn’t report it to the authorities and based on his clout, he was never even charged with a real crime. Of course, he apologized profusely, and a good portion of his life was doing public service. Was he rehabilitated?

Susan Atkins stabbed Sharon Tate 17 times. The cries for mercy on Sharon’s unborn child fell on deaf ears as Atkins, then known as Sadie Mae, brutally killed this young woman and her friends. She was sentenced to die, and would have had California not overturned all of the death sentences while she was on death row. It didn’t take this woman long while finally away from the toxic influence of Charlie Manson to see what a monster she had become. She spent close to 40 years in prison, trying to better herself. She was by all accounts a model prisoner who admitted to all of her crimes. She in fact would be what you would want out of a rehabilitation situation. She was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer last year, and currently is paralyzed over 85 percent of her body. She is remorseful, she is not a threat to society. Yet the parole board couldn’t see fit to be the bigger person and release her so that she could die at home. She didn’t so mercy, so we didn’t show mercy. I don’t know that there is a more barbaric attitude.

I am rambling at this point, frustrated at all the injustice in the world. I read up a bit on the Libyan terrorist who was let out on compassionate leave because he apparently has 3 months left to live. I read a few of the articles, and I have seen that some folks think he didn’t do it, some that think it is wrong to have let him out when we really are not sure that he only has 3 months. Oh, and calculating out how long someone has to live in order to decide if he should be released? There are no words at how horrible this sounds. This man, if he did it, killed like 300 people. Men, women and children fell from the sky due to his need for destruction. Why did he do this? What did it prove? Of course, the next question someone would be inclined to ask me is, do I think he should be allowed to go home for the speculative 3 months?

I can honestly say, I don’t know. My compassion meter doesn’t run high on this guy, but I also don’t know enough about him. If he in fact did put the bomb in the suitcase, can I look past that? I have been able to look past it with Susan Atkins. I know without a shadow of a doubt she committed the crime. Ok, so does that mean that admission of guilt will make me more sympathetic? But what if he truly didn’t do it? What if I have a Ronald Cotton here who truly was convicted based solely on testimony from a clothing store owner who swears he sold this man clothing that was found in the suitcase containing the explosives? He isn’t going to admit to something he didn’t do. Ok, well, maybe he made a mistake. Maybe he got caught up in terrorist ways and truly has bettered himself. Maybe he is a Ted Kennedy that was just out partying and someone died. This is the most ludicrous explanation, but my compassion is so sporadic, I honestly have to consider all angles before I can decide if I want to claim this man as someone in the category of folks I seem to route for even though they are evil.

I know I am in the minority on the way I think about people and events. I often wonder if I just choose to care about killers and other bad folks just because I need to give some caring to folks who don’t get any. Does that make me like those crazy broads that marry convicted killers while they are in prison?

I actually cringe when my boys will say they are killing bad guys. Is this the mentality just instilled in us from an early age? Are bad people supposed to die? They say monsters are bad, and it really gets me concerned and I have to point out all the good monsters like Grover or Mike and Sulley. There is too much black and white, not enough gray, and I just hate that things sometimes have to be like that.

I truly believe that we failed as a society by leaving Susan Atkins in prison to die. I think that it isn’t video games or rap songs that are influencing our youth in the negative way that everyone thinks. It is actually actions like this that are showing kids that no one should have compassion.

I read an article yesterday about Pope John Paul. This man found it in his heart to forgive a would be assassin. A man shot at him, tried to kill him, yet the Pope could look past that. That is compassion. That is a good soul. That is what so many people are missing. I know I am even missing it. I hate random people for stupid things and I hold a grudge like you would not believe. Maybe forgiving a killer is my soul’s way of trying to be better?

I don’t know how a victim’s family feels. I have no frame of reference. If someone killed my boys, what would I think? Would I just truly snap and not be able to move on? Maybe I am idealistic and naiveté and just don’t know how devastating it is to lose someone to a creep. And really, as much as I would like to understand more, I hope I am never in that position. I am pretty sure I would handle it poorly.

My anger and frustration has slowed now that the day had progressed. I get so worked up and sometimes I find that I actually lose steam half way through my argument. I suppose this is a good thing since I am such a blow hard at times, especially when it comes to this topic. I get all bent out of shape at everyone else preaching, yet what am I doing now? Telling people they are awful for not caring about a convicted killer. My passions are backwards.

Some people are flipping out about the health care stuff that Obama is proposing. I am shocked when an old friend of mine is so passionate about hating Obama and government in general. But then again, that is less shocking than my compassion on certain things. You would think as I have gotten older, more jaded and annoyed at society I would be more inclined to ask if I could flip the switch on some of the scumbags. But maybe it is my views on every day people that give me some insight as to why certain people crack and end up slaughtering those very people. They become those wolves in sheep’s clothing and they in turn have their way with the innocent. I always liked the idea of being a wolf. Not the killing part, but just not being one of the masses. Maybe in fact I would be better suited as a sheep dog, or better yet, another animal somewhere outside the flock. I don’t wish the sheep harm. I just don’t want to be in their pen.

It isn’t something to be ashamed of. If I feel sympathy for another human being, that actually is a good thing. I just hope that I also feel the same for victims. I think I do. I can’t read anything on Caylee’s murder or it makes me cry. Lacey Peterson? I feel heartbroken that she had to die. So I know that it goes both ways.

And maybe it is just my fascination with death that makes me like this. I am curious how people kill, how people mourn, how people move on, and in some cases, don’t. It is an aspect of mankind that has been studied forever, but I feel like there is more to be discovered. It is a person by person thing and for some reason, I want to talk to every person about it. Of course, it probably just is my way of dealing with my own fear of dying.

Either way, I will stop going on and on now. Maybe I will never full understand my own issues with death. Then again, maybe I am not supposed to.